"THIS IS A DISGRACE!" Gamagori roared, slamming the offending piece of paper against the table so hard that the dishes rattled and the poor furniture piece cracked under the strain.

The wait staff visibly flinched, but dared not interfere for fear of the giant's wrath. His boss inaudibly sighed and made a mental note to compensate the business owners. Another business they couldn't return to, then. How unfortunate.

"Take it easy, Toad," Nonon grumbled, slinking further down her seat, face uncomfortably hot under the bystanders' curious glances in their direction. "Frogs were probably not prized enough to-"

"BUT A RAT SOMEHOW MADE IT ONTO HERE?!"

"Oi! Don't you dare insult my dad!" A red-banged teen shouted back, threateningly pointing her chopsticks in his direction.

Uzu, for his part, was beside himself with laughter, wiping away his tears using the paper placemat decorated with the offending zodiac. "They put monkeys in here but not frogs? Oh, this is just too good."

"You can be an ox, Gamagori-sempai!" Mako comforted, somehow popping over his head to land on his massive shoulders below. His cheeks visibly darkened to a shade of red despite his best efforts as the younger girl rested her head against his. "You're so big and strong-"

"-and stubborn and bullheaded," Nonon mumbled under her breath.

"-and it even has your favorite color, and it says you're diligent and reliable and honest and- is that a piece of cheese on the ground?"

"Indeed," Hoka concurred as the coconut-haired girl dove from her perch to land under the table, the flaps of his turtleneck flying away to briefly allow others an unobstructed view of his mouth. "Lady Satsuki represents a tiger, Matoi embodies a dragon, Dr. Matoi a rat, Mankanshoku a rabbit, and we... three... devas as our respective animals. That leaves the horse, ox, pig, rooster, and ram… or goat for you to appropriate, depending on what version of the calendar you're using."

Uzu snorted, peeking over his rival's shoulders to glance at whatever she was doing. "I think old Gama here is best suited as a goat. Mythology says that goats are good partners with rabbits, if you know what I mean."

Satsuki took a leisurely sip of her tea, basking in the petty squabbles of those she could confidently call her friends and family. However, the afterglow of welcome company was soon shattered within three seconds. She grimaced and gently replaced the teacup onto its saucer. A new record, then. She'd have to congratulate dear little imouto for a job well done.

"-and it says here that dragons get along well with tigers," Ryuko added, wriggling her eyebrows suggestively at her sister. "And snakes too!" she hooted, rapturously reading the scrolling text on her smartphone.

"No." she firmly responded.

"Ugh, don't even think about it, underachiever," Nonon agreed. By now, all but the pinkette's oversized hat was hidden under the table.

"Hey, it's not all that great," she shrugged. "It also says that red is an unlucky color for dragons, as are their birthdays and whenever the year of the dragon rolls around- who would have guessed. My lucky flower is a… bleeding heart… and that I should avoid the fifth month." She looked up apologetically at the last bit. "Sorry Satsuki."

Satsuki raised her teacup and took a long sip before putting it down again, eyes sparkling with mirth. 'No offense taken,' the simple gesture said.

"It also says that oxen don't get along with tigers at all," Mako's disembodied voice came from beneath the cloth linings in between bites. "But that doesn't make any sense because Gamagori likes Satsuki very much, and sometimes when he falls asleep, you can hear him saying her name and sometimes he punches a wall or two while yelling that he is her protector and shield and-."

"Satsuki-sama!" he shouted, effectively blocking out whatever the tiny girl was going to say next.

"Gamagori," she replied tacitly, a smile dancing on her lips. "I could have Miss Mankanshoku escorted back to her homes, if you wish. But it would be terrible to lose a fine conversational guest."

"T...that won't be necessary." The light red in his face darkened to a deep maroon.

"Move!" Uzu shouted, grabbing at the device, managing to snatch it out of Ryuko's hands before she could react. "I wanna see who monkeys are compatible with! And it's with... ...with... ...oxen…"

The phone slipped from his hand, the rightful owner failing miserably at catching it before it hit the ground and cracked the screen. She snarled and sharply dug her elbow into his side as punishment.

"Sanageyama, you asshole! You better pay for it otherwise I swear I'm going to gut you like a-"

"You all worry about these things too much," Hoka boredly stated, toying with his own smartphone and pointedly clearing away the last bits of food from his plate. "It says that tigers aren't compatible with snakes at all, and yet I don't see Lady Satsuki breathing down Nonon's neck at all. It's just Sanageyama she hates."

"Hey!"

"Damn right," Nonon smirked. "Is the truth too hard for you, Monkey-boy?"

"Listen here, Snake-"

"Oh, and by the way," Inumuta added, getting up from the table and suddenly moving towards the bathrooms. "I'd hide if I were you. Unpleasant company incoming at three o'clock."

"Oh. My. Satsuki." Ryuko suddenly breathed, ducking under the table and swearing mildly as her head crashed against her best friend's knee by accident. "It'sthem. Hide before they-"

"Ryuko-chaaaaaaaaaan," an overly sweet voice sang as a pink-clothed girl suddenly materialized out of thin air and plopped onto the recently vacated chair with a grace best described akin to an eagle piloting a blimp. "Are you hiding from little old me?"

"Kami damn it." Ryuko muttered, slumping as a familiar rainbow-glow filled the inside of the restaurant and partially blinded the poor patrons with its brilliance.

"I'm out of here," Nonon scrambled to her feet, hurriedly gathered her things, and left with nothing but an apologetic glance back at her best friend. When Discomilf was involved, nothing good could come out of it, nor could she help Satsuki escape. What Discomilf wanted, Discomilf got, and anyone who stood in her way got an unfortunate taste of her tendency to unceasingly make more inappropriate jokes than a football field's worth of middle schoolers.

"Ditto." Uzu swiftly followed, tailed by several dozen panicked customers.

"Mankanshoku," Ira thundered, dexterously plucking the younger girl up with two massive fingers. "You must leave!" Another two fingers secured her ears against whatever lewd jokes the self-proclaimed "world's best mom" made in passing to the screaming streams of people as he bulldozed his way out through the restaurant's door.

"But what about Ryuko-chan!" She protested.

"Matoi will survive. I will return to both her and Satsuki-sama, but we must retreat for now."

"What did you say!?" she shouted back.

"Matoi will-"

BOOM

The doors slammed shut, then fell off their hinges completely. Thick eyebrows knitted together tiredly. So much for taking a vacation with the extra storage of money she was saving up.

"Nui. Mother." Satsuki addressed simply, pretending to be unaffected by neither either person's presence, nor the complete disarray the building was left in. "To whom or what do I owe the pleasure of meeting you both here?"

"Lunch," Ragyo replied. "But I now see Nui wants take out."

"Aw, can't I see my big sisters sometimes without being accused of spying on them?" the shortest girl giggled, holding a very uncomfortable Ryuko against her in a bear hug and toying with the latter's dyed streak.

Satsuki made a low humming noise in the back of her throat that sounded not unlike a disturbed hive of wasps.

"I overheard you and your friends talking about the zodiac signs and, well," She plopped onto the mangled table with her older sister in tow, unfazed when it broke under their weight and sent everything spilling to the floor below. "I wanted to know what you think I'd be."

"You can be the rooster," Ryuko replied thoughtfully, hissing as her back shot up in pain when she tried disengaging herself from the mess.

"Oh?" Nui leaned in closer. The delinquent struggled not to gag as the overwhelming flowery odor that seemed to follow the blonde everywhere invaded her nostrils. "And why is that?"

"Because you're a giant dick."

She stuck her tongue out. "Mean. You might as well be a horse because you're so full of shit."

"Well, I think that the most underrated out of the twelve is the boar. It is a majestic creature that expresses indulgence but is generous in turn," the human rainbow added, pointedly ignoring the squabbling pair in the background.

"That's because you're a pig in human clothing." Satsuki mumbled under her breath.

"Satsuki!" Ragyo clasped her scantily clothed chest, affronted.

"She started it!" a finger accusingly pointed towards the delinquent.

"Did not! You wanna go, ya alley cat!?"

"Bring it, gecko!"

Ragyo exhaled loudly through her nose. Now she remembered why she generally stayed away from this part of Japan. Just as she reached into her purse to fish out a thick wad of yen to hand to the terrified managers, the wall behind her collapsed as a hulking giant pulverized it with a well-placed punch.

"SATSUKI-SAMA!"

The vein in her temple throbbed. Wonderful.