If you think this can't happen. Think again. I've learnt the smartest of people can't operate microwaves.

Jackie

Part 26 - Microwaving 101

"Hey Mat. .tie." As I walk into Harm's apartment, I find Mattie hunched over the bar examining a bag of popcorn. "Oh no."

Mattie turns to me slightly, shaking her head with a look of disgust. "Oh yes."

"But, I thought we went through this with him?" You know? This is really starting to get irritating. I mean! It's POPCORN and Harm's an excellent cook. What the hell! "Okay, we need to have a talk with the man, where is he?"

She tossed a look towards his bedroom and that's when I hear the start of his shower. "You think they make a Microwaving For Dummies book?

"Hmmm. . . could be." I chuckle, loving that Mattie's sense of humor is nearly identical to my own. "I really don't get it. . .It's almost as bad as him with his laptop." I love Harm, really I do. . .No, scratch that. I am IN LOVE with him. He's my partner for life, my soul mate and any other term that would fit us. However, the man is an idiot when it comes to having a microwave. As a gift, I bought him a medium sized one since he delighted in the rather large machine I have in my kitchen.

One of the reasons why he was fascinated with my microwave had to do with the instant coffee packs. Coffee machines, generally, take their sweet time to percolate. And while this is fine and dandy, sometimes you just want to have it NOW. Well, these coffee packs are, basically, coffee in a tea bag. You get a microwave safe mug, fill it with water, place the coffee bag, punch a couple of minutes in the microwave and viola! You have coffee.

Of course, with me, I need to add about three bags because that stuff is just NOT Marine strength, but anyway. . . Believe it or not, something so simple, Harm has problems with. And they are just not like little problems. They are HUGE. Last weekend, he was making breakfast and decided to impress me with his new nuking skills. Somehow, he managed to burn the little coffee bags. As in flames coming out of the mugs. And I always wondered why he stayed the hell away from the microwave in the break room. In fact, when he brought food that needed to be warmed up, he'd wait for someone to be in there with him. Now I know why.

Getting back to the popcorn, Harm, despite the fact that the bag has rather good instructions, has an uncanny knack of literally charbroiling microwaveable popcorn. The first time I tell him to put it in my microwave, he did, then walked away. One rule with microwaveable popcorn – DON'T WALK AWAY! If you do, chances are you'll end up with nasty burn kernels. Well, he walked away and as he pulled the bag out, the top kernels were fine, however, I quickly detected that faint stench of burnt and noticed that the CENTER of the popcorn bag would not stop smoking! By the time I smelled smoke and opened up the machine, it was too late. A thick, icky smelling fume loomed over the kitchen for a good hour and a half. Not to mention everything in his apartment smelled like that for DAYS! DAYS!

Propping up next to Mattie I see a little plume of smoke snaking out of the center of the bag. "How does he manage it?" I try to open the bag and stick my hand inside but am, literally BURNT. "Oww!"

"Hey beautiful." I hear Harm standing behind me. His arms wraps around my waist as he places a kiss on my shoulder. "Ugh, what happened to that?" I can just imagine the disgusted look on his face.

Slowly, I turn to him giving him a sharp glare that would likely melt the polar icecaps. "It's quite simple, Harm. . .just because you think you can leave things in the microwave unattended doesn't mean you can." I grin up at him, seeing a hint of irritation flashing in his eyes. "You burnt it." I accuse in a very sweet and innocent voice trying my damnest not to embarrass him more.

Harm takes the bag from us and glances inside only to be hit with a little puff of smoke. "Eww. That's. Dis.gust.ing." He punctuates between coughs. Extending his hand he holds the pop corn bag with the tips of his fingers, all the while making a face until he drops it in the trash. "Okay. . .umm. . .so what do you want to snack on?" He turns to us, that flyboy grin in place. I know he's using it to milk me for all I am worth and. . .sad to say, it's working. But, don't tell him that.

Mattie glances at me, shaking her head almost as if to ward me from allowing Harm around the microwave. "Uh. . .I don't know. . .you hungry Mac?"

"I say we order out."

"Actually!" Harm's about to contradict, I know he is. Ever since he became aware that there are some semi-healthy foods in the frozen food section, he's been itching to try out a few. "I bought one of those books of recipes for the microwave. There are a few things I want to try out."

"NO!" Mattie and I both bark out together. Harm indignant look starts to turn towards one of hurt. "What we mean to say is that. . .you know, Mac and I are both starved. . .maybe we should just order pizza?" Mattie attempts to pacify things and I really think that Harm is going for it. If I'd have said it I am sure he would have gone on a long dissertation as to why having pizza is bad while he wolfs down his half of the pie.

"That actually sounds like a great idea."

Halleluiah!

Two hours later, we're done eating, Mattie and Jen have head off to the movies and Harm and I are alone. "I could kiss you forever." He says, in a voice that just melts me to the core. "Your lips are so. . .full. . .so wonderful." He kisses me again, deeply, sensuously and somewhere in the back of my mind I am reminded that a) we have work to finish and b) I still have to question him about his microwaving methods. Yes, I realize I am being a nag but who's to stop him from lighting the apartment on fire?

"Harm." I rasp out, groaning as my body is being quite the traitor as of late. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? In regards to Harmon Rabb Junior, my body just runs on autopilot. "Harm." And then, as his mouth finds that spot on my neck. Sigh. It's heavenly. "Harm?" Before I know it, he's on top of me, his kisses going somewhere down my neck between. . . "Harm!"

"What!" He yells, glaring at me all hot, bothered and irritated. I can't help but chuckle as his erratic look. I mean, he is literally looking like a mad man.

I smile sweetly, knowing I am about to drop some sort of bomb. "We need to talk."

And just like that, the man deflates before me. "Uh oh."

"It's nothing serious." Yea, then why does he look as if he's just been shot? "I mean it. . .first, we need to finish work before we. . uh." I grin at him mischievously and let my hand caress his chest ever so slightly. "Before we finish what we started. . .And second. . ."

"Work can wait." He says as I dodge another assault from him. This really, really sucks, but, duty calls.

Placing my hands on his chest, I back him off slightly. "You said that last week and then we had to spend Friday night, all of Saturday and Sunday doing make up work. . .I am not going to burn this weekend again, Commander."

Harm's rich chuckle echoes throughout the apartment. Half of what happened last weekend was my fault as much as it was his fault. We just. . .well. . .we can't keep our hands off each other. Maybe there was something to the Admiral's suggestion that we not get too close and work together? "Yea, okay." With one quick kiss, he gets off of me and settles himself on the floor, leaning against the sofa. "So what was the other thing you wanted to talk to me about?"

This sounds silly even though I know it's something he needs to hear. "The microwave."

By this time, he's half listening to me, jotting notes down furiously on a legal pad. "What about it?"

"Well you keep burning things."

"I do not."

He's kidding me right? "Harm, you lit the coffee bags on fire last weekend and today, I get here to find a bag of popcorn with SMOKE coming out of it. SMOKE Harm, smoke!"

"Do you have a point, Mac?" He's sounding a little coarse now, and I don't blame him. In MacKenzie-speak,I am basically calling him an idiot.

Reaching over him, I take both the legal pad and pen away, forcing him to look at me. "I don't want to sound mean, but you need to learn how to use it, it's not that difficult."

Harm's irritation seems to have a mind of it's own. One moment, he looks like he's about to chop my head off, the next, he looks enamored with me. Sighing, he takes the pad and pen back. "I suppose I could read a book or two. . ." I am about to say something else, when he gives me a deadly sexy grin. "Of course, I could always get you to tutor me."

"Tutor you? On how to use a microwave?" Even as my lips turn up to grin, I see how ludicrous this sounds. "What? Like Microwaving 101?"

"Oh yea. . .Microwaving 101, I like it!" He turns around completely to face me. "I mean, we can do some sort of award system. . .you know, I get something for each meal I don't shish kabob." His finger lazily runs circles up my arm. Oh, boy.

"Yea? What type of awards?"

His fingers are now stroking my collar bone. "Oh, I don't know. . .a kiss here, a make out session there. . .some hot lovin' afterwards. . .I think it could work."

As our lips meet, the thoughts of microwaves and the nuking-inept sailors that use them are out of my mind. My last conscious thought as Harm lifts me into his arms and takes me to bed is about all the work we're going to have to make up for this weekend, AGAIN. Not that I mind too much. Actually, if I am in his bed, I don't mind at all.

TBC...