Point of View
by: Shadow Chaser
Part 6 – Moebius
The murmur of quiet voices in what was left of the common area of the penthouse drew Steve away from his previous destination of the kitchen. He peered quietly into the area as a wistful smile flitted across his lips. From his vantage point, the three people he loved the most were sitting in a haphazard circle amongst what was left of the unbroken furniture. There were a few others he wished could have been among the three, counting them as those he cared for and loved the most, but he knew that at least one of them was somewhere trying to find who she was after everything that had happened. Still, it was nice to see Peggy sitting across from Bucky and Sam Wilson facing both. Sam had arrived a little over an hour after they had started to clean up, apologetic for his delay, but he had also immediately helped Jarvis patch them up using his expertise as a field medic and pararescue.
Maria needed the most attention, her collarbone fractured along with hairline cracks along her neck. She was currently on bedrest with strict instructions from Sam to JARVIS that she stayed in bed. The rest of them had been bandaged up, but even they had been given instructions to not over exert themselves nor do any heavy lifting until their wounds healed.
For Steve, he knew it would be more than likely another couple of hours before he would be free to do whatever he wanted. He could already feel the itch of new skin scabbing over under the bandages and dared not scratch it. He knew back from his mother's days at the TB ward and also in the other hospital rounds she occasional did, that the itching was a sign of healing, and in his case, to never scratch at it. He had managed not to each time he got cuts and scrapes, but for some odd reason, the super soldier serum seemingly enhanced it, making it a little bit harder to resist the urge to pick at the newly formed skin and scabs. He supposed that it was the serum's way of accelerating his healing. At least the saving grace was that it healed a lot faster than waiting several days before he was injected with the serum.
Treating Bucky had been a lot harder than treating himself, Tony, and the others. For one thing, he knew that Bucky had refused all medical care since he had brought him back from the cold. But now, as he saw Sam quietly talking with Bucky, his best friend had bandages wrapped around his arms and one on his neck; a sign that Bucky had finally allowed Sam to treat him.
He did not know what they were talking about, their voices too quiet for even his enhanced hearing to pick up, but it seemed like Peggy was listening intently to whatever Sam was saying and to his surprise, also with Bucky's quiet answers. He wanted to tell her that Bucky survived his fall from Zola's train, that he was held captive somewhere in HYDRA's grasp in 1946. He wanted to tell her to rescue his best friend when she went back to his time; he wanted to tell her all of that, but he also wondered if he did, would he end up pulling a far worst future for himself, for Tony, for everyone?
He would do anything to make sure Bucky was safe, maybe even change the future so that his best friend would not have to suffer so much pain and trauma. But at the same time, he was also aware of the here and now – that he did not tell Peggy, Howard, or Jarvis where Bucky was because Bucky existed in the here and now. That he himself existed in the here and now with the knowledge that he did not tell them. It was a paradox of sorts and Steve was starting to realize how complicated the whole thing was about time travel. He still did not get half of what Tony or even Howard had said, but what he understood was that there were far worst present, or even better ones, than the one he was living in right now. The Red Skull wearing his face or even himself as the Winter Soldier proved that.
Sam must have also been warned about the consequences of a time paradox or whatever it was Tony had called it because he had seen Tony talking to Sam as soon as he had arrived. At the same time, a very small part of Steve hoped that Sam told Peggy where Bucky had fallen in an effort to perhaps find him when she did return to her time period. He wanted nothing more than his friends to be happy and did not want them to suffer.
"He survived the fall from Zola's train, didn't he?" he glanced back to see Howard ambling towards him, having stepped off of the elevator with his hands jammed into the pockets of his slacks.
"Yeah..." Steve made room for Howard to peer in on the three as he stood next to him.
"I'm still going with the theory that Peggy, Jarvis, and I aren't going to remember any of this when we get back," Howard commented with a small shrug, "I mean, the fact that we saw him and things are still seemingly playing out like nothing's changed gives weight that it's really a stable time loop and that we don't remember any of this. Or will remember...eh, time travel messes with your tenses." He cracked a crooked smile and Steve could not help but respond with his own.
"Taking a break?" he asked.
"Tony's dame, er, lady friend, I guess is the nomenclature these days, shoved me out with orders to find something to eat before I pass out while making sure that Tony doesn't pass out from the lack of food and rest," the crooked smile grew a little wistful, "gotta admit, she is one hell of an impressive woman, that Pepper Potts."
"Howard..." Steve looked at his friend who flashed him a grin. Pepper had arrived shortly after Sam, having flown in as soon as the news had started to broadcast the two of them fighting in the streets of New York City.
"Come on Steve, you know me," Howard lifted his hands from his pockets to show that he was kidding, "besides, it was nice to meet her. The fact that she's able to run Stark Industries with branches all over the world, has to be someone that can handle Tony." He puffed out his chest a little, "Still, as Tony's future Dad, I approve."
Steve laughed quietly at that statement and saw Howard nod with a wide smile on his face, before shaking his head, "Took you long enough to laugh pal. You look like you've watched too many war reels since we've arrived."
Steve had no answer for that as he nodded bracingly and scuffed his feet in an absent manner. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the smile dim a little and Howard sighed. His shoulders sagged as he shook his head, a more serious expression on his face.
"So far, it seems like it's easier for us to deal with you alive than for you to deal with us alive...well...Peg's alive, but me and Jarvis...dead," Howard chewed his lower lip and looked away.
"I was found three years ago," Steve started quietly, "given files that said that pretty much all of the Commandos were dead and everyone that I knew, except Peggy, was dead."
"Yeah...been only a year for us," Howard murmured, "not really long when you look at it."
Steve immediately picked up on the sourness in Howard's voice and let loose a sigh of his own, "Howard, I'd tell you if-"
"What, don't want to be rescued? From where ever you crash landed the Valkyrie? Don't want to see us so soon after the war? She's been heartbroken about you, Steve. I can't help her, because I can't help myself! You were the best thing in our lives! You were the best thing in my life! You were something good that didn't start all of this stupid nonsense with the SSR coming after me!"
"Wait," Steve frowned, "I know the government thinks you're selling stuff to the black market, but the SSR is also coming after you? For what?"
Howard rolled his eyes and looked annoyed, "Same thing government's is accusing me of. Someone broke into my vault, well, one of my many ones, but I had one where I stored the bad weapons, the ones that don't really work, and someone stole them. The government's given the SSR's a lot of latitude on this, thinking I've been selling them on the black market-"
"But that's not true-"
"I know! This is me, we're talking about. I don't sell my weapons on the black market-"
"Why would they think that-"
"Someone at the SSR's got a bee up their bonnet and thinks that I'm double dealing with the Russians, and I basically can't show up and tell them that it's not me," Howard looked frustrated as he raked a hand through his hair.
"Why not?" Steve asked, confused.
"They won't believe me! I mean seriously, I didn't tell Colonel, well, now General Phillips about my unused weapons vault and I've got other military contracts besides that of the SSR to keep my company afloat," he gestured with a chin to him, "you of all people should know that parts of the government don't get along well with the others. Plus, this new character in town, Leviathan's, been implicating me that I've sold weapons to them."
"Leviathan? Like maybe a HYDRA offshoot?" he had read the history and files on the formation of SHIELD from the SSR, but there had been vague mentions and generalizations involved. Fury had said that the original mission reports filed back then had been lost or burned up in a fire.
"I don't know Steve," Howard sighed, "my reputation's been shot and Peggy's been trying to help, but I really can't show my face anywhere without getting arrested. If that happens..."
"Stark Industries will be lost," Steve finished for him, and Howard nodded slightly, looking crestfallen. Ever since he had learned that Howard was a self-made man, a Lower East Side kid who pulled himself from poverty to being the richest and most brilliant weapons contractor he had ever seen – Tony not withstanding – he understood that Stark Industries was everything to him. He also understood that if he went back and vouched for Howard, he could easily clear his name, steer the men of the SSR in the right direction and nip the Leviathan problem in the bud before it became anything more for the SSR. He could easily help form SHIELD, ensuring that Zola and other HYDRA sympathizers would not grow a parasite in the organization that was founded by his friends. He could do that...
"...If you find me where I crashed, I won't remember any of this..." he said quietly and Howard flashed a brief bitter smile. "I can't come back with you because of that entropic...whatever thing..."
"Steve, I don't care," he said, "you'd just be home. You'd make her happy, you'd make all of us happy." He gestured with his chin again towards where she was sitting, staring at Sam who was making a hand motion of sorts, "She's pretty furious with me right now. I probably deserved it, but still...couldn't just see the SSR waste it."
"The vial of my blood?" he asked.
"Had her steal what I called the Blitzkrieg Button. I told her it was designed to knock out the power in any city by blowing the boxes in one go. Didn't know how to turn the power back on though. Said it was probably the most dangerous weapon I created and that I didn't want New York to accidentally get blown with that thing. I told her to bring it to me, but she looked inside it and well," he shrugged again, his smile still bitter, but grim, "it had the last vial of your blood in it."
"What-"
"Happened to the others?" Howard shook his head, "the U.S. Government tried to waste it by creating more super soldiers. Burned right through their stockpile. I...was given one of your vials since I was part of Project Rebirth. Didn't want the government to create more super soldiers if they were going to be this ruthless about their weapons programs."
Steve sensed that there was something Howard was hiding and stared at him with a sideways look that Howard seemed to dodge before sighing again, "All right, all right. Some of the weapons I put into that vault were for a very good reason, okay? You can't tell Peggy this...it's hard enough that she hates me for lying to her about that. Project Rebirth was probably the only good thing that came out of this war. The Manhattan Project along with all of my other contracts? Nothing good came out of those...just...death." He blinked hard and looked away, "Too much death."
Steve opened his mouth to say that it was not Howard's fault, but the man interrupted him before he could get a word out. "Project Rebirth...Phillips always wanted an army of super soldiers, but there's always something inherently wrong with making, building, creating an offensive weapon. If Phillips got his way, we would have been looking at an army of Red Skulls." Howard looked at him square in the eye, "Everything I've touched is pretty much death incarnate. Then you came along and reminded me that not everything is war and death. Steve, you gave us hope, you gave me hope."
Steve stared back, his mouth a thin line as he felt his insides twist a little in longing. He wanted to go back with them, wanted to- "I want to go back. I want to..."
"Entropic cascade failure," the wistfully bitter smile was back on Howard's lips, "I know, but can't you tell me where-"
Steve glanced over to where Bucky was, melancholy filling him, "Bucky will still be under his control, still missing...and I won't remember. I'll still think he's dead..."
"We could write it down, where Bucky is, where he'll be or whatever. That cipher, it's got my hand writing on it, so obviously I wrote it down-"
"When," Steve was a little surprised at how steady his own voice was as he turned back to face Howard, "when did you write it?"
"I...uh," Howard shook his head, "I don't know, but I know my own hand writing-"
Steve only smiled sadly at his friend's answer as Howard sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. "Nothing I'm saying is going to convince you to come back with us or at least give me your location so I can find you, right?" He shook his head as Howard blew out a quiet breath, "All right then...just...tell me this. Are you happy here? Not with us here, I mean, but just in general?"
He opened his mouth to say that he was, but closed it after realizing that he was about to give the answer that he had given by rote to Sam when he first met him. It was the same answer he had given on press tours, interviews, mixing it up a little, but nonetheless the same answer. A few seconds of silence passed before he answered honestly, "I...don't know. I mean, seeing you, Peggy, even Jarvis here...it's been a bit overwhelming."
His friend smiled briefly, "You have Bucky here at least. And Peggy's not dead." There was something in Howard's expression that Steve thought was a longing of sorts, but he supposed it was because Howard was still reeling from the fact that he had died long before they had found him on ice and did not get a chance to see him again.
"Bucky's...been through a lot," Steve glanced back at the trio sitting in the remnants of the common area.
Howard snorted quietly, "Tell me about it pal. And you really can't tell me anything about that, right?"
"I...really want to, but-"
"Potential ramifications of destabilizing the time space continuum too great, I get it," Howard replied a little flippantly, but his nod told Steve that he understood instead of being dismissive about it, "still, at least you have someone who knows you with you."
The corner of Steve's lips twitched up in a small smile as his friend continued, "I definitely like the improvements in the uniform, segmented body armor that has some kind of advance weave in it, and your fighting style's changed a little-"
"I was given some modern combat training by the agency Maria worked for-" he could easily tell that the conversation was moving out of more dangerous waters and let Howard take the lead.
"Agent Hill your dame, er, girl, er, lady friend-" Howard paused as Steve shook his head, feeling a little bit of warmth on his face, "seriously? No? Come on pal. No...fonduing?"
"Howard-" Steve blanched at his friend's words and ribbing and saw a smile appear on his face.
"Just kidding. Geez, nice to know some things haven't changed. Wow, you-"
"Don't you start, Howard. I've got Natasha already asking me to ask after this nurse who's not a nurse-"
"Oh, so there is someone- And who is this Natasha-"
"No, not like that," Steve realized that he had dug himself into a hole and shook his head, "Sharon's not like that-"
"Sharon, okay...I knew a few Sharons. A red-head, one was a blonde...I think-"
Steve suddenly wanted to dig down several levels of the Tower and not come out before Howard clapped him on his back, a laugh escaping his lips. "Steve, you're still not so good at this whole thing with women, aren't you?"
He gave him a sideways glare which only got another laugh out of Howard, but he was saved from further harassment as the elevators dinged behind them and both turned to see Pepper, Tony, and Jarvis walking out. Pepper was discreetly shepherding Tony towards the direction of the kitchens while talking with Jarvis. The three stopped as they saw them and Steve immediately did not like the mischievous glint in Tony's eyes as he still felt the warmth of embarrassment on his cheeks.
"Dad," Tony dragged out the middle of the word, "what did you do?"
Steve was prepared for Howard to say something teasing about him, but instead Howard only shrugged, "Confirming that Steve still loves Peggy, that's all."
"Oh," the glint in Tony's eyes disappeared as he seemingly accepted Howard's answer before continuing on his way, "knew that, still pretty sweet in this day and age. Where's the pot of coffee-"
"Coffee is not food, Tony," Pepper interrupted with a practiced look.
"But you drink it like I do-"
"I only drink it when I have meetings and negotiations-"
"Which is at least five times a day, Pep. I still remember-"
"It's up to seven now," Pepper interrupted again with the same smile before looking at them, "Mr. Jarvis offered to make sandwiches for snacks before I allow Tony to get back to work down stairs. Would you care to join us?"
"Ms. Potts, always," Steve was still amazed at how fast Howard could turn on the charm as he brushed past him. He also saw the eye-roll Tony directed at his father and realized that he had forgotten that Howard was one of the few who did not tease him as much as Bucky or the other Commandos did whenever Peggy or any other dame was involved. Though he knew all of them, especially Bucky for all of his efforts at setting up him on dates, did not mean any harm, he was still appreciative of Howard's efforts – especially right after Peggy had caught him kissing Private Lorraine.
He followed them, taking the moment for what it was and part of him wishing that it would never end.
It was a few hours later that Steve found himself outside on the balcony once more. The metal railings that had been broken in his fight with the Winter Soldier had been somewhat bent back into shape by him a few seconds ago. It was going to need some welding, but it looked sturdy enough as leaned on another section, watching the ebb and flow of traffic across the city. There was something rhythmically fascinating seeing the cars stop at stop lights and go, following the traffic lines – or on the occasion, some crazy driver that was obviously not from the city break traffic lines. Whenever the summer nights at his apartment back in 1940s Brooklyn had been too stuffy and oppressive for his lungs, he would go to the rooftop and watch the traffic.
"I'm beginning to think that this device, whatever it is, was made to give others a chance to say proper goodbyes," Peggy's quiet voice behind him made him turn a little to see her stepping carefully around broken glass. He shifted over a little to let her join him as she also leaned against the rails.
"Seems kind of cruel, whoever made it, to make it do that," he commented absently, but he could not deny that he had been thinking along the same lines since Tony had returned with what looked like a translation or something regarding the cipher written on the 0-8-4.
"It does, doesn't it?" she frowned a little before turning to look out at the cityscape.
He glanced down at her and saw that she looked exhausted, worn, drained of almost all vitality even though he knew she had eaten at least an Edwin Jarvis-made sandwich a few hours ago. "Did you..."
"Yes," she closed her eyes for a few seconds and nodded before opening them again, "the entropic cascade failure has been hitting me a lot faster in the last few hours. Howard thinks there might be a pattern of sorts, but he also thinks it might be related to the alternate realities that seem to have come through."
"Are you okay?" he asked, knowing that there was not much else he could say or do. The last time he had tried to hold her hand, to let her know that he was here, he had been thrown into the coffee table and had broken it.
"I can't deny that it hurts each time it happens," she glanced at him with a wan smile on her face before looking back out at the cityscape, "but it does feel...odd each time. I see glimpses of what I could be, should have been, maybe like what you said you saw when you saw bits and pieces of alternate realities?"
"It was like I suddenly lived in a body that wasn't my own. Like it took me a moment to figure out how to work the body, similar to after Dr. Erskine hit me with the vita rays and I felt myself...growing," he realized that he could not tell her that he had been in excruciating agony throughout that process. It was like someone had cut him open and decided to stretch every single one of his muscles to the fullest without even allowing him a moment to scream. In the hazy aftermath before the HYDRA spy had killed Dr. Erskine, he felt like he had been transplanted into a body that was not quite working right, that he had to re-learn how to use his limbs.
"Somewhat shared common experience now," the smile turned rueful on her lips as they fell into amicable silence. She ducked her head down and stared at her hands. "Steve..."
And just like that, Steve suddenly felt like someone was crushing his heart, squeezing it so tight that it hurt to even draw a sliver of breath as he looked at her. "I don't want you to leave," he blurted out in a rush and saw her look at him in surprise. "I...I don't want you to leave..." he repeated much more slowly and quietly before he bit his lip, "but...I don't want you to die either..."
She looked at him for a long moment before she gently reached up and cradled his cheek. He leaned a little into her touch, feeling the rough callouses of her fingers and palm from her years on the battlefield as well as her work as an agent of the SSR. Most other women he knew had soft hands, but hers were always different and somehow, he liked it. Even now, he could feel her inner strength across her gentle touch. The corner of his lips turned up in a wistful, sad smile.
"I want you to be happy," she said, rubbing a thumb across his cheekbones, "like you told me before that I was happy, that I had lived a full life in the here and now."
"Peggy-"
"Your friend Sam, while I was talking with him and Sergeant Barnes-" Steve had to smile a little at how Peggy called Bucky; always 'Sergeant Barnes' and never James, Bucky, or even just plain Barnes. He had suspected that it was Peggy's own way of annoying Bucky whenever they were near each other – a long on-going payback for Bucky trying flirt with her in the pub in London. He had also suspected Bucky found it hilariously endearing considering that he knew that Peggy was off-limits, but never got to ask his best friend back then.
"-alluded to a rough few years you've been having since you were thawed out of the ice," she continued, "and it's something I've noticed since we've arrived-"
"Peggy-" the smile faded from Steve's lips as he protested. He did not want her to worry about him-
"Steve," she interrupted him again, moving her hand down to his shoulder and squeezed it gently, "I want you to also be happy. Live your life to the fullest, like I did, or I will-" She laughed lightly and Steve had to smile a little at her wording, but still felt like someone was squeezing his heart to tiny pieces. She was trying to let him go.
"...Not the first time a girl's rejected me," he murmured quietly, trying to make a small joke and saw the smile fade a little on Peggy's lips as it fell a bit flat.
She shook her head. "I'm not rejecting you, I'm setting you free," she said firmly and he nodded. The words felt a little hollow to his ears, but he still took them for what it was. Her grip tightened on his shoulder, "Steve, listen. I'm not giving up on you. I don't care how long it'll take, or even if the future is already set in stone, I will see you again. I will find you. Even if I don't remember where you crashed, I'll have Howard, I'll have the SSR, I'll have everyone looking for you.
"You've done so much for everyone else, for me, for Howard..." she took a deep breath and for the first time, Steve saw her lips trembling and unshed tears forming in her eyes. He realized that this was probably as hard for her as it was for him, that she was holding back as much as he was. She did not want to leave, she wanted him to come back with them too, but they both knew that if either stayed in their respective time periods, they would eventually die. Then...all would be for naught.
He did not know what made him do it, but he suddenly swept her up in his arms and embraced her tightly, burying his face into her hair, breathing in deeply. "Thank you, Peggy Carter," he whispered into her hair as he felt a spot of wetness on his own shoulder and knew that she was crying. "I'll always love you," he said quietly and felt her nod.
"Goodbye, my love," she replied as she returned his embrace. For the two of them, time seem to stop, if only for the moment of a long goodbye. But for Steve, it was enough.
Tony rubbed his eyes, blinking the gummy feeling out of them as he stared at the hard-light projection of the cipher he had found on the lower east side. He had JARVIS immediately scan it once he had gotten back before running through an assortment of algorithms and code-breaking programs while he had taken a break on Pepper's insistence, but nothing had cracked it. Howard was taking the more physical route, holding the actual yellowed paper and making his own notes and ideas on another separate sheet – a bit more used to writing things down instead of using the hard-light technology he had.
"Anything?" he asked as he rubbed his eyes again and considered making another pot of coffee. However, a quick glance at Dummy, the first robot he had created of the three arms he owned, near the pot dissuaded him from the effort. His last pot had shattered all over the floor when Dummy had happily chirped after Howard had scratched him on a particularly sensitive ball joint. Tony did not think it was an accident that made Dummy drop the pot, even though his father had wanted coffee too.
There was a grunt from Howard's side of the room and Tony glanced over to see his father with a frown on his youthful face as he made marks on the paper he had in front of him. For a moment, Tony was struck at how eerie Howard looked to the image he distinctly remembered about his father – working at his home office in front of his desk, nose buried deep in paper work. Occasionally he was on the phone too, shouting at someone, but he was always writing something down onto a pad or even a notebook. Tony remembered vaguely sometimes seeing mathematical formulas he did not quite get until he had been enrolled in the private academies and then MIT. Sometimes he remembered seeing vague shapes, outlines of weapons or designs that he now knew to be most of Stark Industries' prototypes – weapons for the military contracts that S.I. always had.
Seeing Howard here and now, looking twenty-something years younger than he remembered, made him feel a little guilty. His earlier comparison of Howard from 1946 to the Howard he remembered and grew up with had been unfair. He had been excited to show Howard everything about the 21st century, but realized that it had also been tinged with his own prejudices and memories of his father. While Howard had been verily impressed with what he had shown, Tony had wanted him to say certain words, certain things about what he had shown, had wanted that approval from his father – had expected it really. And when those words did not come to fruition, he had gotten irrationally angry and had lashed out, blaming Howard for slights and for things he knew his father had not done in 1946.
"Sorry," Tony suddenly blurted out. He did not know what compelled him to say it, but somehow he knew he needed to say it before it was too late – too late for what, he did not know.
Howard started from where he was, looking up as if he had just woken up from a daze. "What?"
Tony grimaced and absently grabbed one of his flat heads in a nearby toolbox and fiddled with it. "Sorry. Just...wanted to apologize for being a dick-er, an ass to you earlier, when you know, the last time we were in here..."
"Uh, oh," Howard blinked before shrugging, "no harm done. I mean, I really hope that maybe if I do go back, I can retain some of the memory of what you said about me as a father and try not to make your life so bad..."
Tony chewed his lower lip and looked away before rubbing the back of his neck, "Listen...it...wasn't that bad, Dad...er, Howard. I mean, there were the good times mixed in with some of the bad and I kind of get it for the most part. Running Stark Industries took a lot of effort and time. And I guess you were also running SH-err, uh...well, another organization on top of Stark Industries."
"I was?" Howard looked interested and Tony cursed himself for nearly let slip that SHIELD existed. "Doesn't sound like good time management to me."
"Eh, I think you were probably a consultant then," as soon as the words came out of his mouth, Tony paused for a moment before shaking his head with a rueful smile on his face. "Son of a bitch...Fury knew it..." Howard only looked confused as Tony waved an absent hand and wrench towards him, "Nothing, I consulted for a paramilitary organization to whom its Director kind of told me he wanted me in such a capacity. Probably got it from you."
"Okay..." his father shrugged, "still, running two organizations...it's a wonder that my home life didn't suffer-"
"I had good memories," Tony interrupted with another shrug, "you took Mom and I to different places during the vacation months. I got to learn about different cultures, languages, even things that not many people can see on a daily basis. Got to have a somewhat healthy respect for the military through all of the company's contracts." He neglected to mention he only respected Rhodey and some of the military brass who were not complete dicks to him by trying to insinuate that they knew best for his weapons. He tapped the flat head absently against the table Howard was working at for a few seconds, feeling a little more than awkward before opening his mouth to speak again, but Howard beat him to the punch.
"Don't know how much it'll mean since I'm probably not the father you are expecting yet, but I have to say, I'm pretty impressed by the suit of armor you created," Howard's tone was light, hesitant and Tony froze, stunned.
"Y-You...you are?" he had not expected Howard to say that.
Howard lifted his head up, giving him a brief timid smile before his eyes shifted elsewhere, "Didn't really think of doing something like that. I mean, personalized armor with JARVIS being able to talk to you, help you. Seems risky, but you seemed to manage it well...and...well, I'm proud of you."
Tony knew that it should not have been the compliment and praise he was expecting, after all, this version of Howard Stark was not as cynical or hard of a man as he had known growing up – but nonetheless Tony could feel something inside him yearning to accept the praise, accept the fact that his father was proud of him, was proud of his achievements. Another part of him rebelled at it, wanted to rail in anger at it, wanted to suddenly shout that it was a lie, that none of it was true because he did not deserve it. That his father was being hypocritical like each time he had shown him his accomplishments when he had been growing up. That each time he created his robotic arms, starting with Dummy, that he had not even gotten a single approving look, acknowledgment, or even just a pat on the head for what he created. Even when he designed and installed JARVIS, nothing. Not even a 'nice job, you've created one of the world's first artificial intelligence.'
Tony suddenly and violently suppressed that thought as he nodded faintly, a hesitant smile appearing on his lips. But something must have shown on his face as Howard's expressions morphed into one of concern before he sighed and shook his head, rubbing his eye as he crossed out what he had been doing.
"I was probably a bad father, wasn't I?" he asked and as much as Tony wanted to deny it, the words felt stuck in his throat. "Judging by your expression, probably was. Was never really a people person either...kind of had to lie my way through things, be ruthless because there would be others who took advantage of my naivete and business opportunities..." He sighed again before shaking his head once more, "I know it's probably empty words, but I'm sorry. Feels like trying to apologize to Peg all over again, except a lot worse."
Tony looked down, wanting to say something, but nothing would come out. It was not that he did not know what to say, but rather he wanted to say everything. He wanted to tell his father everything that had gone wrong in the last forty-something years of his life when he had been born, to warn him not to trust Obadiah Stane as a business partner. To ensure that Anton Vanko was deported to somewhere else besides Russia who would surely exile him to Siberia with his child. He wanted to tell him not to drive on a particular patch of road in a highway in the year of 1991 because he would die in the car accident that also took Maria Stark and an elderly Edwin Jarvis, leaving Anthony E. Stark the heir of Stark Industries alone with no family until Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy slowly, but surely pulled him out of that depression.
Most of all, he wanted his father to survive. To live and see him as Iron Man, to tell him in whatever ninety-year-old age he was in 2014, that he was proud of him. That he had done some good in this life. He wanted his father to see Steve one last time, like Peggy was doing now. To live his life to the fullest and not be weighed down by the problems of SHIELD, by Stark Industries, to not die by HYDRA's hand because they deemed it an 'accident,' because he knew too much. He wanted to warn his father that when he created SHIELD, Armin Zola and HYDRA would grow as a parasite to the organization that was his and Peggy Carter's legacy.
Instead, he stared at the yellowed paper he had found in the brownstone his father grew up in. It was upside down and he traced the letters, his mind absently forming the words before-
"Hang on," he tugged at the paper, bringing it closer to himself as he stared hard at the letters upside down, "wait, this is...they're numbers? But...backwards by an eight system-"
"Let me see that," his father suddenly snatched the paper out of his hands and turned it upside down himself, a frown gracing his features before it became even more pronounced. He made a few noises before the frown turned into a thin grim line and he set the paper down before grabbing a new clean sheet, exactly like the one that had been yellowed with age and started slowly write down, mumbling almost nonsensically to himself.
"Dad?" Tony prodded.
"We used Comanche code in a limited sense during the war, European Theatre, against HYDRA," his father explained as he continued to slowly write down each symbol, "Hitler knew about the Navajo and other tribes' usage of code since the first Great War, so it was limited, but the SSR knew that Schmidt didn't like anything that was not perceived as his ideal. However, we couldn't take the risk, so one of the other Howling Commandos, Jones, and I came up with a numbering and language system based off of the Comache code that Eisenhower and the others were using. Jones got the language part since he spoke French and German, but I devised the numbering system. Similar to the series of numbers Washington used during the Revolutionary War with the Culper Ring."
"And...that's what the cipher's about?" Tony gestured to the yellowed piece of paper that Howard was reading upside down. "But I ran through all known encryption and codes-"
"A select few of us were required to memorize it. Then, we burned all known traces of it on paper. It's all committed to memory," Howard glanced up at him and tapped his mind, "also why it's never been recorded down. SSR knows about it, but anyone who knows it swore never to write it down. Phillips hated it, but he also understood the necessity of it."
"Why?"
"Because we were going deep into enemy territory sometimes. Beyond the main lines of resistance to get at Schmidt. Steve and the other Commandos, if they were ever captured-"
"Could have easily, I don't know, killed Hitler?" Tony never knew this about his father or his time during the war. All he had ever heard were stories about Steve's heroics or just generally anecdotes about Captain America in the SSR camps, nothing about their missions or how deep into enemy territory they went.
"Hitler was too well guarded, even for Steve's Commandos or the 107th which was attached to the SSR. We did submit a plan to Eisenhower, but he shot it down because he did not want to sacrifice so many troops just to get to Hitler. Sometimes, we helped other units near the main lines of resistance like North Africa, Bastogne, or even Haguenau before we launched our own attacks on HYDRA outposts and bases," Howard looked at him for a second before going back to his work, "it wasn't pretty, it wasn't clean, it was-"
"War," Tony finished for him and met his father's curious gaze before he tapped his chest, right where the arc reactor used to be, "I had shrapnel in my chest once before. Created an arc reactor, electro magnetic field that prevented the shrapnel from shredding my heart to pieces. Got it removed about a year and half ago, but that's not the point. I got shrapnel in my chest because I was captured by a local warlord whom I discovered was using my weapons. Actually," he snorted bitterly, "was one of my own weapons that gave me the shrapnel in my chest. Realized after I escaped that the war I had been fighting, the weapons I've been providing, was contributing to the destruction and war effort I had been trying to prevent."
He saw Howard flick a look down to his chest before glancing beyond him and gestured with a chin towards a few of the Iron Man suits he had created again after he had enacted the House Party protocol. "The Iron Man suits?"
"...Yeah," Tony grimaced a little, "didn't like what I was doing with the company, creating weapons that killed innocents if they fell into the wrong hands."
Howard closed his eyes briefly and nodded in understanding. He looked back down and made a few more notes before setting his pencil down. "I don't really know why I just told you all of that, considering it is still a secret that only Peggy, myself, and the Commandos know, but..." He shrugged, "Anyway, translated the whole thing." He held up the paper, "A few numbers, which I'm thinking coordinates, and something that says 'There But For the Grace of God Go I,' - I think that's probably from John Bradford or something, anyways, talking about the innumerable possibilities that lead only to one path or many-not the point I'm trying to make, but probably referencing that there's multiple paths one could take, et cetera."
"A quote from a biblical scholar who was burned at the stake by the Tudors and doesn't even mention anything about time travel or even a warning of how to shut it down-"
"Actually I was looking at your schematics earlier and I think I might have found the power source? Maybe," Howard looked confused for a second before glancing up at the ceiling, "hey JARVIS, how do you bring up the schematics-oh." Tony had to smile at the sudden appearance of the holographic projection of the 0-8-4 that had appeared in front of his father's workstation.
"I can definitely say for sure when I was looking at this thing back in my time, it was glowing a bright blue. Now, look at it. It's kind of a faint blue, which means, maybe it's slowly draining power. Anyway, you see all of these other lines and stuff? Yeah, I'm thinking whomever created this, probably the same ones who created the Tesseract since you mentioned earlier the blue like the Tesseract – and it does seem to be glowing blue like the HYDRA weapons Schmidt used – but this here, and here?" his father pointed out two small segmented pieces, "looks a bit like-"
"A rotary locks of sorts," Tony murmured absently poking at the projection before looking at his father, "base of eight instead of ten? Also, you think that the drain means-"
"Probably for the base of eight and ten. Maybe it's why I encrypted it, or will encrypt it in the base of eight instead of the usual ten," Howard waved the piece of yellowed paper along with the fresh sheet that contained the decryption. "And yes, it's probably what you're thinking along with the lines of what I'm thinking. The blue's probably like a battery of sorts. Once it stops glowing blue-"
"You guys are stuck here," Tony nodded before turning to look towards the actual object itself that was sitting in the far corner of the lab. "Rotary locks and these numbers... Maybe coordinates...doesn't hurt to give it a try-" He trailed off as he noticed the object was starting to glow blue. "Uh, Dad...no wait, JARVIS, did we hit the deadline?!"
JARVIS' reply of, "No sir, there is at least seven hours left," was barely heard over the high-pitched whine of the object before suddenly a cloud of smoke burst forth, engulfing the workshop and something seemingly zapped into existence.
Tony was already on the move, honed by his time as Iron Man and also the recent appearance of the Winter Soldier. He pulled his father down to the ground with him while flicking his wrists to activate a one-use repulsor blast. However, as the acrid smoke started to clear, Tony could see the outline of someone definitely female, standing near the 0-8-4.
"Is that-"
"One use only, good for self-defense if my suit's not near me," Tony answered his father's half-spoken question before he got up from behind the cover, cautiously inching forward as the figure seemingly swayed against the shadows cast by the clearing smoke. Before he even knew what he was doing, Tony found himself moving forward, propelled by the figure collapsing to the ground and neatly slid underneath and caught the woman by the shoulders, automatically cradling her head as her feet slid out from underneath her.
Shock filled him as he stared back into the pain-lined face of the woman who looked almost exactly like Steve. Except, it was most definitely a feminine version of Steve. She had the same blonde-hair and coloration like Steve, but the cut was longer, almost similar to what Natasha wore. Her body armor hugged her figure, but he could instantly tell it was also protecting her- Or at least protecting her to a certain point judging by the swath of dark red blood that pooled across her stomach and stained parts of her arms, chest, and legs.
"...Tony?" he looked down to see Steve's clear blue eyes staring back at him, her voice higher pitched than Steve's but not so much that he could easily mis-identify her as his Steve Rogers.
"...Steve?" he hesitated and saw her pain-lined face smile a little, revealing blood-stained teeth. "Uh...hey...you're, uh, looking pretty good," Tony did not know what to say as he took a quick look at the severe wounds this apparent female Steve Rogers had suffered before she had been transported across space and time.
"...Liar," she coughed, a grimace passing across her face as she tried to curl in on her coughs and failed. "...Am dying..."
And just like that Tony felt his heart seized, a part of him wanting to suddenly scream no, no, no, as he had lost Pepper again before she revealed that she had survived. He could seemingly feel the ghostly affection, a passionate love that somehow he realized was from that reality's Tony Stark, who by all rights, should have been holding this Steve- no, this Stephanie Rogers. This feminine Captain America. That she had been captured in what was most certainly a suicide attempt to free her friends in SHIELD. That somehow, everything in her world had gone straight to hell because Alexander Pierce had been far more successful in a far earlier time than what he had done in this reality, because everyone Steve- Stevie had known, had been captured and were awaiting execution and or conversion to be mindless agents.
Stevie had rescued everyone at the cost of her own life, saving a broken Nick Fury, a disabled Maria Hill, even saving her aged, but still-alive Howling Rangers. She had saved the Avengers, but many had also perished in the attempt. Samantha Wilson and Clint Barton had died holding the line so she could get her friends out, betrayed by Nathan Romanov and now-
"The bomb's set to go off, I made sure of that. Pierce can't get to it..." she coughed, blood flecking the corners of her lips and Tony realized that besides external injuries, she had internal ones; ones apparently too severe for her super-soldier healing abilities to stabilize to keep her alive. He could easily see her fighting off wave after wave of HYDRA soldiers, fighting past the bullet wounds, past the punches and kicks thrown at her. They had tortured her severely afterwards, had wanted to make a public mockery of her, but Pierce knew that it would only galvanize the public because she was Captain America and he needed no competition to his rule over the world with the INT-Helicarriers.
"Uh, that's-that's good..." Tony did not know what to say as he could see the sad, but loving life Stevie had lead. He could not help but feel the lump of something painful lodged in his throat as he tried to swallow past it. He knew it was more than likely because of her reality's Tony Stark feeling this, but he could not help but also feel it bleed into him, that her Tony Stark absolutely loved and adored Stephanie Rogers. Because-
"Howie is fine...alive, I-I," her breath hitched a little as she arched her neck, a shudder of pain passing through her before she forced herself to continue to talk, "Peggy an' Bucky got him out."
Tony nodded almost absently before he realized why she had launched her suicide mission. Because...Howie, was none other than Howard Stark II, their son. His and Stephanie's. They were married. Or at least common law married to the point where they had a child together. Pierce had discovered their secret and stole the child from them where Stevie sacrificed everything that she was, everything that Captain America stood for to rescue her and Tony's child. He looked back down at her and bit his lip as he realized that he really could not say anything to her after that because he realized that she was hallucinating. She clearly believed that she had not crossed dimensions and into an alternate reality because she was so close to death that she just needed someone to know. And now she was confessing everything to him because he was more than likely so similar to her Tony Stark. It was utterly eerie.
And Tony thought someone might have walked over his grave.
"H-Hey...Tony?" her breaths were getting a little more labored and he unconscious tightened his grip on her shoulders, cradling her head a little closer to himself.
"Yeah?"
"Take-take c-care-"
"Howie, yeah...I will," he reassured her with a sad smile, feeling the lump in his throat grow a lot more painful as he tried to swallow past the hurt.
The corners of her lips twitched up in a sad smile as tears started to fall from her eyes, slowly tracking down her blood-splattered cheeks. "Tell...Bucky that...he's Captain America now...g-gave him...the shield."
"Stevie-"
"P-Please..." she whispered and he nodded, his protests dying on his lips. Her eyes tracked upwards and Tony thought that she had died before her smile grew just a little wider, "I'll be joining...you soon Howard...T-Tony...don't...blame your d-dad for everything...loved him too...like I l-love you..."
With the quietest of sighs, Tony felt the last breath leave Stevie before her body relaxed and her eyelids fluttered close. He stared numbly for a few seconds at the body of Stephanie "Stevie" Rogers, Captain America in his arms, wanting nothing more than to shake it, to shout for her to wake up, to not die in his arms because he could not bear to see it, because-
It was like being hit with the sledgehammer of a thousand stars as he suddenly saw the blackness of space once more. He could feel the panic rising in him, like when he had delivered the nuke to the main Chitauri cruiser on the other side of the Tesseract's portal. He could see...him.
He was purple skinned and had piercing icy-blue eyes. They seemingly looked into the depths of his soul and judged him unworthy. A cruel malevolent smile turned his lips upwards and he wanted to quail underneath such power. But there was even more power as he saw him raise his arm up. A simple looking gauntlet was in his hand, but he knew the power within it, knew those Infinity Gems were as deadly as all six combined in the gauntlet. He was omnipresent, able to be more than just a god, but held hostage those who would not bow down to him. And he knew the names of three of those Gems because he had seen them – Tesseract, Space. Chitauri sceptre, Mind. Aether, Reality. The purple one - a far away voice from the distance of cosmos, perhaps in the form of a tree somehow named Groot named it the Power Gem. And the two others...they needed to find them and keep them away from this being, before it was too late.
But it was too late. Thanos had the Gems – and they were all doomed.
Tony blinked and found himself back in his workshop, still kneeling on the ground, as someone shook him. He blinked again, twitching before he realized his hands and arms were still held out like he was cradling someone, but- He blinked again and realized that the female Captain America had all but disappeared, leaving no trace of blood or even a sign that she had been there save for how his hands still seemingly held her dying body in it.
He huffed a breath and looked up to see Howard staring down at him, and beyond him, his reality's Steve Rogers peering down, looking grim faced and a little disturbed. "Tony?" Steve asked quietly and Tony drew in a sharp breath, his head reeling a little at what he had seen and just witnessed.
"Uh-"
"You saw something, didn't you? After, uh, she-"
"It was nothing," Tony suddenly stood up, grabbing the edges of the table that the 0-8-4 sat on as he blinked and rubbed his eyes. What...what had happened back there? He saw...Thanos? A female Steve Rogers die in his arms, babbling about children, marriage- Hell he had seen the woman's whole life flash before his eyes and had felt the love and affection-
Tony's grip on the edge of the table tightened as he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, steadying himself before opening them again and shook his head. He noticed out of the corner of his eyes that besides Steve, the others had also come down somewhere between Stephanie Rogers' death and his...vision.
"We..." he glanced at the 0-8-4 and saw that indeed, the faint glow of blue was a lot dimmer than he remembered, "We should figure this thing out...get you guys home-"
He pushed himself off of the table and turned his head, focused on the 0-8-4. He refused to let the others see how shaken he was by the whole thing as he waved his hands over the 0-8-4 and the holographic projections he had made of the thing materialized in front of him. He pulled out what his father had thought was the power source as well as the segmented pieces and stared at them before looking past the projections at the 0-8-4, seeing the corresponding positions- Wait a minute...Tony frowned as he bent to the side and stared at the 0-8-4 from a different angle. "Uh...there's more than one of those things you were talking about...Dad."
"C-Come again?" his father stepped forward and he pointed towards the segmented pieces in the two different areas.
"I think this is why others from different realities have been coming through this thing..." he murmured, "look, you can't tell, but it looks like there's different notches that tells you which, I guess, reality, things are coming out of- JARVIS do you have-"
"Here," Howard waved the two pieces of paper he had been holding and studied it for a second before looking at the segmented areas, "ah, yep, I think this is the one we've been coming out of-"
"You sure?" Tony asked, but even as the words left his mouth, his father suddenly pushed something near it and quickly stepped back. Tony did the same, raising his arms up, noting out of the corner of his eyes Steve half-raising his shield up. Peggy, pale-faced and apparently looking like she had recently suffered another entropic cascade failure, also lifted her silvery gun, while Sam had drew out his own hand gun and even Barnes looked tense behind all of them.
A second later, a zapping sound filled the air as well as a brief, but small cloud of white acrid smoke, before it quickly dissipated. "Huh," Tony lowered his arm as he stared at his familiar toolbox, which had gone missing the first time Peggy, Howard, and Jarvis had arrived. He cautiously approached it and picked at one of his tools, staring at it for a few seconds before setting it back down. He glanced at the 0-8-4 and noted that it was fainter than before.
"I take it that's...yours?" Howard asked and Tony nodded as he reached out and rummaged around his toolbox.
"Yeah," he replied before he frowned, "wait, there's a special wrench that's missing. It was pretty advance for its time, but Dad, er, you told me that you found it some place in New York back in the 40s and that it looked like advance tech-" Tony abruptly stopped as his words caught up to his mind and laughed lightly. "Son of a bitch..."
"What?" Steve looked confused before Tony shot a grin at him as Howard also smiled a little.
"Stable time loop apparently," Howard shrugged, "guess that wrench or whatever is going to be waiting for me when we get back. Family heirloom that turned into a stable time loop of sorts?"
"Probably," he peered back at the 0-8-4, "JARVIS, how many...jumps for the lack of a better word, can this thing go at this power level?"
"Calculating sir," JARVIS replied and was quiet for a few seconds before he came back, "I believe current calculations estimate at least one more."
"So after this, no more alternate realities traveling from place to place or time travel?"
"More than likely sir, though I cannot possibly calculate what will happen," JARVIS sounded apologetic, "the data provided regarding this is far too innumerable for even myself to speculate."
Tony nodded and fell silent for a few seconds before Howard gently cleared his throat next to him. He turned to see his father rock a little back on his heels, "We should get going then..."
And just like that, he suddenly felt like a little kid who did not want his parents to leave, as Howard stepped away from him. He saw his father stare at the others as Jarvis moved past Pepper, the two of them having watched everything from the stairwell. Jarvis had a solemn look on his face. He saw Steve tighten his grip on Peggy's hand before the two looked at each other as they realized that this was the moment of goodbye – that they would probably never see each other again until this very time and day when he was still young and she an elderly woman. Tony turned, opening his mouth to say something to his father, but nothing would come out.
He turned back again in time to see Peggy give Steve a gentle kiss on the lips before she walked towards where Howard and Jarvis was waiting. He met her firm gaze, noting the unshed tears in her eyes before she smiled and nodded her head at him. He knew what she wanted – for Steve to be taken care of, that his place was now here, in the future, and that she understood – he did not belong in the past anymore, no matter what. He could still see her heartbreak, her reluctance to let him go, but he could also see her slowly getting over it, moving past the grief of losing him.
And Tony suddenly knew that if his father, Peggy, and Jarvis returned this very instant with no memory of what had happened in the last two days, then history would repeat itself. He felt the urge to not let it happen, that he did not want that to happen; did not want his parents to die in the HYDRA-caused accident- "December 12th, 1991-" he suddenly shouted just as he saw Howard push the button-
And with a whining zapping noise and cloud of white acrid smoke, Tony knew it was too late. His parents and their ever faithful butler Edwin Jarvis had died on December 12th, 1991 in a car accident. He knew it because it was the here and now. That nothing...nothing had changed for them.
But in the here and now, for himself, for Steve and the others in the aftermath of what had just happened...that was another story.
Author's Notes:
Female!Steve Rogers is an allusion/reference to one of the comic alternate realities where it was actually female!Tony marrying Steve. I just turned that on its head a little bit and made it a bit angsty. Also, if you squint I've alluded to the possibility of a one-sided ship between Howard and Steve (per "Agent Carter" episode 4 and 8). Onward to the epilogue!