I do not own American Horror Story: Freak Show.
But I would like to have a little fun here.
A Winter in Wisconsin
A Good Bath Can Do Wonders
It was bath day, Jimmy's favorite day of the week.
Two actually. They only got to bathe every two weeks.
In warmer climates, it was never so bad. Every once in a while, he just jumped in the nearest river or pond.
But in the frozen wasteland of Wisconsin, the water had to be heated, dumped in the tub.
And then everybody had to take turns.
Ten minutes at a time.
Highest ranking to lowest.
Elsa was at the top.
She never bathed in someone else's bath water, no, not her.
And Jimmy? Well, he was somewhere near the bottom but still above Salty and Pepper.
The water wasn't quite so warm by the time he got there.
But at least it wasn't ice and snow.
Today, however, a small miracle had occurred.
The bathing schedule was split into morning and afternoon.
And the water was reheated.
Jimmy had the afternoon.
Only Paul the Illustrated Seal had graced the tub before Jimmy.
And the water was still very warm.
Jimmy Darling was in Heaven.
He set the kitchen timer for ten minutes and proceeded to soak the heat up into his frozen marrow.
Leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
The large, ancient copper washtub sat flat on the ground. It was a miserably heavy thing with two hand loops on either side that took four men to carry when it was dry and empty. It was located in a small tent and being the dead of winter, all the flaps were closed tightly, keeping the humid air trapped inside as much as possible..
They called it the 'sauna tent'.
It was perfect.
Well, almost.
There was no real door. And no lock whatsoever.
"You stay in there any longer and you really will turn into a lobster, boy."
The words cut through his steamy relaxation and Jimmy groggily raised his head, peering blearily at the figure.
Oh crap, am I having a nightmare? Did I smoke too much opium?
Elsa Mars stood just inside the entrance of the tent, sneering at him and his completely exposed self in the clear, warm snow water of the tub.
Jimmy tried to stay calm. Elsa Mars was like a bloodhound. She could smell fear.
"My time's not up, Elsa. I got . . ." he glanced at the ticking timer. ". . . five minutes left."
He leaned his head back against the tub, pretending to close his eyes but really keeping them slitted open. And trained on the crazy German.
Who chuckled and began slowly circling the inside of the tent. She looked like a panther stalking its prey.
"You know, Jimmy, I don't think you're nearly as confident and . . . cock-sure as you make yourself out to be."
Huh? What the hell are we talking about here, Elsa?
She was coming closer, tightening her loop little by little and Jimmy's sense of self-preservation got the better of him. He sat up and casually covered his most delicate parts from her piercing gaze.
"What do you want, Elsa?"
She smiled, a thin, hungry smile that sent chills down his suddenly goose-pimpled spine.
"What indeed, Lobster Boy."
She seemed to looking him over, sizing him up, weighing and measuring him.
He didn't like it.
I am not a prize piece of livestock, you crazy broad. Back off.
Then as she finally reached the edge of the tub and slowly knelt, she spoke again.
There was venom dripping in every nuance, every syllable she uttered. If words were knives or serpent fangs, Jimmy would have been a crimson-painted human pincushion in seconds.
"It would be wise of you not to test me anymore, boy. I have gone toe to toe with real men. And I have never backed down. Ever. You aren't as . . ." she openly craned her gaze down into his bathwater and he stubbornly tried to maintain his dignity . . . big and tough as you pretend to be."
She leaned closer, practically hanging her upper half over the tub.
Uh, Elsa? Mind getting your old woman majumbas outta my bathwater?
"I would eat you alive," she hissed.
And smiled devilishly.
"And not in the way you would want me to."
Simultaneously as the image of her insinuation flitted behind his eyes and he felt an instinctive electric current buzz in his nether regions, Jimmy also felt a sudden surge of nausea.
Urgh, get away, old woman. I am not going to throw up in this tub.
Taking his silence and stillness for desire, Elsa Mars' smile widened further.
She stretched out to kiss him as one of her cherry-red nail polished hands dipped down into the bathwater.
He groaned and tried to restrain himself but he couldn't. He was at the mercy and whim of his body. And the effect that Elsa Mars was having on it. He couldn't control himself any longer. He had to do it. It was going to happen.
And then it did.
Jimmy Darling threw up all over Elsa Mars.
It was a sickly green color from the stew they'd been diligently eating on for the past few days. It stank and steamed and clung to her hair and face and clothes in bits and drips.
The violated, offended woman reared back and shrieked like an enraged banshee. She swiped a hand across her face, looked at the mess, and screamed again.
Then in a much different way than she had originally intended, she plunged both hands into the water and brought them back up again and again to splash her face in a desperate effort to cleanse herself of the vomit coating her skin.
And Jimmy Darling sat naked and vastly entertained, laughing his head off in the now mucky tub.
At Elsa Mars and her putrescent shame.
". . . know your place in my freak show," she was demanding coldly.
Jimmy looked at her blankly as she concluded what had no doubt been an impassioned and impressive speech on the surety and continuance of Jimmy's low ranking existence in Fraulein Elsa's Cabinet of Curiosities.
When he didn't answer, she snapped two fingers up in front of his dark eyes and he cleared further.
"Do you understand me, Lobster Boy?"
Jimmy nodded calmly, struggling not to laugh aloud at the thought of her covered in his own revolting stomach offings.
"Yes, ma'am. Loud and clear."
She probed his face with her cold eyes for a moment longer and then nodded in dark satisfaction.
The timer buzzed and Elsa smiled in sanguine delight.
"You're time is up, Darling," she sneered, splashing water at him and he refused to flinch. "Get back to work."
And she sashayed out of the sauna tent, apparently very satisfied with herself. Leaving the no doubt cowed and manipulated Jimmy Darling to his own devices.
Who turned off the still buzzing timer, slid under the water, and almost drowned himself in watery laughter.
Not really on the same page at the end there, huh? Elsa thinks she put the fear of her into him and he's just trying not to laugh in her face. Heehee.
Alrighty, so there's your angsty chapter. Not what you were expecting, baffled readers? Yeah, me neither. But you'll let me know I'm sure ;)
Thanks to brigid1318, theupguy, shyangel101, The Cry-Wank Kid, and Jurana Keri for kindly reviewing.