This came out of the blue, hope you like it.

Jackie :)

Part 30 – Absolutely Nothing

"Ugh."

I stare at him for a moment breaking into a big grin. I never thought Harm would look good in a Kilt, but, damn. . .those legs of his are just perfect for the outfit. The top makes his chest seem fuller, stronger. And even as he stands there with an aloof expression, all I can think about is that eternal question, "So, are you wearing anything under there?" I waggle my eyebrows up and down.

"Yes!" He yells, exasperated and clearly embarrassed as Jude, the tailor is working on fixing the hem. "Eh, can you watch your hands there, buddy?"

I bite back my laughter as much as possible and it comes out like a wheeze which catches both Jude and Harm's attention. "Sorry. . .dust."

"I assure you, ma'am, there is NO Dust in my store!" Jude yells, very offended and all I can do is roll my eyes inconspicuously.

So, what's all the hoopla about? Well, our dear old Admiral, well, retired Admiral, has finally decided to get hitched. In the time away from JAG he ventured all the way to Italy to, get this, find an AMERICAN woman to marry. Apparently, Amanda McIntyer, as her last name implies, is of Scottish heritage and as such, wanted to have a full blown wedding, kilt and all. Somehow, the thoughts of AJ Chegwidden in a kilt have me shuttering. Apparently, every man is to wear this thing, save for Bud because of his prosthetic.

Seeing as AJ has such beautiful land around his home in MacLean, it was decided to have the wedding on his property. Harm and I have been helping out, along with the rest of his former staff. Including a Petty Officer Coates who he assigned to be the coordinator of it all and is, as such, driving us mad.

Anyway, back to my boyfriend. "Does it have to BE so SHORT?" Harm glances at his legs, obviously repulsed at the idea of him in a skirt. I bite the urge to laugh again. Sorry, but something about him squirming is so damned cute.

Jude glares up at him. "Mr. Rabb, this is a Kilt and they are very specific in length. . .Now if you would PLEASE stop fidgeting. . You wouldn't want me to stick a needle in something that needles don't belong in, do you?"

Catching his drift Harm's eyebrows sail towards his hairline as his body goes ramrod straight, almost at attention. "Erm, no. . .no."

"I'm going to go check on Assassin." I tell Harm, fishing my cellphone out of my pocket as I stand to step outside. Jude has this positively ridiculous 'No Cellphone' rule. I mean, c'mon, this isn't a library. Stepping outside, I already have my fingers flying through the digits and wait patiently for Mattie to pick up. "Hey Mattie, it's Mac. . .how's the little one doing?"

("He's fine, Mac. . .We're playing right now." She beams over the line and I can hear Assassin barking in a happy sort of way. Yes, they do bark in happy sort of ways, sad sort of ways, they aren't much different from kids. I remember Jingo used to have a different bark and a different howl depending on his mood which surprised me thoroughly.)

"So I can hear. . .Put him on the line." I hear Mattie cooing at Assassin, then hear him sniffling the receiver. "Hey boy. .. How you doing? Is Auntie Mattie treating you good? Yea? You having fun?" I baby talk and hear him bark back at me, it's adorable really.

("He's doing good, Mac. . .How is Harm doing?")

We actually didn't know about the kilt thing until we got here, so, "Chegwidden's wedding is going to be traditionally Scottish, so, Harm has to wear a kilt." I hear Mattie burst out laughing. In our amusement, I barely noticed Harm, standing behind me, leaning against the door frame, dressed in civvies with a bag in hand. "Uh, Mattie, gotta go."

Indignantly, he raises a brow. "Having fun, Marine?"

"Yes." I say truthfully, then slip my arm around the crook of his as we head down the block.

Harm chuckles slightly and stops. "You do realize that we're going to look horrible?"

"Yep, I do, but our friend and former commanding officer wants us there."

" 'Cause, you know, you'd make a paper bag look hot but, THAT dress?" Harm cringes and totally has the right to. We're part of the wedding party and as such have to dress according to the specifications, blah blah blah. Well, yea, that's fine, except that the bridesmaid's dresses are like lime green, with these poofy things in the arms that make me look like I am about to take flight. On my back side, right over the butt area is this larger than life bow which drapes onto the floor. While trying it on, I stepped on it at least six times, Harm even had to catch me once.

The front of the dress has this whole corset-like bustier which makes your boobs look abnormally large. Now, that would be nice if the woman was an A cup, but, I'm not. I'm kinda voluptuous in that department. And, well, yea, okay, Harm liked that part until he realized he wouldn't be the only one seeing it. The area around the stomach is missing, meaning that you can SEE skin. The heels she expects us to wear are like three inch spikes and I can already see myself falling flat on my face.

Pouting, I stare at Harm. "So I didn't look good?"

Harm sighs, "Oh, you looked great, if you didn't look below your neck."

I can't help but laugh loudly at that one. For once, something that doesn't make a man look below my shoulders, go figure. "Liar, I saw you staring at my assets."

"Nope, I couldn't even SEE your 'assets', Mac. That damned bow was in the way." I smack him playfully and he just laughs right along with me. "But that busti-whatever. You might s well go in lingerie."

"Oh yea, I am sure Amanda would just LOVE that."

"I would."

I roll my eyes, course he would. "Anyway, you never did answer me. . .what do you wear under that kilt, flyboy?"

Blushing, Harm lowers his head down to mine and whispers. "Nothing, absolutely, nothing."

"Oh, boy." Well, at least, after the ceremony, it won't take me too long to strip those clothes off of him. "Well, they say that real men wear kilts, I guess this proves it."