Kakashi hovered nervously out the front of his apartment while Tenzou used his earth style to meld with its wall. Looking through to the other side he could discernibly tell that Iruka wasn't home. He exited, smiling as Kakashi's anxious eyes met his.

"All clear." He chirped, gesturing towards the door. Kakashi moved forwards to unlock it, stepping inside and motioning for his friend to follow.

He took a deep breath, calming himself before the emotions he was feeling could escape. The apartment smelled of lavender and cinnamon. A scent that was inherently Iruka and increased tenfold by the Copy Nin's dog like nose.

"What should I bring?" He asked, not really having been in this situation before. This was his home. Or at least it had been before he had so boldly asked the Chunin to move in with him. He wasn't sure whose home it was now. Whether he was allowed to ask Iruka to leave or if he had to be the one to go. Even if it was rightfully his place to ask the other to leave he knew he would never have the strength.

"Whatever you think you need. Depends on how long you plan to stay really." Tenzou said encouragingly. Kakashi exhaled, taking a few steps towards the bedroom and stopping as another strong whiff of lavender wafted passed him. "I can…" Tenzou trailed off. "If you want me to?" He asked, pointing towards the bedroom. Kakashi nodded, grateful for his friends volunteered support. He never would have asked him, so it was nice to know he could count on him to pre-empt his reservations. Just like Pakkun.

Yamato moved forwards in to the tiny room as Kakashi sat down on a chair he had pulled away from the kitchen table. There was a few minutes worth of shuffling and a little bit of swearing before the brunette emerged with an arm full of clothes.

"Is this all do you think?" He asked, holding it up for the silver haired man to see. Kakashi nodded, standing and putting the chair back in its place.

"Wait… No." He said suddenly, looking almost frantic. "There's… There is… One more thing."

Yamato tilted his head in confusion at the small blush spreading across his former Captain's cheeks above his mask. "It's um…" He trailed off, not making eye contact.

"It's okay. You can tell me." Tenzou said kindly, moving towards him.

"It's in my desk draw."

"What is it?"

"It's the only thing in there." Kakashi said softly, taking great pains to look anywhere but his friends eyes. "Oh and Mr Ukki."

Tenzou nodded, making his way back in to the bedroom. He had heard Kakashi speak of the infamous plant before. A present from Naruto that he was very proud of. But he couldn't help wondering what he was to be met with when he opened the desk draw. He emerged a few seconds later carrying the pot plant with a small smile on his face.

"This?" He asked, holding up a small, ratty looking, hand stitched dog. Kakashi snatched it from him immediately, stuffing it in his pocket.

"I don't know how long I'll be staying with you or when I'll be back here." He said defensively. "Iruka would probably throw it out. Tenzou nodded in understanding, clasping a hand on to his friend's firm shoulder once again and smiling kindly.

"It's ok." He said again, handing Kakashi the clothes. "Come on, let's go." He stated, walking towards the now opened door.

Iruka was standing there, arms folded and scowl on his face. Tenzou whipped around, watching as the colour physically drained from his comrade's face.

"What's with the clothes?" The Chunin practically spat, looking from one man to the other. He was furious. When Kakashi didn't answer The ANBU felt it was his place to speak on his behalf.

"Kakashi is going to be staying with me for a while." He said evenly.

"Oh you'd like that wouldn't you." Iruka snapped, his voice rising to an unnecessary volume. Yamato cringed, he had always gotten an uneasy feeling around the Academy teacher. He seemed like a perfectly pleasant person… Towards other people. He was never really sure what he had done to earn the small glances of displeasure shot in his direction. He never really understood why when he was drew near to him in a public place the people seated around the Chunin would all start sneering. He had only ever been nice to the man. He smiled and used all the proper pleasantries when he handed in mission reports. Frankly it had always made him feel a little bit self-conscious being unlinked by the one man in Konoha who was widely known for 'liking everybody'.

"What I would like is for my Senpai to get well and that won't happen if he is staying here." He said defiantly, holding his head high and keeping eye contact in a feeble attempt at intimidating the man.

Iruka looked incredulous, his glare becoming increasingly menacing as the vein on his head neared exploding point.

"This is his home." He said sternly, gesturing around the room. "He should stay here if he is wanting to get better. It's commonly known that people recover better while they are in their own homes.

"Oh, are you leaving?" Tenzou asked sarcastically before he could stop himself.

"No! This is MY home too! Why would I leave?" Iruka shouted suddenly, advancing towards the ANBU.

"Because we aren't together anymore…. Are we?" Kakashi asked suddenly, stopping Iruka in his tracks and causing Tenzou to turn again.

"W-what?" The Chunin asked softly. "A-are you dumping me?"

Kakashi swayed awkwardly, his heart pounding.

"I… I don't…" He trailed off. An uncomfortable silence filled the room as the three men stared between each other, waiting for an explanation to come from someone's mouth. Kakashi realized suddenly that even though he had asked Iruka to leave him, he had never agreed. He felt absurdly stupid for asking the question. It should be his decision. He should just say yes. But he didn't want to. He wanted nothing more than to drop to his knees and ask Iruka to forgive him.

Tenzou felt this was a private conversation, he should leave. But he didn't think it fair to leave his friend at this moment. He clearly needed him, although what for he couldn't determine.

"Kakashi?" He asked softly, moving over to touch the man gently on his arm. "It's ok. You don't have to decide now." He whispered, hoping his now firm grip would help steady the man.

Subconsciously Kakashi leaned in to the touch, although not visibly. He felt himself being pulled back towards reality even though his mind was going haywire and trying to float away.

Anchor...

He thought faintly.

For the first time in probably ever, the ANBU caught a glimpse of something other than distain for him on Iruka's face.

Perhaps he doesn't want Kakashi after all….

Iruka thought, eyeing the other man shiftily.

If he did he would surely be convincing him to leave me….

Tenzou sighed, rubbing his face with his other hand. He wanted nothing more than to scream at his friend to leave the cheating bastard but that wasn't fair. Before the incident came to light Kakashi seemed perfectly happy with Iruka. Who was he to interfere with that? Even if he did think he could make Kakashi happier he wouldn't tear him away from someone he loved for his own selfish desires. It wasn't right.

"Look, how about we go and you can make time to talk with Iruka later, after you've had some time to think." He continued, trying his best to reason with the two.

"After you've had time to talk him out of this relationship you mean." Iruka glowered.

"What, no?" It's just that Kakashi doesn't really know what he wants right now and I don't want him to make a stupid mistake because of his current emotional state."

"A stupid decision like staying with me perhaps?" Iruka barked, advancing towards them. Tenzou held up his hand in mock surrender, his other hand never leaving Kakashi's arm.

"Like giving up on your relationship because he feels like he has to after what you did." He clarified, trying to calm the situation. Iruka stopped, eyeing him suspiciously once more.

"What would you know about what I did?" He asked.

"I know enough to be able to form my own opinions on the matter. But I won't force those opinions on your boyfriend because unlike you I'm a decent person."

"How hypocritical. You don't sound very decent. Saying I'm not a good person sounds ridiculously like your opinion Tenzou."

"I don't need Tenzou to tell me you're not a good person Iruka." Kakashi said suddenly, startling them both in to remembering he was present. Tenzou's hold on his arm steadying him long enough organize his thoughts and make his judgment known. Iruka gaped at him.

"I..." He started.

"Don't cut me off again!" Kakashi shouted. "I know you're a bad person. You hurt me. Willingly! I don't need Tenzou to tell me that! What I need is a friend to comfort me after what you did to me and some time to think about what I want." He paused, considering whether he should say what he was thinking. "I mean… I know what I want. But I need time to decide if it's worth it or not." He said softly.

Burnnnn!

Tenzou thought, keeping his face a neutral smile.

"Fine." Iruka snapped, turning away from them both. "Just go then." He yelled, walking in to the bedroom and slamming the door behind him.

Kakashi flinched at the sound, closing his eyes tight. He hated hurting Iruka, even if he deserved it. He hated to think that his words had caused the sort of pain he had felt in his chest for the last 2 days.

"Let's go." The brunette whispered, pulling Kakashi with him.

OoOoOoOo

The walk back to Tenzou's house was slow and quiet. It took everything the ANBU had to not ask Kakashi about the stuffed dog. The Copy Nin was probably hoping he had forgotten after the little row with Iruka. But he had been dwelling on it since he had opened the draw and seen it there.

It was old. He knew that much. Incredibly worn and desperately needing a new eye. Its left was only hanging by single thread. He chuckled to himself, wondering if the other had left it that way on purpose. Perhaps when it finally fell off he would sew a tiny little Sharingan in its place.

"What's funny?" Kakashi asked, not looking at his friend as they sauntered along at his usually slow pace.

"Nothing." Tenzou said with a smile, shoving his hands in his pockets and watching his feet as he walked.

"Do you... think I should leave Iruka?" The Jonin asked softly, staring intently at the ground.

"Uh… well…" The brunette fumbled. "I don't um… I mean it's not my… decision, I guess." He said finally, looking up.

"I value your opinion." Kakashi whispered, inching closer to him even though the path was more than big enough for several people.

"It's an honour to hear you say that Senpai. But I really don't want to burden your mind with my thoughts on the matter. You're still unwell. I meant what I said before. I'm aware it's not my place and I won't push my opinions on you. You need to make a decision in your own time."

"First of all I'm asking for your opinion so it's not burdening me. Secondly…" Kakashi said sternly, stopping in his tracks to make eye contact with the other man. "Secondly at the hospital you told me that you wouldn't judge me if I went back to him, but you thought he was scum. So I already have your opinion. What I want right now is for you to justify your opinion and answer my question… Do you think I should leave Iruka?" He asked again.

"Yes." Tenzou said boldly. "If you want my honest opinion then yes I think you should. He is scum and he will hurt you again. I won't judge you if you go back to him but now you know for sure that is my 100 percent honest opinion. Are you happy now?"

Kakashi shook his head, not sure what to say.

"See this is why I didn't want to tell you." Tenzou sighed. "Because now the fact that you know I think he's scum out ways the fact that I won't judge you. I shouldn't have said that in the hospital. I tried to redeem myself by saying what I said to Iruka about not forcing my opinions on you and letting you make your own decision but now I've gone and fucked it up again. Now if you leave him it will be all my fault because I know you want to stay." He huffed, finishing his rant and immediately feeling guilty for definitely burdening Kakashi with his last statement.

A sad eye stared in to his, the inner workings of the other man's brain visible through the dark grey.

"What makes you say he'll hurt me again? How do you know that?" Kakashi asked.

He had been dreading this question since he had first arrived at the hospital.

"Look…" Tenzou said, grabbing his arm lightly. Their eyes unfocused as their surroundings swirled. "It was taking entirely too long to get here." He breathed as they appeared in his lounge room. "Please, make yourself at home."

Kakashi sat slowly on the couch he had appeared in font of. A sense of foreboding niggling in the pit of his stomach. Tenzou walked in to the small kitchenette and started rummaging through his cupboards for tea.

"I feel like you have something to tell me." Kakashi said softly, folding his clothes neatly and sticking them in a small pile next to Mr Ukki on the coffee table.

"I do." Tenzou sighed, throwing an apologetic look over his shoulder as he waited for the kettle to boil.

"Well then out with it!" Kakashi snapped. "This suspense isn't helping my anxiety."

The ANBU turned, leaning back against the small counter, using his palms to stabilize himself.

"I… I saw Iruka, kissing a woman last night." He said as evenly as he could manage. The heartbreak on Kakashi's face was evident even through his mask as he looked down and away. "To his defence… and believe me I don't like defending him… He was mumbling something about not being able to do this anymore. But… he definitely kissed her again after that. Or rather she kissed him and he pushed her away. But there was definite contact which he didn't seem to…"

"Stop." Kakashi choked, covering his ears. "Just stop."

Tenzou took the kettle off the stove as it started to boil and tipped some water in to the two cups he had already set out. He moved slowly, not really sure what to do now that Kakashi was clearly falling apart.

Bringing the tea over to his friend, he set it down in front of him and then moved around the coffee table to sit on his right.

"Kakashi." He whispered, putting his own tea down too. "I'm sorry. I wasn't going to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you anymore but… You need all the information to be able to make your decision and well… I just don't see that douche bag admitting to almost getting off while you were in the hospital. "

Kakashi made small noise somewhere between a sob and hiccup. His hands had moved from his ears to cover his eyes. His headband was now pulled up so the Sharingan was exposed. Tenzou supposed it was so he could cry without wetting it.

"I… I never understood… people… who… w-wanted to end their lives." Kakashi stuttered. "Not even after… after Sensei… But… when I think about l-losing Iruka… Well… if this is what d… My Father felt like, after my Mother died. Then I think I f-finally understand." He finished with a cry.

Tenzou reached out instinctively, stretching a strong arm around Kakashi's shaking shoulders and pulling him close.

"It's alright Kakashi." He whispered, at a loss for what else to say.

"It won't be though." He blubbered back. "No matter what I choose it won't be alright. I know because every time someone says that to me… things get better for a little bit…but then they just get so much worse. I swore I wouldn't let anyone else in after Minato. I didn't want that bond. So astounding when everything is fine but outrageously painful when it ends. Seeing as I was so utterly determined to not end up like m-my Father… I wouldn't even let myself consider suicide for long enough to understand it. But now I get it."

"Don't talk like that." Tenzou said sternly, hurt in his own voice at the thought of Kakashi ending everything like Sakumo had. "You don't have to think like that. You have people in this world who care for you. People who would never hurt you." He said softly. "Don't let what Iruka did make you give up on life… or on love."

The Copy Nin looked up, his bloodshot eyes glazed with grief.

"Would you hurt me?" he asked.

"Never." Tenzou whispered, tightening his hold on his friend. He wasn't sure what Kakashi meant by the question, but he wasn't about to let himself believe there was more to it than the other man needing a simple reminder that he had someone who cares about him.

OoOoOoOo

Kakashi snuggled in to the blankets he had been given by Tenzou. The couch was cold and small. But it was better than the alternative. Returning home.

He rolled on to his side trying desperately to find some assembly of warmth in the 2 heavy woollen blankets he had been handed before the other man disappeared in to his bedroom. He had been a life saver today.

Literally.

Kakashi thought, his chest tightening. He shivered, the cool night air not quite concealed by the heat radiating from the thermostat. He tried feebly not think about where he could be right now.

Where I should be…

He felt the tears start to well up in him again and didn't bother trying to stop them. He clung to the couch cushions under him urgently trying to anchor himself in this reality. His shoulders shook as he sobbed as quietly as possible.

He badly wanted Iruka. Needed him. He hugged his pillow to him tightly, wetting it with his tears as he rubbed his face against it softly. When he thought of Iruka he was reminded of the sudden hollow emptiness he was left with when his Father had died. He was so completely hurt by what he had done. The feelings of utter helplessness and worthlessness were all that Sakumo had left Kakashi with. Yet with every fibre of his being, no matter how illogical he knew it was. He prayed for his Father to come back to him. To not be alone. To have the man he loved more than life appear in front of him and hold him, tell him everything was okay.

But… he was a child back then. Only 8 years old. He had an excuse for wanting his Father back. He didn't truly understand that he had chosen to hurt him. All he knew was that his Dad was always there to make him feel better when he was hurting and then suddenly he wasn't when he needed comforting the most.

Kakashi chided himself for his weakness. He was an adult. He didn't need anyone to hold him and reassure him everything would be fine. He could tell himself that. Unfortunately hearing the reassuring words he wanted to hear weren't quite as comforting when he had to force himself to say them even though he didn't believe them. But maybe if someone else were to whisper them to him with conviction. Pet his back, stroke his hair and tell him everything was going to be okay, then just maybe he could force himself to believe it.

He sniffed softly, rubbing at his face with the back of his hand. He hated himself more than he had ever thought possible. He was weak and pathetic.

No wonder Iruka wanted someone else.

He thought with a sharp cry. His heart rate was starting to speed up. He secretly hoped he would have a heart attack, just to get out of this world without dishonouring his clan. Not that there was really anyone to dishonour. If he died his clan would die with him.

He jumped, startled by the feel of a hand on his chest. Tenzou was kneeled beside him, his dark eyes glinting in the moonlight. His features displaying sympathy.

"Are you alright Kakashi?" He asked sincerely, the sadness in his voice evident. Kakashi stared at him for a second. He opened his mouth to lie; to say he was fine and to scold the other for sneaking up on him. But he stopped himself. Just the fact that Tenzou was able to sneak up on him was enough of a sign that he wasn't fine. His watery eyes locked with dark almond pools and another hand reached up to stroke his face.

"I bet you're freezing your nuts off out here." He smiled, remembering his earlier comment about sharing beds for warmth. The Copy Ninja nodded faintly, not sure whether the invitation he had just heard was actually there.

Tenzou stood, holding out his hand for Kakashi to take. He took it reluctantly, not wanting to seem too eager. He wasn't really sure what he was afraid of anymore. He had already hit rock bottom. He was sobbing like a toddler on his Kohai's couch for the second time in a day and the night before he had cried in front of the Hokage; not to mentioning practically begging Iruka to break up with him because he modestly admitted he isn't strong enough.

To his surprise Tenzou didn't let go of his hand as he led him in to the bedroom. He climbed in to his bed, pulling Kakashi down with him. It was definitely much warmer in his room. His hand stayed clasped with his friend's as he settled in next to him. Part of him wanted to roll over and beg the ANBU to cuddle with him. But the sane part new that was a bad idea. It wasn't like they hadn't done it before. But that was before Iruka. Before the Genin. Before any of this and it was strictly for warmth, nothing more.

It would be for warmth now.

He reasoned with himself, tilting his head to look at the sleepy face of his former subordinate.

As if almost sensing his inner turmoil the hand that was holding his let go. Kakashi felt his breath hitch. He didn't realise how much heat was in that one hand until it was gone. It was as if someone had blown out the last candle in the house and now he was just shrouded in darkness. His eyes watered and he bit his tongue hard to keep them from over flowing once more.

An arm snaked around his shoulders and he felt himself being pulled towards the other man. Before he knew what had really happened he realised his head was resting on a strong chest with a steady heartbeat and the arm snaked around his shoulders was rubbing his back softly. His mind told him to resist, to push away and find comfort somewhere else. Somewhere on his own. But his body keened towards the warmth. He sighed contently as Tenzou whispered to him softly. He told him the things he needed to hear in that instant. That everything was okay. Everything would be alright.

It was that moment that Kakashi realised that maybe he wasn't actually that cold after all. His body needed warmth, but no amount of blankets would have made him feel better.