32. "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified."
Captain Swan, season 3a divergence
"You are going after Tink? Really?" She had found him on the docks, sitting on a bench, his flask on the table, looking at the horizon. The rain had started to pour heavily a few minutes ago and she shivered under her jacket.
"What does it matter to you?" He replied without looking at her, taking another gulp from his flask. "You have your own date to worry about. Where is he, by the way? Shouldn't the two of you be somewhere private, rekindling your relationship for the joy of your family and the entire kingdom?" He spat the words out of him, a sardonic look on his face.
She shook her head in disbelief, a dull smile on her face. "Is this about Neal? Really!?"
"Well, the two of you were sharing a moment back there…"
"We were not sharing a moment. I was being coerced by my family to go out with him. It's not the same." She scoffed as she reached out to take his flask and took a gulp before handing it back to him. "And what is it to you anyway? Were you jealous?" She pressed and he lifted his eyebrow at her.
"I don't do jealousy, Swan." He bit back at her, averting his eyes from her and looking at the horizon in the sea.
"That's right, because Captain Hook, scourge of the seas, ruthless pirate that takes whatever he wants whenever he wants it cannot possible feel jealous, right?"
He looked at her, his eyes sad and broken, sighing. "That's not it, Emma." He said.
"Then what is it? Why are you here, drenching, drinking? Why?" She challenged him, her eyes blazing with fire. He let out a groan in frustration. He was barely holding it as it were, one more dare and he'd snap and blurt it all out.
"Why are you?" He challenged back, his blue eyes darkening.
"I asked you first." She said childishly and he snapped.
"Do you want to know why I am here? It's fairly simply, Swan: I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified!" He spat at her, the words coming harshly than intended, leaving him panting for breath. She looked at him shocked. "Yes, princess. You, Swan. The daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, the savior, the product of True Love. True bloody Love. You have magic lighter than anything in my life has ever been. You are the epitome of everything that is good, pure, full of possibilities, in any bloody realm." He looked at her, awe and admiration in his eyes. "And yet, you're damaged. You've been left behind, you've been burned and crashed so many times that your walls are as tall as that damn beanstalk we climbed together. You are good and light and pure and yet you are lost, damaged and hurt."
He took a deep breath. "It's mesmerizing, Swan. And I am not supposed to feel like this, I've spent three bloody centuries alone, in spite, searching for my revenge. And one look at you and I was ready to give it all up. Why did it have to be you? You are against everything I am, everything I vowed myself I will always be. You make me want to be the man I swore myself I'd never be again. And it's terrifying because I don't know how to come back to that man or if it'd ever be enough." He finished, his blue eyes broken in pain, standing there in the rain, his wet hair dancing to the wind.
She could feel the anger coming through her veins and she hit him in the chest, pushing him hard.
"You feel conflicted? What about me? You are Captain fucking Hook. You are the ultimate villain and you were not supposed to look like this. You had a perm and a mustache in every single version of the tale. You were not supposed to look like this fucking dark haired, blue eyed sex god, all dressed in leather, for crying out loud."
"You think I'm sexy?" He asked confused, his hand rubbing his chest where she had hit him.
She threw her arms in frustration, "Are you fucking kidding me, Hook? You tied a damn scarf to my hand with your mouth! You didn't think I'd noticed? What do you think I'm made of? Stone? Of course I noticed, you sexy, infuriating pirate. It gave me dreams for weeks. The things I imagined you doing to me with that mouth, I can't even say them out loud!"
He looked at her dumbfounded before giving her a smug smile and raising her eyebrows at her.
"Stop it." She pointed a finger at him, giving him a deadly glare. "And I could handle that, you know. It was lust after all. I could handle lusting after you and making you the lead of all my fantasies, because you were still a villain. It was never going to happen. You went after Gold, you shot Belle, you helped kidnap Regina and you screwed us all for the bean." He winced at this but she kept going. "So yes, I was fine because it was only physical need and nothing else. God knows I haven't had a decent laid in years and you look like you most definitely know what you are doing in that department, so… I guess it was natural I felt physically attracted to you." She took a deep breath and he thought she might had calmed down, but he was in it for a long run, as she gave him another deadly glare before continuing with her rant.
"But then… then, you had to come back. You just had to turn your ship and come back, didn't you? You had to take us to Neverland and help us rescue Henry. You had no reason to be there…"
"I had all reasons to be there…" He started to justify himself but she held up her hand.
"Shut up! You had no reason! You didn't even know Henry. The rest of us were Henry's family. You were nothing. And yet you let your biggest enemy board your ship and endured that humiliation to take us to Neverland. You stood by me the entire time, you encouraged me, you believed in me, you saved my father's life, you told us about Neal being alive. You fucking bare your soul in the Echo Cave when no one of us had the guts to reveal anything. You trusted us with your deepest feelings, knowing it was very likely that you were releasing the one person that could ruin your chance for happiness. And you didn't even hesitate in doing it."
"It was the right thing to do." He said weakly.
"And then you had the audacity to vow to win my heart without trickery, talking about honor and good form. Damn you, Hook. I could have dealt with wanting to fuck Captain Hook's brains out, but I cannot deal with these feelings I have for Killian Jones. You are terrified because you think you are in love with me and it turns your world upside down?" She was almost on his face now, her green eyes blazing at him. "Guess what, Killian? I know I'm in love with you and I'm terrified!"
He was crushing her lips with his in that very instant, kissing her hungrily, desperately: claiming her as his and giving himself as hers with the exact same motion of his lips. All their anger and hesitation was now gone, poured into their kiss. Their movements became less frantic, as they both slowed down into a caring, loving kiss.
"You are in love with me?" He asked breathlessly when they finally broke the kiss. She nodded into his chest and looked up at him with her green eyes.
"It's terrifying…" She admitted and he held her tight, his hand tangled in her hair.
"It is." He agreed. "But it's also the most incredible feeling I've had in centuries." He picked a strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear, caressing her face.
"It'll be decades for me…" She said and he chuckled. "But yes, I've never felt this way…"
He bent down to kiss her again, lovingly. When he pulled away, he whispered in her ear. "So, about those things you've imagined me doing to you?" He looked at her with his eyebrows raised; biting his lower lip and she rolled her eyes.
"You are not going to forget about that, are you?"
"Very unlikely, unless we try them all." He replied smiling smugly and she pulled him to her for another kiss.
"We better get started then." She whispered against her lips.