Chapter 3: Polis 4
In 'The Exiled Ruler's Guide to Galaxy' it describes opinions and beliefs as, "Personal feelings that are favourable towards somtething or non-favourable towards something. The favour or dis-favour seem to differ from person to person, especially in the case of the question 'Which Pizza Topping is the best?'"
Of course pizza and pizza toppings are nothing compared to all the bickering and arguing that goes on throughout the Galaxy. With personal freedom of speech and freedom of the press and freedom of worship all rather universal you need to realise that eventually somebody is going to call you stupid for some reason or another. Most of the galaxy enjoys this personal freedom even with the problems it causes. One of the main problems with beliefs and opinions is that they can lead to people blaming each other for their problems. Nobody likes the idea of them being wrong and so its not enough to believe in something anymore. You now have to prove it if you want to be vidicated.
For example, Grandos Graul of the Praxais Traunum nebula suggested that the answers to all of the problems in the universe could be discovered if you solved the two forever long standing questions of philosophy. These were 'If a tree falls in a forest does it make a sound?' and 'Which came first, the chicken or the egg?' The galactic board of scholars funded his research into both problems for years until Grandos finally solved both answers to these questions. Two seconds later the Praxais Traunum nebula imploded and took the two answers to these questions with it. Apparently by definitively and without a shadow of a doubt solving these two problems, Grandos had removed all purpose of his existance and turned into a blackhole that only dissapated when the nebula had been swallowed up.
To this day no one has tried duplicating Grandos' work and therefore everyone still acts like total jerks towards each other.
Its not entirely their fault of course, some people have put the blame on all of this ridiculous bickering on the media. If there ever was a place where you'd find more people contradicting, criticising, squabbling and acting like complete asses towards each other the media would be the best place to look. The blame does not rest on one side of the media spectrum entirely. In fact no matter who you listen to, be they a pompous right-winged wind bag with no personality or a self-righteous left-wing tree hugger who doesn't realise he's irrelevent they are all to blame. Even the ones with the best intentions seem to always want to force their opinions on other by claiming their way is right and there is no compromising it.
The few select indivduals who are niether right of left of the political spectrum never have a chance to speak out and when they do barely anyone sees their line of reasoning.
For instance, during an unending 200 year civil war on the planet Frontonia a lone individual stood in the middle of no man's land and asked the offending sides 'why exactly they were even fighting?' and 'why they couldn't just be all nice to each other for a change?' His questions caused great confusion and the two sides of the conflict put aside their differences for the time being so they could pummel him into the earth before continuing their battle.
Eventually the inhabitants became slightly more intelligent and realised they were being idiots and stopped the war at last. Its been the only known case in the galaxy where the two sides in a conflict recognized they were fighting for no real reason at all and just up and stopped the war.
Other planets have not been so lucky and, like the one Blackfire is travelling to now in her stolen Ralphaysian fighter craft, are still locked in a bitter war for control of the planet. Which brings us of course to Polis 4, which is the planet we were just talking about a sentence ago, where Blackfire, who we were also talking about a sentence ago, is about to land.
"I suppose I should ask the book about this planet before I start going around talking to people." Blackfire thought as the ship began to land "Its been helpful so far and all."
Blackfire was about to reopen the book and see whatever information it contained on Polis 4, but she decided against it when she saw what she was landing nearby. In a small clearing of tree there was a huge sound stage and a mass of people surrounding it. Tents were pitched on either side of the crowd and a huge cloud of smoke was billowing up from the mass of people as well. Along with that Blackfire could see a large wooden wicker statue behind the stage as well as a large Peace sign banner hanging over the stage itself. Even from here she could here the music being played, the exact same music that was played on her ship's communication systems.
"Oh great." Blackfire said snapping the book shut "Nevermind I've landed on a hippie planet. These guys are harmless...or at least mostly harmless."
Disheartened by the fact she was now on a hippie planet Blackfire landed her ship in the clearing just outside the large mass of people and got out. She was not scared of the hippies at all really. She just knew what she was going to have to go through. Her expierence with hippies on her own planet of Tamaran returned to her mind. Stupid boring protestors challenging her right to rule and demanding the her sister take up the throne instead.
At first it was fun firing gas at them. Then it donned on her after about 10 protests that it was one of the many things that made being a dictator rather annoying. The other two things she found annoying were trying to keep people from figuring out that the invasion fleet was a hoax and making sure her orating skills were good enough to keep her fellow Tamaranians on her side. Nevertheless, Blackfire dreaded talking to these hippies. Walking up to the edge of the crowd she attempted to get one's attention.
"Excuse me sir," she began "I was wondering if you could give me directions to..."
The man turned around to reveal his rather large forehead covered in long hair and a messy unkept beard. He also wore a what appeared to be some kind of torn military jacket and in one held a smoking cigarette with a questionable odour eminatting from it.
"Directions?" He said rather surprised "You don't need directions man. Not on the road of life. You just go with the flow of cosmos and it will take you to where you truly wish to be."
"Yeah," Blackfire said unconvinced "thats nice. So are you going to give me directions to Earth or not?"
The alien's eyes grew wide and at this statement.
"Whoa dude." He said "You wanna vist Earth? Righteous. That place is like totally groovy."
"Yes I know." Blackfire admitted non-chalantly "I just need directions to get there is all. Can you help?"
"Oh sorry man." The hippie said. "We don't know where it is."
"If you don't know where it is how do you know about it?" Blackfire asked rather annoyed
"We get like radio and TV signals from Earth dude." He explained "Its like totally opened our horizons man. We've completely tuned in, turned on and dropped out."
Blackfire only rolled her eyes at this.
"Whatever," she said "can you please tell me where I can find a person who knows where Earth is?"
"You'd need to get to a radio station to figure that out man." He told her as he took a puff of his cigarette. "Hey you want some ginger?"
"Ginger?" Blackfire said confised
"Yeah, we don't got any Earthling drugs here." He said "But we found that ginger is like a natural drug for us here on Polis 4. Its like the best gateway drug ever man."
"Not interested." She said pushing the smoking ginger cigarette away "I just want to find Earth."
"Hey you can do that later." He told her "How about we go over to my tent and do express ourselves to the sexual extreme."
Blackfire threw up in her mouth a bit at this remark.
"Sorry, but hairy unkempt hippies aren't my type." she explained
Suddenly the alien's eyes grew even wider. He began to turn his head from side to side wildly with a look of child like wonderment on his face.
"Whoa!" He said "Everything's so colorful and vibrant!"
"I bet they are." Blackfire commented knowing what was going on
The hippie had just noticed his hand
"Whoa dude!" He said "My hands are huge!"
Blackfire poked the hippie in the chest and he fell onto his back, unaware of what had just happened.
"Stoner." Blackfire commented as she walked into the crowd of people.
Blackfire moved her way through the crowd, the area was thick with smoke and hippie music blasting in her ears. She tried to fly out of the crowd but was unable to due to the amount of ginger smoke in the air. It didn't apparently work its hypnotic spell on her senses because she was a different species Eventually she made her way to the stage, although it took her several hours of pushing and shoving through the mass crowd. When she did reach it and a guy tunic like cloak with a headband over his head stood before the crowd.
"Brothers and sisters," he said with a large smile on his face "it is good to see you all made it out today to our 30th annual mega-hippie-o-thon which has at this point lasted over 27 weeks longer then our last one!"
A large mass of cheers and clapping came from the crowd as Blackfire looked on. The man continued to speak.
"This year though we're about to finally spread our message of peace and love to the rest of planet."
Another cheer went up from the crowd.
"What does he mean rest of the planet?" Blackfire thought "Isn't this entire place inhabited by hippies?"
The head hippie alien continued his speech
"For too long, the corporations have bleed this world of its love and valuable resources and now its time to strike back with our greatest weapon, ginger! And lots of it!"
The crowd roared with cheers and hooting and loud clapping. Blackfire only stood rather dumbfounded.
"Huh?" She said "What does he mean ginger is their greatest weapon? all it does is make these idiots stoned."
"In a few short hours," The hippie alien leader continued "our mega ginger missile will lauch at the western side of the planet and turn this world into one big happy commune for all!"
Yet another collective cheering fest popped up from behind Blackfire.
"They cannot be serious." Blackfire said even more dumbfounded then ever "They're going to stone the entire planet? That's just stupid!"
"Operation: Atom Bong will begin after the burning of the wicker man tonight." the leader said "But for now lets continue to defy the other planetary corporations who bleed their worlds' dry and surpress dissent by rocking out, taking drugs and having wild sex! Kick it boys!"
The band started up again and the music returned. Blackfire didn't care though. If they wanted to drug their stupid little planet fine, but she certainly wasn't going to stay here while they did it. Climbing her way up onto the stage she took over the microphone from its stand.
"Excuse me." She said not getting much attention at first. She yelled louder "Excuse me!"
Suddenly everyone stopped swaying to the music as they looked at Blackfire on stage, the band stopped as well when they heard Blackfire. The whole thing was a little nerve racking with everyone staring at her.
"Hey," Blackfire said nervously "uh, listen. I don't mean to intrude or anything, but I need to get to a radio or tv station so I can find Earth. Can anyone tell me where the nearest one is?"
The hippie leader returned to the stage.
"Well we could, but why would you want to leave?" he asked her "This planet is about to become the center of peace and love for the entire universe."
"Good for you." She told him "But thats just not my style. So if you could kindly tell me where I can find a radio station to-"
"Not your style?!" The leader said astonished "Dude are you trippin' or something?"
"No!" She told him "You're the ones who are all trippin. I mean seriously, your plan for global conquest is to drop a giant bomb filled with drugs on the other side of the planet. What kind of lame takeover the world scheme is that? And what the hell is with this commune stuff anyway?"
"Well," The leader began to explain "Its like a, you know, place where people, like, just help each other and, like, live together and exchange each other's services for their services."
"Sounds like a city or a town to me." said Blackfire, unconvinced of their world view.
"Hey don't harsh on us man." The leader said "We're trying to change the world and stop the evil corporations from rapping the galaxy for money."
"How?" Blackfire asked "By smoking ginger, having sex and listening to music?"
The whole audience just looked at Blackfire and for a grand total of ten seconds there was complete and utter dead silence. Then the hippie leader took the microphone away from Blackfire and put it to his mouth.
"I think our friend here needs more ginger, huh guys?"
The whole crowd laughed insanely at this and in doing so completely infuriated Blackfire. As the band continued playing blackfire stood off in a corner and grumbled to herself.
"I hate hippies." she said to herself.
Suddenly there was a loud blarring sound over everyone and the music and laughter was replaced by what apparently were the sounds of reving hover engine blades approaching ever closer.
"Raid!" The leader shouted "Its 'The Man' man! Run for your lives!"
Blackfire was confused, what was going on. Suddenly, she got her answer as several large black hover-choppers appeared over the hill.
"Surrender or die!" The booming voice from the choppers said "Put down your drugs and step away from your drums and guitars or you will be fired upon!"
"Screw you ya fascist pigs!" Said one of the hippies throwing a peace smybol protest sign at the hover choppers.
"We've been attacked with a protest sign!" The lead hover chopper said "Fire at will!"
The hover choppers began to fire on the crowd bullets whizzed through the sky and hit the mass of hippies they began the disperse as the choppers dropped off ground troopers that stormed the field.
"I'm out of here man!" The lead hippie said "Quick! To love bus dude!"
The band on stage and the hippie leader ran into a hovering vehicle that looked like a minibus, minus the wheels. It began to drive away but one of the black hover choppers locked onto it and fired a missle. The hover mini-buc exploded and sent a plume of flame into the air.
"Smoke on that ya stupid hippies." The pilot said over the mega phone.
Blackfire had not moved in all the confusion. Feeling no need to help the hippies and not understanding what was going on she was soon surrounded by the black suited, gas masked soldiers all pointing stun rifles at her.
"Oh boy." She said putting her hands up "Uh, I don't suppose you could give me directions to the nearest radio station huh?"
The soldier with the captain's symbol on his helmet motioned to the man next to him.
"Are you friend or foe?" The soldier asked
"What do you mean friend or foe?" She asked
"Answer me friend or foe? The soldier reiterated
"Well that depends really," Blackfire told him "some people I like others not so much."
"Just answer friend or foe!?!" He ordered once more
"Well at the moment you're all hassiling me with your big dangerous laser guns and talking to in a rude voice."
"Answer!" The impatient soldier told her "Friend or Foe!?! Answer or I will fire!"
"Well that settles it," She said "we're not going to be friends."
"Good enough" The captain said "Escort this prison to the chopper soldier."
"Prisoner?" Blackfire said defiently "Look theres been a grave misunderstanding. I'm not-"
"Silence hippie!" The captain ordered "You're coming with us. High command is gonna wanna talk to you."
If Blackfire had bothered to check the guide for information on Polis 4 she would have discovered that it was not at all inhabited entirely by hippies. They only covered half the planet, the other half was ruled by a society of right-wing militaristic corporate bullies who, unlike the hippies were far more mistrusting and far more dangerous. They weren't evil as one of the hippie Polisitians would describe them as, but they simply had a different view on how things should be goverened.
The reason that one side of the planet is entirely right-wing and the other left-wing has to do with the perspective media shown on each side and where they get it from. Earth scientists have theorized that TV and radio signals aren't so easily confined to our solar system. The broadcast wave that we hear on earth could, in theory, exit our atmosphere, travel thousands of lightyears out and few decades later play on the television or radio of another alien planet. This theory is correct for at least one planet in the Galaxy, Polis 4. This however wasn't always the case.
A thousand years ago the Polisitians were a cooperative peaceful race that had advanced technology beyond all their years. So far everyone had pretty much gotten along because there wasn't anything to argue about in particular. Diesease was non-existant, their was no crime, no poverty, everyone from young to old was treated with dignity and respect and the profession of lawyer had been outlawed.
Best of all, TV and Radio only played quality programing that offended no one and was perfectly suited for all ages. Therefore it was boring and no one ever listened or watched it. Until around Earth's invention of the radio. It took about 10 years for the broadcast waves to reach Polis 4, but when they did the inhabitants finally had something interesting to listen to on their radio boxes.
Apparently, Polis 4's technology was so advanced that their transciever waves were able to pick up broadcast waves far quicker then any other planet. When TV was invented on Earth the same thing happened with TV on Polis 4. Eventually Polis 4 further advanced their transcievers so they could listen to radio and watch TV from Earth without being 10 years out of the loop.
Unfortunately they managed to do this around the time the Sixties were in full bloom and immedietly new ideas such as 'Sex drugs and Rock n' Roll' were introduced. Many people didn't take light to this development and tried to block the signals that came from Earth's underground radio stations and keep the programing they saw in the fifties by removing the advanced technology from their transcievers so they could listen to wholesome things again.
This led to a severe culture gap beyond anything in known Galaxy and caused the planet to be split down the middle. On one side were left wingers, the other right wingers. Over the years both sides worked out the math to successfully block all programming from Earth they deemed as bad for society. By consequence one side of the planet only plays Radio republican blowhards while the other side will only ever pick up Radio shock jocks who are obviously more funny.
Now the east side of Polis 4 is filled with Hippies and punkers while the other side is filled with rich fat cats, rednecks and military hardasses. The two sides have been locked in a bitter civil war ever since the split with both attempting to convert the other to their way of thinking through force.
And now Blackfire finds herself in West Polis 4 travelling to the capital city of that region. There she will be accussed of being a hippie and held as a hostage till East Polis 4 meets their demands or she meets their demands. Needless to say, Blackfire is so far loathing this planet with the fury of a thousand suns.
"I loathe this planet with the fury of a thousand suns!" Blackfire yells as she the hover chopper holding her captive travels through the city highrises.
"Zip it Hippie." The pilot said "As of now you have absolutely no rights, everything you say will be used against you in the court of law and you will not be supplied an attorney and be questioned at our leisure."
"I don't care!" She told him "I'm not even a citizen of this crappy little planet! I'm from Tamaran!"
"Yeah, tell it to the judge." The pilot scoffed
"For the love of X'aul!" Blackfire shouted in anger "I don't even look like you! I'm friggin' orange god damnit!"
"Pigmentation enhancements." The pilot said "You probably mutated yourself to try and not look like one of us. Lots of hippies do it."
Blackfire soon realised that her attempts at reasoning with this person were fruitless. Peering out the small window she was given she saw the thousands of smokestack factories and huge skyscrapers surrounding her. The air was thick with smog, just as bad as the ginger smoke Blackfire had encountered before. The city looked like an industrial wasteland.
"Is the eastside of the planet all like this?" Blackfire asked
"We have a suburb to the south." The pilot told her "Yep, 500 square miles of similar houses with white pickets fences and absolutely no personality. Sure its hard to tell which one is yours, but we manage."
The hover-chopper arrived at a large circular white building. Blackfire was led out of the chopper in shackles and through the big revolving doors. She was led to the center of a large spotlight on the floor of an otherwise dark room. In front of her several bussiness clad suit wearing Polistians, the one in the center had a huge gavel.
"The case of West Polis 4 VS this nameless hippie from East Polis 4 shall now begin." The alien with the gavel said slamming his mini wooden hammer down.
"Okay first of all," Blackfire began to explain once more "I'm not from here! I'm from Tamaran! I just stopped here to get directions to Earth and I stumbled into that hippie concert when your goons grabbed me."
The head alien was not convinced at her story.
"You expect me to believe such nonsense?" he said "If you've just arrived on Polis 4 where is your spaceship."
"On the Eastern side of your stupid planet." Blackfire told him "If you want we can go there and I can show you it."
"Well isn't that convienet." The head alien said "Your ship is on the east side of the planet. The side that is compeltely controlled by the left-winged communists that have plagued our world for so long." Slamming his fists down hard on the table he looked straight at Blackfire and yelled "How stupid do you think I am!?!"
"Considering you guys actually think I live here," Blackfire said "pretty stupid."
The alien fumed and banged his gavel down hard several times
"Speak out of term again and I will sentence you to 40 years of slaverly in the cotton mines." He warned.
Blackfire was hating this planet more and more. She just wanted directions and now she was being held on trial. Between the hippies and these right-winged hard asses, she was beginning to think the entire planet was amde up of retards. She needed a way out and fast.
"Okay then," she said "what are the charges against me?"
The head alien grunted
"Very well then." he said "You at least deserve to know what you're going to be sentenced for."
One of the same soldier that captured Blackfire approached the light and held out a large scroll.
"Nameless Hippie," he began "you stand accused of taking drugs, playing music and having unprotected sex. You are also charged with conspiracy to commit terrorist activities by firing a WMI at our city."
"WMI?" Blackfire asked confused
"Weapon of Mass Intoxication." The soldier answered
"We've been fighting a war in Eastern Polis 4 looking for that WMI." The head alien explained "So far we've found nothing, but we know its there...somewhere...they're hiding it very well...cause we got no idea where it is."
"We've already lost thousands of men looking for it." The soldier explained "The people are starting to get ticked off and we can't keep the war effort up with how low we've made taxes. We don't even have any other government programs to cut to fuel the war effort."
"How hard is it to fight a war against hippies?" Blackfire asked
"Not hard." The head alien explained "Its just the story we've come up with to sell the papers. If they think the war is going badly then it will sell more papers and ratings will go through the roof. Then we can pull it all out of the fire with an awesome Hollywood blockbusting finale where we save the world from near destruction by blowing up a missile of world devastating proportions."
"Unfortunately," the soldier added "we can't find the hippies' damn atomic bong. Our intelligence states that they're going to fire it and stone us all."
"We outlawed medicinal Ginger years ago!" The head Alien said waving his arms "You know how disasterous it would be if they actually launched that thing?"
"Your entire population would be trippin' balls." Blackfire answered
"That's right!" He said "Before long they'll ask us to legalise drugs. Next they'll want us to legalise freedom of religion, alcohol, the right to bear arms, voting for the common citizen who isn't in the military, hell even gay marriage before too long!"
"We can't possibly defend democracy and freedom for ourselves if the normal everyday citizen has too much of it for themselves?" The soldier asked
"Thats why we'll offer you two options." The head alien told Blackfire "One, you tell us where we can find that damn WMI and blow it up so we can end this war once and for all. Or two, we find you guilty of terrorism and use you as a scapegoat to blame all of our planet's problems on. Like Micheal Savage does with Mexicans on Earth."
Blackfire perched an eyebrow at their options. On one hand she could try and lead these hard-ass corporate jerks to a missile which she had no idea where to find cause she didn't know its whereabouts either. Or she could allow herself to be used as a government scapegoat so these idiots could escape their problems.
"They both sound like promising options." Blackfire said sarcastically "Still, why are you even fighting these stupid hippies? I mean, they're idiots! They can't possibly change anything with the way they're conducting things. They're just as selfish and self-absorbed as you are."
"Nonsense!" The head alien told her "We have a monopoly on that bussiness. Hell we have a monopoly on all bussinesses."
"Aren't you only proving them right by acting exactly how they think you guys act?" Blackfire questioned further.
The head alien only shrugged at he question
"We're only doing what Rush, Savage and Fox News Channel is telling us to do." He told her
"We're just taking it further then most of them dare to go." The soldier added
"So are you going to help us find that atomic bong or not?" The head alien questioned
What choice did Blackfire have, even if she did agree to help find the bomb she didn't know where it was and considering how these guys were she'd probably just end up a government scapegoat when she found nothing. She was screwed, she was just about ready to capitulate and choose one of her no win situations when a sudden explosion rocked the front door. The whole room turned around and they saw the tunic wearing Hippie that was supposedly blown up in the hover mini-bus walked through the smoking wall with a rocket launcher.
"Time to start the revolution you Fascist pigs!" He shouted as he fired another round at the ceiling.
"I thought you died!" Blackfire said astonished
"Extra padding in the air bags man." He said "Made with pure ginger!"
Firing another round at the large table of corporate aliens several soldiers came out of nowhere and started firing at the hippie leader. He took several shoots before collapsing on the ground dead. In confusion however Blackfire had broken out of her bonds and flew through the hole in roof that the rocket made. Now flying through the city she looked for the nearest satelite dish she could find hoping that perhaps she could lock onto the coordinates of Earth from there.
As she flew, a large group of black hover-choppers appeared from nowhwere. Firing her eye bolts at them the choppers exploded on by one and crashed into nearby buildings causing tons of property damage and perhaps several angry confrontations between already pissed off workers. However Blackfire still found herself being pursued.
"Don't these guys give up?" She asked as several soldiers with jet packs chased after her "I need a way to get them off my tail."
Blackfire soon eyed something rather promising a large metal smokestack ahead. Blackfire got an idea. She tugged at the shawl around her head.
"Hope this works.
Before we get on with the next bit it is important to understand something about the refugee's most valuable item they own, the ragged shawl. The Exiled Ruler's Guide to the Galaxy has quite a bit to say about Refugees and their shawls. Beside the fact it keeps them warm and rather snug it can also be used as important delaying or attack tactic.
Used properly the shawl can throw rocks at attackers, smother them to death, blind them tempoarily, allow you to have a picnic lunch, dry yourself off, keep out the mud, make a makeshift pillow or hide from stupid monsters who immedietly lose sight of you if they lose sight of your face. Its been theorized that if any refugee wants his/her life in order they should at least have a shawl to cover their heads with.
However, the Exiled Ruler's Guide wants it to be very clear that a shawl is merely a dirty subsitute for the far more useful towel. The towel can basically do all the same things the shawl can do except better and more efficent then the shawl. This is srange considering a shawl and towel or made up of almost the same material, but scientific studies over several years have confirmed that the towel is more effective none the less.
Blackfire, however, makes do with her shawl she recieved back on Refus 12 without even knowing its full value. Passing a nearby smokestack as she flies by, Blackfire takes off her shawl and waves it in front of the smokestack spreading the smoke in her pursuer's general direction. The pursuers get lost in the smoke and are unable to see where they are going. The bump into each and fall out of the sky and crash into several nearby office building rather painfully. However Blackfire doesn't seem to notice and keeps on flying.
"I guess a dirty shawl can come in handy." She thought as she flew.
Blackfire found a satellite dish eventually, a rather big on located on the top of a high building. Going behind it she found the control box which read a specific coordinates on it.
"If those bozos can listen in on Earth's Programing.," Blackfire said lookign at the controls "Then these must be the coordinates for the planet Earth. All I have to do is copy these down and put them into the ship's computer and travel there."
Not having a pen and paper handy, Blackfire ripped off a piece ometal from a nearby airduct and fired up her starbolt. Runnign it along the surface of the metal piece she carved out the coordinates exactly and tucked the piece of metal away along with the guide inside the satchel. Satisfied with herself she prepared to leave this stupid planet for all its worth.
"Good ridance to a messed up mudball." she said flying away "Let them blow themselves up they're both losers."
Back at the large circular white building the Head corporate Polistian had come to the conclusion that they'd be better off if they just nuked the main capital city of Eastern side of the planet. Taking out a big red button from his pocket he pressed it and large nuclear missile rose out of the ground of the building and launched into the air. This missile had a big white star on it along with the face of Rush Limbaugh smiling.
At the same time, convenently, the hippies on the eastern side launched their atomic bong at the capital city. This missile had several happy smiling flowers adorining it and in large writing the word 'Groovy' printed on its side as well.
And almost coincidentally, and incredibly improbable if we must say so, Blackfire had just launched her ship and was about to leave this dustball for good when she saw the two missiles about to pass by each other.
"Oh great, they're going to kill each other."
With a sigh, she decided she might as well do something. With the firing of one of the missiles inside her pod she hit the atomic bong missile its tail and sent it careening towards the other missile. They hit each other and collapsed onto the border seperating The east from the west. The blast knocked Blackfire several miles out of the atmosphere and into the space and was so powerful it kept her travelling wildly and out of control for several miles. As she spun out of sight Blackfire knelt down to her knees and said
"I think I'm gonna be sick!" And Proceeded to throw up.
Meanwhile Polis 4 split in two right down the center from the result of the blast. The end result being that both the right-wingers of the west and left-wingers of the east had no more reason to bitch about each other cause they were no longer connected. With no one to blame for the other's problems everyone turned on each other.
After several riots and deaths they all finally shut up. They decided to settle their problems once and for all by talking things out and coming to compromises with one another, instead of forcing things upon each other. A year later they would tape the two halves of the planet together, blame the media for all the problems that had caused everything and became an Agrarian society. Essentially they really learned nothing about compromising or problem solving and Polis 4 is still F'ed up in the A so to speak.
But in the meantime thousands of lightyears away, Blackfire's ship has entered the atomsphere and crash landed on a foreign planet. Before anyone asks, yes, that is how powerful an atomic bomb and atomic bong explosion can send you. So not try and test this for real, you'll only end up killing yourself. As Blackfire wakes up from her crash she finds herself on a planet filled with exotic wildlife everywhere, compeltely undisturbed by anyone or anything.
"Wow." Blackfire said in awe "For once I've landed somewhere nice."
Suddenly the setting changed within a flash and Blackfire was now in the missile of a furturistic metropolis with flying cars and floating billboards in the sky. Before she could even contemplate this fact there was another flash and Blackfire now found herself in a small village of wooden huts and carts, with another flash Blackfire was ina frozen wasteland and within another she was transported back to the Tropical paradise she had landed in previously.
"Oooooooooookaaaaaayyy." Blackfire said confused "That was messed up beyond imagination."
Suddenly she had a strange sensation come over her. like something was sticking out her reaer end. Turning around she saw what it was...a tail.
"Oh what the hell!?!" Blackfire screamed aloud. Looking at her hands, which were now paws, and feeling her face that was now furry, Blackfire couldn't help but think of the most logical way to explain this. "Did I snuff in any of that atomic bong?"
Is Blackfire stoned at this moment? Or is there something about this planet that is totally messed up, so much so she doesn't need drugs? And if either is true why does she bloody well have a tail? And how will she possibly get to Earth now that her fighter craft has crashed on a planet that apparently has some kind of identity crisis? For the possible answers to these questions, or perhaps just more more questions derived from those answers, stay tuned for the next chapter of "The Exiled Ruler's Guide to the Galaxy"