Well guys, here's another cute installment of Back in the Days. I must warn you though, if you have problems with the word 'mine' you have officially been warned. Oh and Sazh...well, you'll see.
-3:45pm Farron household: living room-
"Okay guys, after waiting a whole 30 minutes, mainly because Hope limps too slow, you're all finally here," Lightning started. "I know what we're going to do today. In my hand is a box-"
Lightning was interrupted by the dramatic entrance of her father. "I'm glad you kids are all here," started Mr. Farron. "It has come to my attention that you kids speak weird. That is why I have this to fix it," Mr. Farron exclaimed as he held up his monthly issue of The Children Speak. He opened the magazine and began to read to himself, "Children from ages five to six should be able to speak somewhat complete sentences and understand most of what their parents say…"
After a noticeable pause, Mr. Farron looked up at the group of kids. "This is nonsense," he shouted. "You kids should only know…five words! The five words you can use are mine, mine, mine….mine and mine."
Unbeknownst to anyone else, Fang's heartbeat began to quicken. 'Mine…' she thought. 'Mine is an excellent word. In fact…' "Mine!" Fang shouted as she punched her fist into the air.
Just then she punched Snow in the stomach and shouted "Mine!" once more. Moving on to Hope she continued her "Mine!" rant as she punched his face through the wall. Finally setting her gaze on Lightning, she leapt into the air and shouted, "Miiiiiiiiiiine!" and tackled her target to the floor. Once all three of her victims had fallen, Fang dragged them all to the middle of the room and proceeded to tie the trio together with a rope that Mr. Farron had supplied. Satisfied, she sat next to the bundle of kids and said, "Mine."
After hearing all the ruckus, Mrs. Farron made her entrance. Oblivious to the fact that Lightning, Snow, and Hope were all tied together in the middle of the room, Mrs. Farron turned her gaze to the two girls she didn't recognize. "I've never seen you two girls before, what are your names?" asked Mrs. Farron.
"Oh, I'm Fang and that's Vanille," answered an out of breath Fang.
'Fang and Vanille…those names sound familiar.' "Doesn't ring a bell, nice to meet you girls." And with that, Mrs. Farron made her exit.
"You there," said Mr. Farron as he pointed to Fang. "You do good. I proud."
"Dad…just hurry up and leave please," said an annoyed Serah.
"You're always disrespectful to me." Mr. Farron complained. "Your hideous haircut serves you right. But, of course, you wouldn't understand what I'm saying." After speaking his mind, Mr. Farron left to go join his wife in the 'woman cave' to work on tonight's dinner.
"Well, I guess I should get you guys untied," said an energetic Vanille.
As she approached the tied up trio with her wooden scissors, Fang let out a low growl and said, "Mine."
"Aw Fang, but we need them! How about I leave you just one of them," said Vanille trying to compromise with Fang.
Untying Lightning and Hope, Vanille left Snow tied up for Fang.
Getting up, Lightning dusted off her khaki shorts and continued where she left off. "Anyways, in this box 'o mystery lies six tickets…to a rock concert!"
"How'd you get tickets to a rock concert?" asked Vanille.
"My mom won them on a game show."
"But we're only five and six years old Lightning. How are we supposed to get inside?" asked Hope.
"Well for one thing, Hope, you're not going. I only invited you here so I could tell you that. And as for your question, we're gonna go to his house today."
"The cool third grader from down the street?" asked Serah.
"Yes, we're going to see Sazh."
-4:30pm Sazh's house-
Since Sazh's parents went to the opera today, he was left all alone with nothing to do but watch cartoons. You see Sazh was 'the cool third grader from down the street' as Serah had put it. He would occasionally let the little ones use his pool and watch his 60 inch television. Now Sazh was a neutral sort of kid. The only thing that got a reaction out of him was his only weakness, cartoons.
While he watched cartoons Sazh pondered to himself, 'I wonder when those kids from up the street are coming over. I have a feeling that they're gonna be here in…now.'
As if the laws of the universe wanted to prove him right, a small knock could be heard.
'Huh. My prediction was strangely accurate today,' thought Sazh as he went to open the door. When said door was fully open, he was greeted with the sight of none other than Lightning, Vanille, Serah, and Snow giving Fang a piggyback ride…while he was tied up. A question formulated in his head. "Where's Hope?"
"He got the shorts beaten' off him during lunch today. Since he's in such a weak and pathetic state, I didn't want him coming with us," Lightning answered.
"Oh. So what can I do for you guys today?"
"We need you to get us fake ids for the rock concert we're going to today."
"Uh…no thanks. I'm just gonna go back inside."
As he was about to shut the door, Lightning wedged her tiny foot between the opening. "Wait a minute Sazh! I have the complete boxset of Moogle Rangers Power Force Five season four…cartoon edition."
"Y-You what?" 'I should of known that she'd come here with my only weakness! You're gettin' too old for this! Just say no and-' "Okay, but someone has to draw the pictures and I have to go with you guys."
"Well of course you're going with us Sazh! That's why I made Hope stay behind," said Lightning.
"But I thought-"
"Nope, I made him stay behind so you could go. After all, we do have six tickets."
"Okay. So who wants to draw the pictures then?" asked Sazh.
"Oh! Pick me!" exclaimed an excited Vanille.
"Well, come on in guys."
As expected, all five guests headed straight for the 60 inch T.V. mounted on the wall.
"Man if only we all came in our swimsuits, we could have used the pool," said Fang.
After hearing this, Sazh whipped his head around to voice his disagreement. "Nuh uh! Last time you two used my pool, there were all sorts of yucky bugs in there for weeks! Who told you to go ahead and use vines as a swimsuit?"
"But we're poor! And strangely very resourceful…" said a despondent Vanille.
"I don't care what your reasons are. You two are not going back in my pool until you guys have normal swimsuits! Why don't you steal Leabreau's or Light's or something?"
"Don't you dare touch my swimsuit," said Lightning in warning to both Fang and Vanille.
"Fine, I guess we'll just use our birthday suits." said Fang.
"That's even worse! You'll kill my pool's good juju with your cooties!"
"Hey Lightning, what's a birthday suit?" asked a puzzled Serah.
"I'll tell you when you're seven."
-4:50pm Sazh's room-
"Vanille, are you done with the pictures?" asked Sazh.
"Almost. I have to scratch out the horn on Light's.
When Vanille had volunteered to draw everyone's picture for the fake ids, she didn't realize how difficult it was to draw someone's face. So she decided to draw animals instead. Fang's picture was that of a rabid moogle. Serah's was a naked hamster. Snow's was intentionally left blank. She drew a stick figure for herself. Sazh's was a cool cat. Last but not least, Lightning's picture was of a-
"Hurry up with those pictures Vanille!" shouted an impatient Fang.
"Sorry, Light's unicorn took a little work."
With one final stroke of her crayon, Vanille finally finished. "Alright guys, here they are!" said Vanille as she passed them out.
Everyone was somewhat satisfied with their ids…except for Snow.
"How come everyone has a picture but me?"
"I wanted to draw a bear on yours, but I don't know what those are. So I left it blank. Don't worry, I don't think anyone will even notice."
Still sad that he didn't get a picture, Snow decided that complaining more wouldn't get him one.
"Alright guys, let's call a cab," said Sazh as he whipped out his parents' landline. "Hmm. I wonder what the number for the taxi service is…oh yeah! It just has to be 1-800-TAXI!" Sazh dialed the ridiculous phone number, and surprisingly, a taxi service did answer.
"1-800-TAXI, how may I help you?" politely asked the man on the other end of the phone.
"Uh…I need a cab to come here."
"Where exactly is your location, sir?"
'Oh shoot! What is my address?' "Umm…I need a cab sent to the cool kid down the street's house, which is mine by the way."
"Uhh…are you Sazh?"
"Yes that's me!"
"I knew it was you little man! Why didn't you say so from the beginning? Anyways, I'll have a cab sent to you right away."
"Oh thanks. Bye now." Click. "Alright guys, let's wait outside."
"Wait!" exclaimed Lightning. "We need to be in disguise. I brought two of my dad's extra-long trench coats! I was thinking that three of us could be in one trench coat and the rest in another."
"Lightning, sometimes I just think that you're too smart for all of us," said an admiring Serah.
"I know, but now's not the time to go walking into the sunset. We're going to a rock concert, remember?
-5:15pm outside of Sazh's house-
"Come on guys, the cab is here," said Serah.
"Just act natural," commanded Lightning as they walked up to the cab.
"So where are a couple of really tall girls heading to tonight?" asked the cab driver.
"We're going to a rock concert," said Lightning in her best adult voice.
"So where's this rock concert?"
'Oh chocobo bits! What was that address? Oh! It should be on the ticket!' Upon close inspection of her ticket, Lightning found that she couldn't read most of it. "Just take us to… 123 Moogle Lane!"
"That's two hours from now, but as long as you got the cash I got the gas."
'Eww, gas.' thought both the Farron sisters.
Meanwhile…
-5:15pm Farron residence-
"Hope, you're such a good boy," said Mrs. Farron.
Now you're probably wondering, why is Hope still there? He actually would have left when everyone else left, but Mr. and Mrs. Farron kept praising him for no reason. He thought it would be rude to just leave.
"Yeah, you're such a good boy," added Mr. Farron.
"Sweetie, I already said that."
"But why can't I say it too?"
"Mr. and Mrs. Farron," started Hope. "There's no need to be fighting over who said what about me first. I'll be glad to hear you both say the same thing any number of times. Now if you wouldn't mind me asking, where's Serah's room?"
"It's up the stairs to the right with the naked hamster poster on it," said Mrs. Farron. "To be more specific, it's right next to Claire's room which has a poster of a unicorn on it without its horn. Speaking of Claire's obsession with horses, I took her with me to one of my pottery classes and she made this wonderful, majestic unicorn. But as soon as it dried, she broke off the horn. I'm starting to think she has a unicorn horn collection or something."
Feeling that he hadn't spoken much, Mr. Farron decided to voice his random thought. "Ah Claire. Good thing you didn't name her Éclair."
"Yeah," agreed Mrs. Farron. "That's something you eat. But then again in French-"
Hope decided that since the conversation wasn't about him, he could make his escape to Serah's room with relative ease. Once fully inside her room, Hope went straight for her dresser. He opened the top drawer and pulled the prize he was looking for, her hair brush.
Gathering all the hair in the brush, Hope began to make his way downstairs. As he passed Light's room, he felt a chill run down his spine. 'I wonder what the inside of Lightning's room looks like. It couldn't hurt…but wait! I'd feel like such a weirdo if I went inside.' Breaking from his thoughts, Hope noticed a piece of paper peeking out from under Lightning's door. He picked it up and began to read it.
Dear Hope,
The more I got to know you, the more I felt that this situation would occur. If you set foot into my room, not only will you become a bigger weirdo than you already are, the Boogey Man will drag you under my bed and eat your hair. Yes, the Boogey Man lives under my bed. I've met him a couple of times. Why do you think the mole people can't get under it?
Sincerely,
Lightning Farron
P.S. I can't actually spell most of the words on this letter, so I had my mom do it for me.
After 'reading' the letter in its entirety, Hope thought to himself, 'Even though I don't understand what most of the letter said, it sure did give me a feeling of impending doom! I don't think I should go in Light's room after all…'
-7:15pm 123 Moogle Lane-
Surprisingly, 123 Moogle Lane was the exact location of the rock concert that was going on tonight.
"Okay girls, that'll be 250,000 gil."
The two sisters looked at each other and said, "That's all the gil we have!" Reaching into the pockets of their trench coats, they pulled out Fang and Vanille's hand made gil.
After counting the right amount of gil, the taxi man turned and said, "Well, everything seems to be in order. Have a nice time at the concert girls."
Soon after the little munchkins left the cab, the driver decided to flip the bills to the other side. To his horror all of them read: This is not real gil. 'This is what I get for driving two strangers, which were most likely six kids in two trench coats, to a rock concert.' Seeing that his two non-paying customers gave him the slip, the taxi driver drove off to give someone else a ride. 'Hopefully I'll get a customer that will actually pay me.'
Noticing that they were late, Lightning and Serah made Snow and Sazh run to the line. Once they made their way to the ticket master things started getting weird. Snow started his pee dance, Fang began to sneeze, Vanille scratched at the poison oak on her leg, and Sazh broke out in a scream because Vanille kept rubbing her poison oak leg on his face. All in all, the situation was getting very weird.
"You two wouldn't happen to be six people would you?" asked the ticket master.
"Aw shucks. We were found out," said the gang as they filed out of the trench coats.
"Just to let you know, we're all old enough to be here," started Lightning. "Here are our ids."
Taking the ids, the ticket master saw that they all read 'I'm old enough to be here' and that each one had a picture of a weird animal on it…except for one. 'Must be a bear,' he thought. "So long as all of you have tickets, I guess I can let you in."
The gang all did their individual victory dances and handed the ticket master their tickets.
"Enjoy the show folks."
Once inside, everyone had different reactions to the stimulants in the room.
Serah covered her ears and yelled, "Light, it's too loud in here!" Sazh bopped his head and tapped his foot to the beat. Lightning scowled at the many smells assaulting her nose. Vanille just stood there, itching away at her poison oak. Movement was limited for Snow, for you see, he was still tied up. Not long after, he got swept away by the crowd. And Fang. Fang felt the inner beast within herself awaken.
Still being swept away by the crowd, Snow tried to find a way out of said crowd. Finally he saw that a bunch of people were clearing a space amongst themselves. 'Oh good,' he thought to himself. 'There's room for me to stand over there!' Poor, innocent, Snow hopped happily towards the soon to be pit of doom.
The people around Snow began to chant, "Mosh pit! Mosh pit!" Poor, naïve, Snow did not know what a mosh pit was but started to chant with them anyway. "Mosh pit! Mosh pit!" he shouted.
All of a sudden both sides of the crowd converged together, leaving Snow in a sea of pain. One person in particular took an instant liking to beating him up. Snow thought the assailant looked like a beast. They had wild hair and bloodshot eyes. He could have sworn that claws grew from their fingers. Razor sharp teeth showed themself as his attacker viciously growled at him. 'I don't think I like mosh pits…'
Worming his way back to his group of friends, Snow saw Fang chatting amicably to Lightning about her mosh pit experience. 'She doesn't look like she got punched a lot…'
"Oi, you should of seen it Light! Right in the middle of it all was this stupid blonde kid who thought it was a smart idea to tie himself up!" Fang exclaimed. "I taught him a lesson."
"It was you!" said a sniffling Snow.
"What did I do?" asked a puzzled Fang.
Before Snow could voice out his frustrations, the members of the band interrupted his speech.
"Looks like we have some very special guests!" said the lead singer. "These youngsters over here are the ones that won our tickets on that one game show. Although I could have sworn it was that odd Farron couple… Oh well. Get up here kids."
Without needing any further prompting, all six friends scurried their way to the stage.
"Tonight, you six kids are going to make the music," said the lead singer as he handed each child a microphone. "You each get a microphone and you can play whatever instrument you want."
Lightning sprinted to the lead guitar and Sazh smoothly made his way to the bass. Snow managed to inch his way to the drum set and because the keyboard was too large for Vanille, Serah shared it with her. This left Fang, center stage, all by herself with her lone microphone.
Looking back at the others, Fang felt this animalistic instinct start to take over. She looked down at her mic and said, "Mine." If this one mic was hers, surely the rest were too. Quickly, she made her towards each and every one of her friends and plucked their mics right out their hands… in Snow's case, his mouth.
Once back at center stage Fang began to say, "Mine. Mine! They're all mine!"
At the sound of Fang's amplified voice, the gang started to play their respective instruments surprisingly well. Heck, even Snow managed to knock out a good beat.
Once the 'band' began to play, the crowd repeated Fang's chorus, "Mine. Mine! They're all mine!"
Thinking they wanted her microphones, Fang shouted back, "No. They're not yours. They're all mine!"
And once again, the crowd repeated her lyrics, "No. They're not yours. They're all mine!"
Getting frustrated, Fang lined up all five microphones and started the sacred 'binding' ritual she learned while on Gran Pulse.
While Fang was doing her dance, Lightning took it upon herself to unleash an awe inspiring guitar solo that could make the Fal'Cie themselves cry in admiration. Serah and Vanille played an 80s style keyboard rhythm that harmonized with Light's solo. Sazh just continued to play his soothing beat. And Snow…he decided to use his feet instead of his face because he started getting dizzy.
Fang had finally finished her binding ritual and said, "There, now no one can take them from me ever again." And with that, the song ended.
-11 pm Farron residence-
For those of you wondering how they got home, once the concert had ended the gang found themselves in a predicament. 1-800-TAXI had refused them service, and they had run out of Fang and Vanille's fake gil. They started to walk home, but then the PSICOM pulled up next to them. Apparently PSICOM's vehicles are way faster than taxis because the gang made it back home in just forty-five minutes.
Once inside, Snow began to voice out his questions. "Hey Light, what are trousers? I meant to ask at the concert, but I forgot."
Wondering why Snow chose to ask that question? It's simple really, the band that played at the concert were called Trousers on My Head.
Before Lightning could simply answer him with 'trousers were the same things as normal pants in another world', Mr. Farron dramatically entered the living room and interrupted her.
"Trousers? Did I hear someone ask about trousers? Those are poor people pants!" exclaimed Mr. Farron. "I'm sorry kids. I forgot that you don't understand me. Let me rephrase that. Trousers for poor. You not poor. Don't wear trousers. Oh and since you guys got home so late, you missed dinner. Hope didn't though. He was such a smart boy and decided to stay with us."
As if on cue, Hope poked his silver locks out of the dining room entryway and said, "Hey guys. I was wondering when you'd get home."
Puzzled, Lightning asked, "You're still here? I thought you left after we did."
"Your parents wouldn't let me leave Light! Etro knows how many times I tried to leave."
"Well, since you're all here, you should all sleep over. In fact, I won't let any of you leave unless you do," said Mr. Farron as he bolted the front door shut. "See you kids later." And with that he retreated to his wife's 'secret' underground facility to help with the surprise they were working on.
"I guess we're having a sleep over." said an unenthusiastic Lightning.
The gang in a sleep over? Even I can't wait to read that! Well, as always, don't be afraid to abuse that review button.