Epilogue

25 years later

When we are young, they always say that at the end of our days our regrets are never about work, I guess anyone who's said this never met me.

I am facing the end of road and, I regret any case that I left unsolved, any psychopathic murderer that got away from me during my years as a copper.

The case I regret the most, is the murder of Sharon. That case, her widow's grief and the obvious love between them, was the opening in my heart of my feelings for Julie.

I guess, the fact that these are my regrets, lay testament to the great life I've had over the last 25 years with my Julie.

Gosh, it's amazing to think that it's been that long since we admitted our love for each other, became lovers and partners for life. This road was the greatest of my life; loving Julie and being loved by her, was and continues to be amazing.

We've done it all together; I retired first, I was tired, done with the darkness of human soul. It was 2 years into our relationship that I took that step. After my retirement, we both sold our houses, bought one together and, as I had the time to do so, I was free to make it our home and take care of Julie. Supporting her continued climb through the ranks until, her eventual ascendancy to Assistant Chief Constable when Karen Zalinski was called to serve in government at the pleasure of the New Prime Minister.

If anyone thinks I was bored when retired, nothing could be further from the truth. I took up gardening (can you believe it, me?), grew to really enjoy cooking and having time for friends and family.

When I got restless, I found a case to be an outside adviser on, which gave me the freedom to make my own schedule and work as much or little as I wanted to.

Our Sammy got married to Orla and, after a few years made me into a 3 time granny. I love the little buggers, even though they are teenagers now, specially my namesake Gillian.

This gave Julie and I the chance to be "grans" together. As she never had kids, her joy at spending time with them when little was unparalleled, at home she was always the good granny to me being the strict one (I am too attached to rules I guess). In those moments, I loved her more for the love she bestowed upon my kids and grandkids. No one could've said they weren't as much hers. Overtime, they were simply ours.

Having raised a great young man, I had no doubts that Sammy would accept our relationship. Yes, there were adjustments on his part which we were able to talk about and work through. It helped that Julie had been a long standing presence for most of his life.

We've aged together, and, helped each other bury our parents. Seeing them through ageing and illness, reminding us that no matter how good our life is, the road comes to an end eventually.

It was 7 more years after mine that Julie retired and we were free.

We've traveled the world, visited museums, opera houses, and due to my love of gardening, nature conservatories and botanical gardens.

As exciting as those moments were, there's no comparison to being with my Julie at home, having a lie in, celebrating Holidays with our families sparring over the crossword puzzle, what movie to watch or who controls the telly remote for the evening. I indulge her enjoyment of The Great British Baking Show, occasionally teasing her about whether I should be jealous of the host.

Julie's way of reassuring me makes me blush every time I think about it. Our lovemaking, after all these years is still passionate, we try new things, fancy each other as much today as we did when first intimate.

Julie proposed for our 10th year anniversary. She was so nervous and vulnerable when she did, concerned that the wounds of my marriage and subsequent divorce from Dave would keep me from wanting to marry again.

I was so honoured to be asked in marriage. For the past 15 years I have proudly been Mrs. Murray - Dodson.

For those wondering, I kept Murray for Sammy and the kids as Julie didn't mind.

Of the many things I've learned in these years, being happy and secure in the love you share goes a long way in healing whatever wounds may have been inflicted by others.

Julie's steadfastness is the same today as my wife as she was first as my friend and then as my lover, she banished any memories I had of Dave.

When we got married, I never thought that we could be any closer than we had been for those 10 yrs. Yet marriage, brought a different permanency, dimension and strength to our commitment. To know that we were a couple in every sense of the word, with all legal protections. What we have belongs to each other and no one can take that away.

Before getting together with Julie, I wondered if I was gay. The answer to that is, if loving Julie makes me a lesbian, YES I AM.

I had no problems letting people know we were a couple. At work before retiring and, with our families. We were lucky to be accepted by most and those who had a problem with it (Dave included), were kept out of our daily lives and eventually fell away.

I even played happy wife to Julie's senior officer status, in part to remind the others who still fancied my wife (then partner), that she was taken. Specially Charlotte, although Julie never admitted it, I knew that for years she waited in the wings hoping for us to fall apart, that there would be an opening for her with Julie.

These many years later, I can on occasion feel jealous of the attention Julie gets from women. In age she's grown more handsome in her beauty, exuding the grace of her soul.

The final gift life is giving me is my desire to not have to deal with losing her. The one thing I knew I couldn't recover from. I am ill and my time is short, I accept the ending is near, but I am oh so sad at leaving my Julie and the kids.

I hurt for her, and would give anything to not inflict this pain and sorrow on her.

These twenty five years have not been enough. There's so much more we could've done, so many more experiences to share.

I watch her strength, sitting here next to my bed and wonder, will she be OK when I am no longer here?

I have loved her for so long yet, she has loved me for most of her life.

I turn to her and let her know...

"To not admit my love for you, would've been my biggest regret slap"

She looks into my eyes with tears in her eyes as her hands tighten her hold on mine

"I love you so much Julie, you've made me so happy for all these years" "no matter where I am, I will always be with you"

I use my fingers to wipe the tears that slowly course down her cheek...

"Be happy my love"

"Live everyday in honor of our love"

"For you will forever be my Julie"

oOo

A/N

I really wanted to see this perspective in the Gill / Julie pairing and although I never saw myself as a writer, or thought I had the ability, decided to take it on.

I've had fun, more than I could've imagined in doing so.

To Cathi, "dude" thank you for being my unofficial beta. Your honest feedback and enthusiasm kept me going.

To everyone who read this story I say a heartfelt... Thank you.