Interlude: Hearthfire (6)

23 First Seed, 4E208

Trust is a strange thing. It sneaks up on you and fills you up and changes you in a lot of little ways, usually before you even realize what's happening.

It's the little things that stagger me the most. Before Amara, I wasn't a very flexible bedpartner. I got uncomfortable pretty easily and had a lot of trouble with the idea of leaving myself exposed, even in a situation like that. If I felt too exposed, it was next to impossible for me to feel good. It was a trust issue, I guess. Maybe it was an insecurity thing. The gods only know.

I'm too proud to admit to it, that old anxiety, and Amara's always been intuitive enough to know about it without asking. So… I don't know exactly when she first made me want to be in a position like this. It's just one of those little things that comes with time and familiarity.

This feeling is so much bigger than my own body. It's overwhelming. She's trailing kisses down my stomach and my fingers are tangled in her hair and I whisper "I love you," like I'll never have another chance to say it again, but it's still not big enough.

It's one thing to get naked in front of someone, but it's another to feel naked. I'm bare and vulnerable and so is she, and it feels good because I've become so fixated on telling her about this big, painful, beautiful feeling however I can. I put all this in her hands and tell her I love her because I mean it and it couldn't be any other way, despite everything, and also because of it.

"And I, you," she breathes. She's pressing kisses between my legs and watching me, watching how I react.

I give this to her. I let go of everything except for what she's doing to me, and I really let her see and hear it in ways I'd never show to anyone else. Her fingers caress my hips, my stomach, my breasts. I let her look and feel.

Her pace builds and I feel her push inside and stroke me, deep, firm, relentless. My hips rock harder and harder with each thrust and she moves with me, her lips closed over me and sucking. It builds, quick and intense, hot, wet and tight. I move with it. She makes me shake and moan and throw my head back, no hang-ups or doubts. It's just good, so good, and I love the way she smiles against me when I tense and release all around her.

"Beautiful." I can hear the smile in her voice. She places light kisses on the insides of my thighs and whispers to me while I catch my breath. "I know the word beautiful sometimes feels strange to you, but really, it fits you so well."

"It's been rare that I… uh…" I take another few steadying breaths. She's worn me out more than I'd thought. "No one's often made me feel that way, except you. I've told you."

She kisses my wrist while I stroke her hair. "I know. I just like to hear it now and again."

I give her a gentle tug, and she moves up my body, coming to rest her full weight on me with her head resting on my neck and shoulder. "It's still a little weird for me sometimes, but not in a bad way. I've never felt as comfortable with the shape of my body as I do nowadays, but still…"

"Still, old habits will die hard."

I hum in agreement and twirl a lock of her hair around my finger. "Stubborn, but not invincible. I never thought I'd be able to become part of a family, either, and look how wrong I was."

"And you are under the protection of my House for life, now. I have made sure of that." She leans up a bit to look at me. "I received confirmation from Solitude earlier today. You are now my official heir."

No wonder she'd been so forward tonight. I sigh quietly. "I know we've agreed on this but… I still wish you'd have just named Corinna instead. I don't need an inheritance, especially not from you. Not to sound grim, but—"

"Yes, I know, if I die, it will only be because you have already died defending me." She shakes her head a little. "And, as I have said, this makes you one of us without forcing you to marry. In the plainest terms, this is a selfish indulgence for me. I never could have done such a thing in the Imperial City, but here, Leon and I are free to rebuild our House as we see fit."

"Including a full takeover of Skyrim's East Empire Company," I tease, getting a little sleepy.

She has a satisfied sort of look on her face. "We took what belonged to us already, darling. And it is more Leon's project than mine."

I yawn and pull her close again. "Speaking of him… we should probably try to sleep."

"Mm, yes." She laughs softly against my breast. "For tomorrow he will defy the old taboo against bringing elven blood into our hallowed human fold. My ancestors must be quaking in their aetherial boots."

I smirk. "No worse than making an heir of your werewolf lover."

She laughs again.