It hadn't always been men. There'd been women too, but Madge tended to keep that fact private. Not that she was ashamed (not consciously anyway). She just felt it'd cause a whole lot of difficulties that she'd rather not go through, telling people. Simpler to avoid the "phobia" and use her love of the male sex to hide in plain sight. Well, maybe that was shame. But as a matter of fact, her first kiss had been with a girl – Diana, in the last year of high school. She remembers her now: seductive eyes the colour of burnt umber wreathed in flecks of gold, waves of silky chestnut hair cascading on willowy shoulders, freckles peppered over a pale button nose and chubby cheeks, extremely tempting pale lips... of whose softness only too briefly caressed Madge's before Diana was overtaken by doubt and shame and fear. It had been the 60s after all. After that, they'd never spoken again. But many affairs happened in her life beyond that. It wasn't "experimenting" – as her daughter had ignorantly termed it the one time she'd been caught with a woman called Winnie (a situation immediately decided by Sarah to never be discussed again and to pretend such a thing had never happened). She knew she liked women too, there was no question. And now she'd done the stupid thing, and fallen in love with one.
She had tried to take her mind off of her with her two suitors, Nimish and Abhilash, but to no avail. In fact, it had only formed another problem – because she was sure both were going to propose soon enough. Madge was, it seemed, in a tiny bit of a pickle.
A tuk-tuk swerving precariously into the Viceroy stole her away from her musings. It jerked to a halt and Madge could barely contain a smile when she saw who it was stepping out. Her outfit today was comprised mainly of navy blue, contrasting pleasingly with the nut brown tan of her skin. Sunglasses were perched on her nose, obscuring her eyes from view, but Madge was certain she hadn't been spotted. There was a worldly elegance and beauty surrounding Carol that Madge deemed impossible not to fall in love with… proven not entirely true, apparently, when she glimpsed Norman a few tables away. Leaning over in his seat, looming just a little too close to an unresisting Susan, something ablaze in his eyes too far a cry from mere friendly affection, he was far too preoccupied with another to notice Carol's arrival. Luckily, Carol was, for the moment, immersed in a chat with the tuk-tuk driver.
Now, it was no secret that Norman and Carol weren't having a particularly great time of it in the relationship department of late. Arguments aplenty, seeded by jealousy and distrust. And seeing Norman with Susan at this moment wouldn't go far to improve matters. In all honesty, Madge couldn't care less about the possibility of Norman losing Carol - he didn't deserve her quite frankly – but what she could not abide was the thought of seeing Carol get hurt. Therefore, in a snap decision, she roused herself from her pew behind the counter and scurried over to welcome Carol (whilst fiercely trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering in her belly), saying loudly, "Carol! What a lovely surprise!"
She was quite hoping her emphatic reception might at last alert the as ever gormless Norman to his girlfriend's arrival, perhaps tempt him away from his bit on the side. "Here for the old codger, I presume?"
Carol beamed when she saw Madge, plucking her glasses from their rest on her nose to nestle them in her salt and pepper hair, allowing Madge to see the gentle twinkle in her eyes. Madge always liked to assume such an affectionate smile was reserved only for her, except that was just the ridiculous desire of a woman in love. In reality, that smile wasn't special; it was a pleasantry, accorded to anyone. Madge disliked how that fact kind of hurt her.
"Maybe I am, but how are things with you, Viceroy okay?"
"We're a bit down on our uppers, if I'm honest, but watering down the wine seems to be…" she trailed off when Carol's gentle gaze ventured beyond Madge's shoulder, rapidly glazing over with shock, as if she'd been hit hard in the stomach. Madge tracked her stare and swore under her breath when she saw what was taking place behind them: Norman (that bloody pillock!) was more or less straddled by Susan, their hands flitting all over one another, lips locked in a rather off-putting kiss. Madge took a peek back at Carol, fiddling nervously with her fingers, feeling now a pawn of Norman's infidelity in trying to divert her attention. That certainly hadn't been the plan, but it's definitely how she felt now. However, the initial hurt in Carol's scrutiny had been all but replaced with a stony glare and slight sense of resign.
"It's nice to see you getting so well acquainted with your customers Norman!" Carol called out, at long last seizing his concentration. The kiss broke off and Norman almost threw Susan off him in an effort to stand. "I hope you allow everyone an equally thorough service."
"Carol," he stammered, scrubbing at the remainders of lipstick that stained his lips a guilty red. Madge rolled her eyes. Susan flattened out her fiery, auburn hair and straightened herself out before excusing herself.
Norman tentatively made his way toward them, raising his hands in an offer of peace.
"Now now, it's not what you think-"
Carol snorted, shaking her head. "It never is."
"But she kissed me!"
"And I noticed it took all the resolve you had to stop her."
"Well, I can't help it if I turn out to be rather catnip to the ladies," he said puffing out his chest, somehow proud, proud even though it had meant mortifying Carol in order to preserve his, evidently fragile, ego.
Both Carol and Madge barked a laugh of incredulity, after which Carol muttered, "You're despicable."
With that, she stormed off the way she had come, Madge watching her all the while, desperate in that instant to pursue and comfort her. Norman, on the other hand, seemed to be more focused on Madge and seeking from her some sort of absolution.
"Don't look at me, Lothario, you screwed up big time."
She was just about to leave as well (she had a date with Nimish…or Abhilash, probably both), firstly though she moved to whisper in his ear, "And don't think you can convince me to lay the sole blame on Susan, because I know you two have been at it for the last couple of weeks and we both know it takes two. Tut, tut. Trying to villainize the woman, I expected better from you."
And she strode away, leaving the affairs of Sonny and Sunaina's engagement party tonight fully in Norman's hands.
At the engagement party later that evening, Carol was nowhere to be seen. Norman was busy badgering everyone for her whereabouts but to no avail – Carol didn't want to be found, least of all by him. Susan was loitering about too, and Norman seemed to be doing his utmost to steer clear of her. It was obvious to Madge though, his resolve wouldn't hold out for long. In fact, it was about twenty minutes before he conceded to approach her.
"It's incredible, it appears you haven't managed to completely balls up the party tonight Norman, well done," Madge offered as she sidled up to them in order to deter them from conversation, or deter them from anything else for that matter.
"Well, um, yes. I haven't, have I. Thank you," he mumbled, knowing very well he had been caught initiating something he shouldn't have been. He returned his attention to Susan, who appeared to be waiting expectantly. "I don't suppose you've seen Carol, Susie?"
Ooh, pet names.
That wasn't what she had been anticipating (rendering it evident to Madge their affair was far from over) and she looked a little perplexed to say the least. Still, she shook her head and told him she hadn't. He bobbed his head and shuffled off, clearing his throat. Madge was on his heels.
"I don't quite understand why you're looking for Carol, I'm not sure you're number one on the list of people she wants to see right now."
In all honesty, Norman was additionally the last person Madge desired to see. Now that Carol had uncovered Norman's unfaithful streak, everything Madge had done to save Carol's feelings being hurt had only achieved in them being utterly obliterated instead. Madge had known about their liaisons the instant they had fired up, but still she hadn't told Carol. She'd glimpsed Norman and Susan together every day, having to watch as Norman would come home to Carol afterwards and act as if he'd done nothing immoral that day. Inarguably, Madge had lied for him. In seeking to do what she believed was in Carol's best interests, the only person she'd in fact been of benefit to was Norman. And she was disgusted with herself that she'd abetted such deception. She supposed she likely felt worse about the entire situation than Norman did right now, a fact that made her blood broil. If Carol could, would ever return her love, at least she could feel safe in the knowledge that she was loved wholly in return.
"Maybe I want to put things right."
"What? By confiding in your-"
Madge jerked to a standstill. Nimish had just arrived. And Abhilash. And they were both headed her way. A mild panic ensued.
Oh. God!
Upon impulse, she snatched a hold of Norman's arm, yanking him about to face her. She wouldn't be surprised if he'd suffered a minor case of whiplash.
"Norman, quick! Kiss me."
To say he was taken aback was an understatement.
"What?" he stumbled on the word.
"Kiss me!"
He eyed his surroundings, obviously suspecting a trap, for Carol to be somewhere watching closely, to see if he would have the audacity to cheat with a friend of theirs too. He peered at her suspiciously.
"After everything today? I don't think so."
"It's got nothing to do with today!" she snapped, flustered, as Nimish and Abhilash drew closer. She stared Norman right in the eyes, "You know you want to."
"I- I don't want to…well. I wouldn't mind-" But whether he wanted to or not, he was abruptly muffled when Madge kissed him fervently on the mouth. Instinctually, his arms wound around her and just when he was beginning to delight in it, she wrenched her lips away. Nimish and Abhilash were stood beside them by this point, a tad shocked by what they had just witnessed.
"Norman, I'm sorry. I can't do this," Madge snivelled, quite credibly. "I'm in love with someone else."
She caressed his cheek, to enhance her charade with a finishing touch before she fled for the exit of the Viceroy.
"I honestly thought it might help."
Madge had assumed a lot of things might help. She thought engaging herself with Nimish and Abhilash might help with the 'in-love-with-Carol' situation. She thought having an encounter with both her suitors simultaneously might help, help her to decide between them. She thought preserving Norman's affair as a secret might help. All these 'might helps' had in effect done bugger all good.
But out of those three, she was currently addressing the situation that had just ensued at the Viceroy to an as ever attentive Babul.
She'd been under the impression that seeing both Nimish and Abhilash together would without a doubt provide her with an answer as to who she favoured. The setback with that idea was that she already knew who she favoured, and it wasn't Nimish or Abhilash. Nor was it anyone she could ever have a hope to have. Her reflections wandered to Carol at once, as they so frequently did. Even Madge didn't know where Carol had gone after this morning, but all she hoped was that she was okay. By this time, she probably would have returned to the hotel.
"Throw a coin in the air madam, you always know which way you want it to fall."
Carol. That was the only name echoing in her head when Babul had said that. But after a moment, it wasn't only a name in her head.
"Miss Carol, madam," Babul continued wisely. "She is the way you want it to fall."
Madge's mouth hung open and wasn't quite sure whether to deny it or not since he sounded so sure of himself. How had he even guessed? But the question had already been posed by her open-mouthed silence, and Babul answered.
"The way you look at her and speak about her, the light in your eye, you can be read like an open book when it comes to Miss Carol, madam. You should not give up hope."
"Pfft, that's exactly what I should do because it's never going to happen."
"It might if you say something."
"And why would I think of doing that," Madge snorted sceptically.
"Because, yes, I see the way you look at her, but I also see the way she looks at you… most of the time when you're not looking…"
Her heart skips an optimistic beat when he divulges this to her and the words are stuck with Madge for the remainder of the drive. No, he must be mistaken. She couldn't possibly have a chance. Could she?
When they'd reached the hotel, Madge thanked Babul for driving her back early and wished him a goodnight. His final words to her out of the driver side window were, "Happiness is always worth the risks" and with the shadow of a smile, the car was off with a guttural splutter in a cloud of dust.
Madge tugged her shawl tighter about her arms in the oncoming cool of night and peered up at the glowing latticed windows of home. Could there really be any hope with herself and Carol? She hoped so, but what if? What if Carol loved Norman more in the end, what if an attempt at a relationship ruined the friendship they had, what if Babul was wrong, what if- but her fretting was called to a halt when she spied the source of all her affection sitting alone on her balcony, staring absentmindedly into the bottom of an empty wine glass. Already Madge's pulse had elevated and that effect caused by simply seeing Carol hadn't abated at all in the last eight months. If anything it had become stronger. All Madge knew was that she'd loved Carol probably from the moment they'd met and as long as she was around her, she always would be.
The only thing she sought in this instant though was to ensure Carol was bearing up okay. Therefore, she ditched her bag in her room before taking the stairs up to the balcony. She rounded the corner and leant against the wall, just studying Carol for a moment whilst she remained unaware of her presence. Madge could easily distinguish the hurt from today reflected in her face and the longing she had to make it go away almost ached in its intensity. Norman was Madge's friend but, boy, did she think he was an ass sometimes.
There was also something else though, a feeling in that face that Madge couldn't quite place.
"You all right dear?" Madge made herself known, wearing a sympathetic smile as Carol spun in her seat. Carol smiled, her features lighting up instantly, and relaxed into her chair. Madge was the only person she wanted to see right now.
"I'm fine now," Carol replied, hauling the chair next to her out for Madge, giving an encouraging pat on the seat. Madge settled herself down, sweeping her shawl over her shoulder.
"He doesn't deserve you, you know," Madge told her. Carol side-glanced her with an amused smile. Madge could also see the disbelief. "No, really. You're smart, loyal, and kind, and stunning quite frankly… and if he can't see that, more fool him."
Madge could feel a hot blush tinge her cheeks because she knew she was getting terribly close to what Carol really meant to her. "What are you going to do then? Do you think?"
Carol shrugged her shoulders as if she couldn't care less.
"What would you do?" she spun the question around.
"Me? With me dear he wouldn't get a second glance! I'd be off searching for someone I wanted and someone who wanted me back just as much. The thing with Norman, he's searching for something he can't see he's already got."
Carol weighed her answer, something she was fiddling with on the table occupying her gaze.
"Listen, I think I should apologise," she didn't really want to admit this, but it was Carol. She couldn't lie to her any more than she already had. "I knew about Susan the moment they started but I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to get hurt-"
Carol waved it away.
"Don't worry yourself, I already knew."
Madge was stunned for a moment.
"You knew!?"
"Oh yes. I just couldn't be bothered to bring it up. But when you've actually witnessed it, you can't really pretend like you didn't."
"Okay…" Madge said slowly, not really understanding her frame of mind.
"Have you ever been in love, Madge?"
Then, Madge's heart sank. Carol couldn't be in love with Norman surely? If she was, she'd probably forgive him (and probably why she hadn't wanted to discuss it with him in the first place, just denial pure and simple!) and anything Babul said about giving it a try at some point would go out the window.
Madge had never known what love was really. She definitely knew what sex was and she enjoyed that tremendously and liking people, was easy enough, but love? That was a whole other can of worms, one which Madge'd never had a share in. Growing up, her friends would always rave about how 'in love' they were with a person and everyone agreed like a pack of nodding dogs, and Madge had bobbed her head right along with them, only pretending she had the faintest clue as to what they were on about. But now, now, she understood. Because at long last, she had fallen in love. And love meant your whole soul and being was affected by this one person, every glance caused shivers, every touch, electric sparks firing throughout your body. You wanted to spend every moment with them and share every precious memory. You treasured every moment spent like it could be your last. No one is more important and your whole existence becomes their protection. In short, all the clichés become true. And the one person in her entire life she'd felt that for was the woman sat across from her. Instead of saying all that, of course, she told her, "Yeah, once."
"What happened?"
"She was with someone else." Madge stiffened, realising only too late she'd exposed a little too much. "Well, you know me. I'm no good with love advice having had so little of it. You'll be better off without me…" Madge rambled, rising from her seat to leave Carol in peace. Her heart quickened when she felt Carol's hand gently take her own. Carol rose from her seat as well and positioned herself so she was directly in front of Madge, gazing into her eyes. Madge shivered; it felt like Carol was reaching into her soul, searching for answers. A certain answer.
"No, stay," she asked softly, lips quirking into a small nervous smile. This felt so intimate Madge could barely breathe. Her heart was pounding in her ears. All she could focus on was Carol's silvery eyes, which seemed to be telling her more than she could have hoped for, more than what could be possible. Carol's gaze shifted to her hand on Madge's as she ran her thumb over her wrist. "Please."
Before Madge could answer, Carol's lips were on her own, and Madge felt like she could soar. Carol's hands were at her cheeks drawing her as close as possible, whilst Madge's tugged Carol's waist forward so their hips were touching. Eyes were closed in elation. Until Madge cut it short.
"We should- we shouldn't," she said through laboured breath, shaking her head to the floor. Carol lifted up her chin so they were looking into each other's eyes again.
"I want you."
With those three words, Madge couldn't resist it and she liberated herself of all her constraints and sense of reason, before reclaiming Carol's lips and shoving her against the wall, moving forward in an unrelenting offensive. Carol moaned into her mouth sending a jolt straight through her core. She felt Carol tug at her dress at the same time she tried to pull up her shirt, both recognising that they wouldn't be alleviating themselves of either without tearing them. Carol shuffled backward guiding Madge along with her, still locking lips, and trundled into the bedroom where she seated Madge on the bed. There, they both took the intermission to relieve themselves of their clothes. They giggled like teenagers when Carol launched on Madge and they fell onto the bed lying next to each other, gazing into impassioned eyes. Madge raised a hand to caress and trail Carol's bone structure, barely believing any of this was happening. Carol leant into the touch, closing her eyes contentedly. When Madge's fingertips reached the curve of her chin she leant in for another kiss and Carol's hand reached up to cradle Madge's cheek.
"You're the 'once'," Madge managed to whisper, not entirely sure she meant or wanted to say it, but the ecstasy of the moment was fogging her mind. Carol didn't reply, but kissed her deeply once again, running a hand up her thigh. For a very dull, very unlike-Madge moment, Madge came to her senses and stilled the hand on its journey. "Maybe we shouldn't…"
Carol only looked her in the eyes again and repeated softly, meaningfully, "I only want you."
Madge believed her and fell all over again.