I had this finished weeks ago but I totally forgot to publish it! Forgive me.
I wanted to update quickly because of the mixed reviews I got on the last chapter. Some of you thought that it wasn't far of Andy to ask him to leave, but I can't just give you guys everything you want.
Hopefully this chapter pleases more of you.
As always I apologize for any and all grammatical errors.
Enjoy!
"So how does it feel?" Oliver asked his best friend.
"What do you mean?" Sam questioned with a raised eyebrow and a small pain in his chest because he knew where this was going.
"Uhh, to be back. Back in the presents of your best friend." Every time Sam went under and came home the first thing Oliver would ask him was how it felt to be back, for two reasons.
One to get a gauge on how he felt about coming back to real life, and secondly because he worried. He always worried about Sam, in the back of his mind he always wondered what would happen to Sam once he got older- retirement older.
As time went on everyone seemed to settle into a routine, find someone to get into a routine with, Frank and Noelle, Traci and Jerry, even Oliver was trying again with Zoe. And then there was Sam, never getting into anything serious, always going under for months- even years at a time. That was no way to have a life, a life that Oliver knew Sam wanted.
But then Andy McNally came along, he could see the change in Sam, it was gradual, quite, and nice to see.
"Great, you know being able to sleep in my own bed again, had a nice hot shower, drank a little to celebrate." Sam was lying, and Oliver knew it too. Even on the day Beset announced McNally's engagement after parade Sam was in a better mood than right now. He just seemed withdrawn from everything, he was physically standing in front of Oliver but his mind was somewhere else.
"You know Sammy, she didn't marry him, she told him she couldn't go throw with it the night before the wedding, which also happened to be the night you left. But a small part of me thinks you know that already." Oliver may not have been able to see Sammy over the last nine months but he did see McNally and unlike Sam she wore her emotions all over her face.
"Is that why you stopped by brother?" As he heard the words come out of his mouth he knew how defensive he sounded, but to be honest he didn't have any answers. He knew if he told Oliver everything that had happened, him going to Andy's house, her showing up in St. Catherine's, him showing up at her door three months ago, that Oliver would tell him to go talk to her, but he didn't know if he was ready for that.
"Sammy, brother, I've known you a long time, and I know that timing has never been your strong suit, and I've had to watch McNally mope around the station for the last nine months. Jerry and I know that Traci knows something but she's not budging, so know I'm going to ask you did something happen with McNally?" He took a seat on one of the bar stools by Sam's kitchen counter.
"Care to put a time on that? Before I left my house that night, or in St. Catherine's or three months ago?" He watched as Oliver's eyes lite up slightly, in a way Sam felt a little better talking about what was going on.
"Wait, hang on a second," Oliver said as the confusion set in. "Sam, you were gone for nine months, what the hell happened three months ago?"
Sam had been replaying what happened three months in his mine ever since he walked out the door of her place. "I saw McNally."
"What do you mean you saw McNally?" Oliver questioned, Sam had always been one to take an undercover opt seriously, he would never jeopardize a job. But then again when it came to Andy McNally, Sam was full of surprises.
"I just had one of those days, Ben- this guy I worked on the docks with spent our whole shift talking about his wife, and how she was pregnant; again. I don't know, I just felt alone, like I was wasting my life away on things that didn't matter. When I got back to my cover apartment, I couldn't stop thinking about her. How we left things, so I, uh, went to her apartment." Oliver had never heard Sam talk like this, talk about family, and marriage, hell Sam had never heard himself talk about it.
"While you were under? You went to her apartment while you were still under?" Oliver stated, repeating himself in hopes it would make more sense.
Sam nodded slowly.
"Sammy, brother, that has got to be one of the most reckless things you've ever done," The Sam Oliver knew takes every opt so seriously, he thought back to his reaction when McNally blew his cover over two years ago.
"I know, but you don't understand, something inside me snapped and I had to see her, and believe me I regret it." He really did, he knew if he had just waited until the opt of was over than they would have had a fighting chance, but it wasn't fair for him to drop in her life just as she found some sort of stable ground, then leave her again.
"It didn't end well?" Oliver asked, he thought back to Andy and how she was, and there was this shift about three months ago where she looked like a mess. Andy was always a pretty girl, smiling, and cheerful but that day there wasn't a trace of that girl. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, her eyes were bloodshot and puffy and despite her best efforts her smile wavered.
Oliver could tell that something had happened, but he never would have guess it had anything to do with Sam.
"She, uh, she asked me to leave," Just saying those words hurt almost as much as it did leaving her apartment. "I showed up, and she thought I was back for good. The second I saw her I knew leaving her all over again, would hurt like hell. What I didn't realize was how hard it was going to be to tell her that I wasn't back." Oliver stayed silent and just let his friend talk. "When I told her that I was still under she got angry, I don't blame her, but then she asked me to leave, so I did, I walked out and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since."
"Sam, wasn't it kind of risky to not only come home while you were under but she was suppose to marry Luke, how did you know that Luke wouldn't be there?" Oliver figured that somehow Sam knew that Luke and Andy didn't walk down the isle.
"Because she showed up at Sarah's doorstep the night before her wedding to see me," he smiled a little thinking of her standing there, needing to see him before he left.
"Sam Swarek, are you telling me that Andy McNally left Luke for you?" Oliver asked, he was trying to keep in his excitement, he had always been team Sam and Andy.
"No, I'm saying she showed up at my doorstep the night before I went under to tell me how she felt because I showed up at her doorstep hours before that to tell her how I felt, what happened in between was Andy's actions not mine." He was unable to wipe the grin off of his face knowing that Andy chose him over Luke.
"Hang on a second, you went to McNally's the night before her wedding.. To Luke?" All the pieces were finally starting to come together for Oliver, why Luke took some time off after the wedding didn't happen, because it wasn't because he and Andy were moving oto fast it was because Sam told Andy how he felt, and in turn Andy finally accepted her feelings for Sam. Andy had broken up with Luke becuase she had feelings for Sam, which explains why Luke still wasn't back at 15.
"Yeah, I did, and she asked me to leave, so I left." Looking back on that night, and the one three months ago he realized that he just left, he didn't fight to stay or have her hear him out he just left. Just because she asked him too.
"Dammit Sammy, you can't just do what she says, when a woman tells you to leave they actually want you to stay, they just know it would be easier if you left but they want you to fight for them. They want you to tell them that there is no one else out there that you'd rather be with. And that despite what they think or want you're in this for the long haul. And I'm going to let you in on a secret Sammy, it's not going to be easy it's going to be really hard but in the end it's worth it because after everything is said and done, you love her and she loves you." Oliver had spent enough time watching, and letting things take it's course but he knew that these two needed to get it together before it was too late. Before one of them really does walk down the isle, and it's not with the right person.
"Oliver, I can't keep doing this, do you know how hard it was for me to show up at her door and tell her how I felt, to tell her not to marry Luke, and then she asked me to leave. I wasn't expecting a cake walk but, I mean, come on, she asked me to leave. And I knew I wouldn't be able to face Luke everyday knowing that I tried to stop Andy from marrying him?" He knew taking the UC job was a form of running away but at the time he couldn't think of any other options.
"Okay, so let's say you stop doing this, you completely walk away." He said looking him straight in the eye, "And she finds someone else, maybe they're at 15 maybe not, are you going to be able to live with yourself knowing that you walked away, that you didn't give it everything you had in you?"
"But I did, I tried. She asked me to go, twice."
"And she showed up at your sister's place in between that, and you left. Sammy, what is it going to take for you two to figure this out. For one of you to get shot? One of you to get pregnant?" Sam raised an eyebrow. Oliver was listening off the worst case scenarios but he was getting the point, how far were things going to go before they realized that they belonged together.
"You guys have tried running away, being with other people but the one thing you haven't tried is sticking together and seeing what happens."
Oliver's words rang in his ears all the way to the station, where he found out that her shift had ended 45 minutes ago, and then they took him to her apartment.
He had mixed emotions standing there, standing at her doorstep again, contemplating on knocking or not.
It was kind of a good thing that he stood there, shifting his weight back and forth from foot to foot, making fists of both his hands, internally decided if he should knock. so much so that he didn't even hear her walk up from behind him.
"He's back you know?" Traci said as she grabbed her coat from her locker.
"Yeah, I heard." She wasn't expecting him to be back so soon, but if she thought about it he had been gone for a total of nine months, but he had decided three months ago that he needed to see her and show up at her apartment.
"Should I ask how you're feeling about it?" Traci was treading lightly on the topic of Sam, she had gotten a phone call three months ago with Andy on the other end having a slight freak out after she had asked Sam to leave.
They talked on the phone for maybe ten minutes before Traci was at Andy's doorstep, she cried for awhile, then she got angry, but overall she was just frustrated at the entire situation not just tonight but the last nine months.
"You can ask, I just don't know how I feel, about it, about him being back. For real this time." The last three months were tough, she had thought about their last conversation more times than she'd like to admit.
She had a couple nightmares for the first few weeks, they all started the same- Sam showing up at her door, them fighting, her asking him to leave and then all of a sudden she would get this phone call. Sometimes it was from Jerry, others Oliver, but the news was the same; Sam had been shot, and he was gone. For good.
As the weeks past she had fewer nightmares, she slept a little more each night and cried a little less. But she didn't know how'd she feel when he was actually back, seeing him everyday, knowing he was back at home and safe.
"Okay, you don't know how you feel about him; Sam being back. But what if Sam showed up at your door again, like tonight, what would you do?" Traci asked, she just wanted Andy and Sam to work it out. They had secretly pining for each other ever since Andy accidentally blew his cover.
Andy would be lying if she said she hadn't thought about him showing up ever since she heard the news of him being back. But she didn't know if he'd risk it again, to Sam showing up and telling her how he felt was a big deal and over time she realized that. She knew that he'd be wary about going to see her again because in a way she rejected him when he showed up three months ago, he told her he needed to see her and she asked him to leave.
"I don't know Trac, this is Sam we're talking about, he doesn't open up and tell people how he feels. The last time I saw him I completely shut him out, he was standing there telling me everything I wish he had told me months and I froze, and told him to leave. He's probably terrified if he does open up to me again I'll do the same thing again." She didn't regret asking him to leave, because she knew if he had stayed they would have ended up sleeping together and she knew for certain that she wouldn't be able to let him go. And if he did end up leaving, she'd be left with nothing but a broke heart.
She justified in her mind that she saved them both some heartbreak, even though it hurt like hell to watch him leave.
"But what if he does?" Traci offered as a rebuttal to Andy's statement.
"What if he doesn't," She shot back.
"Andy, listen, for two years now all of guys have watched you and Sam do your thing okay? And honestly you don't see the effect you have on him, remember when you got shot at Super Nova? He lost his mind, you should have seen him while you were getting checked out in the trailer, he as pacing back and forth of the door with this helpless look on his face. Or when you got suck in that laundry mat after the room caved in, Andy he went into a half collapsed building to make sure you got out okay. He also risked his entire undercover operation to tell you how he felt. The same guy who lost his mind when you blew his cover on your first day."
"Yeah, and kicked the crap out of some lockers in the guys locker room because of it," Andy said quietly, remember how furious he was with her that day.
"See why do you do that?" Traci asked.
"Do what?"
"I just spent all this time tell you how in-love this guy is with you and all you can say is how he kicked some lockers in the locker room like a young child throwing a temper tantrum. " Traci wasn't angry with Andy, she just didn't want to watch her best friend let the love of her life pass her by.
"I'm scared Trac," She said letting out a shaky sigh, "I'm scared that me asking him to leave was the last straw, the reason that he walks away from me. Because there he was standing right in front of me, fighting for me and I didn't fight for him. I'm scared he spent the last three months getting over me, and I've spent the last three months missing him."
Traci pulled her friend into a hug, patting her on the back, trying to comfort her, "just remember you're Andy McNally, and there's no way he could have gotten over you that quickly, or ever."
"Sam?" She said quietly, after she had watched him for a few moments. It was kind nice to see him so vulnerable.
He had imagined what their first interaction would be when he got back, maybe an awkward smile form across the room, or a ton of rambling on her part until she ended up being called away.
He turned around to see her, it had been three months too long. She looked amazing, took his breath away a little. "Hi." he said, with a short breath. "I'm uhh, I'm back.. For good this time."
She smiled, "yeah, it's all over the division, Traci told me."
"Oh, okay, well I just wanted to let you know that I'm back, and a phone call didn't really seem good enough." He was lying, he could have just as easily called her but he wanted to see her, he wanted to make sure she was okay.
She shook her head slowly, "Thank you, I'm glad you're home and safe." She said with a smile.
"Well, I'll be seeing you around McNally," He said as he turned to leave.
She didn't stop him, she wanted to, but she didn't know what to say let alone how to say it. She watched him walk towards the elevators, he hit the button, and the doors opened immediately. He looked at her one more time, she was just standing there outside her door, not moving. He flashed a smile before getting into the elevator.
As soon as he stepped in, something inside her snapped, like someone had flipped a switch, she tore down the hallway hoping to make the elevator.
It was just about to close as she got there, "wait!" She said with a shortness of breath.
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