The Other Side
Author's Note: Wow, what can I say. The response to the last chapter was phenomenal – I'm so happy to hear that there are so many of you out there who wanted to see the conclusion to this story, and who still love Will and Alicia as much as I do. So – without further ado, I present the next chapter. And as always, I'd love to know what you think!
Chapter Ten
Pushing the courtroom door open, Alicia steps out, finding a relatively deserted corner and tipping her head back against the cool wall before closing her eyes.
Peter's re-trial.
She's sat through more of it than she'd like to admit to. Morbid curiosity maybe, or a lingering sense of support for the man she did once love. The man she has two children with. Whatever it is, she does want the verdict to be overturned. She does.
But today, it's just a bit too much. Too much about how her husband's actions led to the end of the marriage and damaged her children in ways she isn't quite sure they've recovered from yet.
"Needed a breather?" She startles almost out of her skin at the sound of a voice, opening her eyes to find Will standing before her, coat slung over one arm and briefcase in the other hand, fresh from court himself. He looks, for want of a better word, delicious.
Which is another sign that she's tired beyond belief.
"Hi," she breathes stupidly, feeling her cheeks grow red as he smiles warmly at her.
"Hi, 'Leesh," he murmurs softly, his voice soft and full of affection as he leans a shoulder against the wall next to her. The moniker, one he normally reserves for when they're alone, not surrounded by the hustle and bustle of a busy Chicago court building, sounds even more intimate than usual, and she feels some of the tension leave her body as she can do nothing but smile back at him.
The silence stretches between them, but it's comfortable. Like it always is with them.
"I miss you," she sighs out eventually, and she doesn't know what she was intending to say, but it certainly wasn't that.
"I miss you too," he murmurs softly, but his eyes are bright when she glances up at him, and somehow the stress that feels like it's been on her shoulders for months seems to all but melt away.
"I'm sorry we haven't… had a lot of time, the last few weeks," she tells him softly, looking down at her arm when she feels his warm fingers wrap around her bare skin. It feels so good to be finally touching him again. Or, touched by him.
Same difference, really.
"You don't need to apologise," he tells her softly, setting his coat and briefcase on the bench next to her. "We knew it wasn't going to be easy," he murmurs, and her eyes fill with unwarranted tears because she's tired and a little bit emotional, and she really does miss him. "Please don't cry," he murmurs softly, his thumb tracing warm circles into the sensitive skin of her wrist. "Tell me how the kids are," he encourages.
"They're… good," she tells him softly, letting her fingers settle over his. "They miss you," she adds with a smile. "Zach wants to know when we can go to another baseball game, and Grace gives me these pitiful little looks whenever Zach mentions your name, like she's expecting you to come round the corner." She's laughing now, and she shakes her head slightly because she doesn't know how he does it, every time. "My daughter's completely in love with you."
"I'm a little bit in love with her as well," he murmurs secretively, his smile stretching wide across his face as she nudges him with her shoulder. "I miss them too," he adds quietly, and she knows without a moment's hesitation that it's true. Her kids have become a bigger part of his life than she ever imagined, and she knows that the last few weeks must have been tough on him too. "How are they coping with this?" he asks, gesturing towards the courtroom doors. "Peter being out, and all."
"I don't think they really understand what's going on," she murmurs softly. "I'm… glad about that, in a way. That they don't know the awful stuff that's being said. Don't," she adds quickly, when he opens his mouth to speak. "I don't think I can handle your sympathy now, please," she whispers, closing her eyes for a moment.
He stays steady and constant by her side, and when she manages to lift her eyes to his again, there's no sympathy in his eyes, only affection and something she thinks is close to love.
"They must be enjoying seeing their dad again," he murmurs eventually, and she shrugs a little.
"They're confused," she murmurs, closing her eyes for a moment. "They've had a couple afternoons with him and Jackie, but they're both struggling a bit. Grace goes right back to not saying a word, and Zach's trying to put on a brave face for his sister, but I know my little boy. But you know all of that, because you've been there for most of it." She pauses as he smiles softly at her, feeling all her anxiety rushing right back in even as she tries to focus on the image of Will smiling that same, gentle smile as he coaxed words out of her scared little girl the evening after their last visit with their father. "They're staying there, tonight," she whispers eventually.
He must hear her over the noise around them, because his eyes go wide.
"For the whole night?" he asks softly. "Wow."
"I know they need to do it, and I promised I wouldn't keep them from him, but leaving them there is going to break my heart," she confesses softly, feeling his fingers tighten on her arm.
"What are you doing after you drop them off?" he asks quietly, waiting until she looks up at him before risking brushing a strand of hair off her cheek. When she's silent, both because she doesn't have a clue and because she's distracted by the lasting tingle from the brush of his fingertips against her cheek, he continues. "Why don't you come over? We can have dinner, open a bottle of wine and take your mind off everything. We haven't had time together for a while. You could even… stay," he murmurs hesitantly, "if you want."
It doesn't need a second thought.
"I want," she whispers instantly, feeling her lips stretch into a smile wide enough to rival his. "All of it, yes. Thank you," she adds, dropping her eyes for a moment when the look on his face gets a little too intense.
"God, I want to kiss you right now," he breathes out, and before she knows it they're both laughing.
"Tell me about your trial," she murmurs eventually, when the commotion of the court room bursts their little bubble and reminds her that she really can't kiss him right here. He laughs softly, and it feels as though the busy rush of the court building fades away again as he grins, filling her in on the intricacies of the trial they've all been working on.
She's laughing at his description of Diane's witness cross with his hand still resting on her arm when the courtroom doors open behind them with a flurry of noise and suddenly Peter is in front of them.
"Will," Peter greets, eyes narrow and focused on Will's hand. To his credit, Will makes no move to move it.
"Peter. Alicia tells me the retrial is going well," Will responds cordially, and Alicia finds that she even doesn't mind the not so subtle claim he seems to be staking.
She does talk to him more than her husband, after all.
"It is, thank you," Peter agrees calmly. "How's Alicia doing at work?"
"Alicia?" he asks, glancing over at her for just a second too long. "Good. Great, really."
"Good," Peter murmurs.
As Peter walks away with his lawyers, she thinks it might go down as the most awkward exchange in history, but she can't help the laughter that wants out the second she catches Will's eyes.
"Momma?" Alicia looks up from the bag she's packing for Zach and Grace, smiling softly at her son as he hovers hesitantly in the doorway.
"Hey, Zach," she murmurs softly, holding out a hand to him. "Are you all packed, my man?" she asks softly, lifting him onto her lap when he clambers onto the bed next to her. He nods, but shakes his head almost immediately, and she strokes a hand over his hair. "What's up?" she murmurs softly.
"Do we have to go stay?" he asks quietly, eyes wide as he wriggles enough to look up at her. "For the whole night?" Closing her eyes, Alicia squeezes him a little tighter.
She's been expecting this question all day, but it's not any easier to hear even when it's anticipated.
"You had a good time at dinner last week, right?" she asks softly, giving him a big smile when he nods. "Your dad had a really good time too, buddy. And he's really looking forward to you guys staying with him and grandma tonight." Zach rubs his eyes, snuggling in with his head resting on her shoulder.
"Can you stay too, momma?" he asks softly, wriggling a little to look at her. "For Grace," he adds quickly, that bravado that she finds so endearing in her son sneaking back in. "She might get sad, and she only feels better when you're there." Sighing softly, Alicia closes her eyes.
Explaining to your children that you no longer want to be in the same room as their father is easier said than done.
"Will you do something for me, Zach?" she asks softly. He nods eagerly, and she lifts him down onto the floor. "Can you run into the living room for me, and bring me back a pen and paper?" Taking off at a run, he almost bounces off the doorframe, and she can't help but smile.
When he zooms back into the room with a pen and paper and scrambles back onto the bed on his knees, she takes the paper from him and writes her cell phone number in big numbers onto the piece of paper.
"Can you read these numbers for me, buddy?" she asks softly, smiling with more than a little pride as he recites the numbers slowly but perfectly. "Wow," she murmurs softly, ruffling his hair. "That was perfect." Beaming up at her, he tilts his head a little.
"Why did you write them down, mom?"
"That's my phone number," she tells him softly. "I need you to be really brave for me and stay with daddy and grandma on your own tonight. But I'm going to put this piece of paper in your bag, right here," she murmurs, showing him the pocket she tucks it into. "And if you type those numbers into grandma's phone, this will ring," she explains, pulling her phone out of her pocket, "and I'll answer, straight away. So if Grace gets scared or upset, or either of you want to talk to me tonight, no matter how late it is, you find grandma's phone and call me, okay? We can talk 'til you're both not scared anymore." Zach looks up at her, wide-eyed and serious and more than a little apprehensive, but he touches his fingers to the pocket on his bag, and nods.
"Any time?" he asks quietly, looking back up at her.
"Any time, Zach," she tells him softly. "It's okay to be scared, buddy. I know it's a really big thing, to see your dad again after so long, but he's still your dad. He hasn't changed, and he just wants to spend some time with you guys."
"This is still home, right momma?" he asks softly, the hesitance in his voice almost breaking her heart.
"This is always your home, buddy," she whispers. "Your home will always, always be with me, okay?" It's a promise she one hundred percent intends to keep.
It's also a promise she knows that Peter won't fight her on.
And suddenly, she needs both her kids.
"Grace?" she calls through the open bathroom door, waiting until a mass of curls pokes around the door, followed by a mischievous little grin. "What's that smile for, baby?" she murmurs, holding her arms out as her heart eases almost instantly. Grace barrels into them, almost knocking Alicia and Zach back against the pillows as she all but climbs her legs. "Whoa, baby," she laughs, wrapping her arms tightly around the squirming bundle of four-year-old.
"Momma," Grace sighs, all that action leeching out of her body as Alicia squeezes her tight.
"What have you been up to, trouble?" she murmurs, smoothing her crazy curls down.
"Baseball," Grace whispers with a grin, her little fist wrapped around a baseball that's almost too big for her hand. Thrusting it at Alicia with a grin, she turns wide eyes on her brother, who nods almost reassuringly. "Will said, on the phone, I give this to you momma," she tells Alicia, who just stares at her children.
"When did Will call?" she asks, dumbstruck.
"While you were in the shower, mom," Zach tells her. "He said you might be sad, and that we should give you a baseball to make you smile, 'cause he's gonna take us to a game soon." She can't help herself smiling, even as she blinks back tears, and both her kids grin at her.
"It work, Zach," Grace whispers, throwing her arms around Alicia's neck. "Momma, you smile."
"I am smiling, baby," she whispers, wrapping an arm around Zach as well. "I'm smiling because you are the best children in the world."
She's also smiling because she's hopelessly, head over heels in love with Will Gardner, but she's not sure her kids will understand that.
When Will opens his front door a few hours later, she feels like the only thing that's holding her together is that very same baseball.
His fingers on her wrist are gentle, and somehow she finds herself kissing him before his fingers can even close over the baseball in her hand.
It takes him a moment, but he kisses her back with everything he has. His hands lift up to cradle her cheeks, and she can't help the little moan that echoes at the back of her throat as his tongue touches hers.
"I actually called to see how you were doing," he murmurs, more than a little breathless when their lips part and he finally eases the baseball from her fingers. "Zach answered and told me mommy looked sad, and I just wanted to do something to help." She kisses him again for that, and he strokes a thumb down her cheek. "If I'd known it was going to get me that greeting, of course…" he adds, grinning when a smile finally crosses her lips in a way that she thinks he planned completely. "Why don't you come in, and you can tell me how you're really doing?" he suggests, and his fingers are as warm at her back as his voice is, as he guides her across the threshold.
It's only then that she realises she's never actually been inside his apartment.
Her head is still spinning as he leads her down the hallway and into the open living space, but she manages to glance around and take in the sleek, masculine lines, the deep wood and the guitar propped casually against the wall. It feels like him, and somehow that makes her muscles unwind, just a little. His voice is a deep hum and it registers, somewhere, that he's trying to distract her, but as she finally takes a deep breath she realises that she's missed everything he's said.
And then she says the first thing that comes into her head.
"This smells amazing," she whispers, and she feels more than hears his gentle laugh a second later as he folds her into his arms in the middle of his kitchen.
"I wish I could say that I made it, but I think it's safer for both of us if I tell you that I happen to know a fairly prominent Chicago restaurateur who owed me a favour," he murmurs against her hair. "You didn't hear a word I just said, did you?" When she shakes her head, his arms tighten around her a little even as her muscles loosen a little bit more. "Let's start over," he suggests, gesturing to the barstool closest to the oven. "Sit right here, make yourself at home and let me pour you a glass of wine."
She finds herself doing what he says, and by the time he slides a cool, crisp glass of white wine in front of her she's toed off her shoes and managed to pull herself together just a little. His lips brush hers briefly, but he's gone from her vision before she can blink, his hands landing on her shoulders seconds later.
"You wanna tell me about it?" he asks softly, just letting the warmth from his palms ease some of the tension in her shoulders.
"Not really," she sighs, but she finds herself rubbing a hand across her eyes as she talks anyway.
He's always had a knack for that.
"Mom?" Zach's voice echoes hesitantly across the line as Alicia answers her phone in the dim light of Will's bedroom, settling her head back against his bare chest as his fingers snake just under the thin silk of the camisole she's wearing.
"Hey, buddy," she murmurs softly, tipping her head back a little as Will's lips brush against her forehead. "It's pretty late sweetheart," she adds when Zach doesn't say anything further. Late enough that she and Will were almost asleep, her kids should've already been out for hours. "Did you just want to chat for a bit?"
"Yeah." Her son's sigh is long and drawn out over the phone, and her heart cracks a little. "Grace too," he adds, and she hears a shuffle on the line before her little girl's voice fills her ear.
"Momma," Grace sighs, and Alicia can hear the exhaustion in her little voice.
"Hey baby girl," she whispers softly, smiling a little as Will flattens his palm against her side, his fingers warm and comforting. "It's so late, why are you still awake?" she asks, trying to coax her children into talking.
"Can't sleep, Momma," Grace offers eventually. "Strange," she adds, apparently deciding that one word is all she needs.
"I know it's new, and strange," Alicia murmurs softly, turning a little in Will's arms. "Are you guys in bed right now?"
"We sleep together," Grace tells her, and there's another shuffle on the line which she waits out patiently.
"Grandma said 'cause dad's staying here too we have to share a room now," Zach tells her, and even though her kids sound sad, she can't help the smile that crosses her face as she pictures her children cuddled up in bed, the phone held between them. "Grace normally sleeps in the other room," Zach adds seriously.
"Okay," Alicia murmurs softly, thinking for a moment. "Can you guys both hear me?" she asks, waiting until she hears their quiet affirmations before continuing. Will's hand squeezes gently at her side, and when she tips her head back she can tell from the gentle smile on his face that he's picturing the same thing she is. "I know tonight is a little scary for you both and you would rather be at home in your own beds, but do you think maybe if I told you a story, you might be able to fall asleep?"
"Story, Momma," she hears from her little girl, and with sleepiness already creeping into her voice, Alicia thinks that maybe her plan just might work.
When she ends the call twenty minutes later with both her kids fast asleep in a bed across town, it's the sight of Will blinking sleepily at her that manages to put a smile back on her face. Burying her face in the warm skin of his shoulder, she even finds herself laughing softly.
"Bedtime stories work on you too?" she asks, sighing softly as he slides his hand back up and under her camisole to rub her back gently.
"I'm only human," he murmurs softly, his lips brushing against her forehead. "You doing okay, babe?" he asks, laughing when she leans back enough to quirk an eyebrow at him at the moniker. "No?" he asks innocently, grinning at her until she laughs with him, eventually wrinkling her nose.
"I… actually kinda like it," she offers sheepishly, laughing as he curls a finger under her chin so he can kiss her. Letting out a sigh, she curls herself back into his arms, letting her bare legs tangle with his. It's intimate and comfortable despite the fact that they haven't been intimate yet, but the playful mood he'd managed to coax out of her as he kissed her senseless in his bed earlier in the evening isn't quite there, despite his best efforts. "My kids are sad," she sighs out softly, curling her fingers around the covers as he tugs them up and over their bodies.
"I know, 'Leesh," he murmurs softly. "Take it one step at a time. They fell asleep to the sound of your voice, and I'm pretty sure that'll see them through the night. I'll take you to pick them up in the morning, and we'll find something to cheer them up." His voice is quiet and sincere, and the sheer amount of feeling he has for her children is almost enough to knock her straight over.
"One step at a time," she murmurs softly. "This is going to be hell on earth, isn't it?"
"Pretty much, love," he chuckles softly, his voice low and tired and nothing short of delicious as she lets her head rest against his chest and thinks that maybe she likes it when he calls her love even more than babe. "I'd say there will be some pretty great moments along the way, though."
"How do you always know the right thing to say?" she asks softly, tipping her head back enough to look at him.
"I've known you a long time," he murmurs softly. "I'm basing most of this on how you approached law school and hoping like hell that old habits die hard." He catches her hand pre-emptively, chuckling softly as he brings her fingers to his lips and kisses them to stop her hitting him. "What I'm saying is, I know you, Alicia," he murmurs softly. "I might not know you like this, but I've loved you for a long time and that counts for something."
"Counts for a lot," she whispers, through the pounding of her heart.
And then, there's something about the late hour, the darkness of the room and the sheer certainty she can see sparkling in his eyes that makes her brave.
"I love you too," she whispers back, feeling his fingers clench tightly around hers as she finally speaks the words. "And I've loved you for a long time, too."
"Alicia," he breathes out, seconds before his arms tighten around her and she finds herself on her back in the bed with his weight heavy over her and his lips gentle but strong against hers.
She loses track of how long he kisses her for, but it's gentle and tender and more intimate than they've ever been, and by the time he's dragging the long forgotten covers up and over their bodies and she's tucking herself back against his side, she can't quite remember ever feeling quite as happy with someone as she does with him.
"Sleep, baby," he whispers quietly, his lips soft against her forehead in contrast to the pounding of his heart against her ear. She finds herself imagining just what it would be like to fall asleep to those gentle words every morning, and to wake up to his soft, sleepy brown eyes every morning, and as his heartbeat slowly steadies beneath her ear and she feels his body start to relax into the mattress, she can't imagine anything she wants more.
But as she drifts towards sleep herself, her thoughts twist and turn as they have been doing every night for weeks, presenting her with a vision of the future she could be facing instead and startling her awake just before sleep threatens to take over.
"Alicia." His voice is a low rumble on her name as his hand flattens against her back, stirred no doubt by the jolting of her body. Pressing her forehead into his chest, she searches for the words she needs to let him settle back into sleep.
"Do you ever get a flash of what your life might be like?" she finds herself asking instead, because she can't stop the unpleasant racing of her heart, even with his body next to hers and his arms wrapped around her.
"How do you mean?" he asks, his voice a little sleepy as he rubs his hand up and down her back gently, evidently feeling the tension radiating off her. She props herself up a little, reaching out to run a thumb across his eyebrow. "Babe?" he prompts, voice still heavy with sleep as he catches her fingers and twists her hand so he can press a kiss to the underside of her wrist. "You gotta clue me in here, 'Leesh," he murmurs against her wrist.
His lips on her skin ground her slightly, and she presses her fingers into her eyes for a long moment in an attempt to shake her thoughts back into some sort of sense.
"How it would be if we weren't… us" she murmurs honestly, feeling him tense a little. "If we hadn't… if this hadn't happened."
"Alicia," he warns quietly, and she sees the alertness in his eyes at the same moment she feels his body shift into movement. She lays a palm against the warm expanse of his chest, shaking her head.
"Let me finish?" she whispers softly, her eyes locked with his until he finally relaxes back into the pillows. "I just… I was imagining how great it would be to fall asleep like this every night, and get to wake up to you, but as I fall asleep my brain just keeps showing me the other side. If I didn't have you, and I stayed with Peter, and it's… I don't regret this, I don't regret you," she whispers earnestly. "It's horrible. I'm stuck in a marriage to a man I don't love and I can't forgive, and you're there but we're not this and it's just… I'm exhausted, and I just want to sleep without living this nightmare over and over."
"How long has this been going on?" he asks quietly, moving them carefully so that she's lying on her back and he's looking down at her.
"Couple weeks," she whispers into the darkness, sighing quietly. His fingers are gentle as they brush the hair off her forehead, before tripping lightly over the sensitive skin beside her eye. His lips touch there seconds later, before they move to hover against her ear.
"Wake me up," he instructs her quietly, as if he's reading her mind. "Wake me up if I'm next to you, wake me up if I'm halfway across town. Just like you told your kids."
He pauses then, moving them again so that she rolls on her side and finds herself spooned in his embrace, comfortable and warm and completely wrapped up in him. Then, he tells her the words she didn't know she needed to hear.
"Wake me up, and I'll remind you it's not true. I'll always remind you that it's not true."
The next morning, after waking up warm and comfortable and safe in Will's arms, she picks her kids up from Jackie's and they launch themselves into her arms with barely a backward glance at Peter. Like they've been away from her for weeks rather than just a night.
She's not entirely sure whether it's a better feeling than when they round the corner of Jackie's apartment building and she watches them launch themselves at Will, leaning casually against his car wearing a Cubs jersey, or not.
She does, however, feel like she's watching her future play out in front of her.
And she knows in that moment, with absolute certainty, that she's picked the right side.