Sorry about the long wait. I know I haven't posted since last year, but things happen. So here's chapter six. Oh, you guys remember when I wrote somewhere that this chapter was bring your daughter to work day? I lied. I didn't mean to lie, but it just happened this way. It's still going to happen…next chapter. That could be a lie too… Don't trust what I say… And that war scene is also going to happen later as well.
-2:10pm Living Room-
'Dad finally got me something that I actually like!' Serah thought to herself. 'Wait a minute… I don't even have a cd player. The only cd players I can think of are the ones in the vehicles! Does this mean I can only listen to my cd when we go somewhere? But Lightning likes to break those! And didn't I promise Sazh that I'd make him one? How in the blazes am I supposed to do that? Did I make…an empty promise? Le gasp!'
Getting up from her sitting position on the sofa, Serah began to pace back and forth. She instinctively reverted to her old habit of sticking her thumb in her mouth and nibbling on the nail. Once, she tried to use her pinky instead of her thumb. For some reason she was grounded for three days. The reason was something along the lines of only abnormal children use their pinky. Whatever the case, she never tried using her pinky again.
'When am I going to get over this horrible habit of mine? Oh well. In the meantime… Nibble nibble nibble.'
Sometimes Serah made sound effects when she was thinking. But it was in this sound effect making that she was struck by a spark of genius. Stopping abruptly to stand rigidly still, Serah came to a conclusion.
'I think this all leads back to dad… I feel like he's trying to…play some secret game with me. Like Find the Hidden Cd Player! Might as well start playing.'
Just as she was about to begin her search, Serah saw her father start to descend the stairs.
"You!" she shouted with an accusing finger pointed at him.
Stopping halfway, Mr. Farron saw that his daughter was indeed shouting at him.
"Um… How's it going Serah? You feel angry? Want hug?" replied Mr. Farron.
"Don't try to distract me! I know what you're doing!"
"Oh, you do?"
"Yeah, and I'm going to do something about it!"
'Serah's going to help me get rid of Claire's ridiculous pants? This is good news then!' "What are you going to do?" he asked joyfully.
"Oh don't you worry about that dad. I'll find my own way."
'She's awfully cryptic.' "Just tell me when you do. I could go for some help right now, but if you want to do it by yourself…"
"Mark my words dad. I will find that hidden cd player!" yelled Serah as she stormed off in the direction of the back yard to find said player.
"Cd player? What's she talking about? There isn't a cd player lying around here. Unless, you count mine, my mother's, my wife's and Claire's. Heck, even Vanille and Fang left their wooden ones here. But other than that, there's not a single cd player to be found. I should disregard that for now. There are more important matters to take care of right now."
With great speed, Mr. Farron made his way to the underground storage facility to discuss his predicament with his wife.
-2:20pm Underground Storage Facility-
Mrs. Farron was currently in the middle of a life changing event. In front of her was what could be referred to as raw materials in a metallic cylinder shaped object. For some reason she was staring very intently at it, almost as if she was trying to will it into action. Just as things were starting to "heat up", her husband came marching through the door.
"Dearest wife, are you busy? There's an emergency at hand!" exclaimed Mr. Farron.
"No, I was just trying to learn how to cook."
"Oh, okay. So you weren't doing anything important. Let's talk about my stuff."
"Okay sweetie." 'Thank Etro! I don't think I could have handled doing that anymore. That was like an eternity! I'm not even going to attempt to do that for another five years at least. Or maybe tomorrow would be good…'
"So here's the lay down. While you guys were at the toy store today I went to the store across the street to buy Claire a pair of pants and a cd for Serah. I also bought a pair of pants for myself as well."
"Wait a hot minute there! You bought Serah a cd? You know Claire's going to break that once it touches the player in the car. And she doesn't even have a player of her own!"
"Yeah, well I thought it would last long enough to distract her for the rest of the day. I mean it kind of worked. Last time I saw her she was storming off towards the back yard. I can only assume she's digging large holes in the back to hide it. It is pretty shiny."
"That seems pretty reasonable. Continue with your story."
"Yes, my story. When we got home, I told Claire that I bought her a pair of blue jeans. She looked in the bag and saw a pair of navy blue jeans, which were hers, and a pair of normal blue jeans, which were mine. Do you know which ones she picked?"
"I would only assume that she picked the blue ones dear."
Mr. Farron was baffled. "What do you mean the blue ones?"
"Well, you only told her that the blue ones were hers. If I were Claire, I'd assume that the navy blue ones couldn't possibly be mine."
"But they were obviously way too big for her!" Mr. Farron tried to reason.
"It doesn't matter dear, it's your words that led her astray. She trusted them to be true, but in the end they were misleading. This is all your fault."
"It shouldn't matter whose fault it is. The problem is that Claire is planning to wear them on Monday!"
"Aren't the girls only allowed to wear khaki shorts?"
"Yes, but the thing is she got a uniform pass."
Ah, the uniform pass. Only the students who accomplished a great feat were granted one. With a uniform pass, the pass holder is allowed to wear anything they want for the day as long as it was appropriate. All Lightning had to do to acquire one was to make sure Fang didn't do anything weird for an entire school day. It was the hardest thing she ever did.
"What are we going to do about it then?" asked Mrs. Farron.
"We could spend all of tomorrow trying to coax her out of it."
"That sounds like a plan."
Silence immediately filled the room.
"So I'm just going to leave now that I'm done with my story and all." said Mr. Farron as he was turning around.
"Wait! It's only 2:30ish. We should do something. I mean, we're married after all."
"Do something like what?"
"Well, there's this thing that I've wanted to try for a while but I haven't had the nerve." said Mrs. Farron as she turned away with a blush.
"What exactly is this thing that you wanted to… try out?" asked Mr. Farron as he inched his way closer to his wife.
"Well…" started Mrs. Farron as she pulled out a portable computer. "I've always wanted to be a troll on the internet."
"You mean, you've never done that before?"
"No. I've always been kind and courteous to everyone I've encountered online!"
'Oh Etro… She's a noob!' "I could give you a few pointers if you'd like. Which website would you like to troll on?"
"I've always wanted to check out that hiyaonline site. I heard it's very popular. Do you have an account we could use?"
"Of course…" 'Oh shoot! She can't find out my secret trolling account!' "not… Let's make a new one. What should our user name be?"
"It should represent us as a couple. How about NonCreepyMarriedCouple?"
"Um… Wouldn't people just assume the opposite?"
"Aw shucks that was silly of me. How about CreepyMarriedCouple? Then if they tried to assume the opposite of that, we'd go right back to being the NonCreepyMarriedCouple, the intended username."
'She's got to be kidding…' "That some good logic honey, but why don't we just drop the 'Creepy' altogether."
"Then we'd just be a married couple. When people think the opposite of that name, they'd assume we're not married!"
Playing along with her twisted logic, Mr. Farron replied, "Oh no! We wouldn't want anyone to assume that!"
"Exactly!" exclaimed Mrs. Farron.
"So what should our username be?"
"It should be classy…"
"Uh-huh."
"Awesome…"
"Yes yes."
"And it should be inconspicuous so nobody could ever guess who we are."
"I agree."
"I've got it!"
"Oh you do?"
"It will be…" After a pause for dramatic effect, Mrs. Farron continued. "We'reNotTheFarrons."
'It could be worse.' "That sounds lovely. Let's enter a random chat room and analyze the conversation."
"Okay, uh, let's do that."
"First thing's first, turn on the computer and select an internet browser. I like to use Internet Adventurer."
"Do we have to use that browser? I mean, there are other ones."
"Fine, let's use Madzilla Icemammal."
"What? Who downloaded that one? It sounds like I'll get a disease by just clicking on it."
"I think I let Serah borrow your computer the other day. She said something about a 'cool new internet browser' but I wasn't paying any mind to her simplistic speech."
"Let's use my favorite, Moogle Monochrome. It's a lot easier to use than the other ones."
"I beg to differ. I feel that Jungle Expedition gets the job done faster."
Mrs. Farron gave him the stink eye. "We're going to use Moogle Monochrome."
"Yes dear."
And so the Farrons went to to build their online profile. When it came to choosing the gender, Mrs. Farron was puzzled.
"Why can't you choose both of them? I mean, we're two people."
"Well…" started Mr. Farron. "That's the glory of it. You can get a female avatar and dress it up as a man."
"Or I can get a male avatar and dress it up as a woman!"
"Uh…just stick with the female avatar for now. I mean you are a noob and all."
"I guess you have a point, but what is a noob?"
"You're just proving my point."
"What? Is it like a goob? A moob? A b-"
"Don't even finish that sentence."
"I was just going to say a b-"
"No."
"A b-"
"Nu-uh."
"Bologna…"
"Were you really going to say that?"
"No…"
"Then what were you really going to say?"
"You won't let me."
"I knew it!"
"Boob."
Mr. Farron sighed. "So you said it anyway."
"Yes, yes I did. What's so wrong with that particular word?"
"Nothing really. It's just a bit imma-"
"Hmm? What was that?"
"A bit imma-"
"Are you trying to say something?"
"This is payback isn't it?"
"Why yes it is. Now why don't you say we start trolling?" said Mrs. Farron as she logged onto a random chat room.
GoldMoogleRanger: How's the weather?
SuspiciousOldPerson: It's pretty gloomy… makes me kind of depressed.
I'mNot7: Yeah it does that sometimes. Weather is so overrated.
'This is perfect!' thought Mr. Farron. "Why don't you ask something ridiculous about the weather?"
We'reNotTheFarrons: What's weather?
I'mNot7: …you're kidding, right?
GoldMoogleRanger: You don't know what weather is?
We'reNotTheFarrons: Yeah…I'm pretty stupid so….do you know?
SuspiciousOldPerson: Someone please tell this idiot what weather is.
GoldMoogleRanger: Weather is based on the clouds' mood. Like when it is rainy or dark, that means they are sad and sometimes they even take a vacation and the sun parties all by itself.
I'mNot7: That's a stupid answer!
GoldMoogleRanger: I'd like to see you come up with something better!
I'mNot7: Weather is the state of the atmosphere, to the degree that is hot or cold, wet or dry, calm or stormy, clear or cloudy.
SuspiciousOldPerson: That looks suspiciously like the entry for weather from FalseInfoPedia.
I'mNot7: Is not!
SuspiciousOldPerson: Totally is!
GoldMoogleRanger: I second that!
We'reNotTheFarrons: Okay guys, just settle down. I at least know what weather is now.
GoldMoogleRanger: No, this kid is trying to say my definition of weather sucks when he copied his from another website. From the title, it seems to be a very unreliable site.
"They're all arguing now!" said Mrs. Farron.
"That's good, you want them to argue. It brings us one step closer to the desired outcome." replied Mr. Farron.
"And what's that?"
Stopping for a dramatic pause, Mr. Farron stared at the computer screen and slowly began to rub his hands together before turning his head sharply to look at his wife. "The destruction of the human mind."
"Oh that's a nice goal."
"Yes. Now let's see what they're doing now. We've been 'silent' for a while."
SuspiciousOldPerson: Yeah, well, your mother's a bigger one!
I'mNot7: Nuh-uh!
SuspciousOldPerson: Yeah-huh!
GoldMoogleRanger: Well you guys know what?
SuspiciousOldPerson: What?
I'mNot7: What?
GoldMoogleRanger: I bet you guys don't wash your hands!
We'reNotTheFarrons: You know what? I don't wash my hands.
SuspiciousOldPerson: What?
I'mNot7: Gross!
GoldMoogleRanger: Eww!
We'reNotTheFarrons: Don't be so mean! My parents never taught me how to wash my hands! I've just been going through my er…young life with cooties on my hands.
SuspiciousOldPerson: Really, that's sad.
I'mNot7: Man, cooties are the worst!
GoldMoogleRanger: I feel sorry for you.
We'reNotTheFarrons: Thanks guys, for all of this sympathy. It's not like I was trying to get an emotional response out of you or anything. Oh, and uh…Moogle Rangers suck!
GoldMoogleRanger: What?
I'mNot7: Yeah, it does!
SuspiciousOldPerson: I hate that show.
I'mNot7: Fo sho!
GoldMoogleRanger: Well you know what I'mNot7, I bet you are seven!
I'mNot7: Nuh-uh! You're probably like five or six!
GoldMoogleRanger: Nuh-uh! I'm thirty-five!
I'mNot7: Then what are you doing in a chat room meant for kids?
SuspiciousOldPerson: Yeah?
GoldMoogleRanger: And how old are you SuspiciousOldPerson? You seem suspiciously old!
SuspiciousOldPerson: …I'm eleven.
GoldMoogleRanger: And how old are you I'mNot7, if you're really not seven?
I'mNot7: I'm uh…uh, ten?
GoldMoogleRanger: Oh well I'm really….uh….twelve!
I'mNot7: How old are you We'reNotTheFarrons?
We'reNotTheFarrons: I'm glad you asked. I'm thirteen years old. That means that I own this chat room!
I'mNot7: And you don't know what 'weather' is?
We'reNotTheFarrons: Hey! I said I was older than you, not smarter than you.
SuspiciousOldPerson: We all have really good grammar for people in our age group.
I'mNot7: That sounded suspiciously like a topic change, SuspiciousOldPerson.
SuspiciousOldPerson: Did not! Uh… Moogle Rangers still suck!
GoldMoogleRanger: Oh! We're going back to that subject huh? Well you know what, your mom!
I'mNot7: What about my mom huh? I'll have you know she is a very nice lady!
GoldMoogleRanger: I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to SuspiciousOldPerson!
I'mNot7: Oh, so you're not talking to me now?
We'reNotTheFarrons: I'll talk to all of you.
GoldMoogleRanger: That's very nice but, I need to teach this bozo to respect his elders!
I'mNot7: Respect my elders? We probably all lied about our age, I mean, for all you know I could really be seven and you could really be four!
GoldMoogleRangers: I already said that but you said you were ten! And I'm not four!
I'mNot7: I still am ten!
SuspiciousOldPerson: Just to join in, I'm uh, still eleven guys.
"Okay, now we have to get them to go off the deep-end." said Mr. Farron. "You have to get them all against you."
"Against me? I just made it so they're all against each other!" protested Mrs. Farron.
"It doesn't matter! As long as you're getting the desired emotional response, you shouldn't care."
"So what should we do to make them go over the edge?"
"Try saying you're married to someone famous; people find that very hard to believe, and they will criticize you for it."
"Ah, I got you! I have the perfect person in mind!"
"Who?"
"You'll see."
I'mNot7: I bet you don't even wear clean clothes to school!
GoldMoogleRanger: Uh-uh! Don't you even get me started on the cleanliness of my clothing!
We'reNotTheFarrons: Um, I'm sorry to interrupt your arguing but I have an announcement…I'm married to Cid Raines.
I'mNot7: What?
SuspiciousOldPerson: I find that very hard to believe!
GoldMoogleRanger: Oh yeah? Well if you are married to him, then what's his middle name?
We'reNotTheFarrons: That's a touchy subject guys.
I'mNot7: It's a touchy nothing! That just means you're lying to us!
We'reNotTheFarrons: I am so married to Cid Raines!
SuspiciousOldPerson: Well if you're married to Cid Raines then you must be rich!
We'reNotTheFarrons: That is correct.
SuspiciousOldPerson: Then if you're rich that means you can buy everything on this site.
We'reNotTheFarrons: Yes, that is also correct.
SuspiciousOldPerson: Well then, I am going to write a list with everything I want and send it to you. Then you can send me all of that stuff and it will prove you're married to Cid Raines!
We'reNotTheFarrons: Hey, I said I was rich. I never said I was generous.
GoldMoogleRanger: Quit lying to everybody! Just say it already, "I'm a liar."
We'reNotTheFarrons: I'm not lying! Why won't anybody believe me?
I'mNot7: I know a way to settle this. I did it before and I'll do it again!
At this point Mr. Farron was on his own laptop because he thought ahead. He was on FalseInfoPedia editing the information for Cid Raines.
"Say we met on a long walk at the beach! And that my ring is made of, uhh, ahh, umm…my ring's awesome!" exclaimed Mrs. Farron.
"I'm way ahead of you." Mr. Farron replied smoothly.
"Ooh, where'd we get married?"
"You guys got married in the Chocobo stables at Nautilus."
"That's weird!"
"He's a weird guy…well, according to me anyway."
I'mNot7: It says he's married to…We'reNotTheFarrons.
GoldMoogleRanger: What? That's your real name?
We'reNotTheFarrons: Yeah, aren't your names SuspiciousOldPerson, I'mNot7 and GoldMoogleRanger?
I'mNot7: No!
We'reNotTheFarrons: But it said "Usyername:"
I'mNot7: No! It said "Username"; you're just too old to see it! You lied to us, you're not thirteen! And if you are then that would make Cid a bad man!
GoldMoogleRanger: You lied to us this whole time?
SuspiciousOldPerson: Yeah, you know what? I think you did know what weather was and how to wash your hands!
We'reNotTheFarrons: Well, I only have one thing to say to you guys…you've just been trolled!
All conversation was stilled. Mrs. Farron was expecting some insane reactions but…
"What's the matter? They're taking a long time to respond." Mrs. Farron asked.
"Just give them some time to digest this information." Mr. Farron replied.
After a few moments of "silence" all three users replied at the same time.
SuspiciousOldPerson: Oh, well you fooled me!
I'mNot7: I was totally fooled!
GoldMoogleRanger: So, if your name is We'reNotTheFarrons I guess we should give you our names, I'll go first. My name's Snow.
SuspiciousOldPerson: My name is Barthandelus.
I'mNot7 has left the chat room.
GoldMoogleRanger: What a baby!
SuspiciousOldPerson: So how's it like being married to Cid Raines?
GoldMoogleRanger: Yeah, it must be awesome and adventurous!
We'reNotTheFarrons: Well you know it's umm, err…I've got to go now!
We'reNotTheFarrons has left the chat room.
SuspiciousOldPerson: So, I guess we're the only ones left in this chat room…
GoldMoogleRanger: So it seems.
SuspiciousOldPerson: I like your name Snow.
GoldMoogleRanger: Thanks! My mom just made it up one day. I don't know what inspired her though.
SuspiciousOldPerson: You got a last name to go with that?
GoldMoogleRanger: Well sure I do mister!
SuspiciousOldPerson: And, uh, would you be willing to give me your street address?
GoldMoogleRanger: You want to know where I live?
SuspiciousOldPerson: Yes and while you're at it you should tell me when your parents aren't home, leaving you unattended.
GoldMoogleRanger: You're starting to sound really…weird.
SuspiciousOldPerson: All I want is to be good friends with you and visit your house as soon as possible.
GoldMoogleRanger: Eh… I'm just gonna go now. It was nice talking to you?
GoldMoogleRanger has left the chat room.
SuspiciousOldPerson: *sigh* Another missed opportunity…
After closing her laptop, Mrs. Farron turned around to look at her husband. "So…how'd I do?"
"Well…" Mr. Farron started. "Your introduction into the conversation was flawless. You played the innocent fool part very nicely. They thought that they were helping some poor idiot but little did they know that was part of your trap. You got them to turn against each other and to turn against you. The only thing that brought your troll grade down was the sloppy finale you executed! You've just been trolled? Might as well have told them that you were a troll from the beginning!"
"…So what's my grade?"
"I'm proud to say that you have earned yourself a C-!"
Mrs. Farron was crestfallen. "A C-? But I did so well! You even said so yourself!"
"Take it in stride wife! You could have done way better. Heck, you didn't even get yourself banned!"
"You can get yourself banned from trolling?"
"Yeah. And then what you can do from there is create a totally new account, log onto a random chat room from the same site, and then proceed to whine and complain about how you were banned for a seemingly stupid reason. After you've successfully gained enough sympathy you can then call yourself a better troll."
"It seems like I still have a lot to learn…" said a dismayed Mrs. Farron.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, you did a good job."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah…"
-4:30pm Backyard-
"I'm in a dark place… It's cold here… Am I going to be trapped forever?"
It seemed like Serah was talking to no one. In fact, she was talking to no one. She was in quite the predicament though. You see, in her search for the hidden cd player she had dug some very big holes. In her mind there were many, but in reality there were only three. They were each about six feet in depth. How she managed such a feat was a mystery in itself considering she was afraid of stepping in anything deeper than the tub.
"Did I mention that I'm stuck down here and have the rumbles in my tummy? Oh yeah, I said that about two minutes ago... Man it's hard talking to myself. I just don't care what I'm trying to tell me." She sighed before continuing. "It's as if I'm actually trying to talk to someone else and hope that they save me. Of course that isn't what I'm doing...but it couldn't hurt to try." And so she tried and tried her mightiest to get somebody to come save her.
At the same time...
-Serah's Bedroom-
"Fang, I don't think she has any in here."
"Nonsense Vanille!"
"Just because she's five doesn't mean she has a stash of candy hidden in her room somewhere." said Vanille as she flipped over Serah's mattress. 'Well, at least I don't. I bury mine.'
"And I said that's nonsense Vanille! Now help me bring this dresser to the ground!"
"Don't you think we should take out the drawers first? So when it does fall to the ground it won't make a big kaboom."
"That makes sense... I guess we should do that."
Upon opening the first drawer, Fang and Vanille were delighted to see that the candy was there. Serah believed in hiding things in the most obvious of places because people didn't normally look there. Unfortunately for her, Fang and Vanille weren't so normal.
"Well lookie what we found here! Good thing you suggested takin' out them drawers or I would have smashed her dresser to pieces!" exclaimed Fang as she began to stuff her pouch with the newly found candy.
"-elp!"
Ceasing her actions, Fang turned to Vanille with a puzzled expression. "Hey, Vanille, what's an elp?"
"I can only assume it's an animal or some ungodly creation. I'm going with the former. Or did I mean the latter?" Vanille tried to make sense of what she was trying to say before calling it quits. "These terms are so hard to use!"
"I could've sworn that I heard the word elp resonating from the backyard, but I guess I was just hearing things."
"-elllp!"
"Hey Fang, you weren't hearing things! I just heard it too!"
"I told you! What's the mystery behind this elp word?"
"I don't know, but now that I think about it this "elp" sounds a bit like-"
"Hellllp!"
"Yeah that's it! Help!"
Fang went to the window and peered outside. "I only see three big holes out there."
"Maybe, just maybe," started Vanille. "the holes are the ones asking for help."
"If that's the case let's go check it out." Fang looked around the room a minute before settling on exiting through the window. "I think the window's the only way out of here."
"Fang, there's a door."
Ignoring Vanille, Fang continued to think aloud. "But the glass is in the way."
"You know, we could just use the door that happens to be ajar." said Vanille as she pointed to the open door.
"I think I might have to break it."
"Come on Fang! All you need to do is just kind of lift it up. No need to be shattering glass."
"Too late Vanille."
"You already broke it? I didn't hear a thing!"
"I was expecting a loud noise too, but I guess it was that high-tech sound proof glass. You know, the ones that make it so burglars don't disturb the households they're burglin' from."
"That doesn't sound right…" said a doubtful Vanille.
"No no no, it's a real thing Vanille. I forgot the name…what was it called?" Giving her noggin a good thump, Fang came up with the answer. "Burglar glass! That's what it's called! These guys bought burglar glass."
"If you say so…"
"Of course I say so! Now come on, at least one of those holes need help! They could be drowning while we're standing here! I mean, it was pretty dewy this morning."
With that they bounded out of the window to find out what in Cocoon was wrong with the holes.
"So, which one do you think needs help?" asked Vanille.
"I don't know. Let's ask them." Fang stopped for a moment to clear her throat. "Ahem! Attention giant holes in the ground. Which one of you has asked for our help? Hole number one? Hole number two? Or was it hole number three?"
"Um… Which one is hole number three?" asked Serah from her current position.
"Well, I don't know. Why don't you do something that says, "I'm hole number three!"
"Okay, I'll throw this rock." After a silent moment, a rock could be seen coming out of one of the holes.
Was it mentioned that Serah dug all three holes with just a rock? It was pretty amazing stuff. That backyard had no chance against Serah and her rock.
"Oh I'm so sorry! That was hole number two!"
"Well hole number two needs help!" exclaimed Serah.
"Actually," started Vanille. "I think hole number three asked for help first."
"Wait, what do you mean Vanille?" asked Fang.
"Yeah!" exclaimed Serah. "What do you mean?"
"I know you saw it too Fang! Before the rock came flying out of hole number two, a leaf fell into hole number three. Remember?"
"Oh yeah."
"That counts as a sign?" asked Serah.
"Oh most things count as signs to us hole number two. We just choose not to comment on them most of the time." replied Vanille.
"Like what?"
"You see this grass here?"
"I know what grass looks like…"
"Well it's growing and that's totally a sign of an oncoming drought."
"I don't think we get those…"
"Oh don't you worry about it, it will happen."
"Sure… What else counts as a 'sign'?"
"The moving clouds in the sky."
"What do clouds have to do with anything?"
"Since they're moving and all, that's a sign for the oncoming arrival of the supreme evil dark lord who once ruled these lands. What are these lands called again?"
"Cocoon."
"Ah yes, Cone."
"It's Co-coon." said Serah emphasizing the syllables.
"Oh okay, C-cone."
"I'm pretty sure you've said Cocoon before. It sort of feels like you're pulling my leg."
"Oh! Cocoon! Well anyway, that dark lord is bound to rule over this place any minute now."
"Well, hoopla to the dark lord! I've been cloud watching all of my life and I have never seen any signs of any dark lord. What, is he taking his time?"
"Of course. He is a pretty hefty guy. He probably stops at every intergalactic coffee house there is and orders the soy latte along with the house special. Then he most likely summons the manager to complain about how the hash browns taste like kitty litter. Yup, any minute now."
"Um, Vanille? Sorry to interrupt your conversation with hole number two but I think hole number three is awaiting our assistance. Its leaf did fall in first and that was a while ago." said Fang.
"Oh! Sorry hole number two, but Fang's right. We need to see what's up with the other hole first."
"Come on!" cried Serah, but she was ignored.
Fang and Vanille happily trekked over to the other hole with high hopes of rescuing the day. Or something like that.
Fang kneeled down and shouted into the hole, "Hey hole number three! Are you okay? Do you need some help?"
"…"
"Oh, silent treatment huh?"
"…"
"I guess you don't want help then…with your cold shoulder and all. I'm gonna go help out hole number two now. See you later hole number rude."
"Hey Fang, you think I could help out hole number two since you helped out that other hole?"
"Well, I didn't really get to help it since it was being so rude but I guess you can help out hole number two."
"Oh thank you Fang!" exclaimed Vanille as she hopped off to aid hole number two.
"Is it my turn yet?" cried Serah.
"Why yes it is. What can I do for you today?"
"Well, I need some help so…"
"Alrighty! That can be arranged. What kind of help?"
"I want to be out of this hole."
"What do you mean out of this hole? You are a hole silly."
"No… I'm a person."
"Well you're made of dirt so there's no way you can be a person."
"Nope, I'm a person. If you'd come and look in this hole you'd see that I'm telling the truth."
"I kind of don't believe you."
"Well, if you'd come over here you'd see that it's me."
"Who's me?"
"Why don't you come find out?"
"Tempting offer hole number two or shall I say person number two?" 'Why am I being so stubborn? Usually I'd jump at the chance to believe someone. Why just the other day I believed I would get a great deal on a two for one special at the market. That didn't happen. I should have known better than to trust that guy in the oversized cat suit dragging himself around the market place handing out expired coupons for Wayne's Chili Palace where they sell nothing but chili. I should've known better! It was a coupon for broccoli! But me believing that I was gonna get a great deal went to Wayne's Chili Palace anyway and what do you know, they don't sell broccoli!' Vanille took a short moment to catch her mind's breath. 'Maybe that's why I'm being so stubborn. I can't trust people anymore, let alone holes pretending to be people! This is making me question my identity. Who am I? What am I? Is there a duality to this situation that I should be aware of? Am I too a hole?'
"Are you going to help me or not?" cried a now impatient Serah.
"Hold on! I'm still thinking person number two." 'Now where was I? Wayne's Chili… Broccoli… Identity… Oh yeah! Who am I? Or rather what am I? Am I really just a hole in the ground blind to the prospect that I'm not really a person?' Vanille began to sing in her head:
'Am I a hooole, or am I a human?
(Am I a human?)
If I'm a hole, then I'm a human of a hole.
(A human of a hole.)
Am I a humaaan or am I a hole?
(Am I a hole?)
If I'm a human, that makes me a very pretty human.'
"Whelp that settles it, I'm human. A very pretty human I might add."
"Are you done yet?" asked Serah.
"Fine, what is it?"
"You know, you're supposed to rescue me comma I'm a human."
"And I believe you." said Vanille with a fierce conviction.
"That's great! Now how about you make good on your word to help me out of here?"
"Fang! Help me rescue whoever is in this hole!"
"Alright, just give me your legs and I'll lower you down."
Vanille did as she was told and began her descent into the hole. When she finally saw who was stuck down there her face went pale with guilt. "Serah?"
"The one and only."
"You were the one asking for help the whole time?"
"Yeah."
"You're not a hole?"
"Negatory."
"Fang, pull me back up…"
"Wait! What about me?" exclaimed a now desperate Serah.
"I'll be back." said Vanille as she disappeared from view.
"Why'd I have to pull you back up Vanille?"
"It's Serah." whispered Vanille.
"Uh, come again?" Fang whispered back.
"I-it's Serah. She's down there." said Vanille in a slightly louder whisper.
"You mean…"
"Yes Fang, we're what the Cocoonians call idiots."
"So all this time, it wasn't a hole?"
"Nope."
"What do we do now?"
Vanille couldn't help but to smack Fang across her face.
"Hey! What was that for?"
"What do we do now? We go help her! Lower me back down Fang."
"Whatever miss demanding." said Fang as she re-lowered Vanille back into the hole.
Serah watched as Vanille came ever closer to her. "You came back like you said you would!"
"Of course I did, now grab a hold of my hands."
Once Serah grabbed Vanille's hand Fang started lifting them both up with a little bit of difficulty. "You know Vanille, you're kind of heavy."
'What!' exclaimed Vanille in her thoughts. 'What's she talking about? Is she inferring what I think she is? Sweet baby Etro, she's got an earful just waiting for her when I get up there.'
Meanwhile…
Mrs. Farron had emerged from the underground storage facility with one thing in mind, Serah.
'My Serah senses are tingling. Something has gone amiss. It couldn't hurt to go check on her.' thought Mrs. Farron on her way towards her daughter's room. "Serah, is there something wrong?" she asked as she pushed open the door and peeked inside.
…
"What went on in here? There's a flipped over mattress, clothes are everywhere, her dresser is missing a drawer, and her not so secret candy stash is missing." Turning to her left, Mrs. Farron saw the window. "And her window is broken. I guess the burglar glass really does work, I was not disturbed."
Letting out a big sigh, Mrs. Farron began tidying up the room. 'Serah only has one window. Should I take it away? This was her first offense though. I guess I could let it slide… But that means I have to buy more burglar glass. Oh well, anything for my youngest daughter.'
Once everything was in order, Mrs. Farron retreated back into the underground storage facility.
"You know, I forgot why I went up there in the first place…"
Mrs. Farron just shrugged it off and turned to her husband. "So about Claire…"
Back in the backyard…
Fang had finally lifted both Serah and Vanille out of the hole but she was in for a bit of trouble.
"So Fang, what was that thing you said about me being heavy?"
"You heard that?" said Fang sheepishly. "Well, since you asked, you are getting a bit heavy Vanille."
"Oh please go on."
"Um… I'm sure there's a reason for it such as… You had a big breakfast today!"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"It just builds up and you also didn't go to the restroom today!"
"That's kind of personal Fang…"
"Yeah and with the buildup of a big breakfast and you not releasing it via restroom time-"
"Can we stop talking about this now?"
"No no, let me finish. Both of those factors may have attributed to a minor percentage of weight gain." said Fang as she nodded to herself. "Oh and you eat a lot."
"Fang, you do know that I was holding onto Serah as well."
"Oh well maybe she's the pudgy one."
"Hey!" exclaimed Serah. "I'll have you know my diet is filled with nothing but junk food and I have yet to gain an ounce!"
"Can we just agree that none of us are pudge monsters? I mean we're still kids and all. We shouldn't be worrying about stuff like that." said Vanille.
"Okay, but you can't say I didn't warn you." said Fang.
"Say Serah, now that we're off that subject, what'd you do with all of the dirt you dug up?" asked Vanille.
"You see that new sandbox over yonder?" said Serah pointing over to the newly made structure.
"That's a sandbox?" asked Fang.
"Yeah… I meant for the dirt to dry up in the sun, but it sort of looks like a garden plot."
"That's what Fang and I thought it was." said Vanille.
"It might as well be…"
"Phew. That's a relief because we already planted it." said Vanille.
"How?"
"If you wanna know how you're gonna have to look that up yourself. When on the other hand is a different story. It was between the time we hopped out of your window and asked the holes if they needed any help."
They were really fast workers.
"Speaking of holes again, why were you digging those gigantic holes?"
"I was looking for…" Serah paused to think. "the hidden cd player!" And so she took off to continue her quest.
"Well bye Serah." said Vanille sarcastically.
"Rude much." added Fang. "We should've never saved her."
"Yeah, but what's done is done."
"Hey, you wanna go wake up Lightning?" asked Fang.
"Yeah. I do."
"Let's go get some acorns then."
Underground Storage Facility
"What about Claire?" asked Mr. Farron.
"You know the thing with the pants."
"Oh yeah! We're still going through with the plan tomorrow right?"
"Yeah, we're so going through with that plan tomorrow. And it's going to happen tomorrow. It's not like I'm going to do something that's going to postpone it until Monday or anything." said Mrs. Farron.
"Yeah… I'm going to go take a nap now. I'll see you later."
"Bye honey!" said Mrs. Farron as he walked back to the house.
As soon as he was gone, Mrs. Farron activated the locking mechanism for the underground storage facility. With that done she walked over to a control panel and punched in a code that would put everyone in the house above the facility in hyper sleep. "I'm not doing that Lightning thing tomorrow; I've got some cooking to finally learn how to do. This pants business can wait until Monday."
I totally kind of ripped that song off from the muppets… So what'd you guys think? Bad? Good? Or are you dead from laughter? Did you miss Lightning? I kind of did… But anyhoo feel free to express your thoughts with that there review button. There is joy in the pushing of buttons, especially those marked with the word review.