Chapter 2: A Tipping Point
"Naruto, wake up!"
The sound of her voice stirs him out of the daze.
He was ecstatic when she invited him for tea at her house last week, and here he was with Sakura, enjoying tea and dango. Naruto hadn't seen Sakura for nearly a decade. The last time they both properly saw each other was during Shikamaru's wedding.
For the longest time, Naruto and Sakura were both good at keeping their distance away from each other. But now, Naruto thinks of seeing her frequently since he is constantly reminded of their past as teammates.
He tried for so long to forget his genin days, but the past clung onto him harder when he tried to erase it out of his mind.
Memories of Sakura still haunt him to this day.
To break out of the silence, he rubs his eyes. "Sorry," he says.
"Let me guess, you haven't had enough sleep again," she replies, and takes a sip of her tea.
Naruto scratches the back of his head and chuckles sheepishly. "Yeah, something like that," he says. Sakura takes note of his odd behavior but doesn't point it out.
Instead, she tells him that he hasn't touched his tea and dango yet. She asks him if he would like a fresher batch of sweets instead.
"No, it's fine," he tells her. He quickly shoves one dango in his mouth and chews it. The sweet, sugary syrup glazes his tongue, teasing his taste buds with tantalizing sensation.
"Wow, Sakura-chan, this is delicious! I never knew how delicious your cooking could be," he says, shoving more dango in his mouth.
"And what does that supposed to mean?"
Naruto takes note of Sakura's deadly glare, and gulps. The dango that he barely chewed gets stuck in his throat. He coughs and quickly chugs his cold tea down.
After Naruto saves himself from choking to death, Sakura sighs while placing a palm over her forehead. "Good grief, Naruto. You're still goofy as ever."
Naruto chuckles, and with a lighthearted smile, he adds, "I mean it, Sakura-chan. I never knew how talented you were at cooking."
"Well at least you recognize my talent," Sakura says, beaming with pride. "Sasuke-kun never praised my culinary skills."
Her voice falters at the end, and Naruto swears that he could see a shadow cast over her face.
He quickly gives her thumbs up and a grin.
"Sakura-chan, you've just received my seal of approval. As the Hokage, I recognize your talent, and that is the highest level of praise anyone could ever receive in this world," Naruto tells her.
For a moment, Naruto's eccentric action stupefies Sakura. But in no time, her laughter starts rolling in.
"You goof," she states as she wipes away her tears from laughing too hard. "You stupid goof."
"At your service," Naruto says with a mock bow.
They spend the rest of the afternoon sharing delightful conversations. The pretty flowers that Sakura planted in her garden outside —mostly roses, in all shades of pink, sapphire, and mauve— bask in the tangerine sun.
For once, Naruto feels alive again.
"I'm home, Hinata," Naruto announces as he takes off his sandals at the entrance.
Only silence, coupled with frenzied click-clacks of knitting needles from the living room, greets him.
He heads toward where the sound is coming from.
"Hinata," he tells her once more. "I'm home."
She says nothing. Instead, sitting on a rocking chair, she concentrates hard on making a scarf for Boruto. The eerily dim light, which was her sole company for the longest time, spills out from the lamp beside her.
Naruto sighs. "I'm going to take a shower now."
Hinata set her needles down in a yarn basket next to her.
"Naruto-kun," she speaks. "Where were you today?"
He doesn't hesitate for one second. "In the office, writing out reports," he flatly answers.
"Don't lie," she whispers. She fixates her eyes to the elaborately patterned carpet —stained with an eclectic mix of baby food and Boruto's paint— the one that they both received as a wedding gift.
Her hands are visibly trembling. "Don't you dare lie to me," she orders him.
"Well then, what do you want me to tell you?" Naruto says sternly. For all their years in marriage, he never once yelled at her, nor initiated anything with her. It was always Hinata who was there by his side, trying to make every situation seem brighter.
But they both knew, at least subconsciously, that all her efforts would eventually fall apart from the seams. Both Hinata and Naruto were never good at getting to the point, but only patching things up in haste.
The lamp flickers slightly as she locks her eyes with his. There is sorrow within her eyes, but she tries hard to repress it.
He can see it, however. It contours clearly against the dim light.
"I know where you went, Naruto-kun," she speaks again. This time, Naruto doesn't say anything.
"Naruto-kun, why didn't you tell me that you were taking a day off?"
"That's none of your concern, Hinata."
"Why wouldn't it be any of my concern, Naurto-kun? You're my husband! Everything about you has to do with me."
"Right, because everything that I do is about you in some way. It's always been about you in the end, hasn't it?"
"That's not true, Naruto-kun!" Hinata reproaches him. She abruptly stands up to face him. "That's not true at all!"
"What isn't true, Hinata? I'll tell you what isn't true. For years, we—"
"Mommy? Daddy?" a voice that just woke from slumber breaks out from the dark hallway. In time, a tiny figure, their daughter Himawari, emerges from the shadows. Himawari approaches Hinata while rubbing her sleepy eyes wet with tears.
"Himawari," Hinata speaks to her daughter, spreading her arms to hug her daughter. "Did you have another nightmare?"
Himawari nods, and Hinata soothingly pats her daughter's back.
"That's alright, Himawari. Mommy will tuck you back to sleep," Hinata says, embracing Himawari tightly. She silently mouths 'later' to Naruto, although in truth, it means that she doesn't want to speak of this again in the future.
A faint wince appears on Naruto's face. He is used to brushing off topics with his wife to at least keep a moment of peace within the family, no matter how fragile it may be. As if in pain, he rubs his temples and heads upstairs to the guest room. Instead of taking a shower, Naruto decides to go to sleep so that this day would end sooner.
The cold, white bed sheets of the guest room greet him like they always have.
In his dreams that night, Naruto sees Sakura holding his mangled arm, and kissing his blood-encrusted lips in a desolate field littered with skeletons.
Days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months.
Naruto and Sakura are now frequently seeing each other. They spend most of their time pouring over the latest political topics such as threatened clan territories and overgrowing cityscapes across the globe. Sometimes, they engage in talking about their Team 7 glory days. The more they talk about the past, the brighter and almost tangible it seems.
Sakura is usually the one who initiates the 'meetings' these days, as they dub it. They usually meet after Naruto is done with work, although technically there never is a 'finish line' with work for the Hokage. He makes excuses to get out of the office every now and then so that he can see her waiting for him near the cherry blossom tree planted outside of the office.
No one finds their encounter suspicious since Naruto and Sakura are part of the legendary Team 7. In fact, the random villagers find it endearing, and even become nostalgic about the past when they see the two together.
When they are out with each other, Naruto tries to keep his distance away from Sakura, not wanting propinquity to ruin what they've carefully managed to build: friendship, trust, and companionship, or so he believes. He's always been good at keeping his body reserved around her, ever since they were children. Besides, just being near her feels like a dream come true for him.
His conflict with Hinata is nothing more than a faint nightmare tucked away in his subconscious. Things were going sour with his wife before. There always was a blockage between he and his wife, though neither of them wanted to define what that blockage could be. Naruto, however, never did imagine that the verbal spar that he and Hinata exchanged that day became the catalyst of their marriage spiraling downward faster than his son's vandalization skills.
To put it simply, he and Hinata are barely on speaking terms.
Naruto is hardly home nowadays, more so than in the past, but that doesn't bother him since he's used to pulling overtime at work. He pulls classic, age-old excuses such as, "Daddy's busy," or "Not now, Boruto/Himawari, I'm in the middle of something very important here" to his kids so that he could escape from his home and the look in Hinata's eyes. They are the very same look that reflects the night of the conflict. Her looks link back to all the problems that he repressed for so long.
Naruto doesn't want to be reminded of the nightmares of his past mistakes again, but he doesn't know how to go about it.
"What's up with you, Naruto? You're unusually quiet."
Sakura's voice wakes him up from his thoughts. They are both at the village's busiest dango shop, and were discussing about the clan feuds lately happening near the boarders of the Fire Country until Naruto lost his focus on the topic.
"I just lost my train of thought," he quickly tells her.
"Thinking of Boruto's latest escapade?" Sakura jests.
Her comment reminds him of home, and Naruto falls silent instantly. Sakura doesn't know what is causing Naruto to act strange, but she tries to snap him out of his glumness.
"Naruto, I was only joking about Boruto. He's not even giving the Hokage Monument a makeover these days."
"Well then, it looks like he's finally grown up, or got fed up with teasing his shitty old man," Naruto tells her. His tone of voice has an acrimonious bite, more so than last time.
"Is there something bothering you?" Sakura asks directly. "You can tell me anything because I'm all ears."
With her words, Naruto sinks his face into the palms of his hands. In a second, he rises back up with what appears to be a hopeless, desperate look to Sakura.
"Sakura-chan, have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, you've done something irreversible in your life?"
She hesitates at first, but gives him an answer right away.
"Maybe, but I move on," she replies.
"Lately, I feel as if I can't move on anymore."
"Naruto," Sakura gently but firmly tells him. "If this is about the past, I think that we should both stop before you tell me something regrettable in public—"
"Please hear me out, Sakura-chan," Naruto begs her, instantly silencing her. "Because I don't know what to do anymore."
He takes a pause. She waits for him to tell her the whole story.
Just before he gives her his firm answer, a decision that he's made weeks before, he sees the visions again. This time, they are clearer, stronger than before. At first, he believes that he's seeing series of flashbacks, but he quickly notices that some of the scenes are played out differently. He sees a younger teenaged version of himself and Sakura out on a date, except they are flirtier with hints of innocent sexual tension. He sees himself back in Konoha confronting Sakura about her confession in the snow, to which Sakura answers him with a kiss. His relationship with Sakura in the visions seems more relaxed and organic than the one he has with her now.
Then, the stream of visions stop abruptly like they did the last time. He gives his head a slight shake, taken aback by what he just witnessed.
But he's back in reality now, back in the dango shop where Sakura is waiting for his answer.
He stammers a bit, but instantly takes control of himself. It's the technique that he honed for years as a politician. His lips begin to move in a whisper. His voice is quiet enough to be engulfed by hundreds of happy voices in the shop, but loud enough for Sakura to hear.
"I married Hinata because it was necessary."
Sakura almost drops her dango.
"What? Naruto, what are you talking about here?"
He realizes that the wrong answer just escaped out of his mouth, but surprisingly rolls with it.
"You heard me, Sakura-chan. I married Hinata because it was necessary for Konoha at the time. Hinata is Hiashi's daughter, and many clans thought that it was disgraceful for him to fail to protect his heir and the byakugan from Toneri. Before I went on the mission to rescue Hinata, Hiashi asked me if I would consider marrying Hinata. In condition, he would do whatever it takes to make me the next Hokage."
Sakura listens to him, stunned at the revelation.
"Is that why you married Hinata? Uzumaki Naruto, you really are the most unpredictable ninja in this whole world. Are you even conscious of what you've just said? How could you do that?"
"At first, I was going to refuse. But I knew that there really was no point in turning away from his offer. It was a good deal for me, a boy with no prestige and power, to actually gain some political forces that would back me up."
His face is virtually emotionless, and his tone of voice is flat. Sakura is bewildered by the fact that Naruto is able to keep such a cold, indifferent exterior. She wonders if this person talking in front of her is the same Naruto that she knew long, long ago.
"Is this all true, Naruto?" Sakura asks. He takes a pause, and then almost immediately answers, "Yes."
Her jade green eyes widen in disbelief. Her hands clench into fists, but soon, she regains her composure.
"I don't believe you," she tells him hotly. Quickly snatching her purse slung over the chair beside her, she stands up and walks away from Naruto, leaving him alone in a sea of strangers.
A week passes by, and Naruto is not seeing Sakura.
He contemplates on what she meant by her last words before she walked out of the dango shop. It's the only thing that's been festering in his mind ever since.
Whatever she said back then affected him stupendously since he is now consciously avoiding her. As well, Sakura isn't even trying to see him, or at least that's what he thinks.
He doesn't know why he said all those things back in the shop. Maybe it's the politician in me that got in the way, he thinks, though he knows that's partly an excuse.
There is also another mild annoyance that pesters him tirelessly. Every now and then at work, he is interrupted by the visions again, the very same visions about that he had on the roof and in the dango shop. He tried to brush them off, but the visions are growing stronger than before to the point where they seem so corporeal.
He's in his office right now, making lackluster efforts on pushing papers. Only Sakura occupies his mind.
He realizes that he can't stop thinking about her, and that it's time to stop pretending to work on the stupid defense proposal that he couldn't care less about.
Might as well write her a letter instead, he muses. After rummaging through his drawer, Naruto manages to pull out a clean sheet of paper and pen.
On the small paper, he can't help but pour out the feelings he submerged deep in his heart for years, at least the gist of it.
"Sakura-chan," he pens down. "Before you crumple this letter away and toss it in the trash, please just hear me out. Okay, so I admit that I'm not a fan of writing letters, but I hope that this letter can be at least bearable enough for you to read.
What I said back in the shop isn't all true. Yes, Hiashi asked me to marry his daughter, and well, the results are still in action right now.
But there is some truth to what I said about my past position in society. I was a powerless orphan. Even if I was revered as the 'greatest hero of our nation' —as you coined— by most people, I always saw myself as one of the dregs of our society. Nothing could have changed my mind about that because I've always lived with it.
But in all honesty, since I've always lived with that mindset, I didn't care about Hiashi's stupid offer. I cared mostly about carving out my own niche. You know, to become a respectable Hokage that everyone acknowledges in the village.
And, as stupid as it may seem to admit now, I cared mostly about you too.
To be blunt and specific, I cared mostly about your happiness than you first. Looking back, that was a stupid mistake for me to make. I knew that your happiness was Sasuke. You loved Sasuke with all your heart, and any fool, me included, could see that clearly.
I didn't see the point in chasing you a thousand times over since you were already head-over-heels for Sasuke. I cared about your happiness more than I cared about myself or anyone else. It made sense to me for you to be with the one you loved the most since it was like me wanting to become the Hokage.
Since that was your ultimate goal in life, I had to let you go in the end.
I married Hinata because… I'm not exactly sure why anymore. It just made sense back then because I didn't want to be alone any longer. I thought that at least Hinata understood me since I remember her saying that she wanted to be like me.
But I was wrong. Right now, I feel more alone than ever.
Hinata is nice and sweet, but she doesn't get me. It's always been hard to connect with her, and I always wondered to myself why it's hard for us to understand each other. It's like she doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that I'm just Uzumaki Naruto. Rather, she sees me as Uzumaki Naruto, the guy who gave her hope to live in the past. At least, that's how I understand her now at the moment.
Anyway, I'm not sure where I'm going with this long-winded letter. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to set the records straight. I'm sorry for not being honest with you in the first place, but I guess that means I'm a true politician now. I still can't keep you out of my mind, Sakura-chan. Never have, never will. I've loved you far too long to give up on you, almost as long as me living with the dregs-of-society mindset.
Since I'm a coward and afraid of confronting you about what happened last week, I wrote this letter. I hope that I can send this to you. If not, I'm more of a coward than I realized. Please don't walk away from me because I need you more than ever.
From your stupid, cowardly, shitty old friend,
Naruto.
P.S. I keep seeing these visions: Konoha in ruins, the moon, you and I…. Am I just coming down with serious mental issues now, or could this all be a premonition? I doubt that it's the latter."
After he finishes writing the letter, Naruto thinks of burning it in the trash bin next to him. But instead, to his own amusement, he folds it three times and tucks it inside the chest pocket of his jacket.
And then, with his conscious somewhat clean, he gets back to work.
Sakura is sweeping the front yard of her home, still bothered by what happened last week with Naruto.
She didn't mean to storm off like that. Regrets are always useless, Sakura knows that from experience, but she has the burning desire within her to change that particular scenario.
Still, she feels the age-old anxiety creeping around the corner of her heart, the type of anxiety where she is too afraid to face the truth.
What if, she wonders silently, if Naruto meant all of what he said?
She doesn't want to believe that her Naruto is a different man now than the kind, selfless one she's known since they were kids.
Suddenly, she stops moving the broom. Her Naruto… Even after all these years, she never let go of him in her heart. She desperately tried for so long, for his sake and happiness, to erase all the painful memories. Still, her beating heart for him didn't decay.
Her grip on the broomstick tightens, almost breaking it apart with her super strength. But she pays no attention to her surroundings right now since the repressed past is escaping out from her mind scape.
She can't help but purse her lips in fear as she thinks of facing him, hoping with all her might that he is not different, that nothing about him changed over the course of her action long ago.
Most of all, with how everything is advancing at the moment, she is afraid to face the truth that will have to resurface one day.
Three days later, Naruto returns back to his house from the office. His children —more specifically, Himawari— greets him as soon as he opens the front door. Boruto is unenthusiastically leaning against a nearby column.
"Daddy! Daddy!" Himawari shouts as she excitedly waves her arms in the air. Naruto crouches down to pick her up and hold her. He's never received such a warm greeting, or at least a welcome, from his children before. This is new, he briefly thinks.
"And where are your manners, Boruto?" he tells his son sternly. With a crooked pout, Boruto mutters a "Yeah, whatever" to no one in particular.
Naruto was about to give his son a scathing lecture about respect when Hinata approaches them.
"Naruto-kun, welcome back," his wife greets him. "How was work?"
This is really new, he thinks again, too new if you ask me.
Nevertheless, he answers her tersely. "Busy."
"Well, that must be a good thing, right, children?" Hinata pleasantly asks her children, as if she's rehearsed the awkward lines before. Himawari answers her mother politely with a "Yes," but Boruto grumbles something about useless fathers.
Naruto is about to launch a new series of lecture to Boruto, but Hinata interrupts him again.
"And after such a long absence from work, I think that it's time for Naruto-kun to spend some time with his children," she says by clasping her hands together.
He was about to protest against her suggestion since he was too beat, but stops when he catches a glimpse of Boruto. The boy's downcast face says it all, as if he expects his dad to outright refuse playtime.
Right there and then, Naruto realizes what Hinata is trying to do, and feels pangs of conscience.
He instead tells his kids that they're going to the amusement park, as long as he changes out of his smelly clothes.
Himawari giggles and does a little pirouette, and Boruto's face softens up.
For once, Naruto doesn't feel suffocated in his home.
Himawari, Boruto, and Naruto return home with balloons and stuffed animals that they've won at the amusement park. It is evening, where only a small amount of stars are peering through navy blue sky.
Naruto twists the doorknob, bringing laughter and smiles into the entrance of his house. Hinata is standing in front of them, as if she's been waiting for them the whole time.
The lights are shining down on the luxurious furniture and decorative ornaments strewn across the hallway, but the atmosphere is tense.
"Hinata?" Naruto speaks. "What are you—"
"Children, I have some good news," Hinata cuts him off. Her voice is still gentle and saccharine. "Tenten-san just called. She invited you guys for a sleepover with Lee-kun. Isn't that exciting?"
"But mom, do we have to go to Tenten-san's house?" Boruto shouts. "I mean, Lee's cool, but old man Lee is going to be giving his stupid youth pep talk the whole night."
"I've already packed your belongings and said that you two will be going," Hinata tells them by handing out their bags. "No exceptions! And it'll be fine. Tenten-san promised that there are ramen and a display of martial arts weapons waiting for you two. She even promised to keep Lee-san quiet for the night."
The children let go of the balloons and toss the prizes aside. With dejected looks on their faces, Boruto and Himawari unwillingly grab their bags and head outside, their only sole comfort being ramen and martial arts weapons.
After the kids are gone, Naruto gives Hinata a firm look. He obviously doesn't buy the sudden sleepover invite from Tenten since it's not like her to ever plan such a thing.
"What's going on here, Hinata?" he asks her. She doesn't answer him immediately. Instead, she pulls out a folded paper in her aprons and opens it up.
It's his letter for Sakura.
Naruto freezes.
"Yes, if you would really like to know, I asked Tenten-san to take the kids away for a night."
"Cut the bullcrap out and tell me the truth, Hinata," Naruto susurrates, without making an eye contact with her.
"You're the one to talk here. What is this letter, Naruto-kun?"
"It's…Nothing."
"'Nothing,' you say? Oh, so are you saying that this is nothing?" Hinata raises her voice, shaking the piece of paper in her hand. Naruto snatches the letter from his wife's hand and tucks it in his jacket.
"Look, it's none of your business. I just needed to clarify some things with Sakura—"
"Why, Naruto-kun?" Hinata asks him. Her voice is faltering, and he can tell that she is trying to restrain herself from crying or going crazy. "Was everything a lie this whole time?"
Naruto says nothing. Hinata takes in a deep breath before speaking again.
"I know that our marriage is not a typical one," she continues. "But still, I tried. I tried my best to please you. I tried to be the best wife for you, the Hokage of our village—"
"That's just it, Hinata. I've been the Hokage for all the wrong reasons."
She can't hold back her tears any longer, but persists in questioning him.
"Did you marry me to become the Hokage?"
"No."
"Do you hate me?"
"No."
"Then do you love me?"
"Not as much as I should have."
He surprises himself by letting his inhibition go and answering her honestly. This is the first time that he's ever been honest with his wife, who is now shaking uncontrollably.
"Is this a joke?" Hinata shouts hysterically. "Are you a kage bunshin? Where's the real Naruto-kun? Where's the man that I married? Tell me, who are you?"
He is mute, unable to answer her right away. The ticking of the cuckoo clock eats away the silence, unhinging her patience.
"Answer me!"
Naruto bits his bottom lip, almost to the point of making it bleed. He is afraid because for the first time, he realizes a certain truth about himself and his marriage.
"I'm the man you married," he speaks. "But I don't even know who I am."
The streetlights are just about to illuminate the streets streaked with shadows. Naruto runs away from his home as far as he could, leaving everything behind. He doesn't know where he's running to since he never thinks about the destination rationally.
For the first time, even though his friends have told him so countless times in the past, and even though he didn't want it to be true, Uzumaki Naruto realizes that he's a doer, not a planner, and a great failing one to boot.
While running, Naruto has an epiphany on why he spewed out nonsensical jargon to Sakura more than a week ago. In a moment of weakness, he tried to protect himself with the façade that he is so very attuned to since the day he reigned over Konoha as the Hokage.
The end result of that façade, however, was lackluster for him.
He wonders why he was never happy, or even remotely satisfied with his wife year in, year out. Hinata should have been the perfect one for him. She cares about him, looks up to him, and is a perfect mother. She is gentle, kind, and out of all the girls across nations, he chose her because…
He doesn't want to think about why he chose her.
Right now, he just wants to run.
And he runs, and runs, and runs away from everything into the darkness.
Sakura is wiping the floor with a rag when she hears the doorbell ring. Quickly, she rushes to open the door and finds a miserable Naruto standing in front of her. She is dumbfounded at first.
"Naruto, what are you doing here?" she asks him. Seeing his disconsolate face, combined with the unexpected visit, throws her out of the usual courteous demeanor.
He instead replies to her question with another question. "Can I come in?"
She lets him in, still just a bit flabbergasted. After he enters, she closes the door and sighs.
"Really Naruto, you are still the most unpredictable ninja on the face of the earth, and no one can overthrow you off that title," she says to him.
Naruto walks straight into the hallway and stops halfway. He leans against the wall and sinks to the floor. Then, he gathers his knees to his chest and buries his face into his bent arms, which worries her.
"Naruto, are you all right?" she asks, sitting right next to him.
He doesn't look up at her.
She places one hand on his shoulder.
"Come on, Naruto, look at me. You can tell me what's wrong. I'm here to listen."
He responds by unlocking his arms, and Sakura looks at the man who is so different from what she's used to. Never in her life did she witness Uzumaki Naruto's despair, at least not since when they both chased after Sasuke.
"Naruto…?"
"It's over, Sakura-chan," he finally speaks. His voice is calm and in control, but laced with grief.
"What's over, Naruto?"
"My marriage. It's over."
With that, Sakura is left speechless, but he continues on without a care in the world.
"It was bound to happen some time soon. Actually, I'm not even sure if I wanted this to happen, but then again, I never expected myself to wake up next to Hinata one day with two kids. I kept looking back, and the answer was there all along. Remember that time when we were all sharing our dreams together in front of Kakashi-sensei? Remember, Sakura-chan? Heh, mine came true, I guess, though now that I look back, what I wished for seemed all too vague. Back then, I was a stupid young kid, but now I'm a stupid and a shitty old man. Nothing's ever changed."
His depressing talk makes her snap a little. "Shut up, Naruto, you're not a shitty old man. Stupid, yes, no one can deny that. And well, we are both getting old, although being in our thirties is still pretty young. But shitty? Come on, you're way above that, and you must be going mad if you actually believe that you are shitty."
He chuckles. "Sakura-chan, you must be losing your edge a little if you think that I'm not going mad. In fact, now that I think about it, I was always a bit mad. I was born into the world of madness. I was mad at the world. I was mad with intense competitive jealousy for Sasuke. I was mad about ninjutsu. I was mad about never looking back. I was mad about keeping promises. And I was mad about…"
He stops. Sakura stares at him, even nudges him with her elbow to continue. She leans closer to him, curious to hear what he has to say.
"Well?"
Her eyes meet his eyes, which are becoming increasingly desperate. He wants to restrain himself like always, but this time, it's different. This time, he can't resist what's in front of him.
Breathing deep, he whispers, "You."
With that, he leans forward and kisses her.
Her eyes are wide as saucers.
At first, she doesn't know what to do, but she kisses him back soon enough.
The first few kisses are chaste and subtle. The second rounds of kisses are firmer and intense. Their bodies and arms fuse tightly until Sakura pulls away with all her might.
"We shouldn't do this," she tells him, although her eyes dodge his gaze.
Naruto doesn't say anything to Sakura. Instead, he keeps his eyes on her. She looks up and realizes that this is her first time seeing the dolefulness tucked beneath his cerulean eyes.
"Naruto," she speaks to break the rare moment of silence between them. "Please don't look at me like that."
His hands slowly drop away from her arms as if they're attached to rocks.
"I should go," he tells her. He stands up and walks out of her home. He doesn't want to make the situation any more awkward than it is now.
For the umpteenth time, Uzumaki Naruto runs away again from Haruno Sakura.
The first time he ran away from her was when they were both nineteen years old. With pure certainty on how to go about with the confession, Naruto decided to call Sakura out for a ramen date that winter. Unfortunately, his plan was already in the process of failing, starting with his doubts about her feelings for him, and ending after he received a red scarf from his future wife. Naruto never got around to telling Sakura how he felt about her. He was too afraid to admit his love for Sakura, which at some point, turned into an arbitrary question that would plague him for years.
Do I really love her? He often caught himself asking out of the blue, although he would repress it immediately when Hinata or his children waltzed into the room.
In any case, the question seems to arise easily in his head nowadays.
Naruto spends a week firmly rooted in his office. He doesn't go back home. He doesn't go back to face Sakura. He knows firmly in his heart that it's over now with Hinata. He just can't go back to that life anymore, not even back to his children. He's too ashamed to see them after all that he put them through. He always put work first after getting married, and he never realized how much guilt he could feel for his kids until now.
This isn't the life I imagined to be, Naruto thinks.
He curses himself regularly while pushing paper and tapping on the keyboard. Coward. Idiot. Shitty old man. Slut. Worthless excuse for the Hokage title. The list goes on, matching the rhythmic tic-tock of the office clock.
For the longest time, after his ascension as the Hokage, he let time win by not fighting against it. After all, he had everything he wanted: the Hokage position, love from his woman, and acknowledgment from the world. But as days went by, he realizes that all of those materialistic possessions and titles detached him from reality, where warfare between clans still continued in different regions, where there were those who were suffering under his regulations, where there were nations plotting to backstab and potentially murder him.
Soon, his fingers tremble and drop the pen that he was signing papers with. His vision becomes blurry from tears.
Naruto buries his face in his hands again, knowing that he can't see his way out of this fog he created.
And now, for the first time, he realizes that he is stuck, but there were many different roads to take. He has no real answers, no one true path to choose.
Instead, he sees multiple possibilities of what might happen and what may be.
For about a week in his office, Naruto racks his brain over the endless possibilities he could choose from. Deep down, he knows what to choose, but he is afraid to go about it.
Since when did I become so inept with fear? He thinks to himself silently as he goes through the painful process of elimination with his tactical choices.
But he knows that in the end, he can't muddle around any longer.
As he decides to go with what he thinks is the best answer, Naruto hears a soft knock on the door. In panic, he rubs his eyes and clears his throat.
"Come in," he says, and he rubs his eyes again, unable to believe his eyes as she enters the office.
They are both up on the roof again, watching the setting sun eerily dye the evening sky in crimson. Silence mixed with the howling wind claws against their ears.
She speaks up first.
"You ran away last time."
The cherry blossom petals whirl through the breeze, gently caressing their cheeks.
She turns to face him pensively. "But that wasn't the first time you ran away from me. I know it, and so do you."
Naruto tries to bring forth the answer that he repressed within himself for so long. He can't dance around the issue anymore. Gripping the metal bars of the fence, he studies the blood-bathed sunset and finally opens his feelings to her for the first time.
"I have to be honest with you, Sakura-chan, because I've been running away from my problems for far too long. The truth is," he tells her, with an interlude of sigh. "I'm still in love with you, Sakura-chan. You can push me away all you want, but I don't care anymore. All I want now is for you to know that fact because that is good enough for me."
Introspectively, Sakura carefully rearranges his words in her head, rising to a crescendo, to the beat of her heart. I'm still in love with you, Sakura-chan. Sakura-chan, I'm still in love with you. Still in love with you, Sakura-chan, I'm…
He isn't bothered by her silence, not in the least bit. In front of her, at most, Uzumaki Naruto wants to shed his cowardly self and be honest with her.
"Sakura-chan, it's okay if you don't love me like I love you. I've already made up my mind long ago that I was in love with you. As crazy as that sounds, I don't think that part of me will ever change. I'm in too deep, too far to turn back. But that has nothing to do with the decisions I've made."
With immense apprehension, she listens to him.
"Starting tomorrow," he tells her. "I'm going to resign from my position. Also, I'm going to divorce Hinata."
Sakura cannot believe the words that just came out of Naruto's mouth.
She stares at him incredulously. "You… You can't be serious."
Turning toward her, he gives her a solemn look, and she knows instantly that he already made an absolute resolution.
Tears well up in her eyes. "Naruto, don't do this. Think about your kids, your reputation, your happiness—"
"Sakura-chan," he cuts her off with a gentle whisper. This time, he lets go of the bar and lays his hands on her shoulders. "I'm alright. This is actually the happiest decision I've made so far in my life. I mean, I know that I've made a lot of stupid decisions, and heck, this current one is a really stupid one. But right now, I just want to let everything go and start over again. Start living as the real Uzumaki Naruto, you know?"
She is crying. Sakura is crying, and Naruto doesn't know why since he is an intermittent reader of her thoughts. Back in the old days, he would've panicked, trying everything in his power to make her smile again. But after spending years with Haruno Sakura on Team 7, he knows that once she starts crying, there is no way stopping her since only she has the power to stop herself.
So instead, he gives her a tender smile.
His smile. It's the kind of smile that makes her gut wrench and punch his stupid shit-eating grin to oblivion. But now that she's older, Sakura refrains from such tactics. With each passing year, she learns that words are more potent, and that is what she'll use against him as a weapon.
Unluckily for her, Sakura lets her emotions get in the way like always. The tears that she tries to subdue spills out uncontrollably, and all the wrong words tumble out from her mouth.
"You idiot," she mumbles at first, trying to hold back her tears, but soon, she yells at him with full force. "You idiot, you idiot, you idiot! What are you smiling for? Can't you see that you're tossing all that you've built up away into nothing? Stop smiling, you fool, and get a grip! You can't be in love with me— you're a married man and I'm married to Sasuke! Wake up from your deluded fantasies, you stupid idiot, and get your shit together!"
The wind is screaming, and the delicate cherry blossom petals in midair are ripping to shreds from the violent gust.
Naruto brush her tears away with his thumb.
"I am awake now," he responds. "But up until now, I was too stupid to actually face the truth for too long and let all this crap happen."
He gives her a brighter smile this time. It's the first time in many years since he's been able to smile like this. "Sakura-chan, I'm sorry that I couldn't man up to say the truth to you. But I want you to know that I'm sorry, and I know that it's too late, but I want to stop what I'm doing before it gets worse later."
Wiping away tears with the edge of her sleeves, Sakura gives herself some time to reflect upon Naruto's words and all his behavior from the past. He is who he is, she thinks. She knew it long before, but it's the first time she actually realizes that no one, not even she, could change the obstinate Uzumaki Naruto. With that happy thought, Sakura regains her serene composure.
Taking note of the ceased tears, Naruto lets his curiousity speak up on its own. "So Sakura-chan, why did you come into my office today?" he asks her.
With her eyes cast down, she tells him. "I wanted to make a confession."
"About?"
"About the dango shop. I shouldn't have run away from you that time," she says, and then puts her hand over her forehead and sighs. "Look at me, a hypocrite. First, I make you say stupid things about running away from me, and here I am saying stupid things about running away from you."
He stays quiet, wanting to be her patient listener.
"I just…. I didn't want you to be any different than from the loud, unpredictable Uzumaki Naruto that I used to know," she blurts out her thoughts honestly.
He is taken aback. Surely Sakura-chan can't be this pure, he thinks, and laughs from finding her cute once more. But soon, the laughter dies down because what Sakura said makes him feel the age-old shame again.
"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan," he tells her. "Did I make you upset that time?"
He brings her closer to his chest, and feels her drumming heartbeat against his.
"I promise I won't change," he whispers. "That's a promise of a lifetime, for real this time."
That's more than enough to hear for her. Sakura presses her lips against Naruto's. It's only a quick peck, but Naruto feels as if he's been struck by lightning.
"And to make it even, I promise," she vows with glimmer in her eyes, "That I won't change either, and be honest with you."
He is stunned. Surely this isn't all a dream, Naruto thinks.
"What was that for?" he asks her.
"I'm just finishing what you started last time," she tells him.
Her message slowly becomes clear to him. Naruto nods, and kisses her for what seems to be a mere millisecond or an eternity.
All the walls, all the barriers that they've built up for so long are gradually tearing down.
They both close their eyes and feel each other's body with the tip of their fingers. Naruto shifts his hands from Sakura's shoulders up to her neck, her cheeks, and finally, her hair.
Just like last time, their kiss becomes intense. Naruto and Sakura both lose themselves in the heat of the moment.
As the kiss deepens, and becomes rougher, Naruto sinks into the blissful abyss. The moment, however, doesn't last long as he starts to experience the visions again. This time, the visions, now more stable and clear, seem all too real. The crumbling buildings, a teary Sakura in tattered wedding gown, the moon tainted in blood…
He pulls away from her immediately and gasps for air.
"Naruto? Are you okay?" Sakura asks him with concern. He takes a slow amount of breath and reassures her.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Sakura-chan. It's just that, I'm not even sure myself, but I see a lot of strange visions these days…"
"Visions? What visions?"
She is visibly worried, so Naruto tries to play it cool.
"It's nothing, probably. I'm probably hallucinating from stress, that's all. But I'll be fine. Some of the visions don't even relate to me anyway, such as the red moon, crumbling buildings—"
"The moon… Did you say the moon?" she hesitantly interrupts him, leaving Naruto inquisitive.
"Do you know anything about all this?" he asks her.
Sakura doesn't let the words escape from her lips. She is still tentative, uncertain.
"It's just that," she swallows hard. "You need more sleep, idiot. I was worried the last time when you said you were sleep deprived. Seriously Naruto, practice good sleep hygiene so that you'll quit having nightmares and downgrading yourself."
Naruto looks at her incredulously. "And is that all?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?"
Her words sit between the lines of sincerity and mendacious concern, but he decides to believe her anyway. She's here, he thinks, she's here and that's all that matters right now. He doesn't want to lose her again.
So instead of interrogating her, Naruto kisses her again. With the assurance of gaining his full trust, Sakura kisses him back at ease.
Somewhere over the horizon, in a far, far distance away from the office roof, the sanguine remains of a colossal mushroom cloud melds with the scintillating sun.