Flee to Destiny
By: Bethany
Originally released: 3/2002
Revised: 7/2015
Chapter 7 – The Truth Within
Mamoru embraced me as soon as I came into the living room. From the way he held me, one would never know we parted less than an hour before. Makoto grinned, holding her hand over her mouth to suppress her giggle as she backed into the kitchen to fix dinner.
I watched her go over Mamoru's shoulder. A wonderful sense of comfort and security wrapped around me with his strong arms. "Hello beautiful," he whispered in my ear. The time we had spent together was so wonderful that I feared tonight. Afraid that the news of my condition would turn him away from me. How would I cope with my pregnancy without him?
I pushed the thoughts away and walked into the kitchen where Makoto and Shingo were eating their dinner. "Shingo, you be a good boy for Mako-chan, ne?" I told him, kissing his cheek.
"Hai, Mama," he answered, a piece of carrot falling out of his mouth as he spoke. "Mako-chan and me is going to make cookies!"
"Mako-chan and I," I corrected, wiping his mouth.
"Don't be so nervous," Makoto whispered. "Everything will be fine. By the way," she eyed Shingo as we walked to the door. "Ami-chan is coming over later to examine the bruises on Shingo. But they are looking better today..." She stopped talking, the expression on my face telling her that not too much was going to make me feel better about the blue splotches on my younger brother. Even though they seemed to be getting better, they were also covering a larger portion of his body.
I gave one last worried look at Shingo and hugged Makoto. "Wish me luck," I whispered. I bit my bottom lip so hard I feared it would bleed.
"You won't need it, Usagi-chan. He loves you." Mako-chan smiled at me as I pushed the swinging door open and left with Mamoru. However, her assurance did nothing for my pounding heart.
It may have been because I was so nervous, but the ride to Mamoru's apartment seemed to take forever. Every light seemed to turn red on us and the car was filled with an uneasy silence. Mamoru reached over and squeezed my hand tightly, throwing me an adorable grin. "Why are you so quiet? Are you that afraid of my cooking?"
"Cooking?" I asked absentmindedly, fingering a button on my blouse. "You cook?"
"Don't act so thrilled," he remarked, and then laughed. "We can order something if you don't like it."
"Oh!" I inhaled; the meaning finally cleared my preoccupied mind to make sense. "I didn't mean that." I looked over to meet his eyes just as he let go of my hand. We pulled into the parking garage and he cut the engine. "Mamo-chan," I whined, placing my hand on his cheek. "Gomen nasai, I really didn't mean to imply that you can't cook."
He turned towards me, his bottom lip puckered out before he busted out laughing. "Usako, you always worry so much about others feelings. Don't worry so much, it doesn't matter as much as your happiness." Gently he reached over and kissed my nose. "I love you."
Against my will, the first smile I had managed today broke across my face. "You are silly, Mamo-chan. Of course it matters if I make everyone happy. I want us all to be happy."
"Wait, you don't love me, too?" he asked, pouting with his bottom lip again.
"You know I do, stop teasing me!" I laughed, slapping him lightly on the arm.
"There's the wonderful sound you've been hiding from me today," he said seriously, opening his car door. I waited as he ran to my side of the car and opened the door. When I stepped out, he pulled me to his chest to hug me before we went inside.
"Wow, Mamo-chan! I didn't know you could cook like this!" I exclaimed, putting my napkin down and thinking about my over stuffed tummy. "We better not do this too often, or I'll look like the broad side of a barn!" Which I probably will anyways, I thought drearily. The picture of my stomach sticking out, demanding that everyone see it before me wasn't too appealing. Which brought my thoughts back to telling Mamo-chan that I'm pregnant.
"I did learn a trick or two, living by myself the better half of my life." He stopped for a moment, studying me. "What are you thinking about with such a serious look on your face?" Mamo-chan asked, bringing me out of my daze. He started to pick my dish up to take into the kitchen, when I stood up, pulling him to me and pressing my lips to his eagerly. When we finally broke, I wrapped my arms around him tightly. "Usako," he mumbled, feeling my shivering body. "What's wrong?"
I pressed my face to his chest, fearing that I was inhaling his cologne - feeling his embrace - for the last time. My heart pounded madly in my chest, feeling like it would burst out. "Mamo-chan, I've got something to tell you. And... and, please promise me that even if we are not together anymore that you will still love me a little. And.. and I won't bother you anymore. I will live on that for the rest of my life."
"Usa," his deep voice seemed to radiate with as much fear as that I held in my heart. "What are you talking about? There is nothing that is so bad that I would leave you. I don't care if you have murdered something. There is nothing that bad. What are you saying?" Pressed against his chest, I could feel him placing his hands on my shoulders to move me back.
Our eyes meet, but I couldn't find the words. Just said it, Usagi, I told myself. You can't keep it a secret forever, you know. "Well, I.." Come on chicken, just say it. "Mamo-chan, I'm p-"
*BEEP*
Both of our gazes fell on the communicator that Ami had given me just the day before. We just sat, staring at it as if we expected it to leap up and dance. I looked over at Mamo-chan, lost my nerve to tell him, and flipped my compact open. "Hai?"
The static on the line cleared slowly, Minako's face coming across the screen. She looked to be running, her hair flowing behind her rather than laying on her shoulders as usual and she spoke between taking deep breaths. "Usagi-chan, there is a youma attack at the concert hall," she said hastily. "We are on our way there now."
"Mamo-chan and I will meet you there," I replied, shutting the compact closed with one hand while reached for my broach with the other. I opened my eyes, seeing Mamo-chan's serious expression as he stared into my eyes.
"Usako, what where you going to tell me?" Mamo-chan asked, holding his hand over my broach to keep me from transforming. I didn't know, but I had the feeling it wouldn't be much good if I tried to transform with someone else's hand also on my broach. I tried to meet Mamoru's eyes, silently pleading for him to let it alone, but he wouldn't back down.
"We'll talk about it later," I finally said, not leaving much room for a breath, let alone an argument. I tried to smile at him and failed miserably. When that didn't work I kissed him quickly on his lips, pulled the broach over my head, and prayed for our baby's health as I said: "Moon Crystal Power, Make-UP!" When my transformation was complete, I smiled to myself. Under my fuku I could feel the magical barrier around my stomach. I looked at Mamo-chan as he turned to Tuxedo Kamen, but he didn't seem to notice anything different about my appearance.
"Let's go," I said, turning towards the door.
"Let's go my way," Tuxedo Kamen instructed, opening the balcony door. I followed him to the doorway, looking out at the city below.
He picked me up and jumped from twelve stories up. I gasped and grinned at him. "I forgot how you like to make an entrance."
My beloved kissed my nose before jumping to the next rooftop. "You were right about one thing."
"What's that?" I asked.
"I'm going to have to limit how often I cook." He jumped from that roof top to the next before I had time to process his comment.
Oh great, I thought, when it finally hit me. I'm gaining weight already.
"Supreme Thunder!"
We landed on the roof of the concert hall just as Jupiter's attack went flying towards the youma. The beast looked like a violin that had grown legs, arms, head and had a voice that could shatter glass. The thing jumped just in time so that Jupiter's attack hit the building instead.
"Watch it, Jupiter!" Mercury advised, pulling her palmtop out. "There's still people in the building."
Jumping from the roof, Tuxedo Kamen placed me on the ground and headed the opposite direction. I ran up to where Mercury was standing. "So what's the deal?" I looked over at the fight where Venus was using her crescent beam to try and hit the youma. It moved skillfully (or luckily) out of the way, laughing at her attempts to trap it.
Without looking up from her calculations, Mercury began talking. "The youma attacked everyone inside, draining their energy. She seems to be striking us by shooting the gathered energy at us through the notes she plays on the violin strings."
"Deep Submerge!"
"Oh look," she noted without much interest, again not bothering to look up. "The Outer Senshi has shown up. By the way, did you tell Mamoru?"
I blinked, trying to keep up with the fast change of subject. "Eh, no. This Youma's timing kind of interrupted us before I could get to it. By the way, I-" Before I could finish, I saw the youma turn towards Sailor Neptune and draw its bow across the strings. She seemed to be preoccupied, not noticing its attention. "Neptune, look out!" I screamed, running towards her.
When she turned, fear nailed her to her spot, helplessly watching the attack fly towards her. With a leap and a prayer for good aim, I took a running jump - knocking both Neptune and myself out of harm's way. As we rolled to a stop I heard Uranus mumbling under her breath: "Damn you!" And then; "World Shaking!" The ball of energy the Senshi of the Sky pounded into the ground disappeared for about two seconds. It appeared only feet in front of the stunned youma, hitting it dead on. "How do you like it when someone fights back?" she spat.
"Are you okay?" I asked, sitting up painfully.
Neptune turned over, looking at the sky for a moment. A small trickle of blood ran from a scrape on her right cheek. She sat up, flinching slightly. "A little sore, but it could have been worse. Thank you..." She looked dead into my eyes. "...Princess."
Well, I thought, as I stood to go fight. If there was any doubt they knew about who I am, it's gone now.
Tuxedo Kamen jumped in front of the youma, "Tuxedo La Smoking Bomber!" A blast of energy struck the youma in the center where she was playing the violin notes. Her whole body froze as she tried to figure out what had happened. Taking advantage of the timing, Venus jumped in. "Venus Love-Me Chain!" The chain of gilded hearts wrapped around the youma, causing her to scream. Windows all around broke, shattering glass falling everywhere.
More than anything, I heard the sound in my heart. Over and over again the memory of that sound resounded - a painful sight coming with it. "No," I whispered, remembering Mamo-chan dying in my arms. Without thinking, I said the words that would end this creature's destruction, before it hurt someone I loved again. "Moon Princess - Halation!"
The wand in my hand grew bright with power. Instead of feeling the energy run out of my body as usual, I felt a sense of strength in my bones. My every vein from the tips of my fingers to the bottom of my toes seemed to come alive with the surge. My body sang with the sensations; like a rush of adrenaline, the pleasure was thrilling and invigorating. I could think of nothing but the energy radiating through and all around me.
"Usako," I heard in my head. I tried to block it out, savoring the upcoming moment of full power. But Mamo-chan came up beside me, demanding my attention. "Don't over do it, ne? You can stop, it's over now." His voice was deep and luring and reluctantly I found myself listening to him. With his urging, I let the wonderful feeling of the power drain from my body. With it, however, came exhaustion. The tiredness set in, though not nearly as bad as before.
Even though I didn't feel faint, or worse, like I normally did - Mamo-chan still wrapped his strong arms around my waist. His additional support helped my weaken muscles hold up my weight. "I must be getting better at this, I'm still standing!"
My guardians surrounded me, looking at the broken violin on the ground. Across from us; Neptune, Uranus and Saturn stood staring our direction. As they approached us, I heard the faint mumbling of my guardians wondering what they were wanting. "Shhh," I reprimanded, giving a look to Jupiter to stop.
The outers stopped merely feet from us, Uranus stepping forward. "I want to thank you," she said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "For saving Neptune. We don't usually place ourselves in harm's way in order to save each other." She stopped and looked at Neptune, and look I couldn't identify the message that seemed to pass between them.
A moment of silence stretched between us. I began to say something - anything to break the uneasiness - when Saturn stepped up beside Uranus. "I think what Sailor Uranus is trying to say is that we all seem to be working towards a common goal - so there is no reason for us to be strangers. We are all Sailor Senshi."
I looked at the petite senshi and felt an understanding. She was like me, in a way. Responsibility had made her grow up long before her time, but she was proud of who she had to become. I stepped forward, holding my hand out to Uranus. She looked at me curiously for a moment, and I feared she may change her mind. "Friends?" I asked, hoping it wasn't said nearly as timidly as I felt it was.
"Allies," Uranus answered, shaking my hand like she was closing a business deal. I looked to Sailor Saturn and Neptune - hoping one of them would step forward and say something, anything. But both looked relieved that Uranus had gotten that far. Perhaps I should be, too. "Okay then," I said, not showing my disappointment in neither my face nor my voice. "Allies. But the friendship is always open if you so choose."
"We do not," Uranus replied, taking her hand from my grip and stepping back. "We take care of our own, more than that becomes distracting. Our mission is to take care of you, Princess - and destroy this enemy." She stepped back, eyeing my guardians. "And that is all."
In the blink of an eye, all three senshi disappeared from sight. I felt Venus place her hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly. "Gomen, Usagi-chan," she whispered. "They have always been this distant."
I turned to her, smiling. "Why are you sorry? Allies is better than nothing, ne? And in time, I'm sure we can all be friends." I walked towards Mamo-chan, the effort to be cheerful becoming tiring. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, waving to the other senshi as we parted.
We barely made it around the corner of a building when he engulfed me in his arms, hugging me so tightly that I was silently glad I was still transformed to protect the baby. "Usako, you scare me when you do things like that."
"What?" I mumbled, somehow connecting his state to the truce between us and the Outer Senshi. He didn't seem to hear my question, however. I stared at his profile in the darkness, but his eyes were hidden from my angle. He turned, simply wrapping one arm around my shoulders as we headed back to his apartment. Instead of questioning him more now, though I wanted to, I let it slide. My thoughts settling back on my situation.
As if on cue, I felt the familiar feeling in my stomach, rising to my throat faster than I could think. Shoving away from Mamo-chan, I ran towards the nearest alley way, vomiting everything that I had eaten since leaving work. When at last it subsided - and believe me, I thought it would last forever - I leaned against the side of building, breathing heavily. It wasn't until I heard Mamo-chan clear his throat that I remembered he was there.
Peeking one eye open, I looked at the face he was making. Oh no, how will I explain this? The truth, I told myself. But I couldn't, I didn't know how to begin. I felt so tired, my body ached. Tell him, don't tell him. Tell him, don't tell him. Over and over again the voices battled in my mind, screaming out what I should or shouldn't do. If I tell him, and he never speaks to me again, what will I do? How will I cope with this baby? You will, another voice instructed. You will do what you have to do just like you always have.
The battle in my mind, without notice, stopped abruptly. There was a peaceful calmness invading my mind, and out of the corner of my eye I seen Mamo-chan rush towards me. How nice for him to catch me; I thought, before I fainted;
Again.
The sickeningly sweet scent of smelling salts lured me awake. Okay, so I woke up shoving the stuff away from my face. The very trace left in my nose made me want to gag. Blinking my eyes open, I was greeted with the amused look on Rei's face, plus Ami's worried one on the other side of the bed. Which, by the way, was not my own. "Where am I?"
"Nice to see you awake," Rei said, instead of answering me. She glanced at the clock. "This is a new record time for you."
Ami cracked a small smile, but continued to type on her computer. "Everything seems alright," she answered, finally. "Usagi-chan, you can't go around getting stressed out. Your body is producing extra hormones right now and you'll get overly excited about the smallest thing - and ended up lying on the ground."
"And then Mamoru-san calls us, afraid that something is really wrong with you that you're not telling him - which, there is - and we have to come over to save the day," Rei went on, her hands landing on her hips as she spoke. She turned to Ami then, "What do you want me to tell Mamoru-san?"
"Nothing."
I looked back and forth between my two guardians, the expression on Ami's face lost on both me and Rei. The Senshi of Ice clicked her computer closed and ran of fingers through her hair. "Usagi-chan, you are going to continue to stress out about telling Mamoru until you just get it over with. He knows something is up, and that we know about it. I'm not saying anything to him, good or bad. This is up to you. I love you, and I will protect you with my life, but this isn't my-our, fight. We can't do this for you." She frowned, obviously not okay with not being able to protect me from this.
Biting my bottom lip, I laid back on Mamoru's bed (finally realizing where I was) and pressed the tips of my fingers together in thought. There has to be a trick to this, some manual somewhere that explains how to tell your boyfriend that you're pregnant. Perhaps I should check the library. I peeked at Ami through my half closed lids. Maybe she would know; maybe I need to stop over analyzing this.
In my continuing thoughts on the subject, I paid no notice to Rei and Ami going out the door. They were just gone. A few minutes later the shadow of the figure in the doorway was not one I was ready to see just yet.
The Prince of Earth walked towards me slowly, a blank expression hiding his feelings from me. As he sat down on the edge of the bed, I sank back into the blankets and pillows - hoping I could just disappear all together. That wish, as well as many others, wasn't to be granted today.
"Usako," he began, the tone of his voice falling hard on me emotionally. He sounded so drained, so worried and even scared. "Please, talk to me. Please." Gesturing towards the living room, he made a disgusted face. "They... Rei and Ami won't tell me what's wrong with you, but I can tell it's something important. Even though they have to know. And, if we can't talk, then I don't know what to do. Hell, I don't know what to do now." As if to exaggerate his point he ran one hand through his dark hair and let out a deep breath.
I stared at him, guilt for bringing him this low nagging at my heart. This man, whom I have known so short a time - yet he looks at his lowest, so out of ideas on what to do. I turned away from the pain on his face, looking out at the night sky. In the distance the faintest hint of clouds lined the air, blocking the stars from my view.
"Please tell me, Usako," he urged, gripping my hands and meeting my unsure eyes. But I couldn't. And that was the worst feeling I had felt in my life. I couldn't tell him, couldn't find the words to start.
Feeling lower than pond scum, I sat up on the edge of the bed. My eyes downcast, I pulled my hands from his grasp and walked towards the door. "Gomen, Mamo-chan. I can't tell you now. I just can't find the words. It hurts me to know that, maybe as much as it hurts you." I swallowed over the lump in my throat. "I love you. I love you so much."
Opening the door, I went out it, throwing one last longing glance into the bedroom at Mamo-chan. He was still looking at me, and the hurt there would haunt me for a lifetime.
That night was the longest in my life. I laid awake, one hand on my stomach, looking at the ceiling. Beside me, Shingo snored softly and occasionally the heater would turn on and off - otherwise there was no sound. Thoughts clouded my mind, decisions demanded to be made. But there was only so much I could handle, I thought. I had faced my parent's death, I faced moving to Tokyo, and I finally got used to being Sailor Moon - but this, this was too much. I just couldn't wrap my mind around this new turn of events. It wasn't just changing the here and now, it was going to change the rest of my life more than even being Sailor Moon would.
Somewhere around the early morning, I finally slipped into an uneasy sleep that was full of nightmares - and sounds of crying babies.
The days went by slowly for me. Like someone in a trance, I got myself and Shingo to school, went to work and came home. The dullness of my routine set into my mind, and it became where I didn't have to think in order to follow my routine. At first Mamo-chan continued to try to talk to me, but with missing his phone calls it became easier and easier to run from the problem. If I could pretend it didn't exist, surely I could run forever. I didn't feel very mature about my decisions at the moment, but I was content to ignore the problems. I wasn't content to not be with Mamoru, but my fear of telling him kept everything at bay.
The youma attacks never increased, as Ami feared they might, but usually we had one every other night or so. Every time we fought the enemy, I came home to cry in my bed for hours. Mamoru was always there, just in the shadows. Watching me, protecting me if I should slip up. And every time our eyes meet, I could feel his pain dig deeper into my soul.
The morning sickness - to my eternal relief - faded along my twelfth week of pregnancy. Other than my occasional need to sit and cry like a baby for a couple of hours - I could forget that I was with child all together.
Of course, just because I could forget the problem, didn't make it go away. And like most things in my life, I had to find out the hard way.
It all began one Sunday morning in the late January. I had promised Shingo that we would spend the day at the park and have a picnic (he didn't mind the cold). About eight o'clock that morning - as if I could ever sleep late again - Shingo came bouncing into the bedroom where he had already been watching television for about an hour. "Wake UP! Get up Mama!" he called, climbing onto the bed and standing up. He was about to begin jumping when I reached out and grabbed his legs out from under him.
The six year old fell flat down on the bed, his giggles filling the room. After a few moments of him begging for me to stop, I decided to let him loose to put some clothes on. Unraveling myself from the mass of blankets on the bed, I stumbled into the bathroom to shower. As I dried off I stopped to look in the mirror, as if noticing myself for the first time in months. My stomach had a rather large hard area, in fact my entire stomach seemed to be rounded out. Over the past couple of weeks I had shrugged off the fact that my jeans no longer fit, and I had been hiding my stomach with my apron at work.
But was I really so insistent on ignoring my pregnancy that I hadn't noticed this? Biting my bottom lip, I slipped my pants on, but they were so tight it cut into my waist. Sighing, I pushed my pants below my stomach and picked up my shirt. Which, to my horror, didn't cover the fact I was five months pregnant.
You knew this would happen, Usagi, I scolded my reflection. You can't keep something like this a secret for long. But what to do about it? I had to work, and go to school. And as long as I left the house, there was always a chance Mamoru would see me. And he does see me, I thought vaguely, every time we fight a youma. I guess the protection of my fuku worked to hide my pregnancy as well. If only I could stay transformed…
I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I slid down the wall to sit on the floor. Staring at the evidence of my pregnancy, I buried my face in my palms. "I am a horrible person. How can I feel this way? And it's only going to get worse, isn't it?" I cried openly, burning tears of self pity running down my face and neck.
The bathroom door - which I had failed to close completely - was pushed open slowly. I looked up, putting the towel on my lap in case it was Shingo. Instead I saw the gentle brown eyes of Mako-chan, biting her bottom lip as she entered and shut the door behind her. "What's wrong, Usagi-chan?" she asked, sitting beside me on the floor and wrapping one arm around my shoulders gently.
Pulling the towel off my lap, I pointed to my stomach. "This is what's wrong. I can't hide it now, it will only get worse. And then Mamo-chan will start asking questions..."
"Usagi-chan," Mako-chan said, her voice half amused and half worried. "You just now noticed you're showing? The rest of us have noticed for at least a couple of weeks now." She looked at the horror on my face, just realizing that indeed I had been so occupied trying to ignore my state that I hadn't noticed at all. "Usagi-chan, that's not good. You can't ignore this child. It's not healthy for you or the baby. You need to get help."
"Help?" I mumbled, not understanding at the moment. What kind of help was there for a virgin five months pregnant? "No one can help me."
"You have two options, Usagi-chan. You can get emotional help to deal with this. Or.." she hesitated here, almost like she didn't want to keep going. Or wishing she had never brought it up to begin with.
"Or what?"
An expression of guilt crossed her face, though at the moment I couldn't understand why. It was soon to become too clear. She pushed her hands through her hair, biting her bottom lip again. "Well, there are some doctors that will.. will.. take the baby from you."
I looked at her, puzzled for a minute, until I finally grasped what she meant with horror. "...even if I could have passed myself off to a healer.." The words of Princess Serenity rang in my head, and suddenly a great deal of fear gathered inside of me for my unborn child. I didn't want a baby, not now, but I was no monster. And the more the thought entered my mind, the more horror I felt. "No!" I gasped, "I.. I.. No, I wouldn't even consider it! I may not want this baby, but I don't want any harm to come to it. It's not the baby's fault whose it's parents are..." I wrapped my arms around my midsection, realization finally dawning on me. No, I couldn't deny the fact that I was pregnant - not any longer. And the words I just said to Makoto should have been said a long time before now - to me.
It wasn't by any choosing of this child's who its parents were. The baby didn't ask for Princess Serenity to wish for him or her to be reborn again inside me. And I was being selfish for blaming it, hiding it, and in that sense - harming it. Fresh tears filled my eyes, but they were not of sorrow like they had been as of late. They were of relief. And suddenly, I knew what I had to do.
"Usagi-chan?" Mako-chan asked, after I had said nothing else.
I looked over at her and smiled. Without warning I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly. "Thank you Mako-chan, you just helped me more than you'll ever know!" I jumped up, running to my bedroom to put on a sweatshirt that would at least reach to the bottom of my stomach. Makoto watched me, a look of confusion on her face.
"I have no idea what I've done, but I'm glad. I think," she said, following me back into the bathroom while I brushed my hair out and put it up.
"Can you watch Shingo for me? Just for about an hour or so?" I begged, knowing fully well that she would.
"Sure.." she stumbled, backing out of my way. "But Usagi-chan, where are you going!?" she called, but I was too far away to stop and answer her. The elevator door closed and I leaned against the back wall.
The wind that blew had a bit of a chill to it, but nothing that stopped me from walking the four blocks to Mamo-chan's apartment rather than riding the bus. I felt free, more alive than I had in as long as I could remember. The wind and sun on my face made a smile come to my lips. I could tell him, face my fears and leave them behind. Everything would be okay, and it started with clearing up everything with the man I loved.
I feared that once I actually got to his apartment door, that I would lose my newfound nerve. But that was not to be. I felt a presence with me, someone helping me along. Closing my eyes, I pictured my mother's beautiful face. She was with me, helping me in everything I did. I pushed the buzzer.
The man that greeted me that early January morning was not the man I thought I knew - so much that I gasped and actually stepped backwards. He was unshaven, his shirt unbuttoned half way down, revealing the small patch of dark hair that trailed to his stomach. His blood shot eyes meet mine and faintly registered shock.
"Usa..eh, Usagi," he acknowledged me, bowing slightly. "What do I owe this honor?" His voice was sluggish, his eyes unfocused. What was wrong with him? I took a step forward, and he stepped back. "What do you want?"
"I... I need to talk to you," I managed, fear clutching my chest. Not the normal fear of telling him, but the fear of what had made him act this way to me. Had I done this? I knew it was hard not being with him, but he looked almost... mad at me?
The strong odor of alcohol stretched towards me, turning my stomach. I glared at him, one hand on my hip. "Chiba Mamoru, you've been drinking!" I accused, no longer feeling as fearful as I did moments before.
"Just last night. Besides, what do you care?" he spat, squinting at me strangely. His hand clutched the door frame so hard I thought it would snap. "Leave me alone." Before I had time to react, the door slammed in my face.
For a second I seriously considered leaving. But something inside me refused to allow me to leave. I reached forward, finding, to my surprise, the door wasn't locked. Opening it cautiously, I stepped in. Mamoru was sitting on the couch, staring oddly out the sliding glass doors. A lone tear travelled down his cheek, barely visible in the light coming through the window. "I told you to leave," he stated plainly.
I crossed the living room floor quickly, "I need to talk to you."
Glaring at me, he sat back. "Talk then leave."
This was not the way I had planned on telling him. I looked around the apartment, trying to figure out just how I was going to start since my plan was not going to work at all. The living room that was usually so neat and orderly was trashed. Through the bedroom doorway, I could tell his bed hadn't been slept in all night. "Have you been up all night?" I asked as calmly as I could.
"Couldn't sleep," he replied lowly. His hand raised, one finger pointing towards me. His glare was full of ice, but something lurked under the surface of his rage - something that that made my eyes well up. "You don't mind having your ton of fun, do you? What does it matter if I spend a few sleepless nights?"
His accusing finger frightened me to the very bone. I felt a shiver of fear go up my spine. Try as I might, I couldn't keep my voice was cracking when I spoke: "What are you talking about?"
His still out-stretched finger shook slightly as he gestured towards me. But not at my face, instead towards my midsection. "Do you think I'm stupid? I came to see you last night at the fruit parlor, to ask you if we could talk. But you know, suddenly it all became clear why you had broken up with me." Shaking his head, as if to convince himself what he was saying was correct, he sat forward to the edge of the couch. "What's the matter? Didn't think I would make a good father for your... your... bastard child?"
His words were blows, each punch directed at my soul and they hit their mark head on. I stepped backwards, this time hitting my head slightly on the wall. I didn't just hear those words out of his mouth. This isn't happening, I told myself. Before I could even have thoughts as to stopping them, the tears began running down my face.
Burying my face in my palms I sat on the chair silently crying. Mamoru was silent. I expected words of rage or hate. I expected for him to bring me to my lowest before kicking me out. But there was nothing. When I finally got up the nerve to look at him, I was more than a little surprised to find him looking at me, his face in pain. Our gazes meet - my red, swollen eyes and his wet, blood shot blue ones.
When he rose from the sofa, walking towards me - I didn't know what to expect. Perhaps somewhere in the back of my mind, I even expected him to physically remove me from his sight. So it came as a shock when he knelt before me, brushing the edge of his fingers across my forehead gently. "Usa, please don't cry," his smooth, deep voice whispered. I felt the pounding in my heart subside slightly, but not altogether. "Please," he repeated, getting on his knees in front of me. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I was just so jealous, and I've never felt this way and I didn't know how to handle it. But-But that doesn't make it right. I know I'm over reacting. And even though I knew it, I couldn't stop myself. Please, please forgive me. Stop crying."
Even in the heat of the last few moments, some questions were answered that made what I had to say to Mamoru even harder than it would have been. I wanted to ask him how much he remembered of our past lives, hoping that he remembered Serenity pregnant with his child. The words we exchanged said he didn't remember that. Wiping the tears from my face, I looked up into his sincere eyes. "Mamo-chan..."
Before I could finish speaking, Mamoru laid his finger over my lips, stopping me from continuing. "Wait, Usako. Let me finish. I should have paid more attention. When you left me that day, sitting here wondering what had happened. I should have followed you. And instead of filling with rage last night, I should have been telling you that it was okay. That I love you so much that I would always be with you, and father this child an-"
I don't know where it came from, the words rose to my lips before I even knew what I was saying. Cutting him off in mid-sentence, I blurted out the truth.
"Mamo-chan, this baby is yours."
-End Chapter 7.
^_^! Sorry, I'm a cliff hanger junkie!
I still don't own Sailor Moon. Thank you for reading, taking the time to review and email me. I appreciate all the comments so much!
I promise the villain part of the story is going to get ramped up soon!
God bless!
Beth