Chapter 4

Kakashi slid his hand into one of the drawers in the kitchen, his hand slowly curving around a knife. Sure, he didn't have to kill her the first time but if he'd known this was going to happen, he would have tried a bit harder. Killing her the first time was a side-effect, now it was his own self-designated mission. "What could be worth my while, Meino?"

Meino's smile grew a little wider. "The Third and Ibiki still trust me; I could help you build up enough to fake some sanity then get back into that uniform you hold so dearly. What do you say?"

Kakashi hesitated. "What do you want in exchange?"

"Your silence. You tell no one of who I am and you help me blend in. I didn't get a chance to know Meino very well so I'm very rusty. I'm only lucky no one's picked up on it so far. It turns out she was a fairly sheltered individual," she explained. "I told you the first time, before you tried to murder me, I'm tired of dealing with that country's bullshit."

Kakashi curled his hand around the knife a little tighter. "Why shouldn't I just kill you now?"

"They'd never give you your ninja licence back."

"Plead insanity. I mean, supposedly I almost killed Gai."

"And it took a lot of convincing for Ibiki not to throw you into a cell on the spot," Meino replied. "You go into one of those cells, you come out to live in a retirement village with careers, hopped up on any psychiatric meds they can throw at you."

Even if he'd never known her intentions about taking over Meino's life, this woman had never lied to him before. She never even mentioned further plans so if she was going to do something, she wasn't going to tell him. She knew how to give over only the information she wanted to. Perhaps he'd have to bargain back. "Is there anything else?"

Meino shrugged. "Unless you had something."

Kakashi cleared his throat. "You do anything against this village and I will slaughter you."

Meino continued to smile. "I know. I have no intention of doing so. I'll just hang around here for a while and if I eventually get sick of it, I'll leave Meino's body here and travel off in someone else. I'm a nomad; I'm not here to cause trouble."

Kakashi had gotten that impression. Even when he'd found her in the land of Earth, she'd seemed awfully detached from it. "You do as I say."

"Aren't you mister control-freak?" Meino teased, receiving a glare in response.

"Yes, I am," Kakashi willingly admitted. He knew he needed to be in control for a very long time. That's why he made such a good ANBU captain and leader.

"I could tell that all along; you struggle for control in a world where no matter what you do, it doesn't do what you want it to," Meino said as she slowly got up and walked towards him. "Because no matter how much you try to control the situation, prevent casualties, everyone around you still dies."

Kakashi lashed out at her as Meino moved back with the kind of speed a chunin should not have been able to reach. At least not a chunin like Meino had been. Meino smiled, hands behind her back as if he was a child threatening her with a teddy bear. "I control what happens outside of closed doors. If I don't, our cover is blown. But anything behind closed doors is yours. Do with me what you will; I don't care. You don't tell anyone that I'm technically not Meino and I won't tell anyone you should be locked up for the rest of your life, okay?"

The stakes were too high for Kakashi to refuse. "What do you mean, 'do with me what you will'?"

Meino shrugged turning back to sit on his bed again. "I have no attachment to this body so you could use it as teddy bear, maid, punching bag, sex toy…" she said as she watched his eyes at her last suggestion. Clearly he hadn't forgotten the experience. "Although, I might have something to say if you become a soppy, teary, delicate little flower yourself. I don't have much patience for those people. And if you beat me up too much, people might start to question what you're doing with me."

Kakashi was still silent for a few moments. He was never overly talkative, preferring to watch and observe the situation before he spoke. "Are you going to put that knife down or have you decided to carve me up again like you did last time?" Meino asked and Kakashi frowned. "I mean, I won't protest but as I just said, the more obvious damage you do, the more likely it is someone will ask questions."

Kakashi was curious. He'd never met someone so open to being beaten before. "What do you gain from that?"

Meino folded her arms. "Well, my soul never quite fuses with a body so it's awfully difficult to feel. At least when someone hurts me, I feel it. So pain has quite the opposite reaction on me," she replied. "Besides, what's a little dirty fun?" Kakashi took a single step forward, knife still in his grip. Meino waited expectantly. "You clearly enjoyed it too; taking control, determining how much pain I felt, how long it would last, so on."

Kakashi turned slowly, opening a cupboard and picking up another bottle. He'd always known his father was a heavy drinker; there were too many nights he'd come home from a mission or training, his father completely unconscious and unable to be woken. It was only diligence that had prevented Kakashi from clearing out whatever was left – which was an entire cupboard full as his father tended to buy in bulk, finish a bottle and forget about the others, proceeding to buy in bulk again to prevent needing to buy again so soon – but without the missions to distract himself, his discipline was slipping further and further.

He opened the bottle, feeling the burn down his throat as he poured the entire bottle down. At least they were small, but strong, bottles so he wasn't going to end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning after one. Drinking it faster meant he felt it more too, so he didn't need to drink as much in the end.

"Nervous?"

Kakashi felt the bottle shatter between his fingers, ceramic spread across the kitchen again. "Is that all you want from me. Someone who's sick enough to be okay with hurting you so you can get off?"

Meino sat in consideration for a few seconds. "I mean it's purely a bonus. Not many share my tastes."

"You just pull in suckers that will do it anyway."

"From what I recall, you enjoyed it too. Besides, it's not that unusual. There are people that are attracted to feet or a large variety of things. So I'm a bit more violent; so are you."

Kakashi wasn't sure he completely agreed but he couldn't deny it. He wasn't frequented in the area of sex considering it usually meant getting close to someone, something he avoided at all costs. Rin had been the first, mostly out of consideration as she was worried that she might have to give it up on a mission at some point. Kunoichi were known for doing so at some point; they had to blend in or force out information and sex was an awfully convincing way to do either.

Then it turned into some middle ground between friends and a relationship, neither knowing if they wanted more or less. There were advantages and disadvantages to either; company and comfort verse the risk of losing their respective best friend. Before either of them had made their mind up – Rin leaning towards the relationship side of things and Kakashi against it – Rin had thrown herself in front of his raiki technique and Kakashi was scarred with the feeling of her blood dripping down his arm forever.

Then there were a couple others but none of them got anywhere close to where Rin had gotten. There was some extent of friendship and sex involved but that was all. Kakashi had made it clear he didn't want to get particularly close to anybody so the relationships were merely for the mutual benefits; sexual frustrations were released and they had someone to drink with when things got too hard.

"Well?" Meino asked, folding her arms, the smile finally fading from her face. "You're in charge here."

Kakashi didn't have much of a choice. If he wanted his career, he had to deal with it or at least let others onto the fact Meino wasn't who she claimed to be in a way that didn't make him seem crazy. "Fine."

Meino smiled. "Good. I'm glad, Okashi-kun."

Kakashi put down the knife. "First thing; it's 'Kakashi'."

Meino nodded. "Okay, Kakashi." That wasn't exactly what he was aiming for but it was better than 'Okashi-kun'. It made him feel like she was calling him a sweet. He knew what she meant by it but that didn't mean he was comfortable with that either. "Is there anything else you would like?"

Kakashi suddenly didn't know what to do. He'd never been in charge of someone in his home like this before. Missions, sure, but this was different. He turned slightly. "Clean this up."

He didn't expect her to be so obedient. She hopped up with no hint of complaint, a quiet 'dustpan' and 'bin' uttered as Kakashi pointed and she cleaned it up in a few seconds flat. She then stood and waited for her next instruction. This was going to take some getting used to. It was convenient to have someone around that would do as he pleased but he wasn't used to dehumanising someone in his home. He wasn't sure that what she wanted but that was the impression he was getting.

"May I make a suggestion?" Meino asked, noticing how lost he looked. Kakashi nodded. "Should I go buy some groceries? Your house is empty and you're looking gaunt. Meanwhile, you could take a nap."

Kakashi frowned. "Won't someone ask why you're buying me food?"

"I'm your doctor, of sorts. You need to eat and are not in the mental state to do it yourself, or at least remember to. It's perfectly reasonable that I do something to make sure you get better. Starvation won't help the situation. With some food in your stomach and some sleep, you might feel somewhat normal again."

Kakashi nodded. So long as it didn't raise too many questions, the idea didn't sound like a bad one. He had no idea what to buy anymore anyway. He couldn't remember the last time he went and bought groceries for himself. Usually his fridge was just filled with leftovers from wherever he'd bought food previously. "Okay."

Meino smiled, moving toward the door. "I'll be back!"

Kakashi moved towards his bed, lying down on it as he stared at the ceiling. He wasn't sure what to make of the predicament; instincts were telling him to just kill this intruder and get it over with. Even so, he couldn't ignore the small part of him that didn't want to, the small part that believed her when she said she was trying to escape a country that was torn by indecision of war. With those conflicting thoughts running through his mind, he soon fell asleep, the alcohol making him tired again. He knew he was going to be restless but at least he'd get some degree of rest.

He took quiet steps inside the house, sliding the door closed. He couldn't hear his father, though that wasn't unusual. The man was normally asleep, no matter what time of day he got home. He would be lucky if dinner was ready, usually left over takeout sitting on the bench and waiting. He removed his shoes carefully, silently making his way into the kitchen.

There was nothing, though he was expecting it. There hadn't been anything for him for the past week so why would he think there would be. He turned on the kettle, picking up an instant ramen cup from the cupboard and placing it on the bench. He could smell the alcohol in the air again, looking at the bottles piled up next to the bin.

He slowly walked into his father's room, removing his mask and gear. He then quietly stepped towards the bed, expecting the silver haired ninja to be lying there again, bedridden by depression and shame. It had been years, progressively getting worse as time went by. "Father."

His father wasn't there. That was strange. He walked back into the kitchen, confused as he leaned on the bench top as he looked at his bed. Something was off about it, his covers moved just enough he could tell someone had touched it. He stepped closer, looking it over. He knew he slept in the same room as the kitchen and dining room so guests often saw his bed, though it was rarely touched.

He turned, noticing his father's sword. It was as if it was leaning against something, pointed into the air behind the table so he couldn't quite see. His father had pulled the sword out before, usually while in a drunken stupor, bragging about how many missions he'd completed with it, how many lives he'd saved and yet the village had shamed him for considering his comrades more important than the mission.

Kakashi then saw hair. He stepped a little closer, noticing the red stains in the carpet as he took more tentative steps. His father lay on his side, sword pierced through his stomach as Kakashi felt his heart begin to race. He slid to the ground, his hand reaching for the sword as he wondered what to do. Rin, that was the name of the girl on his team, right? She wanted to be a medic ninja, maybe she'd know what to do.

"Kakashi…"

Kakashi looked at his father, noticing the struggle for breath. "Father, who did this to you?"

Sakumo looked at Kakashi, pleading for forgiveness with his eyes. "I'm sorry, Kakashi."

Kakashi was still frantic, trying to decide the best course of action. He didn't want to leave, instead biting his finger as his father grabbed his hand. "Father, Pakkun could get help."

Sakumo shook his head. "I don't want help, Kakashi."

Kakashi was confused. "But Father-"

"No buts," Sakumo replied, reaching up to wipe away a stray tear that was running down Kakashi's cheek. "I didn't mean to let you find me like this. I thought you'd get home later."

Kakashi was even more confused. "Father-"

Sakumo shook his head. "I'm proud of you, Kakashi. You're a much better ninja than I ever was."

Kakashi watched as his father's hand gripped the sword again, moving it in a way that forced out more blood. His father coughed, blood dripping from his lips as Kakashi tried to grab the sword and stop him. "Father, don't! Stop it! You'll make it worse! Stop it! Please, stop it!"

Sakumo was too strong, pulling on the sword a little more as Kakashi watched it slice through his father like he was butter. "Stop it! Stop it! Father, stop it! Don't do it!"

Kakashi was forced awake, unable to breathe as he was thrown forward. His hands gripped the side of his bed as he gasped for air, the scent of food filling his nose as he slowly began to settle. He was drenched in sweat again; the shower he'd had just earlier that day now rendered pointless. He looked up at Meino whom had her arms folded, chopsticks between her fingers as a pan sizzled beside her.

"Are you okay, Kakashi?"

Kakashi knew there was no way he could answer that with a lie. He was still trying to catch his breath from the nightmare he was sure he was over. He could still feel the pain in his chest, the desperation in his hands to force his father to stop moving the sword through his own body. "Just a nightmare."

"Your father's suicide?"

Kakashi didn't like how much she knew about him considering he knew very little about her. "Yeah."

Meino nodded. "You were screaming for him to stop. I took an educated guess," she said as she turned back to the pan and stirred. "Do you want to talk about it? I mean, I am a psychiatrist."

Kakashi shook his head as he looked down at the ground, trying to even out his breaths. What happened had been many years ago. "No."

Meino frowned. "Your inability to talk doesn't help your case."

Kakashi glared at her. "It's none of your business."

"Have you told anybody about it?"

Kakashi was quiet. "My old sensei."

"The Fourth?" Meino asked and Kakashi nodded. "He's been dead for almost ten years, Kakashi."

"Eight."

Meino sighed. "You can trust me, Kakashi. I trusted you with who I am, you can trust me when I say I won't tell anyone more than they already know, which is that they're dead."

Kakashi shook his head. "It's not that easy."

"Then what do I need to do?"

Kakashi frowned. "I don't know anything about you, for a start. What's your real name?"

"I don't have one," Meino replied very quickly. "We are born into shells, are given a name but it's only temporary. We change bodies and therefore change again. Our names are not permanent. I don't even remember most of mine. I don't have a name of my own, nor did my parents. Nor did their parents. My clan are unnamed because we all have different names."

Meino watched Kakashi's expression. "You want to know about me? Fine," she said as she turned off the stove, sorting the food into some bowls. "I was born in the Mist, my parents forced me out of my body at five years old and I was forced to fend on my own from then on. We are nomads; we live by blending in. The best way to do that is to be individual as a group of us would be more obvious that something had changed and was wrong. We don't fight, we just take new bodies when we have to. We become new people. I don't have a past of my own, nor do I have my own future. Instead I must steal somebody else's to get by. So this time, I'm Meino. She seemed nice, distant enough I wouldn't get caught, and due to my time spent in various people's heads, I know psychology. I know how the mind works as it is rewired to fit my soul each time I change over. It just happened it was convenient she lived in the same village as you, someone whom I thought I could trust. I didn't tell you my story because I have no story. My story started the moment I took over Meino and moved here, and will end to start again next time I move on. I don't make attachments; I meet people who are like-minded so when I disappear they won't be affected. Like you."

"You make yourself awfully at home and intertwined for someone who doesn't want to get involved," Kakashi noted.

Meino shrugged. "I force you to dehumanise me so I become an object to you. Because that is all you are to me. Your life will continue, mine won't. My world will be completely flipped as I see through a new set of eyes," she replied. "Do you trust me now?" Kakashi hesitated. Meino sighed, able to read him again. She knew that it was a step forward; he'd almost said 'yes'. "It's a start."

Kakashi moved towards the table as Meino put down the food, sitting at the table with him. "You won't stay, will you?"

Meino shook her head. "Not unless you ask me to. I do have to obey you, remember?"

Kakashi nodded. "No, go home." Meino started to get up. "After you eat."

Meino nodded, sitting down again. "Okay." She quietly ate. "If you'll take my advice, I have some for you."

Kakashi looked at her. She was asking permission to tell him something he should consider. He only ever got that kind of respect on missions. "Go ahead."

"You should visit Gai tomorrow. Asuma and Kurenai too. Reaching out to your friends will help you. I do hope to help you, Kakashi. I don't want any attachments but that doesn't mean I want to be useless."

Kakashi hesitated by nodded. "Tomorrow. After I visit the memorial."

Meino ate silently for a few more moments. "Kakashi."

"Yes, Meino?"

"You should visit Rin too."

Author's note: a bit rushed but I'm glad I got this out too. I think I've caught any mistakes but let me know if I haven't. This chapter was to try and establish a bit of context for Meino, seeing as she'll be popping in and out of this story a lot. Again, let me know if you liked it or hated it, and give the story a follow if you want to know what happens Kakashi follow Meino's advice and visit Rin? We'll see.- Asami