The Death and Resurrection of Karai

Rating: T - I'm just paranoid at this point.

I died. So many times over, I had died. I spit in his face. His face. He stabbed me, and then he pitied me and for the longest I hated him for it. I hated him for not hating me.

The noises all around me faded away. I utilized a most dangerous technique. Oroku Saki taught me as a little girl, that if someone seemed as if they would kill me, or if I had no other alternative, that I should 'die' so that they would not have a need to make sure I was dead. It became second nature, and the most dangerous aspect was that real death was more than a small possibility. So, on instinct I slowed my breathing almost to a complete stop, my heartbeat was slowed as well which weakened my pulse until it could hardly be felt. They say that if performed with perfection, not even modern medicine could detect the deceit. I had no need for that level of mastery. I needed only to fool him, and Shredder.

In the irony to top all ironies, it was the slowing of my heart that saved my life. Leonardo had pierced my abdominal aorta, so slowing my heart kept me from bleeding to death. However I had lost a lot of blood. I was cold, and in my final moments of consciousness, I felt myself being moved and knew that they believed me deceased.

I don't know how long I was out. It could have been days or even weeks, I didn't know. All I know is that I dreamed. I dreamed of my life as the daughter of one of the most evil men I had ever known. I dreamed of that night in Manhattan that had so irrevocably changed my fate, but mostly I dreamed of Leonardo. His eyes haunted me. I dreamed about the nights on the water tower. I dreamed about the first time he smiled at me.

I never had to wait for him, he was always early. I was wearing a blue kimono, my hair in a simple bun, my makeup minimal. He was waiting for me this time with a bit of food. It could have almost been deemed a picnic, but I knew that it was a peace offering, an olive branch if you will.

"Oyasumi nasai, Karai, (good evening/ how are you this evening? Karai)" Leo said, looking up at her. For the first time not having his weapon drawn or at least his hand on its pommel.

"Genki desu, arigato Leonardo-san, (I am fine, thank you Leonardo)" she said as she gave a polite traditional bow. Karai came towards him, and he held out his hand to help her graciously sit across from him. He simply had some fruit and a traveling mug of what appeared to be cold water. Even at night it was hot, so the water was very welcomed by her when he offered it. He popped a few grapes in his mouth before pushing the small container towards her. He wasn't quite smiling, but had a pleasant look on his face.

"Have you decided finally?" He asked. He never minced words or wasted time. It was almost like talking to Shredder, only without the underlying malevolence.

"I want to come with you. I know that your family will find it hard to accept me, but I don't have to come with you to your home. I can lay low for a while longer. As long as you accept me, Leo," She batted her eyes, and then dropped her lids, just as he liked. She was close now, closer than she'd ever been to being accepted into their group. Her mission was nearly complete, so she needed to be more careful than ever for this was the most precarious part of the mission. If he discovered her treachery now, he would kill her without asking questions.

That's when he did it, he smiled. It was fleeting, but it happened. It was liking capturing a glimpse of a rare but lovely animal, one that you know will change your perception of beauty if it revealed itself in full, but it hides itself just out of sight.

I decided then that I wanted to see that beauty in all its glory all the time, or at least as often as I could. Unfortunately, years of loyalty to the Foot, my own callousness and rejection of love and kindness, and my treacherous love for my father caused him to want to kill me instead. I had done my job, I had deceived and betrayed him, but it felt as if what was left of my heart had been torn to pieces. That's why I made such a desperate and foolish plan. I knew it would fail, but I didn't care anymore. I had managed to push away the potential of forgiveness, acceptance, validation, and love and I couldn't handle it. I could handle neither having those things, nor losing them.

When I did regain consciousness, I knew exactly where I was. The strong odor of formaldehyde assaulted me immediately, as well as the peculiar scent of Stockman's aftershave. I was in the morgue of the labs in Brooklyn. The worst place I could possibly be. I began to panic. Does Shredder know I'm alive? Where is that slime Stockman? Why can't I move? Then I heard footsteps, and I calmed myself. It was Stockman. I had better not be a mutant. I felt him stand over me, looking me over, probably with that stupid toothy grin on his face.

"I know you're awake Karai. Don't worry no one knows you're alive except you and I. The surgeon who fixed you is dead, I made sure of that. He was hell bent on reporting it to Shredder, but I realized if you had gone through this much trouble you were probably trying to avoid him," he said. I opened my eyes to see him, toothy grin intact. He touched my hair, my face, then checked an I.V drip he had going in me.

"Don't worry about this. I had been working on a refined version of the mutagen your father loves so much. This heals without mutating, wonderful isn't it?" He said smiling down at me, my stomach did a slow lurch. "The other thing is a muscle relaxant. I needed to make sure that when you woke up, you wouldn't leave or be able to kill me. I didn't give you too much, I've been minding your heart rate. I don't know how you did it, but you survived a wound that would have killed anyone. Thankfully, the refined mutagen works wonders. It's been a week since the surgery. You've pretty much fully recovered from it. Only a small scar remains."

He left for a while, maybe an hour or so. During that time I got feeling back in my body and I could move again. I struggled to sit up, but was relieved I could do even that. I tried to stand, but my legs were nothing. My muscles had weakened severely for lack of use. I looked at the bag of so-called refined mutagen and frowned. I guess nothing could replace real physical therapy. So I began right then and there, just flexing my hands back and forth. Closing and opening my fists.

Stockman returned, this time with a tray of food. Only when I saw it did my stomach growl. I was famished.

"It's only a bit of hot water with a packet of instant oatmeal, apple juice, and a bit of toast. Nothing too heavy, you haven't had solid food in a while," he said placing the tray on a side table and pushing it towards me.

"How long have I been here?" I asked. My throat hurt to speak and my tongue felt like it was glued permanently to the roof of my mouth. He pretended to think about it.

"It's been about three months now."

My eyes widened in shock, as I tried again in vain to get off of the gurney I was laid on.

"He doesn't know you're alive. When they brought you here, we all thought you were dead. He came to make sure it was really you, he even checked your pulse, and when he confirmed for himself that you were no longer alive, he left without a word," Stockman was saying. "We buried some other unfortunate soul in your place so that he wouldn't become suspicious about it." His eyes had taken on a faraway look, as if he were recalling something disturbing or confusing.

"He grieved for you Karai, inasmuch as he could grieve. He has become even colder, sterner, and fiercer in his hatred for the turtle mutants, more unpredictable," Stockman said, moving around the area now, cleaning things away. I guessed he was getting rid of the evidence of what he had done, was doing.

"He, grieved for me?" I asked, completely shocked. Stockman stopped what he was doing and looked at me curiously.

"Yes, as much as he could. In his own Shredder way he did. He's killed more servants and foot clan underlings since you 'died' than he ever has before."

I smiled in spite of myself. Yes, he was in grief. He had never really shown me a lot of love or attention outside of training, but I guessed on some level he missed me. I gobbled down my food as hot as I could withstand it, then pushed the tray forcefully out of my way.

"When did you know? If even fath—Shredder was fooled, how is it that you were not?" I asked, curious as to what lie he would tell me about it. He came around to look me in the face as he spoke.

"I was fooled. It was only when I began to perform an autopsy…for my own purposes, did I realize you were indeed living. I cut you, and you gasped," he said pointing at my sternum. "I was going to examine your heart, but when I cut you, you reacted to it. From that point, you were my little secret. It was only about a day, little more than 24 hours from the time you received your wounds, to the time I discovered your little ruse."

"I need to leave, right now," I had never spoken truer words. I was disturbed on a multitude of levels, not least of which Stockman was using me as a guinea pig 'for his own purposes'. He chuckled a bit at me, which made me angry to say the least.

"You can't leave. You can't even walk. However, you do remember the various training rooms around the facility yes?"

I nodded stiffly.

"Well then, you may use them of course when no one else is there. With the effects of the refined mutagen on you it won't take long for you to recover your strength. I will keep the secret as I have been doing, no one need be the wiser," he smiled again. I shuddered.

"What do you want in return?" I asked, knowing full well that Stockman didn't have an altruistic bone in his wretched little body. He sighed as if the weight of the world was always on his shoulders. I suppressed urge to roll my eyes right out of their sockets.

"Tyler Rockwell. He's a fellow scientist. I need a device that only he has, but it only works with him. The selfish twit won't tell its secrets, but that's alright. I just need him with me for a while," Stockman said, then shrugged as if it were a little trifle. He resumed cleaning around the lab.

"It'll take me some time, to be strong enough," I hated admitting weakness, especially to this worm. He shrugged again.

"I can wait, then you can be free to do whatever you wish."

It took a few weeks only to regain my former physical strength. Stockman was correct, it had to be the effects of the refined mutagen he'd administered to me. I found Dr. Rockwell and delivered him the old fashioned way, under pain of death. Stockman thanked me, and I was more than happy to be rid of him. I should have killed him on the spot, but I didn't want any suspicions to be aroused by his sudden untimely departure.

I roamed the city aimlessly. For the first time in my life that I could remember, I was without a family or clan to turn to. For all his callous nature, Shredder had provided me unfailingly with at least that much. I wanted to go to Leonardo, to run to him in fact, but that was impossible. He believed he had killed me and that was just as well, but I kept watch.

I watched as my father became personally active again in the dealings of the clan. I watched as he gathered the purple dragons together, for reasons that had been as yet unknown to me. I watched as he took over Sacks Industries and applied his own name, making it one of his biggest legitimate business fronts to date. I watched as Leonardo and his brothers did their best to stop them, but they had no idea the magnitude of his latest plans. I watched as that lion girl made it her personal business to flush out and kill every foot clan member she could find. In all truth I should have been joining her to eradicate the Foot, but it was really Shredder who was corrupting them. The Foot clan had once been honorable, and now were nothing more than an international cadre of criminals led by my fath—Shredder.

Then the world came tumbling down. I had been sleeping in shelters and on the streets when it happened. Whatever plans my, Shredder had, had finally come to fruition. The streets almost literally ran with blood. I was attacked more times than I could count, but they had run into the wrong ninja. They were doped up on some kind of concoction that made them strong and vicious, but I held them off. I killed as many of them as I could, and then hid as I became tired and they wouldn't stop coming.

On the second night, it wasn't much better. I came out of hiding in the abandoned building I had slept in, ready for anything. Then I saw him. I saw Shredder heading to his above ground headquarters in the old cathedral. Like a moth to a flame I followed, and wished I hadn't. I kept a good distance, not wanting to be discovered by anyone. I saw the turtles enter it and fight alongside the lion girl, I forgot her name if I ever knew it. I saw them leave, then return, then leave again that time for good. I saw Tiger Claw, whom my—Shredder spoke of vaguely. Then when everything seemed to have died down, I crept upon that rooftop and saw the horror that awaited me. It was Shredder, my father! He was getting his head separated from his body by none other than Setsuko, and predictably Kazuko was helping her. Every part of my being ached at the sight. Despite all the harm he had brought me in my life, I wanted to save him, but self-preservation stopped me. I couldn't reveal myself, not even in this moment. His lovers had turned on him, and some small part of me believed this was karma's hand at work. He was receiving no more than what he had given, and I was being punished as well for my part in it. I had blood on my hands too. So I watched it happen, determined to accept my small portion of hell.

When they were done, I sagged against the edge of the roof, gutted. I couldn't even cry. I made my way to ground level and began walking aimlessly, killing any in my path until I came to a manhole cover. I stood there, I don't know how long before I decided to go in. I didn't know what Leonardo would do, what his family would do to me if I found them or if they found me and I didn't care. I descended down into the darkness, ready to meet my real fate. If he killed me again, it would be for good this time.

I wandered for days down in the sewers. They had hidden their lair very well. Then, exhausted, hungry, thirsty, and weak, I found it. I disabled the camera I spied on the walls, and followed along that path. When I got to the entrance I stopped. They were gone, but I waited anyway for hours not moving a muscle, trying to control and quiet my breathing. Nothing. I went inside ready to be ambushed, but nothing happened. They seem to have packed some things, maybe left for a while although I could not for the life of me fathom where giant mutant turtles went when they weren't home.

I hid all the night, believing that they were merely on patrol, but then the rat was gone as well and that annoying reporter was also not around. I relaxed a bit. I rummaged through their kitchen, eating whatever I could find. I even ate some pop tarts I had found, although the icing was almost missing. Almost as if it had been licked off. I roamed the lair, amazed that they seemed to live so well. It was immaculately cleaned. The dojo area was beautiful and serene. I found each of their rooms, and then I found Leonardo's room. It had blue sheets on the bed, it was minimal and clean, and beautiful calligraphy lined the walls.

I sat on his bed, placed my head in my hands and cried. I cried for the loss of my one time father, I cried for the loss of my former life and self, I cried because I was truly lost and alone in the world, and I cried because even in the presence of his things I was brought to peace.

After I had wiped the last of my tears, I began to look around his room careful not to mess anything up. I found a journal of sorts. It was an old worn leather journal, not bound by any locks. I knew I was invading his thoughts, but I had to read some of it. Maybe just the last few entries.

Konnichiwa,

She is good to me, better than I deserve. She feeds me food from her hands, she cleans up after me, massages me after training, and she is obedient to me. I have no other word for that. Asha does what I ask of her with nary a complaint or foul word passed from her. I don't deserve that. Not from her, not while I cannot give her my whole heart…

I stopped reading. So he had found another, the lion I guessed. Her name was Asha, a pretty name. Jealousy rolled around in my heart. He had spoken about not loving her fully. I had never imagined a giant turtle to have a love life, let alone one that could include more than one potential lover. I had to read more.

…There is another that holds me captive although I cannot say why. She betrayed my trust, but she was also the first woman outside of April to have gained it. When she smiled at me, it was like a sunrise on the darkness of that water tower…

I closed the book. I was both torn and delighted. No one met him on a water tower besides me. I knew that I had captured his attentions for real, but I had no idea about its lasting effects. I should not have been so blind. A creature such as Leonardo, would be taken by a woman who shows romantic interest in him, and seems not to mind his…condition. I had not been that woman, not in reality. However, this Asha girl she appeared to be the real thing. Not that she had much to complain about, after all she mutated in her own way.

I carefully placed his journal where I had found it. I returned to the bed, this time to sleep. I was wearied beyond belief. I did not know what they would do whenever they returned to find me here, but I would wait on them in any case. I slept. I dreamed. I dreamed of his smile. He had popped a few grapes in his mouth, before pushing the small container towards me.