Check it out, it hasn't been a million years since I updated! It's a little shorter but it's an update!

Happy Canada Day everyone!

And for all us Canadians and Americans there's a new episode on tonight!

As always I apologize for any and all grammatical errors!

Enjoy!

All he thought about for the last 6 months was having her back in his arms, and she finally was but he knew that their time was limited.

He didn't know why he was there, he didn't want to say it was a moment of weakness but it was. He was sitting in his cover apartment alone, and it all just hit him, like it had never before.

Every time he went under he check emotions at the door, he never thought about how long he'd be gone for, how much time he was missing from his life. Or how his friends were going to manage without him, if something happened he wouldn't be there.

For the first time he thought about how long he'd be gone, how the people in his life were handling his absence.

Also for the first time he didn't want to leave, everything was going well, Jerry was incredibly happy with Traci, Oliver was trying to make it work with Zoe, and then there's Andy, Andy McNally.

One of the most difficult things he's ever done was leaving her after what she said, walking away from her was tough but he had made a commitment and he couldn't go back on it, no matter how badly he wanted to.

She was the most important person in his life, and once he reached her front door he felt weak in the knees, and knots quickly formed in his stomach. He wondered how he made it through the past six months, not being around her, not seeing her almost everyday. Not making sure she was okay, the opt did offer distractions but it didn't consume all of his time, and he's down time was filled with memories of her.

He'd think about what would have happened if he didn't go, what if he had stayed and they worked out everything and we're finally together.

It seemed like no matter what happened they always ended up together, the safety of the partnership they had formed.

On her second shift, after a long day and a couple drinks at the Penny he decided to call it a night. When she followed him he could feel the tension between them.

"We're you scared in there?" He recalled her asking.

He thought about what his answer might about be, should he be honest or play it off like he had a plan the whole time if she hadn't stormed in the building with the files. "Uhhhh, yeah." He responded quickly, "What about you?"

Not that it really mattered but he wanted to know why she did it, why she'd go into a situation like that to help a guy she didn't know and not to mention they had a rocky start on her first day.

"No, I mean, you were there." She told him. She didn't know what it was or why but she could honestly say she felt safe with him, and for her that was rare. To trust someone so quickly but she did, she trusted him with her life.

That was the beginning of the safety they felt with each other. With out fail he always felt safe knowing she had his back, and he had hers.

"No, not exactly" He told her.

She looked away before he could see her face, but he had a good guess that she was upset. He had to explain what was going on.

"Sam I, uhh, I understand, if you're here then you must be done, you must be back." He could hear the hurt in her voice,

"McNally listen, let me explain..." He has spent the last few weeks really thinking about his choice. Thinking about how they left things so uncertain, and he started to think what if something happened.

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said the night before I left, and I just felt like there was so much left unsaid, on my part and if something were to happen to me, it's not fair that you'll have to live without knowing all the stuff I should have said."

It felt like time had stopped, she couldn't feel anything her whole body was numb, but she did feel butterflies in her stomach as he spoke.

This opt was more dangerous than the other ones he had done before, there was more on the line if he didn't come home, because this time he had something to come home too. And his mark was also wildly unpredictable, he- as far as Sam knew was out of the life, but Boyd was sure he was still in. It was the unknown that made him feel the need to see her, and talk to her.

"But you don't have to worry about that anymore because you're back, okay? You're here with me and everything is going to be okay." She told him. She walked backwards to allow him to come into her living room.

He looked at her for a few passing moment before he spoke again, he just wanted to look at her, let his mind take a million pictures of her, "but, uhh, what if I wasn't back?" He said, it felt like hours until she spoke, it may have only been a few seconds but they felt longer.

It took her a second to register what he was saying, what he meant by 'what if he wasn't back,' she took a breath before looking at him again.

"If you weren't back, I'd ask you what's going on then? I'd ask you why you're standing infront of me in my apartment if you were still under, and I'm really hoping that this is some sick joke or something because you wouldn't be right here if you weren't done with your opt." As the words left she could feel her heart breaking, it was more difficult for her to breathe.

He didn't realized how hard it would be to tell her that he was still under until he actually had to, he wanted to be lying, he wanted to be home; with her. "I, uhh- I had this feeling in my gut and I needed to see you, I had the night off at the shipping yard, told Boyd that I was taking the night to myself, shutting off the cameras and then I left-"

"Stop." She said, cutting him.

"And then I left my cover apartment to come her, to see you." He finished.

"No, you're lying, you're playing some sick kind of joke right now," She said with a shaken voice, "Sam, this isn't funny okay, just tell me you're lying, please, Sam. Tell me you're lying."

She had no idea how badly he wanted to be lying but he wasn't he had managed to get a night off, and took a cab from his cover apartment to her apartment, he knew it was a terrible idea but he needed to see her.

In that moment when he put his shoes on and walked out the door, he let his gut make all the decisions because if he used his head he would have never gone.

"McNally," he said, walking over to her attempting to comfort her by wrapping his arms around her.

She pulled away immediately, "Don't." She knew if she allowed him to hold her she'd breakdown, she'd be a mess all over again. He was right here in front of her after months of waiting and hoping he'd be home soon. But he was leaving he was still under, he just broke protocol and showed up at her doorstep.

"Why would you do this Sam?" She remembered how difficult it was to wake up in Sarah's guest bedroom alone, and then after morning his departure she had to drive all the way home, with nothing but her thoughts and the radio in her dad's car that played every sad song possible.

And she knew she'd have to do it again tonight, and this time just like the last she didn't how long he'd be gone for, another six months? Maybe a year?

"I told you I had to see you, it was like something snapped in me and all I could think of was getting you, seeing you, making sure you were okay." He didn't really have an answer for her questions, the second he saw her he knew it was going to take all the strength he had in him to walk away from her again and re-submerge himself in his opt.

"That's great, but now what? You're just going to leave, again?" She was mad that he was here, because now she'd have this conversation replaying in her mind until he came home, and that's not fair to either of them.

She wanted answers, and he didn't have any.

He just looked at her, he didn't know what to say, and if he did he didn't know how to say it.

He knew when he told her the truth he'd have to watch her heartbreak, and then he'd have to feel his breaking when he left her again.

"I had to see you, okay? I know you don't understand but I just needed to know that you were okay." She resented that he said she didn't understand, she did she had spent the last six months of her life wanting to see him, wondering if he was okay.

"I don't understand, you make it sound like I haven't spent the last few months sitting on pins and needles wondering if every time my phone rang, there would be someone on the other end telling me that something had happened to you, that you weren't coming back." She was anger now, the last little wasn't a walk in the park for her either.

"Sam, I went to St. Catherines the night before you were leaving to tell you how I felt and then you left. And I've spent every night since you left worrying if you were okay. If there was something I could have done to make you stay. And now you're going to leave, again."

"Andy.."

"I think you should just go." She told him, she didn't want to fight with him, she also didn't know how she was going to watch him walk out the door.

But he did.

He didn't put up a fight, he just shook his head before bowing it slightly, and then just like that he was gone. And she didn't know when or if he was coming back.

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