….Drugs can produce intense physiological side effects.
Severus stays very still and listens.
There is blood everywhere. In every vein of his body, it pounds and flows, rushing to keep him alive. There is so much of it if he were to cut his skin open it would come pouring out in floods. He is full to bursting with blood.
His heartbeat thumps so hard in his chest he feels it echo in his stomach. His entire being pulses with heat, energy, magic, life. It's an incredible thing to lie still and experience it all.
Next to him, the love of his life is writhing half-naked on the floor.
Lily's hair is spread around her head like an aura set ablaze. Sunlight streams through the living room curtains, creating interesting valleys of shadow. Her skin is almost entirely on display. She'd barely been clothed when she opened the front door for him. She'd been burning. She'd smoked too much and now fire lives inside her skin. Wouldn't he please come in and reduce himself to ashes, too?
"You okay, Lily?" (His voice like a razor's edge. This is too much for him to handle. He's consumed by the song his body sings for her.)
She rolls her hips downward at the same time she rolls her shoulders back, creating quite an interesting angle. She doesn't answer, just slides her arms along the wooden floor and raises them above her head, a melting snow angel.
"I think I might be dying, Sev. Combusting. I've never felt like this before. Like I need something. You know?"
He has no earthly clue what she's talking about. He's not nearly high enough to understand her yet. "Yeah. I know."
"Won't you give me what I need, Severus?"
(Oh Sev! You feel so good.)
"I'd give you anything."
Green eyes open. Tiny black pupils framed by a ring of emerald. A body straining for something, more perfect than he ever dared dream. Their faces are so ridiculously close. He can feel the heat she emanates. Perhaps she really is combusting.
He wants her to burn higher, brighter. He wants to be like oxygen and fan her flames.
She licks her lips. He can't take his eyes off of them after that. He could die staring at them, perfectly content.
Those lips form the most perfect demand in the entire world. He will never be so full of servitude again in his life. (He was created to follow this order.) "Kiss me Sev."
He doesn't know why he makes her wait for it. She's straining toward him, her throat (the throat he desperately wants to lick, to bite, to suck on) bared (sacrificial). He moves his face toward her another three centimeters, watches as her eyes flutter half-closed and her face tilts ever backward. (Take me, consume me, watch me burn.)
A cloud moves over the sun. They are plunged into shade (dwelling in a world of shadows and halfway, unreal). Her lips pout and she whimpers, her eyes half open again, wondering why he's taking so long. Her eyes widen and then close once more when they meet his. He wonders what she saw in them. When the sun streams back through the window once more, he closes the gap between them.
His mind bursts, then rockets somewhere far away. (High, high, higher, the best drug ever; he will never get enough.) Lily's lips are softer than anything he's ever felt, and they respond entirely to his. He's never done this before, because this is something that has always belonged to Lily, but he's not worried. His body knows exactly what to do. (He was created for her.) Her lips move tantalizingly against his, but her body is tense and he knows this is not enough. She cannot get there on her own. He rolls on top of her, supports himself above her on his hands and knees, holds himself so that she can arch underneath him and feel satisfied (in control). His fingers skim up her arms, her mouth wet and warm under his, and he presses her hands into the hardwood, squeezes her fingers between his.
Their mouths are a world of their own, a separate universe, and Severus feels it (celestially beautifully divinely) acutely when her mouth opens and her tongue slips between his lips. He burns with her there on the floor, sizzling in the places where sunlight touches his skin and shivering in the places where shade does the same. His hands leave hers when she yanks them away to thread her fingers into his long hair. His tongue moves with hers (two halves of a whole, united and reunited once more), slippery and gorgeous, while he skims his hands down her body, over her covered chest to her bare stomach. The muscles quiver under his touch. (They're firm and smooth and he knows it's not because of Quidditch but because of yoga- something James, Sirius, whoever, both, won't know, can't know because she is his and he alone knows the tiny slivers of her life.) His hands move past her shorts (her breath disappears from his lungs when she inhales sharply after his tongue draws circles on the tip of hers) to her thighs and he leaves them there, holding her legs slightly apart, enough for his knee to slip between them. She moans, actually moans (he never wants to hear another sound again in his life, just that on repeat, he needs to invest in a Pensieve desperately) when he does with his tongue what he wants to do with his whole body, thrusts in and out of her mouth over and over, never letting her tongue get a firm taste of his own. Their lips never stop moving. He will never exist apart from this spot again.
She shudders violently when his hands squeeze and his fingers stroke the insides of her thighs. Finally, she is sated (only not really, neither of them are, and he will never get enough), her curiosity and yearning reaching their boiling point of the day. She relaxes back against the floor, breaks away from him, opens her eyes. He's startled every time by how green they are.
(No one will ever touch her after this, she is his, he is hers, it is embedded and branded into his skin and his mouth forever more. He would jump in front of a spell made of green for her, greener than her eyes, greener than anything.)
"Thank you, Severus," she breathes as though he has given her the world even though he's only given her a proper snog, and she closes her eyes once more. The smoke fills the air (fills his mouth fills his mind), left alone too long to simply smolder.
"Any time," he says and means it thoroughly. He rolls off of her, to her side, and to his surprise she rolls with him, spread-eagle on top of his chest, her delightful hair in his face and her eyes closed. He can feel the heat between her legs, screaming that she needs exactly what he needs, but the rest of her is pliant and she is already asleep.
(He exalts in the thought that he can contain the fire for her. This is true power.)
Lily doesn't mention the most amazing kiss in human history the next time he sees her, so he doesn't bring it up either but it's been on repeat in his head for three days.
(Never never never will he forget.)
They aren't high this time. He thinks perhaps she regrets what happened last time. (There, just the next room over, on the floor. Oh gods.)
"Hand me that fork, Sev? I need something to spear the pickles with."
His hand is reaching before the last word is out. She does not even look over her shoulder to take it from him. "Thanks." (They move together like an old married couple like for good like eternity.)
"No problem."
"Bet you're sorry you came over now huh? I've worked you to death with all this preparation for Dad's surprise birthday dinner tonight."
"You know I'd do anything you ask." Statements like this are becoming commonplace. She must know. She has to know. He will do anything.
She's quiet for a moment (tension confusion) and then, "You've never regretted anything I asked of you? I can be quite… demanding."
Severus (God Sev please) holds his breath for a moment. "No. Never." He cannot find it in himself to say more than that.
He hardly believes it when he sees Lily smile through her (red like fire) hair.
Lily is spinning, arms outstretched towards the sky. Above her a dragon flies while next to her several phoenixes are dancing the can-can.
"Sev," (Sev a prayer an exaltation a curse) "Sev, you have to try this. Please Sev. I want you to be where I am."
She watches him roll his eyes, and the tiny crystals found in Essence of Ecstasy flow down his cheeks. She grins. "No thank you, Lily. I'll stick to my book thanks."
"Oh, but Severus-" Touch me make me yours like I want to make you mine stake a claim no Death can eat you away from the inside out take you.
"LSD is dangerous, Lily. It's not like marijuana."
"God, Sev, you sound like a professor. It's so sexy." The words are out before she can stop them. She had meant to say he sounds like Remus lecturing when the Marauders are getting out of hand. But Remus never sounded so hot hot like black coal hot like the summer night all around them.
Severus gapes at her for several moments. She's only been tripping for ten minutes. Surely she isn't that far gone. Still, the only flabbergasted response he comes up with is, "Lily, I'd rather be Voldemort's personal shoe-shiner for three decades straight than be a professor."
"Yes, yes I know. You'll teach sniveling idiots the basics of Potions the day I become James Potter's baby mama. We've been over this. I still think you'd make an excellent professor. All intelligent and intimidating. Like I said; sexy." She throws a leg across him, his face momentarily level with her hipbone, before she sinks down, her perfect stomach and breasts and collarbones sliding across his retinas. He had meant to say something, but he can't for the life of him remember what. She's straddling him now in all her gloriousness, hair and bikini still wet from swimming in the river next to their spot all day (Merlin you're so wet for me Lily).
Ah. That's what he'd meant to say. "I don't think sexy is a particularly sought-after quality in a professor."
Lily sniffs disdainfully, her green eyes sparkling. (Green eyes like trees against his back like now like life.) "Well, I wouldn't want to have to compete with generation after generation of teenage girls with professor fetishes anyhow."
Severus snorts quite spectacularly. "Lily love, there'd be no competition whatsoever I assure you."
Her body pinwheels apart phoenix feathers and skies breaking Lily love Lily love and she leans in to press her mouth against his because I can can I can.
He groans instantly, the sound pulled from him against his will, dragged to the heavens and taken heavily into account by reality. His hands come up to cradle her back (I'd do anything to keep you safe) and he shifts his hips closer to hers, love swollen and needing her with every part of himself. She whimpers, pulls back, but before he can panic (Lily don't leave me I'm sorry save your breath no breath left in me without you) her lips are back, wet and full (Sev you make me feel so full please Sev). He kisses her, thinks of Dementors and how they have nothing on him because every time he kisses her (only twice not enough never enough never forget) he gives her his entire soul. Every time. His tongue seeks hers because it doesn't know how not to, and when it finds hers he feels something foreign, something that shouldn't be there because it is not her. It's… It's…
A tiny, square shaped piece of paper that melts against his taste buds.
He tries to be annoyed and finds he cannot. "Very clever, Lily love."
When she smiles, it looks like a million little Arc de Triomphes.
"Lily?"
There is silence for at least three lifetimes before she rolls over to face him. They are in her bed, in the dark. They are supposed to be sleeping. That is one of the two things three a.m. is for. Severus would have noticed if they were doing the second.
"Is your jaw hurting you? I thought the potion would have fixed it by now."
"No. It doesn't hurt anymore." Nothing can hurt him here. Certainly not his father. Tobias is deathly afraid of magic and even more afraid of strong women and Lily is the most of either Severus has ever met. She protects him with her love. It is all-encompassing, all powerful. (Mudblood; most powerful blood.)
"Then what's the matter?" She scoots closer. He sighs.
"I'd like to talk to you about recent occurrences."
"What occurrences? Did you read something bad in the Prophet today? Oh, Merlin, it wasn't another Death Eater attack was-"
"No, no! I meant, the occurrences between you and me. You know. The, er, snogging occurrences."
Her eyes go very wide, and Severus wishes desperately he could disappear forever. Or at least smoke a joint. He should have taken Felix for this, but he must know if any of it was ever true. (It will haunt him always; he can never forget this. She is his only eternal. Not even Death can match her.)
When she does not respond immediately, he tries again. "Was it ever real for you?"
Slowly, eyes still wide open, she nods. "All of it. It was always real. I swear."
He releases a breath he has been holding his whole life. It feels like a resolution.
She bites her lip. (Don't hold back baby, let me hear you.) "And you?"
He reaches out, strokes his thumb underneath her red eyelashes. "Of course, love."
Of course love of course love of course I love, what else could this be?
This time it is Lily who exhales, a beginning. "It's always been real for us."
Severus tries not to grin and fails miserably. This is the core moment of his life. Everything has been leading up to this. Everything will continue on because of this. Everything. She is his everything. He knows deep inside, deeper than his marrow or his soul, deeper even than his magic that she is his and he is hers and it has been that way since the dawn of time. They were made to be lying here, nestled between soft sheets, discussing their own inevitability.
There is something welling up in his chest, an unnamable feeling that demands to be made known. It cannot be put into English, but his vocal chords try anyway, chokingly and harshly: "I will never forsake you."
His name is in her mouth and then her lips are on his. He is not quite sure how she got so close to him without him noticing but he finds he cannot be bothered to question it when her tongue is flicking so deliciously against his. It is just as life-altering as the times before, only now there is no haze of drugs to power through, there is only a heady feeling of absolute elation. He cups her face (so small so delicate when did his hands become enough to cradle her like this?) and she moans a little, so he rises up on one elbow to scoot closer to her and somehow it is a (primordial, instinctual, necessary) cue for her to raise her thigh and sling it over his hip, as though she might fly apart and be ripped away from him somehow if she is not clinging to him with everything. Severus (Severus Severus Severus Severus yes right there please Sev) tries very valiantly not to notice how this opens her body to his every whim and fails. His libido, he decides, was a worthy opponent. Lily (his LILY) is making these irresistible whimpering noises into his mouth and he echoes them with one long groan that they both feel everywhere. He wants her to keep making those noises. He wants to find ways to entice them, but at the same time he understands that she wants something he is not currently giving her, and that will just not do. Her whimpers settle into his stomach with all the force of a tempest, and he must eradicate their obligation. (When did he become the level-headed one? When he thinks of lustful hysteria, he always thinks of himself. But he is a master of mental control, after all.)
"Shh, Lily love," he murmurs, voice Occluded and calm because if it cracks in this moment he will never forgive himself.
Her startled eyes find his in the darkness, and she looks almost hurt for a moment and totally wild. "What? But, Sev-"
"Relax, darling," he continues in that same soothing tone as he rolls her onto her back. His body follows automatically, settling between her open legs with something akin to grace. It's more than a little startling, but Lily has always deserved the best and it's only natural that the Universe lend him some dexterity in order to accomplish that. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Then what are you-" and Lily cuts herself off when she feels his fingers between her legs.
"Giving you what you need," he says very quietly, because no one will ever know how to give her this the way he will. (Potter Black both.) She accepts this without question, relaxing her neck against her pillow and allowing her knees to fall ever wider next to him. He sighs as softly as he can, and when her eyes meet his, his mind probes the barriers of hers. He's surprised to note her natural defenses, just a tad thicker than everyone else's. She would make a formidable Legilimens, if he were to teach her.
For now, he sifts carefully through her mind. He has never seen such a mind before, never experienced such love. Lily is so full of it she's fit to bursting and right now… right now…
Right now, it's all focused on him. He finds himself gaping down at her for a terrifying moment, and then he perseveres because if that didn't make him want to make her cum like never before…
He finds a particularly enjoyable memory of Lily in the shower stalls in Gryffindor Tower, alone in the night and impossibly turned on. He decides not to delve deeper and find out what exactly had her so hot. It could be painful. Nothing about this should be painful. Instead he slides lace down her legs, mirrors the movement of her fingers in the memory, applying just the right amount of pressure, speed, movement. Lily's surprised moans turn higher and higher pitched as he strokes her clit slowly, slowly, once, twice, three times. His fingers follow her mind-path down to her entrance, wetter in life than in her/his mind, and he dips his fingertips in shallowly (he would never live with himself if he hurt her, especially like this, he'd rather die rather jump off the Astronomy Tower right now). Lily rolls her hips underneath him, (burning to cinders on her living room floor kiss me Sev) and his fingers slip farther in. He hardly dares believe she is this wet because of him, but just a peek into her conscious mind proves that this is true. The eye contact necessary for his Legilimens makes it all the more intense. His fingers take a risk of their own accord, deviating from her memory but not his (Hey Snivellus I bet you wouldn't know a G-spot if I wrote you a greasy book on how to find one) and when she cries out so loudly he is forced to capture her cry with the back of his own throat in an open-mouthed kiss, her entire body rioting underneath his, he feels a sense of accomplishment like never before.
It takes only a few well-timed circulations of her clit to make her cum. For him. Lily Evans is having an orgasm because of Severus Snape. He thinks he might actually black out, but taking his hand away from her pussy would be blasphemy of the highest order. He'd deserve no less than a firing squad when she is shaking so beautifully. He breathes so hard medical professionals would probably call it hyperventilation, hides it by scooping his free hand underneath her neck and raising her face to kiss her. Her kisses are frantic, searching, and he tries his best to match the pace of his tongue to the slowing pace of his fingers, coaxing her down as softly as he can. When her (wet wet wet) walls stop pulsating around his fingers, he takes them away entirely, aware of what over-stimulation could do. (He would rather die than hurt her.)Someday he will show her what well-timed over-stimulation can be. Ironic as it would be to Black, Severus has read several manuals. (Two-ish years of wishful thinking and masochism have clearly paid off, dear Merlin.) Tonight, however, is not that night. He does not wish her parents to call the police when she screams for him.
He kisses her chastely on the lips at least five times. Well. It would be chastely, if she weren't trying to snog him senseless. (As though he has any senses left; his entire body feels like a Jelly Jinx). The more she tries, the sweeter he kisses her, until she is snickering and squealing quietly with frustration underneath him. He bends his head to continue his perfectly gentlemanly trail down her neck, across her collarbones, when he feels her stubborn little tongue on his fingers those fingers oh dear Merlin why?! He looks up, utterly flabbergasted, to find her sucking on his middle finger quite suggestively, all lips and tongue and oh, oh, oh. She tortures him through the thorough cleaning of all five fingers, then his palm. He thinks he might have actually stopped breathing.
She smiles innocently at him. "I made the mess; figured I should clean it up."
He has absolutely nothing to say to that. Nothing. He decides the safest and most pleasurable course of action is to continue kissing his way down her delectable body; Lily makes no move to stop him, instead stripping her nightgown over her head and letting him have at it. Her breasts are perfect, her nipples are perfect, her stomach and her waist are all perfect. He tells her so between kisses, licks, nips, and sucks. He cannot believe that the love of his life, his soul-mate, is lying in front of him entirely naked, and he can taste all of her.
Alas, something witty to say after all. "You know, I believe I had a hand in this mess, as you so eloquently put it. I'll take care of the rest."
And before she can respond, he has his hands on her thighs, pushing them farther apart, and his tongue deep inside her center. Lily claps two hands over her mouth and shrieks. Severus smiles against her clit.
"Sev… no… you… haven't… and I… once already-" Lily's pants are verging on frenzied.
Severus rolls his eyes even though they are closed. "Later, if you want." Even those words are a waste. What is his mundane pleasure, when hers is so divine? He could do this happily for the rest of his existence, even though his dick is so hard it's practically burning with the need for release.
Besides, Lily will learn very quickly (if this absurd miracle ever happens more than once and turns out to be reality rather than a dream after all) that she will operate on a two-to-one ratio at all times when with him. At the very least.
He quickly gets back to his new purpose in life, and soon Lily is in ecstasy (where she belongs) once again.
"Lily, no…"
"You said later, Sev. It's later."
Then Severus's (admittedly very capable) brain shorts out because Lily has her precious lips around his dick and one look into her eyes- Legilimens rendered unnecessary- tells him she's euphoric about it.
Petunia glares at them from over her cup the next morning.
Severus had snuck out early in the morning to retrieve a change of (equally ill-fitting but who the fuck cares after that night) clothes, and had knocked on the door exactly one hour later, claiming Lily had invited him over for breakfast. (Which she had. Right before he'd left her bed.)
They sit side by side, holding hands underneath the table and unable to keep the giddy looks off their faces.
"I could have sworn I heard a small dog being devoured by something ghastly last night," Petunia sniffs. "Its yipping noises were positively revolting."
Lily's face turns redder than her hair. Her eyes (green, green eyes looking up at him from her position on her knees oh Merlin) fill promptly with mortified tears. Thankfully, her mother is busy squeezing oranges for juice at the counter.
Severus has a knack for wandless jinxes. That is why it is a total coincidence when Petunia's leg receives a severe pinching sensation from seemingly nowhere.
She shrieks wordlessly, glares at them both, and storms off up the stairs. Used to her antics, Mrs. Evans ignores her eldest daughter entirely.
Severus squeezes Lily's fingers, and when she glances at him, he uses the opportunity to steal quietly into her mind and replace all her hurt, anger, and humiliation with the beautiful memories of what they'd done for one another the night before, the love they'd both felt but hadn't had the courage to voice, the ultimate pleasure, the promise of more, eventually, when they are both ready.
"She's just pissy because she and Vernon cannot even begin to attempt what's between us." His voice is little more than a whisper.
Lily blinks a few times, tears disappearing, and she smirks at him.
All is well within Severus's world, and he wonders if perhaps Tobias knocked him right to Death's door yesterday. If so, Severus has no idea what he did in life to deserve a Paradise so exquisite.