I was not on my horse for nearly as long as I would have liked. I had yet to practice what Jaime had preached, but while riding towards the opposing force, things changed very quickly and cutting through men on horseback became the least of my worries.
Rain poured down onto our faces, pounding against our armor as we stood in the darkness, awaiting Robb's command. It was hard enough to see through the slats in my helmet, but in this weather, it felt all the more impossible. The cracks of thunder and darkness had certainly covered our approach, and as we broke into the Lannister camp, it was obvious they had received hardly any warning.
In the dark, Chimera could still dance through the men, the bodies, the pieces of wood and canopy as we began to set fire to tents and break apart their camp. We were barely halfway in when I saw Will's horse stumble. He had been shot with arrows to the shoulder, and I watched in amazement as he tried to fall in the easiest way for Willem to get off. Even in injury, they were a team.
My heart stopped as Will took an unsteady stumble, landing on his feet, but crouched, nearly avoided arrows that landed around his feet. Looking up, I saw the men begin to descend upon him. Although our people were quick to scourge the grounds, there were still many fast approaching my brother.
I pulled out my bow and began to shoot at the men, and while many a smarter person than I would continue on horseback, I swung myself off of Chimera as quickly as I could.
I slapped him on the back as I dismounted smoothly enough, catching the ground with a run and landing next to my brother.
"What the hell are you doing?" he screamed.
"You asked if I forgot being a Samelson so easily, did you not?"
"I never meant—"
"—You are my brother, Will. I will always leap off my horse to your side like a fool."
"It's your fault if we die," Will replied with a smirk as I shot off another arrow towards our would-be attackers.
"Naturally," I returned, seeing it fell the man with an effective hit to the neck.
Back to back, we pulled swords, both of us looking in either direction in a defiance to cover any fear. I watched as three men came my way. It was nothing like practice where you have the luxury of facing one man at a time. Instead, they were all running towards me. I leaned down and picked out the dagger that Will always kept in his boot and threw it at one man, towards the neck. It seemed to ricochet off his armor, but slowed him enough, so that I just had two to contend with initially.
I charged and quickly bent down, cutting out at one man's legs, before meeting the other's sword, catching him and pushing him aside with a loud scream. He stepped back for a moment as I took advantage to kick into his stomach, forcing to crouch as I pushed my sword down into his back.
By now, my failed dagger throw was coming back to curse me; the man nearly stepped on his companion as he climbed over him and I fell back towards Will, parrying each of his hits. I took a look behind me, noticing the man I had knocked to his feet standing up. I ducked down as he swiped at me with his sword. The other man stepped back while I pushed an armored elbow into his chest.
I let out a cry as the pain reverberated through the crash of armor upon armor. Ducking again, I cut up at the man behind me, and forced his arm back above his head so I could cut at him again, pushing him further back before piercing through the chinks in his armor under his arm and stabbed clear through, kicking him aside to more easily pull out my sword.
I parried another thrust and this time took my elbow up into the man's helmet, blinding him as it raised up on his head. From there, it was easy to take him down and turn around to see the next two opponents come towards me. Other men of Plenair were quickly coming to our aid, and with another glance behind me to ensure my brother still stood, I lifted my sword again. I brought down the next man and moved closer to Will, keeping an eye on him as he did on me.
The rain had started to slow as the men dwindled. I cut the sword from one last man while he fell aside and looked for my horse. Chimera was never far but was smart enough to keep himself from danger when he wasn't called. A quick whistle, though, and he came charging towards us.
"You can take Chimera to the front to Robb," I offered my brother.
Willem nodded, "Can you see to our wounded here and if you find my horse…"
"I'll look after him too," I promised.
He swung himself onto his former steed while I surveyed my surroundings. Already, there were people coming to the aid of those around us. Upon seeing those coming in with their wagons, I took the opportunity to sneak into the woods and trade my armor for an apron. Underneath, I still wore pants and shirts like a knight, but that could be overlooked. A person walking about with a helmet and armor, taking care of the wounded, would be likely more conspicuous.
One of my brother's men came to my side as an extra protector while I walked about to clean out and stitch what wounds were within my care. Many required a more skilled hand than mine.
The number of injured seemed only to grow as I moved from one person to the next. In my mind, I could not help but think of the irony. Just this morning, I was taking life and now, I was trying to save it for not only my own people but the enemy as well.
In the thick of the fight, the fear took over and all I could think about was getting through to the next man, but now, in the aftermath, the screams of the dying and injured and the smell of open wounds began to eat at my stomach. They had no one, all crying out for family – wives, mothers – and I knew some of this was my fault.
"I just need a moment," I said to my guard and stood up, stumbling away for a moment to breath.
He followed me of course, but did not speak, just letting me steady my breathing. Along the side of the battlefield, though, stood Willem's horse. He still had two arrows lodged in his shoulder; although the wound did not seem so bad as to kill him, I could understand why he needed to drop his rider.
I ran my hands smoothly along his back, trying to comfort him. He knew me well enough to not try to run, but the panic and pain was evident in his eyes.
"These are not too deep," I said soothingly. "But we still need a cut to get them out."
The arrows were lodged a little too far under the skin to pull out on their own, so we would have to cut out enough space to get to the head. My mind drifted to what seemed like a lifetime ago when Theon Greyjoy jumped in front of an arrow for me. Robb and I had to cut that out of his shoulder too. I wondered absent-mindedly what he was doing now, if he had made any progress with his father, or if Robb and I were to lose him entirely.
"Will you trust me?" I asked the horse, who stared back into my eyes.
As I pulled out a small dagger, I made a quick cut that sent him whinnying terribly and rearing back, but he allowed me to pull out the two arrows cleanly. I could then wash out the wound, stitch and wrap it cleanly.
"You protect the animal over the man?" It was Robb's teasing voice behind me.
I turned and breathed out a huge breath of air I had not realized I was holding.
"Robb." I threw myself into his arms, not caring that I had likely bruised myself against his armor.
Robb pulled his head back just enough to kiss me, releasing a rush of tension as he grasped my hair and let his lips crash against mine. My heart skipped as I kissed him back with equal fervor.
"Shall we erect a tent around you, your grace?" Greatjon joked from behind us, laughing jovially at his own joke.
Robb pulled back with a mischievous grin. I returned it for a moment, but only so long as I forgot where I stood. Once I looked back upon the men lying on the ground, my smile fell. Robb exhibited the same change in emotion.
"We need to bring our heads of house together and account all losses of ours and that of the Lannisters," Robb said to the Greatjon before looking back at me. "Come back with us."
"There are still many here, who need help."
"Like your brother's horse?" Robb asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Shoulder injured by arrows…remind you of anything?"
"Hopefully the horse bore it better than Theon," he joked.
I chuckled, giving him a simple shrug, which was enough for Robb to understand that the horse was more stoic.
Robb's smile soon faded, adding, "I haven't heard a word from Theon since he left."
"No…but it is still early," I offered.
Robb nodded, taking a glance over his shoulder at Greatjon.
"I'll come back with you," I added upon seeing my brother ride toward us on Chimera.
"Feels like he's still mine," Will commented, dismounting and giving a pat to my horse.
"But he is not," I returned and for once, Chimera actually stepped towards me, letting Willem continue onto the horse who recently replaced him.
"I think he will be fine. I would not ride him for a while yet, just to give him time to heal, but he will heal," I replied.
"Of course he will," Will returned, stroking his horse's neck and whispering words of comfort like a little sibling who was injured.
For a moment, I thought to Philip. I could not imagine the pressure he felt, acting as the lord of Plenair. I had a few letters from our mother, but the little lordling was oddly silent, perhaps trying to get a sense as the protector of our lands and of his brother's wife.
I left the battlefield quickly, almost outpacing Robb as we went away from the camp. I could feel his steady eyes on the back of my head, watching with concern as I struggled with what I was doing. I still wanted to be there, to be fighting and knowing that I was close enough to my husband to make a difference, but in my heart, I felt the uneasy about all of these men and boys I killed, who had no real loyalty to the side they fought for – only a desire to keep their lives, and I took it all from them.
"Your grace." It was Roose Bolton who called away Robb's curious eyes. I was almost grateful for it so that I could slip away for a few moments and try to recover my strongest face before going into the council.
I pulled away Chimera and began to brush him out in an attempt to smooth the worried lines from my expression with each stroke. And as I walked away from my horse, I found myself circling back towards Jaime Lannister. I didn't expect words of comfort, but I was hoping for some of advice.
"You look forlorn, my queen," Jaime teased with an easy smile. "And yet, I know your husband survived and you won, so I cannot imagine why."
"Did you ever struggle with it?"
"With what?" he asked, turning his head as though he was almost bored with my soft tone.
"Killing someone."
"Not when they tried to kill me."
"What about the Mad King?" I pressed, not knowing what I said. "Did that feel wrong?"
Jaime turned a blazing stare towards me, "I knew what I was doing."
"So you had no trouble."
"Perhaps you are not made for this, Analysa."
"Is anyone?" I asked.
"I was."
"You still could be."
Jaime looked away, "Wishing and hoping only gets you so far…I should never have let you…" He cut his statement short, narrowing his eyes as he stared into the distance.
My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to understand him. "Should never have let you what?"
"It doesn't matter. You need to grow up and stop acting like a child when you take a life." He looked back at me, "They would have taken yours; it's simple as that."
"It's not so simple."
"I thought you were stronger than this. You should be able to cope." His tone was almost disappointed.
"I am strong! It doesn't mean I'm heartless. Not all of us are made for this, Jaime!"
"Well, some of us have are taken away from what is meant for them."
"So you could live!" I shouted back, feeling the anger bubble up inside when the pieces all finally fit together. "Forgive me for saving your life!"
"Did you?" Jaime shot back, suddenly on his feet. "And what sort of life do I have exactly? Even when I get free, what can I do?"
"You can go home to your family. You can try to quell your insane son—"
"—Shut up!"
"Is all you see of yourself – built up around that sword?"
"That's been my entire life."
"Then why not challenge yourself. I'm sure your father can commission a light yet effective sword for you and if you are half as good as the stories, you can learn with your other hand."
"You are a wide-eyed, naïve girl."
"Then I suppose you are a scared old man! You probably will fail and you will be laughed at, - at first – but if this is everything you say it is, Jaime, then why the hell would you not try to do something about it."
"You know nothing of war and men."
"I am sorry this happened to you, but to be honest, this is largely your fault. I was going to help you and—"
"—Come off your horse. I do not need your holier than thou attitude."
"Fine, maybe you are right. Maybe you do have nothing to contribute anymore. Maybe that hand was all that was worthwhile of you, but I cannot think like that, Jaime. But I think it's extremely clear that we are very different people."
"Thank god," he returned with a stare that hollowed me. Still, I stared back at him, betraying no fear.
"Agreed," I replied quietly, coldly, turning away from him quickly.
I still felt this sickened feeling inside of me – Theon was gone for all intents and purposes, Catelyn had left me with no female friend to turn to, Jaime did not seem the teacher I ignorantly wanted him to be, and I was replaying the fact that my brother was in so much danger this morning only to have him die in another few months, a year? I was beginning to understand just how empty it would be when Robb and I were alone in the forest as I had foreseen.
I heard Jaime smash some piece of something against the wiring, but I kept walking towards the only constant I knew I would have. It was terrifying me, but even seeing Robb's face at a distance, all I could think was that at least I would still have him.
I threw myself into his arms, which surprised him. He stepped back for a moment and looked to Roose Bolton with a confused shrug, yet he did not let me go. I did not feel the pain and fear entirely melt away, but still, I felt strong. If nothing else, I wouldn't be like these men, crying out with no one by my side on a battlefield, Robb and I would have each other. To whatever end.