As promised, here's a helza long chapter 9!
Also, just a heads up, we will be staying with present Karkat the whole chapter this time.
HEY THANKS TO ThyRoyalAwesomeness FOR BETA READING PART OF THIS CHAPTER AND FIXING STUFF FOR ME BECAUSE THEY ARE AMAZING 10/10 WOULD ASK TO BE BETA READER AGAIN.
Another thing, I should clarify because I was not very detailed with how I wrote this stupid thing:
Dave moved somewhere towards the end of junior year, and this chapter takes place awhile after graduation, so there, that should clear up any confusion.
Enjoy!
...
Everything moves on without him. But it all seems slower. Time seems to drag on without him around to make you feel better about everything.
Your heart hurts.
Looking over at the valentines still sitting on your desk, you try and decide whether you should open one or not.
Feeling like there's no point in opening it now, you turn back the homework you are supposed to be finishing.
It's not like you give a shit about this, but you know that you have to keep good grades.
Maybe you will see him again some day, but maybe not. You guess it just all has to do with karma and all that bullshit.
You have never really believed in that.
Maybe you could start, but eh, it's not worth it.
Too much work for something that will have no effect on anything in the end, you think.
So you try to move forward, continue doing things in life that make you happy. But nothing makes you happy like the way Dave used to.
Max likes to bring up Dave sometimes. He likes talking about how fun it used to be to have him around.
You don't talk to Max anymore.
He doesn't understand why, because you never told him.
You never told anyone how much you loved Dave.
How much you still love Dave.
He was your one and only. The boy you wanted to spend every minute with.
The one you loved, and the one you still love.
The boy you will always love, because he was your first love, and the first always hurts the most, and that pain never leaves.
You realize now that you could have told him that day, and you wish you had. You wish you had told him how much you love him.
You want to go back and explain to him that he meant the world to you, that you needed him.
You wish you could go back and beg him to stay.
Even if it wouldn't make a difference in the end, because at least then... he would know.
...
Everyday, you wake up with the sun pouring in through your window and into your face. But some days, like today, you sleep in until your alarm wakes you up by blaring country music in your ear.
You hate country music. Always have, probably always will.
You dress quickly for the day, ignore the laundry you have yet do this week, and rush through a breakfast of toast and peanut butter before heading out the door and going to work.
Your idiot boss is going to be pissed if you are late, so you decide to take the bus downtown.
It isn't that far of a walk, only about an hour and 45 minutes, but you would be late if you took that route, and the bus only takes 20 minutes to get there.
So you take the bus.
No matter how much you hate public transportation, you hate your boss more. And him being upset with you being late is not on your list of things to do today.
You don't even have a list.
With good reason, you tried having a to-do list and kept losing it, so you just opt to go without.
And you manage just fine.
Sure, you forget to buy food sometimes, and go hungry for it, but you manage just fine.
The bus slows to a stop halfway there, and you curse under your breath. One of your least favorite things about this bus is all the stops. You understand, because without them, you would probably be late anyways, but still.
Looking down at your watch, you see that you have around a half hour before you have to be at work, so you take a calming breath to ease your nerves.
You hate public transportation.
An elderly couple is having a bit of a problem getting up the steps of the bus, so it takes almost 8 minutes before they have boarded and the bus starts again.
A baby starts crying the moment the bus starts rolling.
You have a headache, and you really fucking hate public transportation.
You need a car.
...
You walk into work five minutes before your shift and roll your eyes when your manager waves excitedly at you.
This store is full of idiots.
You clock in, and grab the company shirt you are forced to wear every day.
It's plain black with the store logo in swirly purple and yellow lettering.
It's stupid, and you hate it, but it's a job and you kind of fucking need the money.
You grab the box of new shipments and begin with the new releases.
"Um...excuse me, sir? I'm looking for a book for my son, do you have any recommendations?" An elderly lady asks as she walks up to you.
Letting out a sigh, you shelf the book you had in your hand and turn to face her.
"How old is your son?" you ask.
"17."
"Do you know his favorite genre, or what kind of books he might like?"
"He likes video games." she offers, somewhat hopefully.
You sigh again and walk a few rows over to a section of the store that has game guides.
"What kind of video games?"
"He just recently got a game called WarCraft World, I think."
"World of WarCraft. Right." you run a finger over the spins of several guides before finding one for the game her son plays. "Here." You hand the book over to her and she smiles.
"Thank you so much." she pats your shoulder as she walks by, and you flinch slightly at the contact.
You don't hate your job, really you don't. It's just not your favorite.
You work at a local bookstore, alongside Eridan, who practically runs everything here. He's the one that got you this job in the first place.
Only because his stupid boyfriend owns the store. Your boss, Sollux fucking Captor, is a prick and damn it, you hate him. And yes, as far as you care, 'fucking' is his middle name.
Hate hate hate hate. But he is still your friend.
You shake your head as you go back to shelving the New Releases, muttering under your breath about how "The movie was a piece of shit" when you get to a book that has a movie counterpart.
Never understanding the appeal to Sci Fi books, you squint at the cover of the newest alien adventure novel. All of these are stupid, you think. Having read a few, you know how ridiculous they really are.
"Hey Kar? Could you come here for a sec?" the sound of your manager, Eridouche, calling you to the front forces you to set down the books you were shelving.
"The fuck you want." you grumble the moment he is in earshot.
"There's someone on the phone for you." he smiles as he hands the purple colored phone to you.
"What?" you ask, not even caring at this point who is on the other side.
"Hey Karkat! Beep beep meow! I was wondering if you wanted to drive up with me to see Dave this weekend." John giggles through the phone, laughing at his own stupid greeting.
"I keep fucking telling you no."
"Oh come on! You know you wanna see him!"
"John, I don't." you respond flatly.
"But he wants to see you!" he shouts back, and the words make your heart flutter.
Growling, you hang up the phone without another word.
You hate John. This is the third time he has tried to get you to go see Dave, and you still aren't going.
It isn't worth it. you are just waiting for the day when this stupid crush goes away.
"So...?" Eridan asks, leaning over the counter to look at you. Flicking his nose, you walk back over to the books you set on the ground and continue your work.
You don't hate your job, you just dislike it. A lot.
...
You spend your lunch break trying to avoid John when he comes by the store to see you.
No doubt to ask if you will come with him to see Dave again.
He keeps doing this to you, and you just know it's only because he hates you.
Eridan distracts him by pointing out that 'Casey really has gotten so much bigger since the last time he saw her'. And that led to John starting to go on and on about 'yes she's growing like a weed, and doesn't she look so much like her mama?'
To which you gagged. You hate John so much. Finding the perfect girl, having the perfect little child.
You hate how happy he is, because you aren't happy.
You want to be happy, the way he is, but it's not possible.
The one person you can be happy with isn't yours, and never will be.
So you eat in the back, grumbling about how you hate peanut butter but eating the sandwich anyways.
...
Kanaya said she was going to stop by the store to pick you up after you got off work, but her girlfriend wanted to hang out instead, so she will not be showing.
You miss Gamzee.
You wish he was here to take you to lunch, but he moved with Tavros somewhere to go to collage or something.
You hate it here, having been in the same town for most of your life.
Honestly, you would leave, if you had the money to.
Too bad you don't.
"Waiting for someone?" Eridan asks, already starting to close up the store.
You would lie, but Eridan can see through your lies at this point.
"No. Kanaya bailed on me." you tell him with a sigh, adjusting the strap on your book-bag so it hangs more comfortably over your shoulder.
"You know, you could always come hang with me an Sol." he offers, but you shake your head.
Because you do not want to be around those two right now. They are always so gross and lovey-dovey. It sickens you.
"Suit yourself, I guess..." he hesitates a little longer before walking over to his car and driving off.
Your phone vibrates in your pocket, notifying you that someone is calling.
Sighing, you hope its Gamzee calling to tell you about how much he hates collage again.
"What." you answer.
"You sure you don't want to go this weekend?" John asks again.
"I'm fucking sure." you spit back, hanging up on him again.
You should really pay more attention to the caller I.D. It's there for a reason.
...
You walk home, taking the long way around so that you can stop by the park.
You have always liked the park, it's very calm during the afternoon hours when everyone is heading home.
Besides, no one really ever goes to that park anymore.
You smile when you notice two children running around, chasing each other. The younger girl screaming that she's going to kill the older boy.
You wonder silently if they are related.
The crosswalk light signals you to cross, so you start across the street before the count down begins.
You hate walking.
Getting a car would cost too much money, though, so you walk everywhere.
You should really get a roommate.
Maybe you could put up flyers around town, but maybe not.
A block from your two bedroom apartment, there is a corner store that you like going to sometimes.
You know the people who own the store, and they are really kind people.
You are still pissed at Max, however.
"Hey shortness, hows it going!?" Maria greets the moment you walk in the door.
You smile and wave to her slightly, looking around for any signs of the male twin.
"He's not here, off on some 'hot date'." she explains when she picked up on the searching glances, using air quotes around 'hot date' and laughing. "I think he's actually hanging out with his stupid friends again, though." she sighs sadly.
You know how much she hates the people he hangs out with.
"So whats up?" she brightens up suddenly as she asks.
"Fucking nothing. Everyone is always so busy with their stupid boyfriends or girlfriends." you complain, sitting down behind the store counter and looking up at her with pleading eyes. "Don't ever get a boyfriend, promise me that."
She laughs, reaching down to pat your head. You swat her hand away and she laughs again.
"I don't think you have to worry about that any time soon, shortness. Speaking of though, Angie wanted to know if you would hang with me and her this weekend."
You think it over. Hang out with the two girls, or sulk at home like you do every weekend.
"I would, but I have plans." you decline, not completely lying. You plan on sitting around your apartment and scowl at everything.
"I know you didn't accept John's offer to go see Dave, so don't give me that." she sternly responds, glaring down at you.
Sighing, you stand and give her a hug, resting your chin on her shoulder.
"I want to...but what the fuck would I even say?" you confess, closing your eyes.
"The truth." she whispers before pulling out of your grip. "I know that sounds stupid as shit, but it's what should be done. Anyways, I gotta close up soon, head home." she pushes you towards the door as she speaks, waving goodbye with a smile.
You roll your eyes and walk the last block home, knowing it's empty but still holding onto that hope that someone is waiting for you.
...
No one is waiting when you get to your apartment. You sigh and relock the door behind you as it shuts.
You left the kitchen light on this morning, you don't remember doing it, but the evidence is there.
You do that a lot, actually.
The T.V is also on, but that you remember doing.
You flop down on the couch you sort of stole from Sollux and change the channel to something more entertaining.
Finding there is nothing entertaining on the television, you flip it off and stand to go get something to eat.
The sun is going down as you sit at the table to eat, sitting in the only chair you own.
As you look around your more-than-empty apartment, you decide you should get more furniture.
Realizing that you don't care, you go back to finishing off your microwave dinner before heading to your room.
You stop by what you call the 'guest room' because no one else lives here, you poke your head in to stare at the blank walls.
Sighing for what feels like the hundredth time today, you close the door and head to your own room.
You do not bother to change as you flop into bed and groan when you realize you forgot to turn off the light in the kitchen again.
You decide it can wait til tomorrow, and turn over to sleep.
You are almost in to the gates of dreamland when your phone goes off again.
Growling, you don't bother to check the caller I.D. when you are mostly sure who it is that is calling.
"John, I'm not fucking going." you sleepily tell the derp.
"Going where? Oh dude you gonna come visit me?" Dave's voice sparks emotions inside of you that force your eyes open again. You move so that you are sitting and quickly look at your phone.
"Dave?" you ask tentatively, almost unsure if it's really him or not.
"Who the fuck else. And bro, you gotta come see me this weekend. You just gotta." he almost pleads, and you feel your resolve start to crumble.
"No." you deadpan, hanging up on him and throwing your phone across the room.
You do not wish to see him, you tell your self as you start to cry.
You do not.
.
.
.
Even as you start to drift off to sleep out of exhaustion, you know that you really miss him, and want to go see him, but fear keeps you from doing so.
...
The next day you wake up to the sound of your phone going off again.
You ignore the offending device and walk over it to get to the kitchen.
Pouring yourself a bowl of cereal, you munch on the food without milk as you sulk over to the couch again.
Your phone stops singing to you moments later, and you flip the T.V on for the news.
Finding that you don't really care about current happenings, you turn the T.V off again only to find your phone is singing again.
Growling, you set down the half-eaten bowl of dry cereal and walk over to pick up your phone, sending the caller straight to voice-mail.
You do not care who it is, they are going to speak to the dial tone the next time they call.
You are not a morning person, it is not you.
Ten seconds later the phone starts to sing again and you glare at it.
"What the fuck do you want?" you growl into the phone finally.
"Is that any way to greet your older sister, Karkat?" Kanaya chides, and you can hear the smile in her voice.
Sighing in relief you sit down on the couch and groan.
"I'm sorry, Kan. I've just been really fucking stressed lately." you apologize, already knowing she forgives you.
"It is alright Karkat." She tells you, her soothing voice serving to calm you down somewhat.
You go into ranting about how John keeps bothering you with going to see Dave, and she listens patiently. When you tell her about him going to the store and bringing his daughter, she asks about Casey and you softly smile and tell her about she really does look just like her mom.
"And she's gotten so big! She's almost three months old, now." you tell her, smiling about the little girl.
"That sounds quite adorable. But Karkat, I think you should go." she abruptly changes the subject back.
"Go where?" you ask, already knowing what she means, but you don't want to go.
"Karkat." she warns, and you can almost see her wiggling a motherly finger at you.
"I know I should go, but I just. What the fuck would I even say to him?!"
"Tell him how you feel." she tells you before saying she has to go, something about Rose and yadda yadda.
You feel lost, torn between wanting to see him, and being afraid to go.
You look down at your phone to see you have three missed calls, and two voice-mails.
Dialing the voice-mail box, you listen to the two messages and make a choice.
You look over the valentines still laying unopened on your desk, and you walk over.
Might as well at least open them, right? There's no harm in it now, is there?
Of course there isn't, seeing as you already made your decision and you aren't going to see him. So opening a few valentines from Dave won't change your mind, you know that.
So you slowly make your way over to them and gingerly pick up the first.
Ripping the sticker holding the paper closed, you smile at what's written inside in Dave's messy handwritting.
[Insert Cheesy Valentines Saying Here]
You start to laugh, because this is perfection. You silently wonder if all of them say that, and that opening them will only make you laugh.
But the next one has you almost confused.
Kitty, love is stupid, love is blind, love is always on my mind.
Wondering what he means by that, you move on to the next one, feeling more unsure about your choice in reading these.
You're so short, it makes me snort. Height is a number, and you think I don't hear the words that you mumble.
Confused, and just a little bit annoyed at how that didn't even rhyme, you set the valentine down to pick up another.
You smell like raspberries.
I like raspberries.
Your face heats at that, because you aren't really sure if he means that or not. You sniff your arm, trying to decide if you really do smell like the fruit or not.
[Generic Sappy Love Poem]
That one makes you chuckle, and you set it down with the others, before shaking your head.
Your choice changes in that moment, when you see one more heart shaped paper.
Reaching over with shaking fingers, you are almost afraid to open it when another appears underneath it.
Sure you only had six, you recount all of them, and find that you in fact have seven, unaware that even happened.
You open the first one, and stare confused at it.
I still have your notebook, I never gave it back...
You remember losing a notebook towards the beginning of last year, but you can't really expect it to be the same notebook.
You pick up the very last one, checking around the desk to make sure you didn't somehow miss an eighth.
Happy Valentines Day my little Kuteness
Your heart does a little flutter of nerves, and something changes. You let out a sigh and pull out your phone to dial again, this time calling your idiot friend to let him know where you will be.
"Hey, Eridan? I won't be in today...or ever really."
...
there we go.
Cliff hangers are fun, you know that?
How'd I do?
Long enough? Or should I make the next one even longer?
I'm making the next one longer.
Five reviews, guys.