Rick didn't know what to do. He had never felt so helpless in his life. Watching Hershel try and save Carl's life made his heart feel like it had sunk to the floor.

Carl could die.

Those three words were haunting his mind causing grief and dread to suffocate him. He didn't know what to do, except berate himself for allowing Carl to get closer to the deer. If only he had just let Shane shoot the deer when he had first wanted to. Maybe then Carl could have been standing next to him now, rather than looking pale and lifeless on the guest bed.

Rick was dreading the moment his sister walks through the door, what was he supposed to say to her? It's his fault Carl's fighting for his life and Shane's now risking his alongside a complete stranger. How is he supposed to look Lori in the face again knowing what he has done, the pain he has caused?

He hates that all he can do now is sit and wait until his blood is needed again, it allows his thoughts to swim around him, taunting him, he really doesn't want to be in his thoughts right now, but it's the only place he can be.

The moment Lori bursts through the door Rick sinks into his chair. Just from the gasp Lori releases he can hear the pain in her voice.

He caused that.

He will never forgive himself for this, if by some miracle Carl makes it through this Rick vows to himself that he will protect Carl with his life. He would voice this to Lori but Rick doesn't think his voice would allow it without it cracking, so he keeps it to himself for now. Instead he slowly raises himself from the chair and brings Lori into a hug giving her physical comfort instead of a verbal one.

Hearing Lori's soft cries as she grips Carl's hand like a lifeline Rick feels like he can't breathe, his guilt is quite literally suffocating him right now, he needs to get out of here.

"I'll be back in a minute" Rick quietly tells Lori and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek. Lori doesn't even seem to have even heard or felt him, too caught up in staring at Carl with such longing and pain that Rick nearly runs out of the room.

Once he reaches the porch Rick leans against the wall and then sinks onto the floor and lets out a cry, no longer able to keep them in. No one would ever be able to forgive him if Carl doesn't survive, he would never be able to forgive himself either. Once he had started he couldn't seem to stop, the tears just kept on rolling down his face. Carl was still young; he had his whole life ahead of him and because of Rick that could be cut a lot shorter than it should have been. Rick just prays that Shane comes back with the medical supplies needed.

Right now Rick wishes Daryl was here with him, Daryl may not be a man of many words but he always seems to know what to do to make things seem better. Although Ricks not even sure if Daryl would even be able to stand looking at Rick once he finds out what he has done, how could he? Upon thinking that thought tears start rapidly falling done his face once again causing Rick to quietly sob.

"Rick?"

Rick slowly lifts his head up from his hands to see Shane standing at the bottom of the porch, concern written all over his face, and holding what looked like a bag full of medical supplies.

"You got the supplies?" Rick asked him cautiously as this was not the time to be getting his hopes up. Shane nodded in reply and Rick couldn't help the small smile that graced his face. Maybe Carl could live. Maybe there was still some good left in this apocalyptic world. That was when Rick suddenly noticed Otis wasn't with Shane, maybe he had already gone inside and he had been to out of it to notice.

"Otis?"

"Didn't make it" However the look on Shane's face said there was more to the story, a story Rick would get out of him sooner rather than later. A story that by the looks of Shane's face Rick wasn't going to like. Right now though they had Carl to try and save.

Rick could hardly breathe the whole time Hershel was working on Carl. The whole time he was wondering how Carl could possibly survive this, on TV there's normally more than two people working on a patient like this with a lot of medical supplies and big lights. This was just two people, one who I actually a vet not a doctor, with only the basics of supplies. He wasn't going to voice his concerns though because Hershel was all they had, and he was truly grateful that he was trying to save his nephew. If Carl didn't happen to survive then Hershel was going to be the best damn vet he knew.

After Hershel had finished Rick felt like he was suffocating again, he hated all of this waiting around; Daryl was definitely rubbing off on him. Leaving Lori and Shane to look over Carl Rick went outside again to sit in the same spot he had been in before Shane arrived and stared into space. He hated this, hated what life has become now. Is this how it was going to be from now on, running from one danger to another? How would they be able to survive like that?

"Rick?...Rick!"

Rick's jumped in shock as he was suddenly bought out of his daze to see the one face that might makes things a little bit better.

"Daryl" Rick replied bringing the man into a hug causing Daryl to nearly topple over as he was crouched down. Rick buried his head into Daryl's neck not caring what he looked like to the rest of the group he were probably still outside watching them. He needed Daryl right now, he needed to make this moment last before Daryl started to hate him when he realised what had happened.

"Rick you okay?" Daryl asked worriedly pulling Rick away from him slightly so that Rick was now looking at Daryl's face. Rick just wanted to bury himself back in Daryl's shoulder; he didn't want to see the anger in Daryl's face when he inevitably had to tell Daryl the story. All he could do was nod his head in reply to Daryl's question and just look down into his lap; he couldn't bear to see Daryl angry.

"Hey Rick what's up, is Carl okay?" Daryl asked him placing a hand under his chin to make him look back at him but Rick just looked back down, not able to look him in the eye.

"It's all my fault" Rick blurted out pushing Daryl's hand away, bringing his legs to his chest and pulling himself into a tight ball. Tears started to fall down his face again as the memory started to play in his mind.

"What's your fault Rick…..? What happened?" Daryl asked and he felt arms wrap around him pulling him into Daryl's chest and Rick wanted to pull away again. He didn't deserve this comfort and felt guilty when he couldn't find it in him to pull away.

"I… We saw a deer…. And Shane went to shoot it… but I could see that Carl wanted to get closer to the deer so I stopped Shane, b-but then when Carl got closer… h-he he got sh-shot. It's all my fault" He told Daryl burying himself in Daryl's Chest gripping hold of his t-shirt and crying into his partners chest waiting for the moment he was shoved away. How could anyone be with someone that was the reason a kid got shot? He didn't deserve Daryl so he was going to cherish the few seconds he had left before Daryl got over his shock and pulled him away for good.

Notes: I am sooo sorry for the long update but I had a block on where I wanted this story to go. I have a plan now and I'm going to try and go between all my stories now. I don't like it myself when I see stories only half done and never got back to so don't worry all my stories will get finished.

Sorry again for the long wait I'll try to make sure it's not so long next time. Let me know what you think.