Still at dinner
"What do you mean lose me?" Asks Julie
"Well, we hardly spend time together, I don't feel as free around you and," she hesitates before saying this... "You are dating someone" Gill says
"Gill, is this because you think someone else has what's yours?" "Someone may have my time and attention?" Says Julie
"No, Gill says with vehemence"
She can't afford any more miscommunications with her. As difficult as this may be, honesty is the only option.
"It has nothing to do with that slap" I assure you. "I am in love with you" "Have been for some time now"
Julie is floored by this statement, never in her wildest dreams she expected to hear these words from Gill, certainly not tonight based on how things have been between them.
Gill can see how surprised Julie is by what she's heard, she sits silently awaiting her response.
Julie for her part is momentarily at a loss for words.
Many years ago, as a way to be a true friend to Gill, she schooled herself to never expect anything romantic between them despite her own feelings. So deep and ingrained is that mantra that, in this moment, she doesn't know how to react.
As the silence goes on, Gill's fears begin to creep past her courage, wilting the self confidence she has mustered... Finally she has to say something
"I guess I waited too long to let you know my feelings" "It's OK if you don't feel the same slap" she starts to gather her things to leave.
Julie finally reacts,
"What are you doing Gill?" "You can't possibly say you love me and, intend to walk out leaving things unsaid!"
Gill settles back in her seat, her heart is beating so loudly, she is surprised Julie can't hear it. She looks up and their eyes meet again, exchanging smiles by what they see mirrored in each other.
"Do you really love me?" Asks Julie
"Yes, I do slap" replies Gill
"I love you too Gill. I've loved you so long, I no longer know what it's like to live without that love"
Gill feels a warmth spread throughout her body and soul at Julie's words.
"Why haven't you said anything before slap?"
"I didn't think it would've been fair to you love, we were first and foremost friends and I did not want to do anything to damage that friendship, my falling in love with you was mine to deal with and, I respected you too much to put it on you"
"Gill, I met you as a straight woman who didn't care that I was gay, you've never showed an inclination towards things been different on your end" "You mean so much to me that I decided long ago, if friendship is all there could be, it would be sufficient"
"That's not to say that I've pined over you or lived in pain about being in love with you" "My love for you just lived in a special place in my heart"
"Well, thanks slap" said Gill not liking that last statement
"Tonight is the night for truth love" said Julie "why haven't you said anything?"
"It took me a long time to know it was love, my feelings were a gradual accumulation" "They grew out of all the little ways you cared for me and Sammy after the divorce, your steadfastness was something I was unaccustomed to having, at first I feared it was gratitude, then I worried that I was holding unto you because you were there for me in those difficult times and I didn't want to be alone"
"Ironically, it was after one of my birthday celebrations, that I looked at you and knew unequivocally that I loved you" "Then I was just scared, I still am" finished Gill.
As Gill was talking, their hands reached across the table to tentatively touch each other. The electricity of that moment confirmed that they were on the right path.
Julie rubbed her thumb over Gill's hand as she asked,
"What are you afraid of Gill?"
"That I won't be enough for you"
"That you'll leave me"
"That I won't recover it things don't work out between us"
"These things and any of the myriad of fears and insecurities that I was left with post divorce" replied Gill.
"Oh Love, have you so little faith in me in us?" "I know how things were with Dave but, I am not him" "I am not saying that our road will be smooth and, I can't promise that we will be able to go successfully from friends to lovers"
"But Gill, I deserve more credit than that, I've earned the right for you to see the me that I am as your friend, be the same as a lover and partner. For me to experience you as my lover if that's what you are ready for"
"We deserve the opportunity to manifest the love we have for each other. To see our friendship, respect and support over all these years, transcend to love"
"Gill, that is a gift that very few people get"
The look on Julie's face is so earnest, Gill is moved to tears.
They are both pensive for a few minutes, the only exchange that of their holding hands.
Dinner is served, which allows them to take this precious moment in.
They loved each other!
Julie
Is feeling so much, there aren't any words to describe it. Life is offering her, her greatest desire, all she has to do is reach out and grab it.
She is in love.
She truly never thought this moment would come, certainly not when she started this day. As certain as she sounded when speaking to Gill, she wonders if it's possible for them to make a go of it.
There is also her very nascent involvement with Charlotte.
Gill
Can't believe this is happening, up until an hour ago, she was so afraid of losing her, viewed this dinner as some kind of farewell event. She walked in half prepared to watch Julie walk away.
Telling Julie the truth frees her.
She is happy, hopeful, in love.
oOo
During dinner, they exchange lighthearted conversations. About work, life, the little details they haven't shared recently. They laugh with each other, gossip about syndicates.
Julie starts to shed her protective barriers and Gill begins to relax around Julie, both of them needing to reclaim their footing in the friendship that sustained them for so long, in order to visualise moving forward.
It's not until dessert and coffee that they approach the topic again.
"What do we do now slap?" Asks Gill
"I don't know love, this is as new to me as it is to you" "what do you want Gill?" Said Julie
"That's easy slap, I want you, to be with you" Gill said.
At that Julie lets out a hearty laugh
"How about we start with a proper date love?" "Are you free Saturday?
"That far away slap! How am I to last until the weekend?" Said Gill with a flirty smile
"Gill, before we go out I have to address things with Charlotte, end things with her" says Julie
Gill stiffens, for her, this is an unpleasant reminder, one destined to cause her anguish as the fears still run rampant within.
What if Julie decides Charlotte is the one she wants after all?
Julie looks at her, straight into her.
"Gill, don't do this, there's no need to go there"
"I owe her the courtesy of a conversation. Specially after all the reassurances I've given her that you were not a factor in my feelings other than those of a friendship"
"It wouldn't be fair to her, or to us, to not do things right. Not at this point"
Although she won't say it out loud, Gill sees her point of view.
No matter what Julie says, she can't expect her to be happy that she is meeting another woman, someone who wants Julie. Not when things are so tenuous between them.
"If you think you must slap" she says softly.
"Yes, I do love" repeats Julie.
oOo
Their meal finished, Julie takes care of the check as they prepare to leave the restaurant, again she notices how sexy Gill looks and decides to have some fun with her.
"Gill, was seduction on your mind when you got dressed this morning?" I can't imagine the lads on your syndicate were able to concentrate today after seeing you in that dress"
Gill blushes deeply before replying
"Not you too slap" "This is a perfectly appropriate work outfit, I kept me jacket on and buttoned all day" "no one saw the top of my dress"
"Well that's a relief" said Julie "Thank you for saving that view for my eyes only, you look very nice" she said with a wink "Now, if we are being honest, the fact that you needed to keep your jacket on all day negates your statement of appropriateness"
"Shut up slap" said Gill with a laugh "or I may never dress up for you again"
"I certainly wouldn't want that love, such a pity it would be" Julie whispers in her ear as she escorts her.
They walk out of the restaurant in companionable silence, both still slightly insecure of each other, unsure of what's next.
As they reach Gill's car, Julie takes the key and opens the door for her.
Just before Gill sits down, Julie leans in and gives her a kiss. With a whimper, Gill also leans into her responding to the kiss, their arms going around each other.
It's a kiss of longing and want.
Their first kiss in this new beginning.