The Previous Year, Weeks before Gill's Birthday
They were having Sunday brunch at Albert's Shed
"Slap, what have you planned for my special day?" Gill asked
"What special day Gill?" Julie feigns ignorance
"Are you having me on? I know you Dodson, there is no way you have forgotten my birthday" says Gill
"I haven't a clue what you are going on about love. I recalled you saying three months ago that you were getting too old for birthdays and I should ignore it this year" Julie said.
"I said no such thing!" replies Gill
Julie sighs... "I should have known such pronouncements were uttered under the influence of wine. "Oh well" said Julie shrugging her shoulders.
oOo
Julie is indeed winding Gill up. Doing things for her is one her great pleasures, it doesn't matter how small it is, she goes to great lengths in finding ways to make her happy.
To those unknowing, it may seem that Julie does most of the giving yet, it isn't so. She also receives love and support from Gill. Recently, Julie had her mom visiting for the week and Gill spent the entire time with them, she'd gone out of her way to make Julie's mom feel at ease and comfortable, even cooking and having them over for dinner with her and Sammy one evening. The night before her mom left, she turned to Julie and let her know how happy she was, that she had a friend like Gill in her corner, telling her that she would no longer worry about Julie being alone in Manchester, (It did not escape Julie's attention that her mom thought they were a couple).
Those are some of the little things Julie is grateful to Gill for, she can turn to her for support when she is nervous and apprehensive about having to meet with the Assistant Chief Con just as much as when there's trouble with one of the syndicates on her watch and she needs to talk it over in confidence.
Since Gill's divorce years ago, their friendship is going through an undefined period; they have gotten closer than Julie ever would've thought possible, for her, there was no one in her life who compared to Gill.
If Julie were being honest, the only problem with this arrangement is that over time they'd started treating each other as surrogate spouses. Their connection was emotional and spiritual, a relationship in every way but sexual.
As time went on, Julie's friends had started voicing their opinions about this state of affairs, pointing out to Julie, that spending all her free time with the straight friend she was in love with was no way to go about finding a girlfriend of her own. They understood her loyalty to Gill but thought her behaviour towards Julie was selfish, no one believed that Gill could not see how in love Julie was with her. The consensus' opinion was that she pretended to be oblivious to Julie's feelings in order to satisfy her own needs.
In truth, they blamed Gill for the fact that Julie's relationship of a few years with Helena, came apart at the seams during Gill's divorce. No woman would have stood heedlessly watching her live in lover emotionally leave their relationship in order to be there for her best friend. In the beginning Helena was supportive and understanding, but, as time went on and she felt Julie pulling away from her, her long held suspicion that Gill was the true love in Julie's heart could not be ignored. Her attempts to make Julie prioritise her and their time together seemed to have the opposite effect and pulled them further apart, culminating on the night that Helena asked Julie to choose between the two and she chose Gill.
As much as Julie appreciated her friends concerns, she did not blame Gill for her breakup with Helena. She knew that the demise of that relationship was due to the choices she'd made and the fact that given an opportunity, she usually wanted to be with Gill.
As for Gill. What had begun as need for support and, gratitude towards Julie as her pain and humiliation receded, had over time transitioned to a love so unexpected she was left humbled in it's wake. In the absence of knowing what to do about it and suspecting that Julie's feelings ran as deep or deeper than hers, she'd opted to be passive.
oOo
At their brunch table Julie came clean.
"Worry not you minx, I do have plans for your birthday, you'll have to wait until the day to find out what it is"
In her excitement at the news, Gill unexpectedly jumps up and, for the first time ever kisses Julie on the lips, stunning both of them in the process.
The Day Of Gill's Birthday
It has been a few weeks since the kiss Gill had given her.
Julie still remembered the feel of Gill's lips on her own, the look of shyness in her eyes, they'd blushed in the immediate aftermath of the kiss, continued their meal as if nothing had happened, enjoying being al fresco and luxuriating in the feel of a good weather day in Manchester.
That was NOT a friendship kiss. Julie would've liked to address the meaning of it; in general, she wasn't very good at pretending that things weren't happening, especially something as important like physical contact between them. But pinning Gill down, had proven to be an impossible task.
Maybe her friends were right and it was time to get back to the dating world.
Gill for her part was running scared, her impulse to kiss Julie had felt so natural that she hadn't stopped to think about it. The soft supple feel of Julie's lips remained imprinted in her memory. More and more her mind went there, wondered what it would be like to be with Julie, kiss and be kissed by her, to have all of Julie's intensity focused on her. The end of those thoughts always came crashing down, driven by her feelings of inadequacy remnants of the divorce.
Although she had never said so, Gill believed Julie had feelings for her. Her rational self felt that they could make a go of things, the part of her afraid of rejection would always ask, why would Julie who could have any beautiful woman she wanted, choose Gill?
She never had an answer to that question.
oOo
For her birthday Julie decided to surprise Gill with a full day at a luxury spa. She knew Gill loved all manner of pampering and beautification so that's what she'd booked them for, followed by a celebratory dinner.
To say Gill was surprised was an understatement, her excitement when they pulled up to the spa was contagious.
Gill loved every second of the experience, she spent the day dragging Julie from one treatment to another, and Julie allowed her to enjoy herself without reservations.
Not for the first time, Gill wondered how was it that Julie seemed to instinctively know the right thing to do for her and, hoped that at least sometimes, she was able to make Julie feel as special.
The attendants at the spa were very solicitous in catering to their needs. Gill was the first to notice that they were being treated as if she and Julie were a couple. The first time it happened, she was humoured by it and didn't pay much attention, as the day wore on, constantly being treated as Julie's other half, awoke in her a yearning for that to be true. A wish that she could find a way to express her needs and wants as a woman to her friend. That she could find the courage to cross the friendship bridge.
These conflicting emotions in her, meant that she was not as comfortable with everyone's assumptions about them.
It took Julie much longer to catch on to the staff's belief that they were a couple, she was unperturbed by this as it was something that happened from time to time when they were out together. She'd learned years ago to not pay attention to remarks like those. Gill's over reaction in turning down the offer of a couple's massage made Julie wonder if she was having trouble with other people's perceptions.
They ended their spa day with a few minutes in the sauna room, as they were finally alone Julie casually mentioned
"The staff here seems to think we are a couple, have you noticed this?" She said shrugging her shoulders.
Gill, who has grown more uncomfortable as the day wore on, who's still wishing for a continuation of the kiss, stiffened and said
"what makes you think that slap?"
"Well it's obvious by the way they're addressing us, we must be giving off some kind of coupledom vibe as of late, even my mother thought we were one during her visit" Said Julie by way of an explanation.
Gill in her nervousness; feeling inadequate and not wanting to open this topic up for conversation, specially while under clothed in a sauna room where she's been focusing on Julie's lips, opts to be flippant in her answer. Never imagining the damage her words would cause.
"Slap, you shouldn't be giving your mom false hope like that, even if I were interested in women, you wouldn't be my first choice" she said.
Upon hearing those words, Julie felt a coldness enter her being, even the sauna felt as cold as a bitter winter morning. She was speechless, unable to react to the callousness of Gills words, to the utter disregard and dismissal of herself in Gill's eyes.
After the cold, came a wealth of hurt.
The moment the words left her mouth, Gill regretted them.
"They are a lie" she wanted to say to Julie. "If I could handle losing you one day, I would find the courage to show you my heart and soul"
But she said none of these words, silently watching as Julie withdrew into herself.
oOo
For the two women, the end of the day, was so far from how it started.
They finished at the spa, went out to dinner and tried to recover the lightheartedness felt earlier.
On one side of the table, the pain, guilt and regret for the hurt she caused Julie with her words.
On the other side, the pain of being rejected (even unknowingly) by Gill, cut deeper than words could ever describe.
oOo
In the small hours of the morning, this was the day Julie decided to make changes in their friendship.
She took ownership for allowing Gill's needs to at times, be more important than her own.
For ignoring her own needs as a woman in favour of her time with Gill.
For settling for emotional connection and friendship as opposed to romantic love.
She'd read somewhere that: people treat you, how you teach them treat you.
Well it was time to reclaim her life, to teach Gill another way to treat her.
That this decision was driven by hurt, didn't make it any less valid.
oOo
Assistant Chief Con: Assistant Chief Constable
oOo
A/N
Thank you for continuing to read this fiction, I needed to explore what brought Gill and Julie to the point where the story began, the journey there took longer than I anticipated.
In the following chapters, they will be interacting as Gill tries to find a way to Julie's heart.
As stated before, comments and feedback are welcome. To those who've written reviews thus far, thank you so very much for your kind words.