I do not own American Horror Story: Freak Show.

But I would like to have a little fun here.

A Winter in Wisconsin

Snowballs and Scrimshaws

"What are you idiots doing?"

Jimmy turned toward the sound of the heavily accented voice and was immediately pelted in the back of the tobogganed head . . .

"Snowball!"

. . . by a snowball from Salty. He heard Pepper explode into guffaws of laughter as he shook his head, good-naturedly yelling something incoherent over his shoulder before managing to refocus on the figure in front him.

"Oh hey, Elsa!" he welcomed jovially. "Wanna come play?"

She glared at him and pulled her heavy coat tighter around herself as he grinned at her mischievously.

"No, of course not," she snootily retorted. "It's much too cold for this sort of childish nonsense."

Jimmy simply grinned cheekily as yet another snowball bounced off the back of his knee and Meep hooted in victory somewhere behind him.

"Ah, come on, Elsa," he cajoled. "Most of us never seen real snow before this morning. It's fun!"

She smirked at him, her eyes like bits of sharpened diamond.

"You won't think it's fun when you get frostbite on those monstrous little fingers and toes of yours, Lobster Boy!"

That gave him pause. Not her harsh critique of his deformities, he'd been putting up with that for years as her stand-by assault for anyone who defied her.

"What's frostbite?"

She smiled wider and waggled her pink gloved hands at him.

"It's when your extremities get so cold that you lose feeling in them," she purred, with dark pleasure.

The sounds of ensuing frivolities behind him seemed to fade from Jimmy's ears as he gazed at her lithe figure standing in the snow.

"Then they turn sickly pale and white . . ."

He sensed his other friends gathering a little closer to hear the gloom and doom of the great Elsa Mars.

"And then if you don't stop its advance, it goes all the way to the bone and causes the flesh to die and turn black," Elsa hissed. "Then you've got nothing else to do but . . ."

She drew a quick cutting motion across the palm of her hand and Jimmy practically felt them all flinch. Elsa grinned wickedly at her rapt audience.

". . . cut the dead parts off before your body starts to rot with gangrene."

All the snowplay had ceased now and the freezing air was still and quiet. Jimmy heard a trembly little 'meep' from somewhere around him but he didn't bother to look for the no doubt terrified little man.

Instead, he cautiously wiggled his fused fingers and toes in their bindings, counting each one in turn as he felt them move.

A triumphant Elsa Mars raised an eyebrow at them, her grim victory nearly complete.

Until Jimmy Darling threw her another winning grin and a dashing wink.

"Nope! Got 'em all!"

And Pepper crowed out, "Snowball!"

As a white ball of powder dashed against the Boss Lady's heavily coated bosom.

The entire group gasped as Pepper clapped her mittened hands in glee and Salty juddered caperishly in delight and laughter.

Elsa Mars' shocked face turned dark and vengeful.

"Now you listen to me, you stupid little bas-"

She took a step as if to advance toward the thickly bundled pinheads but at that moment, another voice cut through the fray.

"Miss Elsa! I've drawn you a nice, hot bath!"

The sputtering German woman turned and saw a warmly bearded Ethel waving at her from the direction of the bath tent.

The heavyset woman gestured with an outstretched hand.

"Come on now, dear. Don't want it to get cold, now do we? Where'd be the point in that?"

Fraulein Elsa Maras threw a scathing look at her gathered freaks, brushed the snow off of her front, and turned dismissively away. With as much dignity as she could muster, she traversed the snowy ground toward her hot bath. When she passed by Ethel, the bearded lady watched her go and then turned for the merest of seconds to give her son a meaningful look.

Just saved your royal dumbness, son.

I know, Ma. Thanks.

Jimmy watched her go and then turned back to his friends, resuming his jubilant demeanor.

"Great hit, Pep-"

And took another shot straight to the face.

"Snowball!"

They were still outside. Freezing but still unwilling to give up the sight of the white washed land of sparkling beauty before them.

Only there now there were no flying snowballs and they sat, holding steaming coffee cups in their covered hands to warm their iced innards.

"Man, I'm hungry. Why am I so hungry?"

Legless Suzi tilted her head at him from her spot atop the table.

"'Cause it burns lots of energy to stay warm in this weather, honey," she responded lightly. "A carny I knew once told me once that Eskimos further north eat whale blubber to stay alive."

Jimmy looked at her, puzzled.

She rolled her eyes.

"Whale fat, Jimmy. Jeez!"

Paul sipped from his rapidly cooling coffee before joining in the conversation.

"Yeah, and then they make scrimshaw out of the oosik."

Jimmy now turned his baffled expression over to the short armed man.

"What's scrimshaw?"

Paul made writing motions in the air with his tattooed fingers.

"Drawings, scratchings, made with a thin knife."

Jimmy remained quiet,carefully considering this new information. Paul hummed to himself a little. Legless Suzi and Amazon Eve wandered off together to a moderately warmer trailer, leaving the two men alone.

Finally Jimmy looked back up at Paul who was staring mildly at the sparkling chandeliers of crystallized trees.

"Well, what's 'oosik'?"

The handsome man grinned devilishly before responding.

"Whale ding-dong bone, mate."

Jimmy goggled at him and Paul chuckled again.

"Are you kidding me?"

Paul shook his head, dangerously close to laughing the liquid from his cup onto the snowy ground.

"No! They're really valuable too. People pay good money for 'em!"

Then leaning closer to Jimmy, he whispered something that made the younger man almost fall over.

"Speakin' of which, you wouldn't think it to look at me, but I'm not doing too bad myself."

Jimmy stared at him, so unable to blink he thought his eyelids might have frozen open.

"Huh?"

Paul gave him a lopsided grin.

"I'm a tripod."

Jimmy raised his eyebrows as if to say 'I must be misunderstanding'.

"Really?' he asked, so shocked that he was unaware that he might be accidently insulting his friend. "You?"

Paul didn't seemed put out. He shrugged casually and leaned back, closing his eyes.

"What can I tell you, mate? Life's a lottery."

And Jimmy Darling sat dazed, wondering if the snow had finally gone to his head.

On the first part, you know, I think Elsa's honestly trying to warn them about frostbite. She's just too of a witch to do it any other way. *Facepalm*

Thank you to InkMaster and Dave Navarro for explaining oosik and scrimshaw to me. I feel so pointlessly educated now.

And the other part? Okay, honestly, I didn't mean to see it. I wasn't looking for it but for something else entirely. But I did see it. And holy crap on a cracker.

So now that I've seared your brains, please allow me to offer my heartfelt thanks to brigid1318, Juarana Keri, and the1upguy for continuing to write those enthusiastic reviews.

Yeah, I think Jimmy might have a little toe fusion going on as it's common among those with finger syndactyly. But it doesn't seem to be slowing him down any, does it?

Well, my dear brigid1318, vestiphobia is a fear of clothing, as you probably already know. So does that make fear of flip flops 'thong-vestiphobia'? XD