Disclaimer: I don't own Angel the Series.
Thanks to Starway Man, my Beta
Exit Strategy
By Alkeni
Chapter 7: Princess Pylea
Throne Room, Palace, Pylea
May 4th, 2001
"Cordelia?" Wesley was the first to say it, after getting over the shock he and everyone else – all five of them – was feeling. His voice was hoarse, as if he honestly couldn't believe what he was seeing.
Even Lilah was feeling surprise at seeing who exactly the Pylean 'Princess' was. What the hell is the Covenant up to?
"No way!" Next it was Gunn's turn to exclaim, as Constable Narwek started to straighten back up, recovering from recent...trauma. The guards had them all – except Lilah – all held in place. Lilah took advantage of Narwek's situation to edge away from everyone else just a little.
"You're safe?" And Angel once again states the obvious, the Morgan woman thought to herself sarcastically.
"Clearly." Lilah cut in, rolling her eyes. "Running the show kind of equals safe."
"It has its positives." Cordelia agreed, smiling satisfiedly. "I mean, my throne could use a few extra cushions, but not really complaining, because hey – throne!"
Sounds like the Cordelia Chase in the files.Lilah didn't get a chance to say or think anything else, though, as Narwek finally recovered and punched Lilah in the stomach. Letting out a moan of pain, Lilah doubled over, her shackled hands on her midsection.
"I understand the impulse, but don't do that again without my permission." Cordelia ordered the Constable imperiously. Lilah was evil and a straight-up bitch, but hey; Cordelia wasn't just going to let that guy beat her up. If anyone gets to do that, it's me!
Narwek, who had been about to hit the female cow again for causing him such pain and indignity, instantly stepped back and lowered his hand. "As you command, Majesty." The words were ground out, every fiber of the Constable's being demanding that he punish the cow further...but the order of the princess of the realm took precedence over his own desires. He placed his hand on his sword instead. "Shall we gut the cows now, so that you might dine on their ignoble flesh, oh most high?"
Cordelia screwed up her face in disgust at that suggestion. Eating people? That's the first thing that I'm going to get rid of around here. That, and polyester. What? If she now had her own kingdom to run, she was going to really do some good. Polyester had to be a no. "You're most high," she pointed to Narwek, "if you think that's gonna happen." Cordelia reached for a grape from the plate of assorted fruits next to her throne, and popped it into her mouth.
"Cordelia," Wesley lifted up his hands, the manacles rattling as he did so. "Can you please order something done about these?" While it was phrased as a question, Wesley's tone indicated he was pretty sure of the answer.
"I suppose I could. But shouldn't there be some extended groveling first?" She raised an eyebrow, gesturing a bit towards them.
Lilah rolled her eyes as she stood up straight, hand still on her stomach. Wesley, I'm going to kill you if you don't get that stupid bitch to stop screwing around like this! "Either just have them kill us, or get these stupid things off us." I get out of the handcuffs and end up in chains. If Lilah was inclined to think that way, she might wonder if the universe was trying to tell her something.
As it was, the ex-lawyer was just annoyed at her shitty luck.
"Alright." Cordelia said cheerily. "Off with their heads!" This was spoke in a grand, momentous tone, completed with an elaborate gesture with one hand. Channeling the Queen of Hearts? After that, all thoughts of snark fled Lilah's mind as swords were drawn, and the lawyer felt Narwek's blade on her neck, pressing almost hard enough to break skin.
"Kidding!" Cordelia corrected the guards. "Put the swords down, and get the chains off my friends...and Lilah."
So nice to be included.
Lilah managed to find her snark again as the sword left her neck. Resisting the urge to let out a sigh of relief, Lilah instead smirked at Narwek as she held out her wrists. Still scowling, the Constable unlocked the manacles and let them fall to the ground with a loud clatter.
Lilah rubbed at her wrists as the other four were released from their chains. Finally, after four more clatters, Cordelia gestured at the Constable. "You can go now." Then she turned to and gestured at all the assembled 'advisors' and other courtiers that seemed to be standing around the edges of the room. "And all of you, as well." That order given, Cordelia stood up from her throne.
Narwek approached her, adopting a respectful tone: "Majesty, I must protest." He gestured back to the five unchained humans. "To allow dangerous criminals to roam free in your presence? They show no respect for the proper order of things, and do not know their proper place as such cow trash-"
"Yes, we're so dangerous we went and got ourselves captured." Lilah pointed out, eliciting a glare from Narwek. She looked at Wesley and gestured towards his belt, where his gun holster had been, before it had been confiscated during their capture and imprisonment.
Wesley got her intent easily enough and looked at Cordelia. "Our things?"
Oh." Cordelia nodded and looked at Narwek. "Give back anything you took from them, when you arrested them." The Constable seemed to be about to protest further, but Cordelia wasn't having any more of that. "Don't make me use my important voice." She glared at him.
Narwek still hesitated, but only for a moment. He quickly bowed and said, "Your will is my command, Princess." He nodded to his minions and they fell in behind him, leaving the throne room. The various and sundry demons that were lingering around as courtiers also followed suit, leaving the room empty but for Cordelia, her friends, and Lilah.
Lilah looked at the food, but managed to control herself from running at it – and watched with amusement as Wesley, Lorne and Gunn ran past Cordelia to get at the food.
"Men." Lilah told Cordelia, as if that was enough. Though, really, it kind of was – and Cordelia seemed to agree, responding to Lilah with an aggrieved roll of her eyes.
"What happened?" Angel asked, as Lilah also walked – slowly – towards the food.
"What does it look like?" Cordelia asked the vampire, looking at him. "Some yucky demon guy captured me, made me a slave, sold me to some old demon lady – who had me shovel demon horse poop – and then, after I was brought to the castle, the priests jabbed me with hot pokers for God knows how long. Then, princess!" She wore a somewhat strained smile at that.
"But that makes utterly no sense at all." Wesley pointed out between mouthfuls of food. "In this world, humans are slaves and chattel. Why make one of them a monarch?"
"My charm and good looks, duh!" Cordelia replied with a straight face, but then she simply shrugged. "Not a clue. They kept going on about a curse, though."
At the mention of 'curse', Lorne looked thoughtful. "Oh, boy – you had a vision, didn't you puddin'?"
Cordelia nodded, "Yeah, and can I just say, visions? Not getting any easier." She frowned. "I mean, I'm still kinda vibrating. Though," she added in a considering tone, "that could be from the hot pokers."
"Still missing the connection." Lilah looked at Lorne, waiting for their resident Pylea expert to enlighten them. Although she wasn't alone in that – all five of them were looking at the anagogic demon for clarification.
"There's this prophecy." Lorne started. The word 'prophecy' elicited a slight groan from Angel and a sideways look from Wesley. Even Cordelia didn't jump for joy at it.
What prophecies crawled up and bit them in the ass?
Not that Lilah was all that much of a fan of prophecies, either. Still, that was hardly germane right now. She stared at Lorne, waiting for him to get on with it.
Lorne dutifully went on: "Basically, it talks about a holy messiah." The lounge demon sat down on the throne absently, lounging. "The Covenant has been preaching for generations about the coming of a chosen one, a mysterious being cursed with visions of the future. And when the prophesied one comes, they get the throne and restore the monarchy." He frowned. "Of course, it's probably not actually going to work out like that."
"Of course not." Gunn cut in, laughing. "I mean, Cordelia, the messiah?"
"It could happen." Cordelia insisted to Gunn, before lightly whacking Lorne in the arm so she'd get off the throne. "And, and it seems to be working out okay now." Cordelia added. "I mean: throne, princess." She pointed to her royal chair and then herself. "Kinda equals monarchy. The priests swore me in and everything."
"Newsflash, 'Princess'. But those priests – the Covenant of Trombli – run this dimension for the Senior Partners." Lilah grabbed something that looked close to an apple and bit into it. Didn't quite have the same taste, but close enough. She swallowed that piece, then continued. "The same Senior Partners who overthrew and slaughtered the local monarchy in the first place, way back when."
"The same Senior Partners that run Wolfram and Hart in our world." Wesley added unnecessarily. "Cordelia. If they're responsible for putting someone like you, with a link to the Powers that Be – the opposition, if not their direct enemy – on the throne, then I highly doubt it bodes well for you. Or for anyone else fighting on the side of good."
"But – throne! Princess!" Cordelia protested, but she only remained in denial for a few moments. "Fine. Now that you're done raining on my parade, what now?" She looked at them, a new question occurring. "How did you guys even get here?"
"Same way you did." Gunn answered, sitting down on the steps below the throne. "Opened a portal with the book."
"Which we seem to have misplaced." Wesley added in a half-mutter, walking aimlessly in the direction of the door.
"The portal or the book?"
"The book." Lilah answered. "But there has to be some kind of way to open a portal from this dimension back to Earth. It's how the Senior Partners do business." She took another bite of the fruit, deciding to just think of it as an apple for simplicity's sake.
"Yes," Wesley agreed, "but," he continued, pointing out their problem: "we don't know what that way is, or where we might find it." Before he could continue on with his next thought, the doors to the throne room opened, and Narwek returned with two guards, each carrying a number of weapons.
"The prisoners' belongings, Majesty." Narwek ground out, grimacing as his sense of duty warred with racism and annoyance. The guards dropped them all on the floor.
"Thank you." Cordelia managed to keep a regal smile. "You can go now." She made a shooing motion. Scowling angrily, Narwek led his forces out of the throne room once again.
"I don't get it. Why are they giving us back our weapons, if they work for the Senior Partners?" Angel approached the pile carefully and selected his broadsword, checking it over as if for dents or blemishes.
"Well, that's the thing, Angel-cake – they don't know who they're really working for. Plus the Constable, he just does whatever he's told. Always has, always will." Lorne said. "He doesn't have any imagination. Even by the standards of your average Pylean. But as I was saying – I grew up here, and I never knew the Senior Partners were behind the Covenant. Odds are, all Narwek knows is that the priests have declared you the cursed one and given you the throne, so it's his job to obey your commands."
"Right. Okay. So, Cordelia – they probably want you to feel secure in your position, before they spring whatever they have in mind for you next." Angel cogitated. Lilah watched him start to say more, then rolled her eyes when she saw the vampire suddenly get distracted. By a mirror – no, more accurately, his own reflection.
"And," Gunn pointed out, standing up and pacing a little, "so long as we don't let on that we know they're up to something, we got a chance to get out of here." The black man walked over to the weapons and picked up his axe, giving it a quick few swings. Then he grabbed Wesley's sword and handed it off to the Englishman.
"True." Wesley agreed. He turned around and looked back at Cordelia. "Do they have some sort of library, or study in the palace?" Wesley went back to the weapons and found his pistol. Lilah, of course, hadn't actually gotten a weapon. They weren't to that level of the trusting yet.
Cordelia shrugged. "I don't know. I guess," she added, "I mean, they had to get the books they swore me in on from somewhere."
"Okay, but even if we find a portal-opening book, don't we need one of those inter-dimensional hotspots?"
"Good point, Gunn." Wesley checked the clip in his gun – all the bullets seemed to be there, from what Lilah could see.
"Have Angel and Lorne go look for one." Lilah suggested to the Englishman. "If you can get that narcissistic ass to stop looking at himself in the mirror for five minutes, of course." She gestured to the vampire, who was still engrossed by his own reflection.
As the other four crowded around Angel – and Lorne protested about going to see his cousin and family, but quickly backed down from that at the thought of sticking around his native dimension for any longer than he had to – Lilah just finished her apple, considering.
While she certainly had every intent on helping with the discovery of a way out of this dimension – she didn't want to be stuck here any more than these dumbass white hats did – there might be other things she could put to use in the library, or study, or whatever it was they had around here. Some kind of intelligence that could help her find her mother. Unlikely, but it was certainly within the realm of possibility.
If only Lorne had been able to give her any kind of lead on where Lindsey had stashed her mom, during his reading when she sang for him – but he hadn't. Gak. What good is reading my destiny, when you can't help me with the one real priority I have apart from staying alive? Lilah rolled her eyes. Wolfram and Hart's seers and psychics were a hell of a lot more useful than the ones the good guys seemed to have.
So why the hell were these people still alive, already?
Sewage Entrance, Palace, Pylea
Three Hours Later
Lilah looked down at the roiling, stinking sewage below, then back up to Wesley. "This is your plan?"
Wesley looked at her pointedly. Over the the past few hours, he and his people had learned quite a bit about what the priests of the Covenant had had in mind by making Cordelia their Princess. He said, "Well, you can always stay behind and find out what happens when the Groosalugg doesn't have a messiah to Com-Shuk with. Or suffer the priests' wrath-"
"I get your point." Lilah interrupted. "Still, this is your plan? I'm actually tempted to take my chances."
Cordelia took a step away from the opening, careful to keep the various items of treasure in her hands from falling in. "I agree with Lilah." Cordelia furrowed her brow, "and how nuts does that sound? Because it smells like I'll be taking my chances with the Groosalugg."
"You can do this, Cordelia." Wesley told the seer. "I'm not any more fond of this option than you are, but the sewage system empties out beyond the castle." And thank God the Covenant decided they wanted indoor plumbing. Lilah thought to herself, as Wesley continued speaking. "It's our only sure bet. Just...hold your breath, alright?"
"Why can't we just use the front door?" While Cordelia wasn't exactly whining, her tone certainly had a nice touch of a 'whine' to it.
"You really think you'll be able to get that booty of yours past all the guards at the front door?" Gunn retorted. At Cordelia's misunderstanding objection, Gunn clarified, pointing to the gold and silver objects in Cordelia's arms. "That booty."
"Oh." Cordelia looked down at the treasure, then back at the sewage. "Well, yeah, good point. It's just – well, can't I have some pretty things to remember my short-lived reign by?"
Gunn just rolled his eyes and didn't dignify that with a response. He lowered himself into the muck, letting out groans of disgust as he did so. Once Gunn was in, Wesley turned to Lilah. "Alright, now you."
Lilah looked at Wesley, then at the sewage, then back at the former Watcher. "Just so we're clear, when this is all over and we're back on Earth? I'm going to hurt you. Badly."
Wesley just barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. "Fine, fine. But that can wait until we're back home, alright?" Lilah just glared at him. I mean it, Wyndam-Pryce. Even if he didn't take her threat seriously, she meant every word.
"Just get in." Wes gestured impatiently at the slimy liquid.
Keeping her mouth firmly shut, Lilah lowered herself down into the opening, Wesley keeping ahold of her arm. Pinching her nose shut, Lilah let go and dropped down into the sewage. Definitely going to hurt you, you jackass.
Too bad Wesley hadn't ordered Cordelia to go before Lilah, as once Wes jumped in himself – the forces of the Covenant suddenly showed up, and prevented their 'monarch' from going anywhere.
Thick Forest, Pylea
An Hour Later
Lilah tuned out the debate between Gunn and Wesley about whether or not they were lost. It was fairly obvious that they were, but if the bookworm wanted to try and argue the point with the former gang leader, Lilah could care less about it.
The stench of the sewer systems underneath the palace still clung to her – as it clung to all of them – and especially clung to her hair. Lilah prided herself on her ability to look good regardless of the situation, but after trudging through that slimy muck for what seemed like hours – looking good was not really on the cards for her at the moment. She'd settle for smelling halfway like a human being.
Oh, Lilah had been in sewers before, and more than once – occupational hazard of working at Wolfram and Hart. But compared to what she'd had to go through back at the palace? Sweet as fucking roses.
That's enough. Lilah told herself sternly. She had been mentally complaining about going through the sewerage system for what had to be about the last hour, on and off. It was time to just get over it. She could hurt Wesley when they got back home, and she could take a five-hour long shower as well. Or maybe six hours.
Regardless, there were some more important issues at hand, like it or not.
Like why Wesley was suddenly 'shush-ing' Gunn.
"You having a Blair Witch moment?" Gunn just stared at Wesley.
"Something's hunting us." Wesley answered softly.
"Palace guards?" Gunn moved to stand back to back with Wesley, and Lilah followed suit, coming in a bit closer and keeping her back towards them as well, looking around. All three of them circling slowly, keeping back to back.
"I can't be sure." Wesley replied softly. "I don't -"
He was cut off by an angry snarl – one originating from a green, ugly demon with scales and mini-horns jutting out all over its face...wearing... Angel's clothes?!...that came out from behind a tree, and lunged at them, knocking them all to the ground – Lilah face first.
Dazed for a moment at the impact of her forehead on the ground, Lilah got up slowly, the sound of struggle registering all around her. But suddenly, the demon – or maybe some weird variation of Angel – ran off, just as suddenly as it had attacked.
Lilah pulled herself up in time to see the Angel-demon running off after some girl wearing what looked like a burlap sack. Good, let him eat her. Better her than me, anyway. Lilah stood up and started to brush the dirt and leaves off herself, out of habit, then – Oh, what the hell is the point? These clothes were getting burned as soon as they got back home, anyway.
"Man, something very freaky is going on here." Lilah started paying attention to what Gunn and Wesley were saying, as the black man decided to state the obvious.
"We're in a demon dimension." Lilah pointed out. "The whole situation falls under the category of 'freaky', doesn't it?" Though, Gunn did have a point. "What the hell happened to Angel?" She thought aloud, pulling a leaf and a twig from her hair.
"Good question. Hmm. I rather suspect that Angel's inner demon has wholly taken over." Wesley answered, scooping some mud into his hand. He moved his hand towards Gunn's injury. Gunn started to protest before Wesley said. "It's okay." Charles lowered his hand, and Wesley started to pack the mud into the black man's injuries.
"Vampires are, as you know, hybrid beings," Wesley continued. "The mind, personality and body of a human, but the spirit, desires and a power of a demon. That's what can make a vampire so much more dangerous than your average warrior demon – they have a greater capacity to plan and adapt."
"Yeah, and?" Lilah demanded impatiently.
"In our world, the hybrid nature of a vampire is such that all we see of its demonic aspect is the, uh, 'game face', I believe Cordelia calls it. But here," Wesley patted the mud down on Gunn's wounds, "rather than being one form combined, it would seem that Angel's two natures are divided. The human and the demon are separate, in every sense of the word. Angel must have attempted to access his inner demon, for some reason – and what we just saw was the result..."
Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I mean, from what I've seen, things are either black or white here; there are no shades of grey, or whatever. "So, that's what the inner vampire demon really looks like?" Lilah started to look around in consternation, hoping the Angel-demon wouldn't come back anytime soon.
"In its purest form without the human camouflage, yes, I suspect so. It's quite possible, at any rate." Wesley agreed. The former Watcher helped his friend stand up and put his jacket on. Once Gunn was on his feet, Wesley looked in the direction that Angel had gone. "We need to help him."
As if to give his words a truly ironic twist, human figures started to come at them from the surrounding forest and drop down from the trees, pointing an assortment of primitive weapons at them – pitchforks, clubs, even just...tree branches. Not a sword or axe among them.
"First, we need to help ourselves out of this." Lilah pointed out. She then saw how Wesley's hand went to his gun, but he didn't pull it out of its holster. What the hell are you doing, you idiot? Oh, if he doesn't use that damn thing, I'm going to-
"Am I correct in guessing that you're the rebellion?" Wesley asked the new arrivals.
"Not seeing any Ewoks or X-Wings." Gunn muttered. Despite herself, Lilah had to smile at that one.
One of them, seemingly the leader – a bald, muscular-looking man with a grim expression – spoke in answer. "We are. Not that it matters. You won't be able to bring word of our location back to the palace, reconnaissance cow scum."
"Reconnaissance-?" Wesley started. "You think we're spies? No, look, we've just escaped the palace. We're looking for-"
"No one escapes the palace." The man replied. "You can surrender now, or you can die here." Lilah looked at them – there were at least fifteen that she could see, but none of them had a weapon worth the name. And Wesley had a gun.
"Drop your weapons." The leader continued.
Wesley, use the damn gun... Instead, Wesley started to lower his sword.
"Wes, what the-" Gunn started anxiously, holding his axe up as one of the rebels started to move towards him.
"No, Gunn, hear me out. If we want to get out of this dimension alive, all of us – then we're going to need help. I don't think killing these gentlemen is going to benefit us in that endeavor." He dropped his sword and held up his hands in surrender. Notably, he didn't drop his gun from its holster, and the rebels didn't seem to register it as a weapon.
"This had better work, Wes." Gunn replied, dropping his axe and raising his hands in turn.
Fuming darkly, but with no weapon to drop, Lilah just put her hands up. I don't believe this...
"Tie them up." The leader commanded, gesturing at their hands.
Okay. Screw hurting you, Wes. If we get out of this alive, I'm going to kill you - slowly and painfully.