Longing
As someone who wasn't used to emotions, Sai would have thought that longing was much like lust. Except it wasn't. As far as Sai could tell, lust was the drive of his carnal desires. He felt none of that as he watched Ino flip her silky hair over her shoulder as she laughed at something Sakura had said.
I just want to hold her
Sai was startled at the thought running through his head. He didn't want to hold her. He wasn't that kind of person. But as much as he continued that mantra in his head, he couldn't help but think about what it would be like to hold Ino Yamanaka. He imagined that she would cuddle into his arms as they sat together. His arms wrapping around the woman and knowing that she was his.
A few days later he felt the longing again. This time he felt it as he watched Ino hug her team mates goodbye as they went to their respective homes.
I just want to hug her so badly
He denied it again. He was Sai, he didn't hug people. But he wanted to wrap his arms around her waist and bury his face into her neck as they breathed each other in. He could feel a sense of peace as he imagined it.
Part of him wanted to cut all ties with the woman to make this feeling stop. He wasn't used to feeling so gentle and soft towards someone. At least with lust he was familiar with the adrenaline and aggressive nature that accompanied it. He could work with that. He always has. But he felt so vulnerable as he laid in his bed that night, thinking to himself
I just want to kiss her
The gentle aura that surrounded him as he grasped onto his pillow was new. He wasn't a gentle person, but he wanted to capture the blonde's lips softly as he kissed her. Even though Sai was somewhat afraid of this new emotion and the response it was eliciting from him, he enjoyed the sense of affection and peace he felt as he thought about Ino.
He never would have imagined he could feel this many emotions for a single person. Sometimes he wondered if this is what love was. This terrifying whirlwind of affection, lust and longing all pertaining to one woman. He didn't know if he was even capable of love, at least not the kind of love that he believed Ino deserved. She deserved someone who could give her the world and more, and someone as emotionally stunted as he was could never give her that. She was just so human, more human that he could ever hope to be. He had seen her laugh and cry and yell and scream and he always found himself drawn to her face. He never knew what he would uncover by her expressions, the pure unadulterated feeling that was expressed there without her even knowing it was incredible. The pure human beauty she embodied when she released them enthralled Sai.
I just want to be good enough for her