title: all things considered
word count: 2,606
summary: Sometimes, the happiest people have a secret that weighs down their soul. Eiji was always happy – right? Then his secret must be crushing him nearly to death

all things considered

Eiji Kikumaru had secrets.

Like how he feigned sleep on the bus, so he could watch Momo and Echizen and Kaidoh sleeping, making mental notes on the conversation between Inui and Oishi (so apparently, he'll be on a special diet and exercise regime starting next week, to make up for his lack of stamina) and trying as best he could to make sense of Taka-san's senseless drabbles about sushi (which for him was still just a food and not an art form). He would sit there, arms crossed, eyes closed and listen, trying to learn all their secrets, the little things they say when he appeared to be asleep.

Another secret he had was that at Harry's Pet Store, he helped clean up the cages and felt like a criminal. Though he loved the animals (and seriously, who couldn't help but love the turtles that swam back and forth in lazy half-motions), he could never shake off the impression of a jail, of corners that stretched high into the sky, promising no escape.

He would never tell anyone how he caught Toga-nii kissing Yumiko, though his sisters would be happy that their blockhead oldest brother finally got a girlfriend, that through this relationship, the Fujis would become even closer to the Kikumarus. There was something so fresh and sweet, just a tiny kiss in the sunniest spot of the garden, that Eiji was filled with longing. His first kiss will be just like that.

His favorite out of all his siblings was Tomo, though they fought and bickered all the time. Eiji remembered clearly the sight of his bicycle slicing through the hard fall rain, Tomo's big smile when Eiji was on the verge of tears, accusing everyone of forgetting to pick him up from grade school, the big orange umbrella Tomo held high over Eiji's head. He remembered when as a joke, Fuji signed him up to run for class president and the day Eiji had to make a speech, staring out at the crowd only to see Tomo, alternating between tugging at Fuji's ear and scowling him and lifting up a fist into the air in support of Eiji behind the podium. And when the speech was meet with no applause, Tomo clapped first, loud, joined by Fuji and the other regulars of the tennis team.

When Eiji had a nightmare when he was younger, he ran to Tomo and slept under his big brown-bear blanket. Tomo was his favorite brother and Eiji hoped no one learned that secret, just in case Chihiro stopped buying toothpaste and CDs for him, Toga ceased to drive him to faraway tennis matches and Yuki refused to cook him dinner. But Tomo was his favorite, the one Eiji ran to when he needed anyone at all.

Tomo was the only one privy to Eiji's darkest, deepest secret, the one Eiji carried with him like a corpse, silent but malicious, waiting to crush whatever light Eiji brought to the world. And Tomo did what all big brothers did – wait in the shadows, wait for this corpse, this secret to be buried forever, wait and wait.

Tomo thought this was the best way to protect his beloved baby brother.
--

Secrets wound around Eiji's legs like chains, making him wish he could grow wings and fly. That's why when he wasn't training with the tennis team, he was in the gym, twirling and flipping all over the floor, scampering over beams and high rings suspended in the air.

When he moved like that, he felt, just for a few seconds, free.

Gripping at the sides of his shorts, to remove excess sweat, Eiji took a deep breath and ran down that narrow blue mat. At the last possible second, where he let his breath explode like a cloud out of his mouth, Eiji twisted his body and twirled completely in the air, his arms crossed lightly over his chest. He landed perfectly on his feet, hardly making a sound, barely sending an impact of force on the gym's floor.

A slow clap rang through the air, and turning, Eiji smiled brilliantly, knowing full well the only one who would be there.

"Ne, ne, Fuji, watching me again, eh?"
"That was magnificent, Eiji."

Fuji lifted a hand to caress his right cheek, smiling as Eiji ran over to him, throwing his arms high into the air. Eiji grabbed a hold of Fuji's free left wrist, tugging at his friend to follow him out of the gym door to the little foyer outside. Nestled between Eiji's scattered books and discarded uniform jacket, leaning slightly against his propped tennis bag was a bento box, stacked three layers high.

"Hoi, hoi! See what Oba-san and Tomo-nii made for you and me, nya." Eiji let Fuji's hand slip from his grip as he grabbed a hold of the bento box and turned, bowing deeply before Fuji's smiling face.

"Congratulations, congratulations, nya!"

He reached out, lightly pressing the flat of his palm against the top of the bento box as Eiji lifted his head to grin. "They're happy we passed our exams."

"Is that so?" Fuji's smile disappeared, his bluer than sky eyes sparkling in the sunlight that filtered through the nearby windows.

Eiji blushed, pushing the bento box into Fuji's stomach as he grabbed a hold of his jacket. Without pausing to look into Fuji's face, Eiji pulled on his uniform, bending forward to jam his bare feet into rumpled socks, and then into his clean tennis shoes. He wanted to hear Fuji settle on the bench next to him, lifting the covers of the bento box and inhaling the smell of tempura and rice, Oba-san's famous Chinese-style fried rice. He wanted Fuji to smile and eat, quietly talking about practice and the practice matches with St. Rudolph. Instead, as Eiji continued to keep his eyes studying the cracks on the floor tiles, he heard nothing.

The smile he put on his face felt as if it was going to crack his whole body in half with that strained effort. "Ne, ne, Fuji, wait till I play against Yuuta this Friday, nya."

He lifted both of his arms high over his head, clamping his fingers together as he twisted this way and that, "Ryuzaki-sensei making me play singles! And against Yuuta Fuji-chan! Hoi, hoi."

"We can't –"

Eiji stopped in mid-sentence as his hand settled lightly on Eiji's shoulder. The bento box was placed on the bench and Eiji squirmed under Fuji's gentle touch. He shifted his eyes to stare past Fuji's face, the serious light shimmering from Fuji's eyes. Eiji watched the way the wind pressed branches of the trees against the window, how their shadows elongated against the far wall to look like cats.

"Eiji, are you listening to me?"

Fuji's other hand tugged urgently at Eiji's wrist, his head tilted towards Eiji's own. "We can't –"

"I KNOW!" Eiji's scream was the first thing to catch Fuji in surprise, the force of his voice upsetting Fuji enough to let his hand slip from Eiji's shoulder and wrist.

His voice was steady as Fuji placed a hand against his hip, watching Eiji's own face as he spoke again, "I won't let you copy me any –"

And before Fuji could finish his words, Eiji let out another scream, pushing Fuji hard against the bench and ran off, leaving behind the bento box turned on its side and spilling food all over the floor, his tennis bag crashing like a thunder clap, a bell signaling the end.

"Eiji.."
--

"That's so strange." Oishi scanned his eyes over the tennis court, sending a quick smile towards Arai for successfully serving an ace past Kaidoh's crouched figure, before returning his glance back at his doubles partner.

"What, what?" Eiji wiped at the sweat that clung to his neck with the back of his hand, adjusting the jacket he kept tied over his waist. The spring sun was warm against his back as Eiji cradled one of Oishi's spare rackets into his chest. His breathing was irregular, a telling sign of exactly how hard practice's been, his shoes kicked off to let his bare feet soak in the sun.

"Eiji, why didn't Fuji come today?"

"Tch, why does he need practice for? He's the genius, remember?" Eiji couldn't meet Oishi's glance of concern, settling instead to let out a yell for Echizen who was playing a rather fierce practice match against Momoshiro.

"That's the way to go, Ochibi!"
--

"Oh shit!" His hands searched through the pockets of his pants, the uniform jacket, his white button-down shirt. They paused at the intersection, Oishi running back to where Eiji stopped walking.

"Eiji?"

"It's okay, it's okay, nya!" Eiji grinned, holding up his hand for a high-five. "I just forgot something back at school."

"Want us to wait for you?"

Eiji paused to look at Inui and Taka, their faces still red from the strenuous amount of running during practice. Momo was so tired that he couldn't even ride his bike, holding onto the handles and slowly pushing the bike by his side as he walked.

"No, no, that's okay. See you later, nya!"

Oishi slapped Eiji a high-five, clutching tightly against Eiji's raised hand for a second before letting go. "Okay. Good work, Eiji! Don't forget, I'm coming over tomorrow."

"Yeah sure!"

He cupped his hands and let out a scream, "EVERYONE, GOOD WORK TODAY! SPECIALLY YOU, OCHIBI, SUPERSTAR, NYA NYA!"
--

He didn't expect anyone would be still in the school, the doors locked and the cleaning staff already hard at work. He flipped through an open window, taking off his shoes to make no sound as he walked. In his hands, he carried his sneakers, murmuring to himself about how cool he must look, avoiding the custodians with their mops, sliding down the stairs' banisters to make his way down to the gym.

Eiji's shoes echoed off the empty hallway as they slipped from his hands.

"Practice was awfully long today, wasn't it?"

Eiji shook his head, refusing to believe that he waited that long for him, until the shadows were no longer against the far wall but gathering near his feet. Even in his state of surprise, Eiji couldn't help but admire how to pass the time, Fuji took one of Eiji's rackets to amuse himself with hitting a tennis ball against the same square on the opposite wall, never stirring from his seat on the bench.

"Wow! That's amazing, Fuji! There's like no light here at all!" And then he forgot that he wasn't talking to Fuji and stomped his feet for forgetting his promise.

With his free hand, Fuji caught the ball and stood, placing Eiji's racket on the bench near the upright bento box. He stood close to Eiji, withdrawing a single piece of paper from his back pocket.

"Eiji, we have to talk."

And instead of lecturing, instead of calling him stupid, Fuji asked him to read what he wrote. "Just tell me what it says."

The piece of paper trembled in Eiji's hand and he thought back to the first day of school, where Fuji's smiling face was the only warm one in a sea of strangers. When his mother got sick and had to go the hospital, Fuji slept side by side on Eiji's bed, crying, crying because Yuuta refused to talk to him, crying because Yumiko spent every day waiting for their father's airplane to arrive.

He knew Fuji's secrets, like how he was scared that Yuuta will never talk to him again because of jealousy, how he himself was jealous of Mizuki and how big Yuuta's smile was whenever Mizuki was around. He knew Fuji.

"I can't-" The paper crinkled in Eiji's hands as his shoulders started shaking, his face trembling with the weight of his secret. "It's hard."

The words, written in Fuji's elegant handwriting, blurred, rearranging themselves before Eiji's eyes. He felt himself blushing, the anger at exactly how stupid he was rising to color his cheeks brilliant red.

"Eiji –" There were times when nothing else could be said, where an arm around shoulders and a smile was enough.
--

Together they walked home, quietly chatting about what Fuji missed at practice, how excited Yuuta sounded on the phone to play against Eiji, how the bento box was delicious ("All things considered, Eiji, there wasn't a lot that fell on the floor, and I got really, really hungry.") and how hard the janitors laughed when they saw Fuji attempting a cartwheel only to fall squarely on his back ("Ne, ne, it's hard being an acrobat, nya?" "The hardest thing ever.")

But when his house appeared before them, both the back and front porch light shining, Fuji kept his arm around Eiji and continued walking to his house, ignoring Eiji's protests.

"NEKO-CHI!" Tomo threw his arms around Eiji, hugging him in welcome as Fuji stood back, smiling. "GUESS WHO SCORED THE WINING GOAL AT TODAY'S GAME?"

Eiji looked over his shoulder to where Fuji waited, arms crossed and eyes gentle. With a nod from him, Eiji turned to look at his grinning, happy brother. Eiji lowered his head, whispered something so softly that Tomo had to lean forward to catch it. "I'm ready to tell Oto-san now, Tomo-nii."

And before Eiji lost his courage, he removed himself from his brother's embrace and walked into the living room, calling out for his father before sliding open the door.

Fuji waited with Tomo, the shadows creeping over their bodies as they listened to the raise and fall of not just Eiji's voice, but also his mother's, father's, Grandma's and Grandpa's. Fuji handed the now empty bento box to Tomo, smiling into his face at the sight of Tomo's watery, worrying eyes.

"It'll be okay, Tomo-kun."

"I knew –" Tomo's voice was gentle, more quiet than Fuji could ever imagine a Kikumaru's voice to be, "-that being dyslexic isn't that bad, right Syusuke?"

"The only bad thing is that Eiji had to hide it for so long."

"Thank you-" Tomo turned around to fully face Fuji, bowing slightly at the waist. He said the same thing he always said when he dropped Eiji in front of Fuji's house each morning but this time, the words were far heavier, worth much more then typical politeness. "-For taking care of my brother."
--

"Ne, ne, you sure?"
"I'm sure Eiji."

"Hoi, hoi! Then here I go!"
"Do your best, Eiji."

He returned Eiji's wave, already pulling out his homework and his pencil-case, smiling as he watched Eiji dodge traffic and enter into the building across the street
--

All things considered, it wasn't as bad as he thought it could be. Just an extra hour of lessons after tennis practice every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The learning center wasn't all that bad either, the tutors patient and eager to help him though his dyslexia. After the first week, he felt confident enough to read aloud the first page of the newspaper to his Oto-san. Words still blurred before his eyes each time he read something, but he was starting to realize when what he was reading wasn't making sense. It wasn't much of a start, but it was something.

And then when it was over, he'll run to the café across the street where Fuji waited, smiling, sometimes with Tomo-nii, something with Yuuta, sometimes alone. They would slurp down milkshakes and talk about everything and together, they'll walk home in the twilight. All things considered, it wasn't so bad.

In fact, Eiji felt free, freer even then the flock of geese that flew above their heads. It was as if Fuji's smiling presence was the only thing that kept Eiji grounded on earth. If not, Eiji would be drifting among the stars, his chain of secrets finally severed from his leg.

Just like that, he was free.
--

author's notes: Oh man. I love you, Eiji!