A Regret

The rushing waterfall fades to white noise in my ears as all my focus points to his lifeless form. Naruto, you fool… you should have just let me go. Why couldn't you give up just this once?

I wanted to stay with you, Naruto. For a while, I really believed I could, you know? You just have this thing about you that melts the hearts of everyone around you… even me…

I feel the fabric of my headband slip. On reflex I try to catch it, but my arms won't move. All I can do is stand here as it clatters on the stone ground beside Naruto's head. For a moment, I think that he'll wake up to that loud clanging in his ears. He'll wake up, and this could have never happened… but he doesn't…

"Naruto…" I whisper. 'If only I could have…' My eyes narrow as the image of my brother standing over a helpless Naruto.

"I'm…" 'Sorry… I'm just so sorry, for everything…'

A drop of water hits my skin, and my eyes widen. Rain. Are even the skies mourning the loss of Naruto? I turn my face to the blackened sky as the deluge begins. I let the rain pour over me in hopes is could wash my sins away.

Pain. It erupts from my shoulder, and suddenly my arm can move again as I move to stifle the pain. My knees crash to the cold, hard ground and blood spills from my mouth.

My breathing calms as I stare down at Naruto's unopening eyes. I silently pray for them to open. Just to see those big, blue eyes one more time was all I was asking for.

I want to hold his face in my hands, but my rebellious arms are betraying me once again. So, I settle for resting my forehead against his headband. The metal is cold against my skin, but I doubt I'd feel any heat from his skin again.

My eyes clench shut and an angry bellow escapes past my lips. I can't handle this. The idea of Naruto being dead was too much to bear in the Land of Waves, and it's too much to bear now. 'But no matter what…' I open my eyes to blink back angry tears. 'I can't let him go without him knowing…'

"Naruto…" I take a breath to calm myself, "You were right. You were always right." My eyes clench shut again. "You were right when you kissed me in your window after the Land of Waves; you were right in The Forest of Death when you called me a coward. You were right when you told Neji that you weren't a failure. Yeah, I was there for that… sorry (1). But more than anything you were right that day at the training grounds after the Chunin Exams. That day you said I was clueless…'

"Sasuke, what's up with you?" Naruto's voice broke through the still silence. We'd been training for hours at the forest training grounds. Stopping for a break, we sat with our backs to a large tree. The silence had been tense between us. It was the first time we'd been alone together since that day in Naruto's window. So much had happened since then. The Chunin Exams, The Forest of Death, Orochimaru, this curse mark, the invasion, Gaara…

My thoughts turned back to that battle. I hadn't stood a chance against that guy once the curse mark started to take over, and he had released the sand spirit within him. The memory of Naruto fighting that monster head made my heart clench involuntarily.

I couldn't believe it when Naruto showed up just in time to save my life… again. I'd felt warm as the thought that, in spite of everything, Naruto might have still cared flickered through my mind. However, that was quickly squashed by fear. There was no way Naruto could fight this guy after his fight with Neji. I had witnessed him give all he had for that fight, and there was simply no way had anything left.

But, somehow, he kept fighting, showing a type of strength that I'd never seen in anyone before. Once Sakura had been caught in Gaara's sand trap, he just fought even harder. I mean, he summoned a giant toad and turned into the nine tailed fox. How did he come up with that?

It became quite obvious to me, after much more deliberation than I should have given it, that Naruto had moved on from me after my sort of "rejection." It seemed like he'd transferred those feelings back to Sakura. Which I should be relieved about, right? As an avenger, I can't tease myself or others with prospect of happiness. It poses as a distraction that might not even happen. It was unfair for me to feel this way, and I knew that, but damn it all, if I didn't still crave those lips of his…

"Sasuke!" Naruto placed a hand on my shoulder to break me out of my thoughts. I looked over at him. Concern filled those azure pools. I sighed; I couldn't avoid speaking to him forever.

"What?" I asked, forgetting what the dobe's initial question had been.

Naruto's brow furrowed. "Sasuke, I asked what was wrong. You've been acting weird since that battle with Gaara, and…" His eyes fell. "I've been worried about you…" he mumbled the last part, but I heard it clearly.

My eyes widened in shock, and my stupid heart fluttered in my chest. "You're worried?" I whispered before snapping back to my senses. "Well, stop worrying, dobe, there's nothing wrong!" I continued tersely, shrugging off his hand. I turned away from him, not wanting to see the hurt look in his eyes.

I heard a sharp intake of breathe before he shouted, "Like hell, there isn't, teme! If you don't wanna tell me, then fine, but don't think I'm stupid. I know you, Sasuke!" He sighed and lowered his voice, "But, could you, at least, let me know if it was something I did?"

I tensed involuntarily at that, and I know he noticed.

"Dammit!" Naruto gave a frustrated growl (again with the growling).

I turned my face to look up through the canopy of leaves. I knew what he was thinking. That this was about the kiss we shared in his window. It wasn't, at least, not completely.

A sigh escapes my lips. "It's not so much something you did," I began, purposely not specifying the kiss, "but something I can't… Battling Gaara made me wonder if I am veering off course."

Silence fell as I waited for my words to sink in. I briefly wondered if Naruto had decided to drop it, when he finally spoke, "You're talking about what you said that day. You said you were an avenger seeking his prey."

I nodded and settled my gaze on the ground between my feet before responding, "I must be stronger than my prey, and my prey is powerful. I cannot afford any distractions. This is the road I walk, Naruto." My teeth clench. "There is no other for me…"

Naruto falls silent again. I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull, trying to decipher my thoughts. After a few moments of still silence, my sudden gasp breaks the quiet, and my eyes widen at the feeling of two arms wrapping around my chest. Naruto's chest pressed up against my back as his hands tightly gripped my shirt. The cool metal of his forehead protector rests on my shoulder.

"Naruto?" I whispered, turning my face slightly. My cheek brushed against his soft, blond hair.

"Why?" he asked in a low voice. "Why are you so fucking… clueless?!"

Shock rushed through me. I had never expected Naruto to do something like this. I knew I should push him away, but his words, plus the feeling of his arms holding me so tightly, keep me firmly frozen in place.

"What do you mean?" I demanded, confused. 'Clueless?'

Naruto shook his head and squeezed me tighter. "What makes you think, that you that a lonely, revenge driven life is all there is for you?"

I gasped as my eyes widened further. 'What is he saying?' "Naruto?" I say his name again, but he doesn't pay attention, he just continues.

"You aren't alone, anymore, Sasuke. You have Sakura, Kakashi-sensei… me…" he trailed off, and my breath catches at his mention of himself. He let out a sigh. "I know, I didn't imagine you kissing me back that day," he accused suddenly.

Immediately, I wrenched myself away, and turned on my knees to meet his gaze. His face was determinedly fierce, and I knew he wouldn't back down. I glanced at his lips, knowing that it would be difficult for me to do the same.

"We can't," I simply stated. "I can't, Naruto, there will be consequences, that I do not want to pay!" I shouted. My brother's face flashed behind my eyes. I could see the tomoe of his Sharingan spinning to form the wheel of the Mangekyou. He killed Shisui to get them. He was his best friend, and Itachi killed him. I knew I couldn't defeat Itachi without them. I, also, knew that if this continued I would have to kill Naruto to get them. It was the only way.

Naruto shook his head violently. "I don't accept that! You talk of only one path, one fate, but I say that's wrong, Sasuke!" His hands reached out to grab my shoulders. "If you could find it in yourself, to leave that road behind you, I promise there is another one right here," he finished.

I stared at Naruto with uncertainty painted across my face. This road is all I know; it is my reason for living. Itachi wouldn't have left me alive, otherwise. Simply dropping it could be dangerous, since Itachi is still out there, somewhere. There would always be the chance that I'll find myself on this path again, and by then it would be too late.

"Sasuke," Naruto whispered, eyes facing the ground. "You don't need to decide anything, now, but…" he trailed off and lifted his head to lock eyes with me. "But, I've wanted to kiss you again since you left me at my window."

My breathing came to a halt.

"Could you just maybe kiss me one more time? Just this once?"

I blinked in shock, this couldn't be happening. I knew if I kissed him now, there would be no going back. Could I take the chance? No matter how good he's gotten, if he had to go against me and my Chidori, he wouldn't last long. Maybe if he had something to go against it, he would have a chance. I knew I couldn't just take him out in cold blood; it's hard to imagine killing him at all… Oh, why am I even thinking about this, I can't kill Naruto!

"Naruto, I can't…" I didn't know how to continue. I didn't know what kind of excuse I could make. Nothing seemed good enough, or plausible for that matter. It wasn't like I could tell him I was trying to avoid his death.

I felt the loss of his hands on my shoulders. I wanted them back… but this wasn't something within my control.

"It's okay," he said a bit dejectedly. A wide smile spread across his features, but I could tell it wasn't real. It didn't touch his eyes.

I couldn't stand to see his eyes like that. I had to make him understand. My hands reached out to caress his face, and he stared at me, wide eyed in pure shock.

I leaned forward and pressed my forehead against his. "You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now," I whispered. Somehow, I felt if I spoke any louder my will power would break.

"Then why don't you?" he whispers back, hands keeping mine pressed against his cheeks.

'Dammit, Naruto, you are not making this easier…' "I told you, I can't, Naruto. You talk of choosing to walk a different path just like that, but Naruto, it isn't that easy." I take a breath. "Naruto, it's dangerous to be this close to me."

Naruto scoffed, "Don't give me that, teme. I've gotten stronger, you've seen it yourself. I can handle anythi—"

"Naruto, stop, you can't handle this. You may have gotten stronger, but you are not strong enough," I countered.

"Then, I'll get strong enough!" he argued, pulling away just enough to look into my eyes but keep hands touching his scarred cheeks. "We'll make a deal. I'll get stronger, I'll learn a new jutsu that just as powerful as your Chidori. If I can do this, you'll kiss me and let go of your revenge."

I shook my head in awe. Naruto grew more amazing to me every day. I traced my thumb over one of those oddly intriguing whiskers. Faint traces of a smirk appeared on my face. "I don't know if I can promise anything, now," I began, "but I will definitely try."

I lift my head to see him better. "I was going to do it, too!" I shout. I want the heavens to know I'm not heartless, even if I don't fully believe it myself. "Itachi didn't have to come back… I didn't have to… kill… No!" 'I can't even convince myself. Naruto, I'm sorry. I know that can never make up for this, but I truly am. Naruto…'

'Could you just kiss me one more time? Just this once?' Naruto's voice echoes in my head. My vision blurs, and I blink rapidly to catch a glimpse of his lips.

'If I can do this, you'll kiss me and let go of your revenge."

"Naruto, I'm sorry, I didn't kiss you then. I know I should have." I choke down a sob. Naruto will not see me cry. "I can't let go of my revenge, Naruto. It was foolish of me to think I could. Itachi won't stop until I kill him. But, Naruto," my lips hover over his, "I'll give you a kiss, just one last time. One last kiss to say goodbye…"

And I lightly press my lips against his. They're cold and wet, not at all warm and inviting like the last time. I can barely contain my tears when they don't press back like I was half expecting them to.

'That's enough, Sasuke. It's time to go…' I try to disconnect my lips, but I find that I can't. I just realized that I can feel the slightest bit of warmth on my mouth. I break away to look at Naruto. He isn't awake, but I'm certain that his chest is moving just the slightest bit. I place my ear over his chest, and I'm right! Naruto's breathing!

I feel like my heart is about to break out of my chest. 'Whoever's watching, I can't thank you enough!' (2)

I'm feeling more in my heart than I'm used to, but I force myself to calm down. I have to think. Do I wait for Naruto to wake up, and go back to the village? Or do I leave? I sit back to clear my head. What did I leave for in the first place? The faces of four sound ninjas flash through my mind. I can't really remember their names, as everything between leaving the village and climbing out of that coffin has become rather foggy, but I know they serve Orochimaru.

Pain sears through my body as his name flits through my thoughts. I grip my shoulder. 'Oh, that's right. This damned curse mark." Orochimaru gave me this power, and he can teach me how to use it. Maybe with this, I won't need the Mangekyou to defeat Itachi. 'But what about Naruto?'

My gaze shifts to land on him. 'Naruto wanted me to give up on Itachi and stay with him. I could, and I want to… but…'

'Is it true that Itachi has returned? And that he's after Naruto?'

When that man said those words, I didn't even think. Every instinct within me simply cried out to 'get to Naruto.' I had to get there first, or Naruto would have been dead. When I did arrive, the sight of my brother towering over Naruto was enough to set my blood on fire.

'Yes, Naruto is the prize the Akatsuki are after. And we will have him.'

Itachi's sickeningly smooth voice oozes in my brain. Hearing Naruto's name pass his lips just makes me want to kill him more.

'Is there, someone who is precious to you?'

That voice… Haku… 'I see… Haku, I believe I understand. Naruto…' I run my fingers through his hair. 'Naruto is precious to me…'

I feel a presence. Someone is coming. Back up for Naruto, no doubt. Probably Kakashi… A sigh pushes past my lips. It's time to make a decision, now or never.

Something shines out of the corner of my eye, and I finally notice my fallen headband. A long scratch ran through the symbol of the leaf. I chuckle at the sight. That would have left a nasty scar on my forehead. I look back at Naruto and brush a finger over his whiskers

"I can't protect you like this, Naruto," I tell him. "With Itachi after you, and this curse mark on my shoulder, I can't become truly strong here in the Leaf." I chuckle again. "I mean, I must be getting pretty pathetic if a dobe like you can land a blow like that." I glance at my headband.

"I'm going to Orochimaru, Naruto." I turn back to him. "We'll make a deal," I borrow his words. "I'll get stronger, I'll kill Itachi and keep his blood stained hands away from you." I lean over his face. "Once I kill him, I'll come back to you, and I'll give you all the kisses you want. That is a promise." And with that, I press my mouth over his, feeling his wonderful breath that proved he was alive, and sealed the deal.

I stop beside a tree in the middle of a forest. I've already left the Land of Fire, so I must be in the Land of Rivers, by now. Looking around, I suddenly realize I don't really know where I'm going. Those four ninja were meant to escort me, but they were missing when I left the coffin. Meaning they were either dead or captured, probably the former, as I couldn't see those powerful foes as easy enough to bother trying to capture them. Smarter to kill than be killed.

I turn to look back at the Land of Fire, back at Naruto, whom I was leaving for God knows how long. 'Please, don't give up on me, Naruto. I might lose my way, without you to guide me back, but I'll do my best. Just stick with me.'

The phantom heat from Naruto's lips lingers on my mouth. I close my eyes and smile inwardly, knowing that he is still alive.

'There is only one way to get these eyes, little brother. Take the life of your best friend. You must kill him!'

My eyes snap open. 'No, brother! Just because you say it, doesn't mean I'm gonna listen!' I push off the tree and continue moving forward. "I will get that power, but I'll do it my way! I will…'

A rustle of leaves catches my attention to the right of me. There, leaning smugly against a large tree, was Kabuto. The silver haired man chuckles once it's obvious I've recognized him.

"Long time no see, Sasuke," his disgustingly self-righteous voice spits out my name and crawls into my brain, rolling around in my thoughts.

I knew there was a reason I didn't like this guy…