These chapters aren't flowing out of me like I'd like them too, but I knew you guys needed an update.
A/N: All your comments and reviews are really helpful to me on which direction I should take this, so enjoy! And let me know what you think,
Sorry, in advance for the short chapter!
He thought about leaving, taking a job, any UC job of get away from here, before this afternoon preferably. But that would mean he would be running, running from his feelings and running from the truth like somehow going under would help him forget about what was happening, she was getting married and not to him.
Right now he knew two things for certain, one no matter where he went he would feel an ache in his chest every time he took a breath, and he'd be reminded of her, as his lungs deflated with air, he'd miss her, and lastly no matter where he went he wouldn't be able to forget about her but he could try his best
to throw himself into an opt, lose himself in a way.
He knew how to not lose yourself in an opt but maybe this time, this once and only time he'd forget everything he knew to remain sane, and lose himself, 100% in the job.
Clearly he was having a rough time with this he had just walked away from a far game fight with the Division's very own Golden Boy Detective, all to save her feels, she wasn't even there was he was protecting her, she didn't deserve a black and blue groom, because he knew if they had decided to duke it out Luke would have lost just like he did on retraining day. A small smile of satisfaction crept up on his face, reminiscing of the beating he gave him.
Where do I go from here? He thought.
He didn't know what to do with himself, he knew they had never been together, officially or anything like that but deep down he felt like she would realize sooner or later that they were meant to be and they'd finally get together with ease and grace.
He frowned slightly, realizing that he was wrong, she wasn't going to end up with him, because she was with Luke.
Vv
She debated for awhile on what to do next after she left Luke's room, where ever she went would have to be in walking distance considering she wasn't able to take his car after she broke up with him, because eventually she'd have to give it back and that would be too much awkward tense for her to handle.
Stuffing her hands in her jacket pockets, she walks out of the hotel feeling lighter than she had in along time, maybe it was being free of the ring, the expectations that came along with it or maybe it was her finally not suppressing her feelings anymore, her feelings for Sam anymore?
Walking in no particular direction she realized she didn't know where to go, she couldn't back to her place with Luke because, well, it was their place and what if he was there. She thought about Traci? Maybe, but it was god knows what time, and she didn't want to disturb Leo.
Not yet deciding where to go she allowed her feet to travel where they may. She thought about Sam, and where to go next with him, she couldn't decide if his confession was the reason she ended things with Luke, or was it just perfect timing?
As her feet stepped on the cool pavement, she continued to deal with the internal question of what made her decide to officially end it with Luke, she knew that her heart wasn't 1000% in their relationship because there was always a sliver of hope when it came to Sam, but she truly thought he didn't want her so she suppressed her feelings for him and focused solely on Luke.
Whatta brilliant plan she muttered under her breath.
It wouldn't be fair to marry him, eventually somewhere down the line it would have ended; badly. She thought, her mind still not knowing where exactly to go. It was for the best, even if he doesn't understand that now.
She continued her walk, with every step she took, she slowly accepting that her feelings for Sam weren't small, they were big, she could feel it, in her chest, it was the way he looked at her, how she could feel her stomach flip whenever she gave her a dimply smile, it was the way he called her McNally, in his husky voice.
He was so open with her, he opened himself up to her and she shut him down, she asked him to leave, and she cursed herself for it.
But she knew how that felt, she went to his house the night of the black out and he said it was what it was, and that hurt, she felt destroyed and now from what Luke said, Sam encouraged Luke to give her another chance.
God, this is so messy up. She thought.
Vv
They were both at a crossroad, Sam thought that she had gone through with it, and Andy knew it what she was doing wasn't fair to either of them but right now she knew she was no longer with Luke, and she also knew she needed Sam.
Sam wanted to see her, he had this feeling in his gut that was partially pushing him out the door, he thought for some reason if he saw her one more time, if he said just the right thing she'd leave with him.
That he could say something to her, anything that might prove to her he was serious, he was all in, and this, them, could work, not because they partially hooked up once, but because he needed her, he needed to see her everyday, he wanted too.
He always needed to know she was okay, whether it was a simple drive home because she refused to get a vehicle and it was the dead of night or if it was after she put herself in a dangerous situation and he needed to see for himself she was okay, to touch her face and know she was still here, with him.
She would realize he was the right decision not Luke, god not Luke, because Luke didn't love her like he did, he wasn't there when she needed him.
She continued to walk, she didn't know where he feet were taking her but she let them lead, step by step she got closer to her unknown destination, toying with what to do next.
She desperately wanted to see Sam, just let him know what was going on with her, with Luke, with them.
But she didn't want him to think he was the rebound, he was more than that, and he needed to know it.
Eventually she looked at her surroundings, they vaguely looked familiar but she wasn't too sure where she had seen them before. Her eyes roamed the streets looking for any tell tale sign of why this place looked so familiar, like it was a distant memory locked away in her mind only to be released at this very moment.
Twisting her neck around, looking, then she saw it, the grey Ford truck parked in the driveway, Sam.
She walked up the steps to his door, she thought about knocking but if she did, what the hell would she say? 'Hey, so I know I asked you to leave after you told me you had feelings for me but guess what? I dumped Luke, wanna grab a drink and talk it out?'
Gently rocking from foot to foot, she debated internally on knocking, planning out scenarios in her mind of what she could, would say to him when she finally saw him. Her nerves radiated through out her body, she was scared, scared he was going to do what she did to him, ask him to leave.
She couldn't take it if he did, she wouldn't be able to handle it, she had never been one of lacked confidence but when it came to him, she forgot all she knew.
His presence made her feel like jelly, and fill any and all awkward moments with random rambling about nothing that was important, he did that to her. He made her nervous, but in the best way possible.
As she was about to knock, she felt a hand on her shoulder, nearly jumping out of her skin, she turned to see would the hell was touching her.
They locked eyes, she just looked at him, staring really, soaking up all his confidence, and hard exterior.
"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked.
Don't hate me! I'll be updated soooooon! I promise.