Ah, we have hit lucky number 13. ;) They needed a bump, this is an amusing one. I know some people are going to be. like "DOH!" LOL!

Enjoy!

Jackie

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Part 13 – Please Insert Foot In Mouth

"Do my hips look too big in this?" I know Mac has just asked me something but I am a bit too busy watching the Nationals game to figure out what it was. Can you believe it? We finally get a team and we're kicking butt all over the place. "Uh, hello? Harm?" Maybe I should just get a TV set once and for all instead of bugging Mac? "Harm?" Not that she minds, I am sure she doesn't mind. "Harmon?"

I glance over at her and my focus completely changes to her and only her. Wow, she's wearing this dark blue number, no doubt what she is planning to wear to the Navy/Marine Corps gala thingy we have to go to on Friday. "Oooh Yea!" I say, assuming she is asking if I approve. Why wouldn't I? I mean she's. . .umm, okay? Mac suddenly gets this hurt look on her face, stomps her feet, then walks away.

What the hell did I do now? I am about to get up and go after her when I hear a hard crack and my attention focuses again on the game. "Yea! HOME RUN!" Jeez, I haven't been this into baseball since I was growing up in California. Back then though, I was a huge Padres fan. "What! NO WAY! THE UMPIRE IS BLIND!" I yell at the TV, standing up as I watch the replay of what should have been a homerun, but the damned officials called it a ground rule double. I'm about to sit down and watch the replay and that's when something whizzes by my head. "What the. . .Oooof!" The second one is a direct hit.

I am left slightly dazed as I glance down to see the offending object, it's Petey the Pterodactyl. I bend down and pick it up then straighten to find Mac with a look that could kill. "Umm, am I being too loud?" I ask and that glare of hers has taken a turn towards the – if it were a laser, I'd be dust – variety.

"Argh! Men!" Okay, maybe this would be a good time to let the baseball game be and go after my girlfriend who's now stomped off into her room again. Wonder what the hell I did now? I walk into the room to find a stack of gowns and dresses on Mac's bed. Letting out a low whistle, I gauge the stack wondering when she had the time to buy all of those and why I haven't seen more than half. "Erm, I think you and I are going to have to start going out A LOT more." That comment suddenly has a deep red number being tossed directly at my head. It drapes over me and I stand there feeling like a moron. "Have I said something wrong?"

"Have you said something wrong?" Mac asks.

I place the red dress down on the bed and keep my distance from the Marine Lt. Colonel. "Yea, because we were fine five minutes ago."

"Fine five minutes ago!" Oh shit. You know you are in trouble when your significant other starts to REPEAT things you've said or asked.

"I'm not so sure what's going on. . ." Defensively I put my hands up signaling surrender. "Could we talk about this?"

"Talk about this!" She repeats again. Yep, I am a dead man. I might as well just dig my own grave down at Arlington. "You insult me then you want to talk about it?"

Okay, now it's my turn to repeat things. "Insult you?" When the hell did I do that?

"Well, what would you call it?" She is standing there with her hands on her hips tapping her foot on the floor. You know, now that I see her that way, I can't help but think how cute she looks. She'd doing that eyebrow thing I love so much. I can't help myself, I know I am grinning and I know I am in for it, but I just don't care. "Were you screwing with me again? Was it all just another joke?"

Screwing with her? Well, no, I know I wasn't doing that which is much more pleasurable than this. Suddenly she's glaring at me again. "I said that out loud didn't I?"

"You know what? Get out." She points at her bedroom door and stomps towards me. "It's obvious our relationship is all laughs and giggles and I am not interested in being with a man who can't see when he needs to be serious."

I place my hands on her shoulders knowing full well she'll probably clobber me. But I am too stubborn to run. Besides, I have yet to figure out what I did wrong. "Woah, woah, power down there, Marine. . ."

"I am not POWERING DOWN, Harmon Rabb Junior!" Oooh, jeez, this is much serious than I thought if she's using my full name. "You can be such a jerk sometimes. . .Doesn't it ever occur to you that, even when you are joking, you could hurt someone's feelings!"

Now, this I really do not understand. What have I said to hurt her feelings? Was it the slight sexual innuendos or did I, somewhere, in the yelling at the ball game, say something obscene? Oh, damn, now she's doing that sniffling/shoulder shrugging thing. I frown feeling every but the jerk she says I am. "Whatever it is, I am sorry."

I place a hand on her cheek, and Mac looks up at me with big, watery eyes. "If you didn't like the dress, you could have just said so."

Ummm, have I entered the twilight zone or something? "Uh, Mac, you look gorgeous in that."

You know those watery eyes? Guess what? They are gone! Just like that! "You said my hips were too big!" She yells at me and, for the first time since this. . .thing started, I wonder if she's PMSing. Hmmm.

I step back a bit and slowly study her up and down. "Mac, you look completely gorgeous. And why would I say anything about your hips?" Why would any man, if he knows what's good for him, interject some disapproving comment about his girl? "And when the hell did I say that your hips were too big?"

"Two minutes ago?" Ah, so that's what she was asking me. Hmmm, I guess that whole agreeing with her issue doesn't work for everything.

I shake my head slightly. "I wasn't paying attention, I thought you asked if I liked the dress. .. which, I do."

"Oh." Yea, oh. With a sigh, she looks down like a little kid who has done something wrong. "I'm sorry for snapping. . .but, I like to know what you think about things and I do want you to approve." Wow, I stand there stunned that she made such an admission. Mac isn't the type to admit that much about herself, it's touching, really it is to know we've both opened up so much to each other.

I smile at her. "Well, I think you look gorgeous in this and probably all the other ones." I say, pointing towards the bed.

Mac shrugs, obviously still a bit off kilter, then again, so am I. "You can go back to the game, Harm, you don't have to stand around watching me try on dresses." She gets this cute smirk and shakes her head. "I really am sorry for snapping. . .it's just one of those days." Ah, yes, she's referring, of course, to having to work with Vic on a case today, a case that they both got pulled off of because of Vic's antics. I swear, if he does anything stupid again, I am going to show him what it's like to mess with Naval Aviators and their girlfriends.

Woah. . .back up, did she just say she was going to try on dresses? "You know? I'd rather stay here." I say, ogling her legs indecently. When Mac turns around to face me, I pull my gaze up to her face and grin. "You might need help."

Placing her hands on her hips she informs me that, "Tonight, I am really not in the mood for the kind of 'help' you're offering." She chuckles, then tries to get herself out of the get up. "Argh! Stupid, stupid, zipper!"

Hmmm, Super Harm to the rescue! In one quick move I am standing behind her, my fingers sliding the zipper down. "See, you needed help." I point out with a smug grin. "Truth is, you girls can't get on without a hunky, strong man in your life. . . I mean, you are the weaker sex." Ah, okay, I didn't just say that! This is the wrong time to say that. "I uh. . ."

And there is that laser death, Marine glare. "I uh, what?" I shake my head but she is determined to hear the rest. "No no no, what were you going to say?"

"I think it would be best if I just insert my foot in my mouth." She nods agreeing with me. "Am I going to have to sleep on the couch tonight?"

"Oooh yea." And with that, she disappears into the bathroom. Sighs, groveling, here I come.

I follow her into the bathroom like a lost little puppy dog, with my lost little puppy dog frown in hopes that it will get her back on my side. "Mac, look, I am sorry, I just. . .well, sometimes, I am a moron with words."

"That's an understatement." She snorts and I am not sure if I should find that offensive or not. Without warning, she spins around and comes face to face with me. "Harm, you don't have to sleep on the sofa tonight. I might be angry, but, I know how much it hurts your back."

Ah, so she has given in and in less than a minute? "So I am off the hook?"

"Heh, uh, no." She says smoothly and pushes past me and out to her bedroom. "But, you're on dish duty for a week." I glance at her with a raised brow. That's it? That's my punishment? I figured she'd be a bit harder on me like no sex or something. But the look she is now giving me says there is more to this punishment. "Oh and when we head off to Norfolk tomorrow for the case, you know you had that idea to share a room, save some money?"

I nod and grimace. "We won't be sharing will we?"

Mac smiles and I swear, she is loving this. "Nope, since you're prosecuting and I am defending, it would be in the best interest of my client if we don't consort." There is a point there, however, we've consorted plenty and been on opposite sides.

I nod and sigh, well, at least I don't have to grovel. "Any idea when I'll be off the hook?"

"Nope, but, you'll be the first to know." With a chuckle, she heads across the room again and closes the door to the bathroom. At least she didn't kick me out of her place – there is always a positive side to everything. And I am going to work on this, starting by the dozens of roses she'll find in her office tomorrow morning.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .