Julie's Monday

Julie had the day off, she'd been reminded recently of all the unused vacation time she had in reserve. Today, management paid attention to these details as they preferred to not have police officers, specially GOOD senior officers be affected by burnout. Of course, it had to be her luck that on a day she would've given anything to not have any unstructured time, she had nothing to do but think.

Should she ask Charlotte out for an impromptu lunch? Partly to make up to her how the night ended on Saturday? She considered it, but thought it may not be fair, in her present state of mind, all roads lead back to Gill.

oOo

They'd met decades ago when they were both young Bobby's patrolling Manchester, Julie noticed this pixie like creature who managed to stand out and command respect in the midst of all the testosterone that surrounds a police station, she was suitably impressed.

Even as a young officer, Gill was bright, self assured and fearless, Julie had been instantly drawn to her. Not in a sexual way (that would come much later), she was drawn to her spirit.

From the beginning, their friendship seemed odd to many outsiders. Those who focused on trivial things could not see the commonality and affinity between these two very different women who worked out of the same nick yet had no need to compete against each other.

They'd known from the beginning, due to their very ambitious nature, that they would ascend the officer ranks and, decided to support each other, do it together as opposed to one tearing the other down and apart in order to climb over. They'd derived strength and drive from each other's successes.

That she was a lesbian never mattered to Gill. Julie in all honesty could not say the same about Gill's being straight. She'd never been able to explain or control the effect Gill had on her. From the very beginning, it's as if Gill's entire being spoke to her soul. A soul that could not help breaking the most important lesbian commandment: never fall for a straight woman.

For Julie, it happened gradually as their friendship deepened and they got to know each other, she liked so much of what Gill stood for, the integrity of her conduct as an officer, the carefree way she lived her life at the time. That in her eyes, Gill was one of the most beautiful women (and still was to this day) didn't hurt.

Gill brought levity and spontaneity to the friendship, Julie's nature has always been more reserved, serious, added to that; the realisation very early in her life that she was gay. Her decision from the beginning of her career to not hide her sexuality from her fellow officers and, the hardship that came with that, made her much more cautious in her approach to life.

Before Gill met, courted and married Dave Murray, they'd spent most of their free time together, Julie never let on that she had fallen deeply in love with her friend. Respecting Gill enough to never cross that line.

To her other friends, Julie was the epitome of one of the oldest "lesbian cliches" they never understood that for her it ran deeper than a sexual attraction, that she was happy having Gill as part of her life even if it was only as a friend. It did not have to be all or nothing. Over time she stopped trying to explain and, most others learned to accept that the topic of Gill was off limits.

For Julie her love for Gill lived in a closed off compartment.

For many years she'd managed to strike a balance, lived her life, dated and had romantic relationships with other women. She and Gill even spent time as a foursome with their respective partners.

Then came Gill's bruising divorce from Dave, a divorce that rocked the core of her womanhood and left lasting emotional scars in her.

oOo

"Slap" Julie heard a teary voice over the phone say, "Dave is leaving me for another woman" "a much younger woman who is pregnant"

Shit, said Julie to herself, there had been rumours swirling for some time of Dave's shenanigans with a very young officer. Julie knew it wasn't the first, second or third time that he'd been at it behind Gill's back so she paid no attention and stayed out of it. Her friend's marriage was not something she had or ever would immerse herself in.

She may love Gill but she was no masochist.

"Where are you love?" She finally answered

"I am at home" Gill said sniffling

"I'll be right over" said Julie

That night, Julie held Gill as she cried the cries of the heartbroken for all she was losing; her marriage (or the illusion of it), her distinguished career with The Crime Faculty which she would have to give up in order to be home with Sammy as a single mom, and, most important and damning, her self respect and confidence as a woman.

So began many nights, days and, weekends over the next few months of Gill and Julie again spending most of their free time together as when they were newly friends. Completely unaware of the fact that they were no longer young and carefree but, grown women with dormant dreams, hopes and desires that each saw in the other. Emotions that over time would complicate matters.

Gill's Monday

When her alarm went off that morning, Gill felt relief. After an endless Sunday of agonising over the state of things with Julie and, moping over the fact that she didn't call that day, she gladly welcomed work. She and Janet had a scheduled meeting at Laura's home to update her of the progress in the investigation of her murdered wife.

oOo

Janet and Gill were on the settee in the front room of the home Laura had shared with Sharon, as it is with many of these situations, after they updated the victim's family, many times surviving members felt the need to talk about the life of their loved one. They wanted the police investigating the case to know that the deceased was more than a murder victim.

Laura was saying:

"We were inseparable friends for over 30 years before finding the courage to admit our love. We'd worked together, laughed, and traveled. There was never a time in my life that I could remember Sharon not being there. We celebrated our professional triumphs and dried each other's tears. Yet, we came from an era when women were not allowed to love other women. In those days, a woman loving another was seen as a mental illness, an embarrassment to our families and an abomination in the eyes of the church...I guess that last one still holds true in some churches today.

We'd spent so long accepting that reality, as OUR reality that even though the times were changing it never occurred to either one that we could move our relationship from a deeply loving platonic friendship to a romantic one"

oOo

Gill began to squirm as she listened to Laura, it felt as if the universe was playing a cruel trick on her, a few hours ago she eagerly looked forward to work, only to have work bring her back to her changing feelings for Julie.

oOo

Laura continued:

"There were two things that changed our perceived destiny. We buried Sharon's mom who was our last living parent, and, I had a health scare which required surgery"

"Sharon was set free by losing that last tangible connection to that era and mindset, she was for the first time ever, ready to live fully, she somehow found the courage to own who she was and became determined to experience her lesbian lifestyle to the fullest, albeit in her own quiet way. I was much more fearful and reluctant, I could see us heading in different directions for the first time in all our years of being friends"

"My health issues brought us back closer. As I faced the possibility of my own mortality, I realised that I couldn't let Sharon get away from me, couldn't let someone else have the wonderful woman I knew her to be. If after all these years of friendship she was going to be an out lesbian, I wanted to be the one she walked that road with" "I loved her with all my heart and needed her to know that, lucky for me, she loved me too.

The day we declared our feelings for each other, was one of the best days of my life. The last three years were the happiest and free we had ever been", at that she broke down in heart wrenching sobs.

"Did you know we were married only 6 months ago? We didn't have enough time, how am I to continue without her?"

As Janet moved over to comfort Laura, she noticed all the colour had drained from Gill's face.

"Gill are you OK?" Said Janet, finally knowing that something is indeed wrong with her. No matter how many times she denies it, her behaviour has been very peculiar over the last week.

Gill manages to compose herself and replies "I am fine Janet" as she returns her attention back to the widow and offers her comfort and reassurance.

"Laura, my syndicate and I will do our very best to solve this case and bring justice to Sharon"

oOo

In the car on their way back to headquarters, Janet decides to broach the situation with her. "Gill, do you want to talk about it? It's clear that something about this case has unsettled you"

Gill looks straight ahead as she replies "don't be ridiculous Janet, you are imagining things"

Janet is sure something is wrong and, as she starts to put all the subtle clues she's witnessed over the last week together, she knows it has something to do with Julie Dodson. Could this case be in some way, reflecting a mirror in Gills face to her relationship with Julie? It's always been clear to Janet that Julie loves Gill, she has never been sure about Gill's feelings for Julie.

"If you say so Gill, just remember that as your friend, I am here to listen anytime"

Late Monday Night

Gill is ending her day as tortured as she began. Working this murder case is emotionally exhausting, she did not need the reflection of Laura and Sharon's love in her face as she feels her friendship with Julie, imploding.

She loves Julie, has done so for years.

Julie, who's been her best friend for as long as she could remember.

Julie, who's put her first, time and time again.

Julie, who helped her pick up the pieces and heal after Dave left her humiliated.

Julie, who understands what it is to be a ranking officer and the pressure that puts on their personal life.

Post divorce, her birthdays have become intertwined with Julie. It was at the end of a birthday celebration that she knew she loved her.

Julie took her out to a pub. As the night wore on, Gill started to feel sorry for herself, upon noticing this, Julie worked her considerable charms on her, making sure that by the end of the night, Gill felt like the most special and loved woman in Manchester.

That's the night Gill recognised she loved Julie with all her heart.

It was during Saturday's birthday celebration that she realised she is about to lose Julie.

Worst of all, it was during her birthday celebration a year ago, that a throwaway comment she made, deeply hurt Julie and was the beginning of this chasm between them.

oOo

After hearing Laura talk about her friendship and love with Sharon, she knows she can no longer leave things as they are with Julie.

That would be the biggest regret of her life.

If Charlotte thinks she can swoop in and have HER Julie, she's got another thing coming.