Joey wandered the streets for some time. How could Chandler have done this to him? How could Chandler have kissed someone else – and Janice at that!

He didn't think he could even look at the man right now. He was so angry and hurt that he couldn't go home. He couldn't. So he just stayed out before ending up at Central Perk. He looked in and saw Ross, Mike, and Phoebe talking and drinking coffee. Deciding he needed a distraction, he went in to sit with them.

"Hey, Joey!" Phoebe greeted. "Wow, you look like Hell. Are you okay?"

Joey was never good at reigning in his emotions. Somehow he managed with Chandler, but right now he was so raw and broken that he couldn't contain it and he broke down. "I saw Chandler with Janice," he whispered out.

The three gasped. "Are you serious?" Mike said. "Jesus, why would he do that? He loves you."

Joey shook his head. "God, I can't even think straight right now. He was with someone else and yet I..."

"You still want to see him?" Ross offered.

Joey nodded. "I want to see him. I want to know why. I want to know what went through his head." He laughed, though no humor could be heard in his quivering voice. "Some part of me wants to forgive him and the other part wants me to leave him. I just need some clarity, you know?"

Phoebe nodded. "Maybe you should go see him."

Joey shook his head. "That's the thing. I want to see him but at the same time I'm scared of what might happen if I do."

All three of them nodded. "If you need a place to stay, Joey, you can stay with me for a while." Ross offered.

Joey smiled sadly. "Thanks, Ross."

He wanted to scream.

It felt like years had gone by for the both of them, but it was only a week. Chandler knew he would be phased out of the group like Kip had been, but he didn't know it would happen this fast. He stayed in his apartment mostly. He was scared to leave for fear of seeing one of the gang and have them chew him out for what he knew was his fault.

He'd hurt Joey. It was his fault.

His mind supplied him with all the information he needed. The only reason Janice would kiss him is if he'd let her. He obviously somehow signaled her that she could kiss him. He didn't know what signal it was, but she wouldn't have done that if he didn't allow it somehow. He didn't push her away, either. Does that mean he actually wanted it?

He let himself drown in his doubts for another week.

Joey sat in Ross's apartment as he, Ross, Richard, and Mike spent some quality guy time together. Joey also wasn't completely stupid. They were trying to cheer him up and get him to move on from Chandler.

He couldn't though. He just couldn't. He was going to propose to the man for God's sake. It wasn't that easy.

He didn't think he'd ever move on. He didn't want to.

"Hey, guys?" Joey questioned, speaking for the first time since everyone walked through the door.

They all turned to Joey. "What's up, man?" Mike questioned.

"I know you all made me promise, but I can't. I just can't do it." He breathed heavily. "How is he?"

Ross eyed him with thinly-veiled pity. "He didn't speak when I was over there last, but honestly? He looked miserable." When Joey looked as if he were going to get up and head over there right now, Ross changed tactics. "But that doesn't matter anymore. He hurt you. He should be hurting the way he is. He needs to feel regret for what he did.

"Take it from someone who did cheat. He needs this." Ross explained.

Joey sighed in frustration. "Ross, you still got Rachel regardless. It was a once in a million shot that Rachel took you back."

"Well, are you going to take him back? Can you look him in the face every day, knowing what he did to you? I know for a fact it'll always be in the back of your mind. You'll always wonder where he's going when he leaves your place alone. It'll never go away. Can you live with that?" Richard said.

Joey stared at nothing in particular, looking completely lost. "I... I don't know."

"Well, if you can answer that, then make your choice."

Joey nodded. "I'm sorry for ruining tonight. It wasn't supposed to be depressing."

Ross shook his head fervently. "No, Joey. You are fine. Breakups are hard, I know."

Joey smiled sadly, pretending that the word 'breakup' didn't completely crush him.

I miss you, Chandler. He thought miserably. I love you more than anything, more than anyone else I've ever known, but I don't know if I can be with you, knowing what you did.

That realization only made his pain worse.

Rachel and Monica were out at a diner somewhere discussing the latest development with their two friends' relationship.

"Can you believe Chandler would do something like that?" Rachel said.

Monica shook her head. "I don't know. I don't want to believe that he'd cheat on Joey, but he hasn't denied it so he must have."

"Why though? They weren't exactly having problems as far as I know."

Monica nodded thoughtfully. "I really don't know, Rach. I can barely wrap my mind around Joey and Chandler splitting up. I thought they would be together for the rest of their lives."

Rachel groaned. "I don't like this. I just cannot believe that Chandler would do something like this. There's just no way!"

"You're right. He wouldn't. Chandler's too nice." A familiar voice mumbled behind Rachel.

Monica, who was in the booth across from Rachel, saw the woman perfectly. "Janice! What the Hell are you doing here?" She said angrily.

"I need you both to hear me out. I would go to Joey with this, but I don't think he would see me right now."

"You're damn right. What makes you think we'll listen to you?" Rachel spat.

Janice sighed. "Because Chandler didn't kiss me. I kissed him." Janice mistook their shocked expressions for disbelief. "You have to believe me! You know Chandler! Whenever a woman kisses him he freezes. That's exactly what happened. I kissed him by surprise and Joey just walked in at the wrong time."

Monica eyed her suspiciously. "Then why wouldn't he say something? Why hasn't he said anything?"

Janice shook her head. "I don't know. I honestly have no idea why he hasn't tried to explain to Joey what really happened."

Monica and Rachel eyed each other. Chandler did have a self-depreciating side. It was the reason Chandler ended up in the hospital. It was the reason Chandler almost killed himself. "We believe you," the two women said at the same time.

Janice sighed in relief. "Is there any way to salvage their relationship?"

The girls thought about Joey's naturally forgiving nature and Chandler's uncanny ability to win the man over and they nodded. "They'll be okay. They just need a little shove in the right direction."

Chandler heard a knock at the door. Probably Ross for more of Joey's things. He thought miserably. When Ross had come the first time, the man didn't even speak to him, didn't even look at him. He deserved it. He deserved everything.

To his surprise it was Rachel and Monica. "Chandler, can we come in?" Monica asked slowly.

Chandler nodded. "Yeah, sure." He cleared his throat. He hadn't used his voice in a while.

Once Chandler shut the door, Rachel wrapped her arms around him. "We know you didn't do it, Chandler." She said softly.

Chandler's eyes widened. "What gave you that idea? Of course I did. I kissed Janice."

Monica eyed him suspiciously. "Janice came to us the other day and told us everything. Why haven't you told Joey the truth?"

"What truth?" He asked angrily. "I. Kissed. Janice. I fucked up. It's my fault."

Rachel shook her head. "No, you didn't. She kissed you. She kissed you and you froze up like you always do when something you don't expect happens. Everyone does. You're just..." She trailed off, trying to find the right words. "Not very good at recovering from the shock of it right away."

Chandler glared. "Look, it doesn't matter who kissed who. Joey's better off anyways. He'll be fine."

"Is that what this is about? You think Joey's better off without you?" Monica made a noise of disbelief. "Chandler, he's miserable! He misses you! He asks about you every day!" She yelled.

Chandler shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I fucked it up so it doesn't matter anymore."

Rachel wanted to scream. "You cannot ruin your chance of happiness because you think the other person would be better off without you! He's not! I promise. He loves you. He misses you. You have to tell him the truth!"

"Go away, both of you." He said angrily. "I don't need this right now."

"No, you need to hear this. You just don't want to," Monica explained. "We'll leave, but you need to tell Joey the truth."

As they left Chandler slid down the door, cradling his head between his knees. He stayed there for a long time before standing up and going back to bed. He laid there for hours before exhaustion overwhelmed him and he finally fell into a fretful sleep.

Ross was on the phone with what sounded like Rachel when Joey got out of the shower. He wasn't one for eavesdropping, but he listened to Ross's one-sided conversation.

"You're kidding. And he's not saying anything?"

Pause.

"Well, why not? If he didn't actually do it – if Chandler didn't actually kiss her – why doesn't he want to tell Joey?"

Joey gasped. Chandler didn't do it?

"Dammit... I don't know how Joey does it. That man thinks he needs to sacrifice himself for everyone. Do you want me to tell Joey?"

Pause.

"Okay, I won't. Love you, Rach."

Pause.

"Bye."

Ross turned when he felt a pair of eyes on him. He winced when he saw Joey. "You know Rachel is gonna kill me for letting you hear that, right?"

Joey wasn't even mad that they were all going to keep it from him. He had to find Chandler. He had to go home. He had to know why he didn't say anything. "You're lucky there's hope for this or I would be pissed at you all right now." Joey said as he grabbed his coat.

"In our defense, we felt that Chandler needed to be the one to tell you."

Joey laughed for the first time in forever. "You really think that the self-sacrificing Chandler Bing would tell me anything if he's got his mind set on something else?"

Ross shook his head. "Probably not."

"Thank you for letting me stay here for a while, but I gotta go home now. See you, Ross."

He was out the door without hearing Ross say anything else.

Chandler had given up on sleep after the fifth time he woke up. It was the middle of the night and he couldn't sleep so he just laid there. He looked over at the empty spot on the bed, tears threatening to well up in his eyes.

He really needed to stop crying.

Chandler rolled over and opened his desk drawer to pull out the note Joey had written him along with the rose. He read the last sentence, something he had done over and over these past two weeks:

When you do eventually find your light, hold on to it and never let go.

Joey was Chandler's light. He was the reason Chandler hadn't thought about suicide in at least two months. Strangely enough, even with this heartbreaking split, he hadn't thought about suicide. Even now, as selfish as it was to think that Joey still cared about him, he knew that it would tear Joey apart if he even tried, so he didn't. He didn't let it even enter his thoughts.

Joey had said to find his light and to never let it go. But wasn't that exactly what he was doing, letting it go?

Chandler looked out the window. There was a blizzard outside. The snow was coming down in waves and it didn't seem like it was stopping any time soon. He wondered what Joey was doing right now. Was he watching the snow like he was? Chandler thought about the time they chased each other in the snow, the first time they said 'I love you' to each other.

"I still love you, Joey," Chandler said to himself. Slowly Chandler sat up in bed. Was he really going to wallow in self-pity this whole time?

There was a long silence before Chandler stood up quickly. "Fuck it. I need you, Joey."

He wasn't going to let his light go that easily. He wasn't going to let their relationship end without a fight.

As Chandler grabbed his coat and other winter gear, he walked out the door, determination in his eyes as he started his walk to Ross's apartment. I'm coming, Joey. I'm not giving up.

He was halfway there when he quite literally ran into someone on the sidewalk. "Sorry," he mumbled, pulling his coat further around him in a subconscious defensive gesture as well as a way to conserve heat in the chilling snow. He wished it wasn't so cold.

Looking at the man, he saw that it was Joey. "Chandler?"

"Joey?"

They stared at each other for a long time before Chandler broke. "Joey, I'm so sorry. Now that I'm here it sounds so stupid and you probably won't believe me but I swear I didn't kiss her. I didn't"-

Joey pulled Chandler into his arms, both men instantly feeling warmer in the close embrace. "I know, babe. I know."

Chandler didn't realize he was crying until he saw that Joey was too. "I'm so sorry. I just... I just thought..."

"You thought I would be better off without you, right?"

Chandler nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I got things twisted around in my head and I'm sorry."

Joey pulled away so he could stare into Chandler's eyes. "I do love your twisted mind," he said with a smirk, trying to joke.

For the first time in two weeks, Chandler started laughing. It wasn't even that funny of a joke, but he couldn't stop. He had almost lost this, almost lost Joey.

Joey pulled Chandler back long enough to readjust him in a better position to press his lips against his own.

Two weeks. Chandler went without this for two weeks. He went without Joey's strong arms holding him up when his lips would bring him to his knees. He went without the way Joey tasted as his tongue ventured passed his lips.

He went without Joey for two whole weeks. How he survived, he'll never know. Chandler cried, sobbing out his apologies and Joey kissed each tear that fell, silently forgiving him with each press of his lips against the other man's cheeks.

It was terribly cliché, but sometimes people need even the cheesiest moments.

As the snow covered them, they kissed until they absolutely had to pull apart. Joey entwined their hands, smiling brightly at Chandler. "I missed you so much," Joey said. "I'm sorry."

Chandler's eyes widened. "You're sorry? No, this is wrong. This is very wrong." He made a confused look that could only belong to Chandler Bing. "You are sorry? Why?"

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you. You tried to tell me that it wasn't what it looked like and it wasn't. I should have believed you and I didn't. If I had believed you like I should have you wouldn't have gotten things twisted up in that overly analytical mind of yours. For that, I'm sorry."

Chandler laughed. "Where'd you learn 'analytical,' Joe? Did you get ahold of my dictionary? I told you it had large words in it, but I never knew you'd actually learn from it!" He joked.

Joey punched Chandler lightly in the shoulder. "Shut up, Jackass."

A soft smile pulled at Chandler's lips. "I love you, Joseph Tribbiani."

Joey smiled back. "I love you, too, Chandler Bing."

They kissed once more before beginning their walk back to their apartment. Joey would have to get his things back from Ross's, but that was trivial.

He had Chandler. He had him back and he wasn't going to let him go.

Joey fiddled with the ring box in his coat pocket. He carried it around all the time in fear that Chandler would find it. Even after he thought Chandler had been with Janice, he couldn't bring himself to let it go. He just had a feeling that he needed to keep it.

He sent a silent prayer of thanks to God.

Back at the apartment, they practically ran to their room. They undressed quickly and collided almost painfully, jumping into bed and having the best sex of their lives.

As they slid into the familiar intimacy, only a few phrases left their lips. "I'm sorry," Chandler would say, gasping as Joey slid into him.

"It's okay, baby. I'm never going to let you go," Joey said as he picked up the pace.

"I love you."

The next few days were mostly relaxing for Chandler with the exception of helping Joey move back in. Ross was chewed out by the girls for supposedly telling Joey everything when he was specifically told not to, but when they all saw that Joey and Chandler were back together again, they all breathed a sigh of relief, ignoring Ross for the time being.

After the two men explained what happened in as detailed as they were going to get, they returned to their apartment for more amazing sex.

While Chandler was at work, Joey set about making calls to everyone he could think of. He first called his parents to get them to drive to the apartment where the big surprise would be held, then nervously called Chandler's parents, both were ecstatic. The girls freaked out when they found out what Joey was going to do, quickly accepting having the big party at their place.

He was so nervous. It wasn't even near the time for it, but he felt like his palms would permanently be sweating. He was still happy, regardless.

After all, he was finally going to propose to Chandler.

The thought of losing him again was too much. He wanted Chandler to know everything. He wanted him to know that Joey wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

The big event was going to be happening on his birthday in three days. This was how the girls could shroud the decorations. They were going to be decorating the apartment for Joey's birthday, but in all honesty it was for the big proposal.

As the big day drew near, Joey couldn't help but feel anxious and Chandler could feel it radiating off of the man.

"Hey, Joe?" Chandler called. "You seem a little... antsy. Are you okay?"

Y-yeah!" Joey said nervously. "I'm just... just excited for my birthday is all!"

Not a complete lie.

Chandler eyed him disbelievingly, but nodded. "O... Okay, Joey. Whatever you say."

Today was the day. Chandler's family flew in, Joey's family was all here. They were all in the house waiting, hiding, Joey the only one out in the open, standing in the center of all the girls' hard work with the beautiful decorations. Even Helena had said something when he – she – walked in.

It was a complete mixture of every memory Chandler and Joey had shared based on Joey's recollections. There were pictures, knick-knacks, even a rose that looked similar to the one Joey had given Chandler. Joey knew where Chandler kept the real one, but he didn't want to take something that Chandler held dear to use for mindless decorations.

As everyone hid, Phoebe kept lookout, waiting for Chandler to come down the hall. When she spotted him, she whispered excitedly, "He's coming!"

As Chandler walked through the door, Joey smiled softly at Chandler's surprise and confusion when everyone jumped out and shouted, "Surprise" at him.

After Chandler's heartbeat calmed down and he recovered from the unmanly yelp he had made, he said, "Uh, guys? As much as I appreciate having the ever-living shit scared out of me, isn't that supposed to be for Joey? He's kind of already in here." Then Chandler eyed his parents. "Mom, Dad? What are you doing here?" He turned to Joey. "Joe, what's going on? Why are you in a suit? Is everything okay?" He suddenly eyed his love with concern. "Joey, please don't tell me you have cancer. I don't think I can handle that."

Joey laughed softly before beckoning Chandler over, said man complying. "No, Chandler. I don't have cancer, but I did call them here for a big announcement, hopefully a good one."

Chandler, ever the oblivious one, asked, "Okay? What's up, Joey?"

Joey closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, his expression was serious, yet adoration poured from them as he stared into Chandler's unsuspecting and worried eyes. "Chandler Bing, I want you to know that you are everything to me. You are kind, selfless, loyal to the core, and just everything I could ever ask for."

Chandler was slowly starting to catch on. "Joey?"

"After everything we've been through together, I want you to know that I can't imagine my life without you." He bent down on one knee, revealing the ring he had bought a while ago. He watched Chandler's eyes widen almost comically, his free hand going over his mouth and then running through his hair. "So, Chandler Muriel Bing, will you marry me?"

Chandler smiled down at Joey, tears falling from his eyes. Then, in a perfect Chandler moment, he started talking. "W-What kind of question is that, anyways? I mean, 'Will you marry me?' Who could say no to that? Who could say no to you? Why would you even ask that? It's a stupid question really..."

"Then what should I ask?" Joey questioned, trying to be hopeful but fearing the worst.

"Duh. You should ask, 'When's the wedding?'" He said. "Of course I'll marry you, Joey. Saying no isn't even an option." Chandler's voice had become a shaky whisper, but he smiled happily as tears of joy fell down his cheeks.

With trembling hands, Joey slipped the ring onto Chandler. After Chandler had eyed it for a moment, he tackled Joey to the ground, kissing the man for all he was worth. The group of people cheered, happy that their friends and sons had received the happiness both of them deserved.

When the group realized the two might just end up doing it right in front of them, they cleared their throats while Helena tapped Chandler on the shoulder. He blushed furiously, muttering an apology.

"It's okay, Chandler!" She said. "I would throw down right in the living room too if I knew I had wrangled a man like that!"

Chandler laughed, as did Joey.

The party continued. Chandler had bought Joey a present, so he gave it to him amongst the chatter of his friends. "What is this?" He asked, holding the rose in his hand.

Chandler blushed, though he couldn't hold back his sarcasm. "It's a rose, Joe. See? Petals!"

Joey glared. "I can see that. I mean, you gotta offer me an explanation?"

Chandler nodded. "Just look at it for a minute."

Joey did as he was told and studied the flower. It was a completely white rose. There were no spots on it at all. Even the stem was white.

Chandler knew Joey wouldn't get the meaning unless he explained, so he did. "When you gave me my rose, you told me to find my light and never let it go.

"But Joey, you're my light. You're the reason I fought suicide. You're the one thing that made me hold onto life." Chandler breathed heavily, thoroughly embarrassed by his chick flick moment, but continued. "I've found so much to live for these past few months and, if it wasn't for you, I never would have bothered trying.

"You're the reason I want to live, Joey."

Joey's eyes widened. "Y-you do? You're okay now?"

Chandler smiled softly. "I should probably keep taking my medicine, but yeah, Joe. I'm gonna be okay. I promise."

Joey reached over to pull Chandler into a kiss.

They had never been happier. This moment, this moment with their friends and family, was the happiest moment of their lives. Nothing could beat the happiness they felt right now.

Well, except maybe a wedding. Or a honeymoon. Maybe a kid or two.

They'll just have to wait and see.

So, what do you think? Good? Bad?

I wrote this story as a way to deal with my own depression. I've never tried to commit suicide, but I have thought about it.

I just hope others with depression will reach out to others. Don't let it get as far as Chandler took it. You might not be as lucky as him.

Remember, people love you. People care about you. I care about you, even if you don't believe it.