What Might Have Been

by Yaminoko-Jeichan

AU Kitazawa wasn't there when Eiri got attacked so he didn't get killed, now it's six years after the fact and he and Seguchi are there helping Eiri get on with his life. Kitazawa will be referred to as Yuki and Eiri will be referred as Eiri.

4. Chapter 4

What Might Have Been

Chapter Four

Seguchi's POV:

I know it's breaking Eiri's heart to be back in Japan and away from Kitazawa, but it must be done. Now that I know the truth, I won't let Eiri near that bastard again.

Yes, I found out that it was Kitazawa that sold Eiri to those punks—just so he could buy more alcohol. I found out from Kitazawa himself one night, he was drunk and he blurted it out….with the gall of saying he should've gotten more than ten dollars for the kid.

That almost caused me to kill him then and there, but Eiri would be devastated—and I already know I won't tell Eiri the truth. I don't think he can take it, if he even believes it. At best he would refuse to believe it and hate me; probably he would go back to live with Kitazawa. At worst….I don't want to think about the worst.

So I won't tell him, I'll just keep him from seeing Kitazawa again regardless of what it does to him. I don't want another repeat of the incident nor for Kitazawa to blurt to Eiri the truth. I already know how he gets when he drinks and I don't want Eiri around that.

I hope Eiri keeps his promise about the cutting—I don't want him to hate me by making him move in with me. I know if I make him hate me, he'd never trust me again—worse he might go back to Kitazawa; I know he'd find a way back to him if he really wanted it. That scares me. If he goes back to that bastard I don't know what I'd do—probably would really kill Kitazawa.

And that would hurt Eiri.

God, for once in my life I don't know what to do. I don't have an answer to this problem, and I always have answers to all the problems I face—or if I don't have one, one soon surfaces. But now I have nothing…no solution or even the power to make it okay.

Eiri's problem won't go away by me doing something—he needs to solve it on his own, with support from me; I can't solve it for him, that scares me—there's something I can't solve…and it's the most pressing problem I have.

God, I need help with this—how am I supposed to help Eiri? How do I get him to stop hurting himself? How can I help him overcome the feelings his rape caused? How?

And how do I get him to trust me enough to tell me the truth about his cutting instead of hiding it?

A/N: End chapter