Part 33 – What Have I Done To Deserve This?
"That's some trick outfit, buddy." I glance over at a blond haired, blue eyed gentleman who is about a foot taller than me, extremely muscular and is giving me THAT look. Yes, THAT look. Ugh, what have I done to deserve this?
I am sitting in JAIL of all places. Yes, JAIL, the slammer, the big house. Although, it's not the big house, merely a holding cell in the Georgetown district PD office. I'm still in uniform and that doesn't exactly make some of my cellmates very happy campers. No, if anything, it's making them rather. . .disgruntled.
In my little corner, I straighten, trying to show that I am every bit as cocky and self assured as I usually am. But, military uniforms don't work in these settings. I am so screwed.
Now, I guess it's a wonder how a guy like me ends up in here? Well, I've been in the brig before and even spent time in a little hole in the wall jail when a fight broke out in Bud's bachelor party. Glancing around, I notice that THIS hole in the wall jail is just as bad, if not worse. Back then, it was the three of us – The Admiral, Bud and I – now, I am alone with less than stellar company.
I guess. . .Well, no, I don't GUESS, I know this adventure had to do with little Assassin, Satan's Spawn Puppy from Hell. Yes, he's cute, small and my girlfriend loves him, but this all had to do with him! ALL OF IT!. . .
It started out two days ago when Mac was scheduled to fly to Leavenworth in order to interview a client. As a result, I was stuck taking care of Assassin and having so much needed time alone. While she was away, I had been instructed to head into a quaint little jewelry store in Georgetown and pick up her Marine Corps ring which had a problem with that jewel they put in the center. "Hello." Walking in, I was greeted by a little old lady, the name 'Joan' on her nametag.
"You must be Harmon, Commander Rabb?" She said with a grin, then reached under one of the counters and pulled out a box.
Now, I don't know her from Adam and I really had NO clue why she knew my name. "Uh, yea, umm . .How'd you know my name?"
"Sarah, dear. . .When she brought her ring a picture of the two of you slipped out of her wallet." But, there was something about the way she said it which made me feel it wasn't entirely true. "So, you are here to pick the ring up, yes?"
"Yes." I nod. Taking the box from her, I open it up, surprised to find an engagement ring instead of Mac's Marine Corps one. I studied the ring carefully, then placed it back down on the counter, chuckling. "Joan, there must be some mistake. . .This isn't Sarah's ring."
"Oh, my dear. . .I am so sorry." Playfully, she slaps her forehead, then bends under the counter producing another box. "This must be it. . .I may have mixed it with another Sarah." Again I open the box only to find, yet another engagement ring. I show this to Joan. "My heavens! I am so. . .so, sorry. This has NEVER happened to me before."
Once again she produces another box with the same results. We go through about six more boxes before Mac's ring makes it's appearance. "I am so, so, sorry."
"Yea, I'll bet." Just in case I pull Mac's ring out of the box and check the engraving on the inside, indeed finding her name. "Thank you, Joan."
She smiles kind of sadly and I guessed it had to do with her screw ups with the rings. "I am sorry for the inconvenience Commander Rabb. You'll be back again." That frown turned completely upside down and as I stepped away from the counter I found her beaming at me and I didn't know why.
Two days later, I decided to take Assassin for a walk. The two of us were getting chummy (if I had food) and the afternoon was nice to be outside. We ended up passing by Joan's little shop and for reasons unbeknownst to me, I picked Assassin up and walked right in. A young couple, probably in their very late teens or early twenties were discussing wedding plans, waiting while Joan sorted the boxes to find the rings.
Assassin moved slightly in my arms, then reached up and licked my face. "What's the matter boy? Want to go outsid?" If his growl was any indication, that was a no.
Turning to one of the counters behind me I saw a ring that was just out of place between the other jewels. It was simple, with a small diamond and a band of white gold. Elegant was the word that came to mind and, almost as if someone had hit a switch, I imagined Mac with it on. It would look beautiful on the hand that now bore her Corps ring. If she'd only say yes. "Elegant, isn't it?" Startled, I glanced up to find Joan grinning conspiringly. Without my asking, she takes the ring out and places it on the counter. "This is a one and a half carat stone with a heart shaped cut. The two stones on the sides are about a half carat, also heart shaped. It's simple, elegant and for a woman with slender fingers." I stare at the ring and am a complete loss for words.
I can't say I've never thought of marrying Mac, but we've been enjoying our time together too much for me to have given it too much thought. Until today. "It will fit Sarah's finger." I hear Joan say and snap my head up shooting her a hard, annoyed glare. Why do people always assume things? "You don't have to ask her yet, Commander. . .Keeping that in mind – things that are precious to you should never let slip away."
In the span of a mere ten seconds, I saw our lives flash before my eyes. We both have commitment issues, that's not a secret. Sometimes, I am scared we'd lose interest in each other. But, when she looks at me the way she does, God I feel like I am on fire. And I want that, every day for the rest of my life if I can get it. When I finally found my voice again it's to say one simple sentence. "I'll take it."
The ring cost a small fortune. There went getting new rims for the Corvette, but this was worth it. Well, worth it if she said yes. Which I am still not too sure she will.
Anyway, before heading home, Assassin and I wandered into a park with a fenced in area used for pets. I set him down, letting him run lose, noting that he was safe and we were alone. Taking that moment of solitude, I pulled out my purchase, staring at the ring with, what I figured, was a sappy expression. It really was elegant and the way the sun caught it was just. . . "Wow, that's some ring!" Startled, I turned around to find a young woman practically salivating. "If you come with it, your girl's one lucky bitch."
I raised a brown in annoyance. "Uh, I suppose." Glancing around, I spotted Assassin playing with another small dog which I imaged to be the woman's.
"Name's Gail." She takes my hand and shakes it then goes back to staring at the ring. "So, how much did it cost? I bet you blew a wad of cash, huh?"
"Something like that, yes." I tried sliding down the bench away from her, but she followed.
"So, I didn't catch your name." She was fishing, for what, I am not sure. I mean, if a guy is sitting around with an engagement ring, that pretty much screams 'off the market.' "I'm Gail."
Trying to be polite, I shook her hand again. "Harm."
"Well, you can HARM me any way you want, sweetie." She giggled (read: snorts), her head bopping up and down uncontrollably. When did I step into the twilight zone? Turning towards the dogs, she whistles rather loudly, blowing several parts of my ear out in the process. From her pocket, she produces those little doggie sausage treats and feeds one to her dog and one to Assassin. "Hope you don't mind. . .Isn't he cute! I'm going to call him Fluffles."
Fluffles! "His name is Assassin." Not that it mattered, she was clearly fresh out of the loony bin.
"Assassin?" Gail makes a face, a disgusted one. "No, Fluffles is nicer, isn't it honey?" Apparently, Assassin disagrees as a moment later he's barking his little head off and going for the kill. The pup attacks her heels and Gail starts, what I have to categorize as a banshee yell. "OH GOD! GET THAT LITTLE HELLION OFF! BAD BAD BOY!"
Trying not to laugh, I try to put the leash back on Assassin. And that's when it happened, when my world started to spin just a bit more out of control. By mistake, Gail kicked my hand and the engagement ring that I was holding flew through the air landing on one of the doggie sausages which spilled out of the woman's pockets. In my attempt to grab it before it hit the ground, I let go of Assassin who promptly went after the sausage and. . .he ate it. . .The sausage, the ring. . .He ate them both. "No!" I yelled, over Gail's insistent yelping. "No No No!" Coming to my knees, I pry Assassins mouth open to find. . .Nothing. "YOU SWALLOWED IT!"
Now, I know he's just a dog and doesn't know better, but at a time like that. . . "Oh God! I have to go." Grabbing Assassin, I literally sprinted out of the park and back to Mac's apartment. I sat Assassin up on the coffee table staring at him as I figured out what to do. He looks at me with his big, expressive eyes and then. . .burps. "Ewww! That's gross!" Standing up, I start pacing the room like a mad man. "Think Rabb, think."
Over her bedroom door I find one of my uniforms neatly pressed and freshly laundered. Since we got serious, we've decided to keep clothing at each other's places just in case. The uniform gives me an idea. That was probably the second mistake I made.
Uniformed and looking like every bit the responsible officer that I am, I decide to take Assassin to the nearest Vet. It's not long before this 30 year old, attractive woman (Dr. Graves) lets us in. "So, what's wrong with this cute little boy?" I assume she means Assassin.
"Well." Charming, I needed to try and be charming. "Assassin here swallowed. . .a piece of jewelry." I give her my best puppy dog look.
Alarmingly, she stares at me then takes out a stethoscope which she puts on his belly. Assassin, by the way, is just loving this. "Well, everything sounds like it's digesting alright. . .I want to do some X-Rays just to be sure."
The X-Rays take about thirty minutes and soon a happy Assassin is walking around the place as if he owns it. Dr. Graves lifts him up and places him on the examination table. "Alright, Commander. . .Assassin here is going to be fine. I'll prescribe a laxative and he should poop it right out."
The next words out of my mouth, would definitely be mistake number three. "POOP it out! He's going to POOP it out! That's disgusting!"
Dr. Graves seems annoyed. "Disgusting or not it's the only way."
"You can't like. . .reach on in there and get it; can you?" I did realize how bad that sounded and the words 'puppy abuse' are literally plastered on the Vet's face. Assassin, who I truly believe is trying to get rid of me to be alone with Mac, starts growling at me as he cowers away. "I umm. . . down boy?"
The Vet now looks pissed. . .and I mean PISSED. "He doesn't seem to like you, Commander." She pets Assassin, getting him to stop growling. Little traitor!
Reaching out, I try to ruffle his fur when he makes to bite me. "Hey! That's a bad boy!"
Oh yea, talk about digging yourself a grave. "Commander? I asked you a question?" She's practically holding Assassin away from me. Now, it probably didn't help that she'd found this welt on his tail which is a result of him biting it all the time. I mean, if he's bored, the only thing he does is bite his tail. How insane is that?
"Nothing! He just. . .doesn't like me." And Assassin, ever helpful, starts barking at me. . .LOUDLY. "Down boy!" Uh huh, but he just kept at it, adding a little snarling for the hell of it.
Dr. Graves motions over to her assistant. "Mary, get the ASPCA on the line, I think they might want to know about the COMMANDER here."
"ASPC-WHAT! I've never EVER hurt an animal!" I yell in defense, over Assassin's tantrum. He reminds me of AJ a couple years ago when all he would do is throw this horrible tantrums. And by AJ, I mean Roberts not Chegwidden. . .although. . .never mind.
Dr. Graves is holding Assassin almost like a mother trying to save a child. He's calming down now, but shivering all over. "It's obvious he's TERRIFIED of you!"
"He's not terrified, he's just a little bit of a brat who serves and protects my girlfriend! He even sleeps on the bed!" Hmm, I'm lucky they didn't add domestic dispute to the charges.
Alright, so, yes, I am jealous of Assassin, I mean, he takes the space between Mac and I in bed, growling if I reach out to touch her. When we make love, we have to close the door only to have him howling along. At my place, since there is no door, we had to buy one of those blockades to keep toddlers out which doesn't help. He bites on it and pulls it until the damned thing comes down. Once he'd done, since he's too small to jump on the bed, he sits there, crying and only wants Mac to pick him up. It's really annoying and cute in a way. I don't tell Dr. Graves any of this. "Really, Doctor, I am not a bad guy." That plea did not work.
As I was being handcuffed, I begged the woman to save his umm. . .poop. . I mean, I still need that ring. Dr. Graves wasn't buying it. "I can't throw it away, but I'll be sure to give it to your girlfriend when she arrives." There was a sick, sadistic look in her eyes when she said it.
"But, she. . .I. . . I haven't asked her yet! Please, don't. . .Please!" I was whining, full out, baby whining and it wasn't working.
"Sorry, Commander, you should have thought of that before you hurt this cute little puppy." And that, was that.
I tried to explain to the ASPCA about the occurrence and how I tended to put my foot into my mouth, say the wrong things. Needless to say, they didn't believe me, took a look at Assassin's behavior and locked me up.
My only phone call was to Mac, she was scheduled to arrive in a few hours and I figured it would be best not to bring the General into this. At least, not just yet. So, as I rot in jail waiting for my Marine to bail me out, I wonder just how badly things have gone. Dr. Graves decided to keep Assassin and Mac would have to pick him up. For sure, she's going to show her the ring and ruin it all. . .And all I can think is, "What have I done to deserve this?"
"That's the same thing I'm wondering." Glancing up from my spot I see Mac who's looking rather pissed off. Oh boy. . .
TO BE CONTINUED. . .