Trespass

As I look at my mother, my thoughts spin around inside my head. I feel dizzy. What does she mean? Is she joking? No, that would not be anything like her. But ... it's hard enough to meet your parents, after you pronounced them dead inside your heart. Once you made up your mind to face them, they should never ask you something like this. No way. I mean, this is my mother. I'm perfectly sure. She looks like my mom, and she lives inside the same house. I know very old people forget their relatives sometimes, but she can't have forgotten me, can she? She's not even forty years old. Then, what about me? Did I mess myself up so that I don't look like her daughter Rika anymore? Impossible. My body still hurts but I did not smash my face beyond recognition. Neither did I cover myself in mud completely like some scary creature coming out of the Onigafuchi swamp to devour the villagers.

While my mind is busy mixing up silly and scary thoughts likewise, creating a useless jumble which blocks my brain, she keeps looking down at me - not angry, just surprised. Maybe this expression is unsettling me more than anything. I had expected to be shouted at, maybe even to be slapped like she did in worlds I barely remember. But the question she just asked me is so absurd that my mind refuses to process it.

"Mom ... what do you mean?" My voice trembles.

"Are you joking? Who are you, little girl? I'm sorry, are you lost? Can I help you with anything?" She starts to worry about the helpless little person in front of her. This is just absurd.

"It's me, mom ... Rika! Stop kidding me, I don't like this!" While my voice gets louder, I feel the tears coming to my eyes and a lump forming in my throat. As I try to make her quit this stupid hoax, I know very well that she's absolutely serious. This is my mom, my stern, responsible mother. She would never crack such a poor joke. I know that too well.

She really does not know me.

After considering what to do, she finally reaches out to make me come inside with her. Of course she feels pity ... because now I'm really crying. The tears well from my eyes, making me feel ashamed of my weakness, which brings forth even more tears. They feel so hot and salty. I can't remember having felt so feeble at any time in the past few worlds. She takes my hand and leads me into the house while talking very gently to me. I know what she's up to. She wants me to tell her who my parents are. This is such a stupid conversation.

"You don't have to be afraid. They can't be that angry, can they, sweetheart? Surely they will be glad to get their little girl back, won't they?" She keeps repeating things like this. My mother is a rational, down-to-earth woman. She does not accept anything absurd or paradox. So trying to convince her that she's my mom, even if she does not know about it, would be a waste of breath.

Suddenly I come up with an idea. Maybe I can convince her by mentioning something only a very familiar person could know? Only someone of the Furude family ...

"Do you want me to prove I'm your daughter?" I can tell by her expression that she does not like this at all. But since I was crying so hard, she does not interrupt me.

"I am your daughter, Furude Rika ... otherwise, how could I know what's inside the Saiguden? Please listen ..." I start talking about some secrets of the Saiguden. But her reaction tells me that this was the most foolish mistake I could make in my present situation.

As I keep talking about the secrets of the Furude priesthood, the compassion fades from her face, leaving a cold, even contemptuous look that makes me shiver. I fall silent in the middle of a sentence. Then she answers in a tone which completely differs from her previous kind, warm voice.

"Well then. Now it's time for you to tell me what I asked you first. Who are you?"

My tears have dried, but her voice scares me and I back off when I hear her talking severely like that.

"I think I tried to tell you before," I squeeze out shyly.

"Stop lying!" Now she stands right in front of me with her eyes piercing me from above. There is no way to avoid this merciless glare. I curse my tongue for chattering about the family secrets thoughtlessly. But it's too late now.

"You are the one who climbed the tree and snuck into the Saiguden," she accuses me. "My husband saw you. I told him he had been mistaken when he said he saw something at the window ... but now I know it was you! Shame on you for pulling off such a thing just to make fun of me!"

What? She is totally wrong, but I know she won't accept any explanations right now, being so furious. I must still answer her. My eyes wander across the room while I search for an explanation which will make her listen to me without getting even angrier. Right behind her I see a little doll which is attached to the wall. I know this one ... it's a lucky charm that used to be mine in previous worlds. I think I didn't own it until the end, though. I can't remember what happened to it. Obviously I never owned it in this world. Bad luck, Rika. The little thing is looking sad. Yes, it is most certainly not happy ... because it was meant to belong to me, but never reached me? Maybe.

"Well?" My mother waits impatiently while I get distracted.

"Mi- ... Sorry ... I can't explain why I did it, but I never wanted to make fun out of you."

"Can you answer me one question?" My mother looks down on me menacingly. "What could make them sink so low that they now use little children to mock their enemies and desecrate their guardian deity Oyashiro-sama?"

"Them ...?" I whisper in distress. I don't understand anything.

"Don't play dumb now!" She does not avert her gaze for a split second. "I'm talking about the Sonozakis!"

"I really don't know what you mean ... are you at odds with the Sonozaki family?" My voice trembles.

She does not answer for some time. Very slowly, the anger in her features decreases and her face relieves its tension.

"Well, I guess you can't really understand these things at your age. Though you should definitely know that no-one apart from the Furude family is allowed to enter that holy place."

I don't say anything about being a Furude family member myself. This would only evoke her fury. Noticing the hopelessness of my situation, I hang my head and look sad. My mother keeps eyeing me in a mindful way. I guess she takes it as a confession, but I don't care. There seems to be tension between the Furudes and the Sonozakis. Are they still antagonizing each other about that stupid dam project? Adults can be so childish sometimes.

Then an inconsistency occurs to me. What about my things in the small two-storey building? They can't be there without any reason. I do live in that building. How can it be? Does my mother try to punish me by pretending not to know me? Entering the Saiguden, I took the wrong way because I did not have the key for the big lock. My father saw me ... and they agreed upon such a bizarre punishment? Maybe they think I'm too old to get spanked like that time when my father claimed I had broken things in the Saiguden after playing hide and seek. They want to apply psychology now. I don't think such a strange measure would suit my parents. But maybe bizarre events call for a bizarre explanation.

"Ni-paa~ I figured it out." My mother looks bewildered when my mood seems to change completely and I put a big smile on my face. "Mom, I'm sorry, I really am. I couldn't find the key for that big lock. So I just climbed up to the window. I was stupid, forgive me, won't you? Mom ..."

Ah. Something hit my cheek ... she slapped my face. Just like she did when I would not stop talking about Hanyū sometimes. With a grim look on her face, she holds my shoulder. But now my patience is over, just like hers, and I shout at her.

"Look, I don't know what this is all about! If you want to punish me, go ahead and slap me as many times as you want! I've been through much worse, I can tell you! But don't pretend you don't know me! I can prove you wrong, look!"

Much to her surprise, I jerk myself free from her tight grip and run out of the door, heading towards the small house. She follows me. I don't know if she wants to punish me more of if she's curious about what I'm going to show her. While I run, something crosses my mind. In fact, it does not make sense. When my parents live and I'm with them ... why do I live in the small house? It should be just a storage building now! Nothing makes sense in this Hinamizawa!

But I won't stop now. I must see it through. My mother still runs after me. I'm panting when I arrive at the building which I have lived in during so many lives. Pushing the sliding door, I enter the basement, not allowing her to catch hold of me. I jump up the stairs, nearly falling over when I climb two steps at once. Then I reach the bedroom.

"Look at this!" I shout towards mom, who has also entered the room, and open the closet hastily. "Whose futon do you think this is? I live here! All these things are mine!" I run towards the bathroom. "And take a look at the ..." I fall silent.

Satoko stands in the middle of the bathroom, utterly dumbfounded. She's in her pyjamas, using a towel to dry her hair. For a few seconds, none of us says anything, then Satoko opens her mouth.

"What is it? Why are you coming here at this hour ... and who is this girl? Who is she, mom?"

My body starts shivering. She calls her ... mom? These things, which I showed to my mother, are ... Satoko's? Now I notice that I did not look at them really closely ... I was just sure that they were mine. What a fool I am. Satoko's futon, Satoko's toothbrush, Satoko's indoor shoes ... I do not own anything in this place.

I did not even take off my shoes when I came in. Tears come to my eyes again while I try to find any words, without success. I'm a trespasser, an illegal alien. Breathing heavily, I look at this incomprehensible situation. Then, sobbing loudly, I run down the stairs, leaving Satoko and my mother behind while they stand still in astonishment.