Chapter 13: Opening Up and Letting Go

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight.

Coach Masen

I didn't think twice about kissing Bella, but when I did, it felt so right and I got lost in the moment. It wasn't until I heard snickering noises and the rain falling that I realized I was making a mistake. What was I thinking? Bella had been pushing me and encouraging me to take the offer out of Dallas, so even though I couldn't believe it, she must not have seen a future for us like I did.

So I walked away.

I was a fucking coward and walked away.

Once I was in my truck, I beat myself up the entire way home. I didn't know how I could face her again, but being apart from her wasn't a possibility. I had to see her. I had to be near her.

The fear was consuming. Fear of being rejected. Fear of losing her when I just got her. Fear that she'd never speak to me again after my jackass behavior when we finally fucking kissed.

Finally.

And now she was probably crying. I had to fix what I royally fucked up. I never wanted to make Bella cry. She meant more to me than anyone ever had. The more and more I thought about it, I knew we would work it out even if I did move. I would fly her to wherever I played and if I ever had a few days off, I'd come back to Forks. It would be hectic, but for her I'd do anything.

I would never have accepted the offer to meet with the Dallas officials and was even tempted to cancel when my agent set up the meeting without my consent, but Bella was so thrilled for me and I finally felt good about it. She was proud of me and that made me feel like the luckiest man on earth.

Did she see me in her future? Because I sure as hell saw her in mine.

Once I got home, I checked on Herkie and put him in the sunroom as the rainfall was coming down harder every second. By the time I finished chasing him around, I was soaking wet. I grabbed a few towels out of the dryer and went upstairs to shower and change. On my way to the shower, I turned on my stereo system which still had Bella's CD in it. Carolina Liar. She loved their song, 'Show Me What I'm Looking For' and I didn't know if it held any significance for her, but it did for me.

Bella was what I was looking for all along.

I hurried out of the shower with one thing, or person rather, on my mind. I had to go to her. I had to apologize for being a dumbass. We needed to talk things over. Both of us were confused about what we should do, but I was never confused about the way I felt. The very first day I saw her, I knew she was someone special.

Just as I was going into the den to turn off the music, I heard tires crunching over the gravel drive. I ran to the window, expecting to find Emmett there to kick my ass, but instead, I found my Bella, standing out in the rain. She looked conflicted, like she was going to leave.

As I made my way to the front door, a light timid knock echoed against my door just once. I swung open the door and immediately wanted to pull her to me… to hold her. She looked so upset, but determined at the same time.

"Bella… get in here!" I said, moving to the side. Her shoulder brushed against my chest as she moved past me, and that simple touch reminded me that I couldn't let her leave here questioning my feelings for her.

"We… need to talk," Bella said hoarsely. Her small body was shivering as she was soaking wet and in desperate need of some dry clothes. I left her in the foyer to grab a blanket out of the living room. When I wrapped the blanket around her, I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, trying to warm her up a little faster. The look on her face was heartbreaking. There was a slight redness under her eyes and I knew she had been crying. I knew as soon as I left her there at the school, standing in the rain after our kiss, that she would be crying. Seeing what I had done to her killed me.

Bella wouldn't even look into my eyes. "Look at me, Bella." She didn't, though. Instead, she shook her head and closed her eyes, and I knew by the way her facial expression had changed that she was close to crying again. "Bella," I said lowly, stepping forward, closing the distance between us. "Come upstairs – you need to change out of these clothes."

Finally, she opened her eyes, looking directly into mine. I wanted to kiss her again, but at this moment I didn't know where things stood between us. Did she want me the same way I wanted her?

Bella gnawed on her bottom lip, which she did when she was nervous. The pad of my thumb gently skimmed her lip, freeing it from her mouth. She was so sexy and I didn't know how much longer I could stand in the foyer with her before I lost control.

I grasped her hand in mine and pulled her up the stairs, to my bedroom. She had been in there before, but things were different now, which meant she was retreating back to her shy self. As I grabbed clothes out of my closet for her, she stood beside my bed, looking down at the floor. This was not what I wanted. I wanted her to open up to me, but I knew I had caused this. I had walked away from her, leaving her to question everything about us. I didn't want to push her, especially after seeing how closed off she was being towards me, not that I could blame her.

I left her alone in my room, allowing her some privacy as I paced up and down the hallway. A million things ran through my head – what I wanted to say to her, how much I cared about her, how I couldn't let her get away from me…

The door creaked open as Bella walked out slowly, wearing my clothes which turned me on more than ever. I felt like such a dickhead for thinking about sex when so much more needed to be said.

"Thank you," Bella whispered shyly, "for the clothes."

I was only standing a few feet away from her, but that was too far for my liking.

"You're welcome… but what are you doing here so late?" I asked dumbly. Yes, very fucking dumbly because why else would she be here.

And with my dumbass question, gone was my shy Bella. Her eyes widened as she stared at me with an exasperated expression. "What am I doing here so late?" I took a deep breath, waiting for her to continue. "You can't just… why did you leave like that? What do you-"

"I'm sorry," I blurted out quickly, cutting her off. "I didn't mean to, Bella. I just… didn't know if-"

Shaking her head back and forth, Bella clenched her eyes shut. "You didn't know if I wanted you to explain what that was about? That kiss, Edward… it was God… like nothing I've ever experienced and then you just left."

I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say. After a few seconds of silence, a tear slid down Bella's face as she pushed off the door frame and started walking slowly down the hall. I couldn't let her leave.

Within a matter of seconds I had her pressed against the wall, mentally restraining myself from what I wanted so badly. It wasn't just about sex. I just wanted her. All of her.

"I want you, Bella…" I whispered near her ear, my hands slowly roaming her body. "I have for so long."

Bella gasped with my sudden closeness as her wet clothes fell to the floor. "But why," she swallowed hard as I breathed heavily on her neck, "…why did you leave?"

I didn't know how to answer her question. How could I explain my dumbass actions? Instead of trying to explain right away, I lowered my mouth to her shoulder, kissing along her collarbone. Her shaky hands gripped my forearms tightly as her breathing grew erratic.

"I didn't want to take you right there in the parking lot, Bella," I mumbled against her sensitive skin. "I had very little control over myself."

Kissing my way along the column of her neck, I finally reached her mouth and didn't hesitate to kiss her plump lips. Bella moaned as I pressed myself against her even further, finally allowing her to feel the arousal that had not gone away since the day I met her.

I could feel her legs shaking slightly against mine and I didn't know if she was still cold or if it was from nervousness about what this was leading to… hell, my legs felt weak as well. My hands were on her hips and slowly, I moved them around to grip her ass and fucking hell, I almost came right at that moment. I effortlessly lifted Bella as her legs wrapped around my waist with my cock crammed between us.

Our lips moved in sync as her tongue shyly touched mine. And I say shyly because I could tell she was uncertain or bashful to do so, but the more my hands roamed, the more Bella moaned and let go of whatever held her back.

I finally broke our long kiss only to move beneath her ear, sucking gently. Bella's fingers dug into my arms, my hands squeezed her firm ass.

"Tell me to stop if you don't want this," I managed to say as my breathing was beyond erratic.

Almost instantly Bella said, "Please don't stop." And that's all I needed to hear. I held her firmly against me as I pulled away from the wall and walked to my bedroom, kicking the door shut behind me.

The lights were off and the only light we had was from the flashes of the lightning bolts outside my window. The music downstairs had stopped playing, leaving only the sounds of our out of control breathing to fill the room.

I carried Bella over to my bed, but instead of laying her down, I sat on the end of my bed, holding her to me. "Are you sure you want this, Bella?"

"Yes, Edward…" Bella sighed, or maybe groaned as her hands began to explore my body, easing their way under my shirt.

I needed to take a minute to think things through. It wasn't like I didn't want her because I was pretty sure she could feel how much I wanted her, but I had been waiting since… well, the day I met her to share this with her and I didn't want it to be some rushed, frenzied sex. She was so much more than just a quick lay.

"I'm sorry for leaving you earlier… I don't know what the fuck I was thinking," I explained, placing my hands on either side of her face so she'd look at me.

"It's okay," Bella whispered as her face started to look sad all over again.

I leaned forward and kissed her gently on the mouth, still holding her incredibly beautiful face in my hands. "It's not, baby… I should have never left you like that. You mean so much to me, Bella."

Bella stared at me, wide eyed and grinning.

"What?" I asked.

Her cheeks blushed as I felt my fingertips warm over her skin.

"Nothing."

"Bella…" I groaned.

"Edward, do you not want me?"

"What the… fuck, yes, I do!" I said loudly, my hands leaving her face to squeeze her ass, pulling her body further against mine and grinding her against my cock that was more than ready for her.

"Then why are we talking? Why are you-"

I stopped her nonsense talking, kissing her hard and standing up from the bed. Turning around quickly, I bent over and laid Bella down on my bed as she let out a drawn out moan. We were both losing our patience, needing to make that final step to be together in all the ways that we both imagined. Yes, I knew Bella was attracted to me, but I never knew that she was ready to cross that line until tonight. The first experience might be rushed, giving both of us the release that we needed, but I would make sure to make love to her soon after. I had never made love to any woman. It was always just sex for me. Bella needed to know the difference.

I whispered in Bella's ear how much I wanted her and needed her as she wrapped her arms around me, holding me close while kissing my neck. I sat up, leaning back to pull my shirt off ,and just as I did Bella did as well, both of us throwing our clothes on the floor.

I felt her nervous hands lower between us, making their way down below my navel, reaching the waistline of my pants. Letting out a shaky breath, Bella lowered her hand down my pants, her fingers grazing my cock that already had a small bead of liquid forming on the tip. It had been so long since I had been with a woman and now here I was… with Bella… literally, the woman of my dreams. I was not going to last long.

"Lay down, Edward," Bella whispered as I held myself up above her.

My arms were like Jell-o, so I gladly took her offer and laid on my side, facing her. Bella turned over onto her side and began pushing my pants down. I lifted up to kick them off the rest of the way. Bella didn't waste any time as she grabbed my erection in her hand and began stroking it slowly.

"I wanted to do this to you so much…"

"Bella…" I moaned her name as she moved her hand up and down my shaft at a slow pace. "You have to… fuck… need to stop, baby… I won't last."

Her hand was warm and wrapped tightly around me. When I felt her thumb run over the tip, spreading some of the pre-cum that had surfaced, I almost lost it right at that moment. Bella let go of my cock and I almost whimpered at the loss, but noticed she was lifting her lower body, shoving her pants down her legs. "I'm ready, Edward," she said with a serious tone.

I had to make sure, of course. My hand drifted down her body, skimming all the parts that I wanted to touch so badly during the summer. Bella moaned, her body shivering as she rolled onto her back. I leaned over her body and placed a kiss on the tip of her exposed nipple, causing Bella to arch her back.

I was so fucking mad at myself because I wanted a light on so I could see her face when I touched her. One of her small hands gripped my bicep as I placed my hand over her pussy, slightly teasing her entrance. Bella squeezed my arm tighter, urging me to continue. I dipped in one finger and found that she was soaked.

"Oh my… fuck," we both said at the same time.

My finger lightly stroked the most sensitive part on her body as Bella moaned and ran her hand through my hair.

"Please, Edward… I need you… inside, now."

"Okay, Bella," I whispered, leaning up to kiss beneath her ear. "I'm going to go get a condom."

"Do you have to? I mean… oh, nevermind. Okay."

"What, baby?"

"Do you have to use one? We're both… clean," Bella gulped nervously, as though I would actually turn her down. I did not want any barriers between us, but I didn't want to assume that she was okay with that. "And I had the shot at my appointment…"

I reached under her body, grabbing her ass once again and kissing her hard, trying to show her how much I wanted her. I felt her tongue dart out, moving against mine as I maneuvered my body so that I was between her long legs. My cock rubbed against her wetness that was there for me… Fuck, I needed her.

"Spread your legs a little more, baby," I moaned, pulling away from her swollen lips. Her legs were clenched to my hips, leaving me not much room to move. She was nervous. A few seconds later, she complied with my request, just a little bit though, so I ducked my head down to her neck, placing open mouth kisses as my hand that was planted firmly on her ass moved around to the front of her body to massage her inner thigh. "Just a little more, beautiful."

Bella finally relaxed, allowing me to move. "Better?" she asked shyly with a small smile on her face.

"So… you're sure you want to-"

"Edward!" Bella groaned loudly as she lifted her hips to meet mine, the tip of my cock pressing against her wet center.

In one swift movement, I was sheathed inside of her, feeling her clench as I inched my way in. "Bella…" I moaned rather loudly from the effects of feeling her tightness. "You have no idea how long I have wanted you… waiting until the right time… fuck, you feel amazing." I couldn't believe how much I was rambling, but I had no fucking filter on my mouth at the time.

"Are you okay?" I asked, a little worried because she gasped.

"I'm… Mmmm… fine," Bella managed, moaning as I completely filled her. "You're just huge…"

I grinned like an ass because that is the one thing you want to hear from a woman… especially Bella. "Is that a good thing?" I asked, my voice husky as I began to pull out, only to thrust back in with a little force, earning another gasp from Bella.

"Fuck…." Bella moaned. "Yes…" she breathed, leaning up to kiss my chest. "It's just been a while for me…"

I kissed her deeply as I picked up the pace slightly, thrusting faster with each move. "Fucking shit…" I moaned, grunting as I held off on my release. "You feel so fucking good, Bella… so good." I leaned on my elbow, quickly moving inside her, feeling Bella lift her pelvis with each movement.

My hands roamed the side of her body, squeezing her perky breasts as I continued thrusting deep inside of her. Bella's legs began to shake and I knew she must be close. I gently sucked the skin between her neck and shoulder as I lowered my other hand between us, seeking out her clit, because I was not going to last much longer and I wanted to make her feel good.

"Edward…" Bella moaned, drawing out my name. "I'm… oh my god… going to…"

"What Bella?" I mumbled against her neck.

Her moans got louder as I circled her clit, feeling my cock slip in and out of her.

"I… fuck, you feel so good, Edward…"

"Come for me, baby… please come…" I pleaded, almost in a begging tone.

Almost instantly, I felt Bella clench around my cock as her legs shook. I thrust myself inside her, pushing deeper as she came. Her eyes were closed as her fingers dug into my back.

"Open your eyes, Bell…" I grunted.

Bella opened her eyes and smiled at me as she placed her hands on either side of my face. "I've wanted you for so long," she whispered softly before leaning up to kiss me.

I completely let go, pulsing inside the most beautiful girl in the world, moaning her name the entire time. My body slumped against hers as we both breathed rapidly. Bella lightly rubbed my back with her fingertips while kissing along my jaw. I had yet to pull out of her, not really ready to leave her just yet.

I didn't want to crush her, though. Slowly, I pushed up only to be pulled back down by Bella's legs that clasped behind me.

"Wait! Please… I just need to feel you…"

"Anything, baby," I breathed deeply, resting my forehead against her shoulder.

I eventually pulled out of her before I got hard again. She could have kept me going all night, but I knew Bella was exhausted. We didn't say much as we clung to one another. The talk that we needed to have could wait until the morning.

Things would never be the same between us again and I was more than happy with that. I didn't want to go back to being just her friend. The only reason I walked away after I kissed her was because I was afraid I had lost her when I just got her… but we would make it work no matter what.

I wrapped my arms around Bella, holding her close to me, her back against my chest. "Good night, beautiful," I whispered, kissing the shell of her ear.

I held Bella for a while, still amazed at the huge step that we took. We both let go of the fears that held us back from being together and I had to convey to her in the morning how much she really meant to me, in case she thought this night was only about sex.

Sleep was the last thing on my mind as Bella drifted off and smiled in her sleep. Every now and then I would lean down to kiss her…. the most important woman in my life. To be honest, I was still really fucking turned on. I was lying in bed with, as I said before, the most important woman in my life, and we were both naked.

I got out of bed before I started assaulting Bella in her sleep. I regretted our quick lovemaking, only because I didn't make it romantic for her and I knew Bella was one of those girls that liked that kind of stuff – what we did before wasn't anything like what Bella would do, not that I regretted having sex with her at all. I just wanted her to feel… romanced?

I went down stairs and grabbed a couple of candles to bring back to my room. Once I lit those, I decided to start a fire in my room. The fireplace in there had never been used, but on a night like tonight, it would be perfect.

Bella never woke up as I did these things. I was careful to be very quiet because I wanted to surprise her for when she did wake up. Once I crawled into bed, Bella whispered my name as I pulled her against my chest again. I felt so… overwhelmed by the beautiful woman in my arms. As corny or whipped as it sounded, this was where she belonged. Always.

Ms. Swan

I woke up at some point during the night feeling so… complete. However cliché that may sound, it was so true. There was no way to describe what exactly that meant, but being wrapped up in Edward's arms felt amazing. I was so mad at myself for falling asleep after the best sex I had ever experienced.

My eyes remained closed as I lay awake, still in shock that I was in Edward's bed. Naked.

One of Edward's arms was under my neck, the other one was resting on my side as his fingertips brushed across my bare hip. I felt his warm breath against the back of my neck, which in turn caused my breathing to hitch.

Peeking through my eyelids, I could make out the soft glow of a candle burning on the night stand. Edward was being romantic and it was definitely working.

I moved slightly, as goose bumps spread all over my body, and then I felt Edward's soft lips press into the back of my neck as his hand left my hip to pull the blankets over us.

I sighed, my body enjoying the wonderful sensations he was causing.

"Are you awake, Bella?" Edward whispered, his voice rough and deep.

"Mmmhmm…" I mumbled, absentmindedly jutting out my behind against his already hard cock.

Edward groaned, pressing himself harder into me, rocking his hips slowly. "You're perfect, Bella," he whispered as his hand drifted upwards, stopping at my breast where he massaged gently. His mouth moved to my shoulder, nipping and sucking softly as my breathing grew out of control.

"Edward," I moaned breathlessly.

"What, baby?"

I loved when he called me that. Even when he said it just to piss off Lauren, I freaking loved it.

"I… want you… again," I managed to say, gasping as his hands settled between my thighs.

Edward let out a growl as he shifted his body, flipping me onto my back. His eyes were heavy lidded as he lowered his face to mine, kissing me passionately. My arms wrapped around his neck, running my fingers through his hair while he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth.

"I want to taste you, baby…" Edward mumbled against my mouth. "Can I?"

I nodded, in complete and utter shock, because I wanted him to do that, but to be honest, he would be the first one to ever do that to me. A million things ran through my head as the nervousness seeped in.

Edward's fingers circled around my clit, stroking towards my entrance at an excruciatingly slow pace. He hovered over me, propping himself up on his elbow, never breaking eye contact with me. Inch by inch he made his way down my body, as his very talented fingers brought me closer to my release.

The room was silent except for our breathing and my embarrassing moans that I could not control. I think my entire body blushed as Edward came in contact with my clit. His warm breath spread against the most sensitive spot and my body actually jerked as his tongue lightly came in contact with my clit, teasing me. He was literally trying to kill me.

"Are you okay, beautiful?" Edward asked huskily.

"Yes," I whispered, nervously nodding my head. "I just… I've never…"

"Nobody has ever been here," he asked, licking and sucking my clit softly, "before?" I shook my head, feeling so insecure and shy. I wasn't waxed. I mean… who in the hell was I trying to impress? I had an ex-boyfriend that made up excuses so we didn't have sex and he really only wanted attention paid to his body, not mine.

As my insecurity set in, my hands moved over my breasts, covering them up though that wasn't really doing any good because Edward's face was now in direct contact with my pussy. I knew someday I would regret not getting waxed. And now was that time.

Edward brought one of his hands to rest on my hip bone, rubbing me soothingly. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen… I mean that." With a sweet smile on his face, his hands reached up to mine, pulling them away from my breasts and placing them on his head. "Don't be shy, baby… it's just me… and I want to feel your hands in my hair. Is that okay?"

With a small nod, Edward finally gave me the relief I so badly needed. I threw my head back as his tongue replaced where his fingers once were. Never in my life had I experienced such pleasure. My hands stayed in his hair, clutching it like my life depended on it as he moved up and down my slit with his tongue, pausing to suck on my clit.

"Oh my God…" I moaned. Edward brought one of his hands up to my breast, kneading it gently as he continued. "I'm going to…"

Edward looked up at me through lustful eyes. "What, Bella? What are you going to do?"

"Mmmm…." I breathed. With one of his hands, he began rubbing my clit furiously as his tongue moved in and out slowly. "Come…"

The sexiest noises came out of Edward as my legs shook uncontrollably, his hand squeezing my breast even more. The most powerful orgasm ripped through my body while Edward continued his ministrations, humming quietly around my thighs. I chanted his name several times, still clinging to him.

I lay completely spent and still relishing from the way his mouth felt against me as he peppered kisses along the inside of my thigh.

"I need you, Edward. Please?"

Very quickly, Edward moved up my body and kissed me hard, moaning into my mouth. "I need to be inside you," Edward said, pulling away from my mouth as he positioned himself at my entrance.

Gently, I placed my hands on Edward's chest, pushing him off of me and onto his back. He had a shocked look on his face, but grinned cockily as I climbed on top of him. No words were said, only soft moans filled the room as I lowered myself onto his cock. I still didn't know how it could even possibly fit inside, but it did and fuck did it feel good. I could feel myself stretch with every movement as Edward placed his strong hands on my hips, guiding me up and down his length.

"Lean back, baby," Edward rasped out as he sat up, kissing me softly. His tongue met mine, massaging it as we moaned in each other's mouths.

I leaned back and placed my hands on his thighs, loving the new angle which made him go even deeper. Edward wrapped one arm around my waist and brought his other hand down to my pussy, circling my clit in such a teasing way.

Edward's hands were everywhere all at once. One minute he would be cupping my breasts and the next, they were roaming my sides and I rode him lazily, enjoying… everything.

"Fuck, you feel so good around me… look so fucking beautiful riding my cock.. I can't, fuck, I'll never get enough of you," Edward moaned, his green eyes locked with mine. "Talk to me, Bella," Edward pleaded, thrusting each time I slid down his length.

It was an emotional experience and I had to push that aside because the last thing he needed to see was me falling apart. He meant everything to me. I was in love with him.

"I've never felt this way before, Edward," I said with a hoarse voice, my words filled with emotion. "I never knew it could be like this."

"We're perfect for each other, Bella… fucking perfect," Edward grunted.

In one quick movement, Edward pushed me on my back and thrust hard, so deep inside of me. "You're mine, Bella… forever… I'll never… baby, I'll never want anyone else."

I wrapped my arms around Edward's back, pulling him to me. Pressing my lips to his, I gasped as I felt another wave of pleasure rolling through my body. Edward hitched my leg over his hip, pounding into me, grunting each time. To see Edward like this was amazing. I never thought I would be with him like this.

"Oh God… Bella… baby… I can't stop…"

Seconds later, I think I may have screamed his name as he spilled inside me, kissing and sucking along my neck. Like before, I wasn't ready for him to pull away just yet so I kept my legs clamped around him. Edward whispered over and over again how beautiful I was and how good I felt.

I loved him.

I already knew I loved him because he was my best friend, but now he was something different… not just my friend, but my lover? So many thoughts ran through my head as I wondered what this meant for us. I wanted everything with him. I didn't want things to go back to the way they were, but I didn't want to lose my best friend either. We had so many things to talk about, but I knew we would eventually have that talk in the morning. For now, I would enjoy being in his arms where I felt safe and loved.

"Come here, my sweet girl," Edward said softly as he pulled out of me and practically lifted me to the other end of the bed, laying me against the pillows.

Edward always said extremely sweet things to me, but seeing him like this… hearing him talk to me this way. It was too much. But I loved it and never wanted it to end.

I brushed my hair out of my face as Edward settled down beside me and pulled the blanket over us. Once again, I found myself in Edward's arms, wishing it would never end. He kissed my temple and squeezed his arms around me.

"This is a dream come true," Edward whispered against the side of my face.

"You have no idea," I replied, my voice thick, holding back the unshed tears, but it didn't work as a single tear slid down my face. I wiped it away quickly, but my quick movements didn't go unnoticed.

"Are you crying, baby?" Edward asked as he sat up with a concerned look on his face.

"It's just… a lot to take in. I'm sorry, Edward." I tried to bury my face away from him, but he didn't allow it. His hands cupped my face, causing me to look directly at him.

Leaning down to kiss my forehead, he grinned sweetly. "I know, Bella… and I also know that we have a lot to talk about, but I've wanted this… you… for so long. This isn't just about the sex, which was amazing… but it's you. Just you."

I couldn't say anything. Edward kissed my lips once more before he settled back down into the bed, pulling my back against his chest.

"We'll talk in the morning, Bella. Thank you for being here with me."

I never wanted it to end.

**reposting - no changes to the original story

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