I
"How did my life come to this?" she says to herself as she scans her temporary place of residence.
Motel 6. She sees a few cracks in the back wall, and a faint smell of old cigarettes pervades the room. She's never in her life felt so absolutely helpless, and she's not sure if life could get any worse than living in this dumpy little room.
Kate tosses her suitcase on the bed and lets out an exhausted sigh. She hates San Francisco. Everything about this city makes her blood boil, and she often has visions of the city being engulfed in raging fire.
She hates Scott Mason. She hates that she took his last name. She hates the way he chews with his mouth open on occasion. She hates the way he snores in his sleep. She hates everything about him from his voice to his hair.
She grabs her phone from her purse. There's a message from a number she doesn't recognize. She furrows her brow, and opens it.
"I'm not sure if you remember me, but you seemed to be having a rough time last Thursday. I'm hoping you're feeling a little bit better."
She searches her memory until it clicks. It's the man from the park. She feels embarrassed for not remembering his name, but she's not even sure she gave it to him to begin with. She searches for an excuse to ignore his text. She tells herself it will complicate things. There is clearly an attraction between them, and she's not exactly in the most emotional stable place to get involved with someone new.
She gives herself a self-defeated sigh, and she begins to type a response. She knows it's not her brightest idea, but she's lonely. It's not like she can confide in her best friend anymore. So, this mysterious handsome stranger will have to do.
"Hey! Yes, I'm in a better place now. I appreciated what you did for me the other day. Excuse me if this sounds rude, but I don't think I ever got your name."
She sets her phone to the side of the bed. She's never dated before texting became a huge thing, and she's a little shocked at how anxious waiting for a response makes her feel. She hears her phone beep, and she snatches it a little more eagerly than she expected.
"John. And, you are?"
"Kate."
She stares at her phone. She's eager for a response, and she's sure that what she's engaging in is a bad idea. Rebounding after a long marriage sounds like the worst viable option she can make. But, she's lonely, and this is the only thing she can think to do.
Her phone beeps, and she reads his text: "If it's alright by you, we should meet sometime in the future."
She responds a little faster than she's comfortable with: "Yes, that sounds nice."
She sets her phone to her side, and she questions herself. She wonders if she came off as desperate, and she's uncomfortable with how insecure she feels. She tells herself it's not a big deal. She imagines next year she'll be back in Los Angeles, and she won't even be in contact with him anymore.
Her phone beeps one last time. She snatches it from it's spot on the bed. "Goodnight, Kate."
She smiles a little to herself. This all may be a little reckless, but she starting to feel a little bit more comfortable with it.
…
John sets his cellphone on the bartop. He's suddenly so tense, and he's regretting ever approaching her. This will eventually complicate things, and he is certain that involving her in his life will get her killed. He's already been responsible for her death once, and he's not sure if he can relive that again.
"Goodnight Kate?" Danny chuckles as he slaps a hand on his back. "I don't think I've ever heard you even mention a girl before. Who is she?"
"Just someone I met the other day," he keeps his voice as even as possible.
"Just someone? You don't say goodnight to a booty call," Danny smiled this all knowing smile as he gripped the neck of his bottle of Sam Adams. "You say...later or see you soon."
He let out a deep sigh. "I don't have time for a girlfriend. You and I both know this."
Danny laughs and shakes his head. "You should get out more. Believe me, no one appreciates your work more than I do, but you seriously need to get laid."
John can't help but laugh a little. He recalls a conversation they'd had in another life. He remembers Danny telling him that he was more than willing to spend the rest of his life repopulating the Earth after their victory over the machines. This conversation occurred a mere month before John killed him in cold blood. It is also the same day that Kate ended her life before his eyes.
He throws back his shot of whiskey and is thankful that alcohol affects his systems still. It's not as strong, but it still does the trick. It makes him nervous that he's somehow feeling a slight bit of guilt at the memory. It's never bothered him before now, and he's uncomfortable with these old forgotten emotions resurfacing.
He's starting to believe it has something to do with her. He wishes he had walked away that day, and he tells himself that he's not going to contact her again. He grabs his phone from the bartop, and he attempts to delete her number. He bites his lip. He cannot bring himself to delete it, and there's this inner self-loathing stirring inside him.
"Man, are you gonna just stare at that thing all night? I swear. If you don't hit that…" he whistles. "I'm going to start thinking you aren't even human."
…
She hates waking up the next morning. For the past seven years, she's been used to a nice bed and a nice house. She's thankful that she doesn't have work today, because she's not sure if she can deal with the faces of sick animals along with all of the stress mounting on her shoulders.
Kate snatches her phone from her bed. There's a text from her father telling her to call him when she gets time. She decides she'll do it after she's gotten a cup of coffee or two. She notices her facebook icon on her phone and recalls that she's still connected with Scott and Christina. She has no desire to communicate with either of them anymore and decides to remove them.
She loads Christina's page first, and her stomach slips when she sees a photo of her obviously wasted on one two many drinks with her arms around her equally wasted soon to be ex-husband. She feels the anger rise and removes the both of them as quickly as she possibly can. She feels that awful burn in her heart - that kind burn that feels like you're being cut open with a hot blade.
Anxiety seems to crawl through her, and she's sure she's about to lose every bit of sanity she has left. She thinks of who she can call. Christina used to be her go to person whenever she needed to vent. Maybe Blair? She recalls Blair saying she'd be in town this week to help reopen the Naval Shipyard. Perhaps she has some spare time to lend her.
She scrolls through her facebook contacts to Blair Williams. There's a picture of her with another pilot she's been going steady with for a year. Marcus Wright, that is his name, isn't it? She notes how happy and ridiculously good looking they look in her facebook cover photo. It makes her feel a tad bit jealous almost.
Kate clicks on the messenger and types a message. "Hi, Blair. This is Kate. Are you still in San Francisco? It'd be nice to see you."
Her phone beeps and she reads the text message. "Hi Kate! Yes, I am! I saw what happened on facebook, and if you wanted to get coffee later, I'm free at noon."
"That would be great. The sooner the better. I'm about to go crazy in this hotel."
"Alright then. I'll text you when I leave the base."
She breaths deeply, and she tells herself she can get through this. Just one day at a time, she thinks.
Just one day at a time.
…
When she gets to the coffee shop, Blair is sitting at a table outside with both of their coffees already ordered. She is half tempted to run to the table, but settles with a brisk walk. She puts on her best fake smile before she greets Blair.
"Hey," she says.
Blair gives her a warm smile. "Hey, how are you feeling?"
She sit across from Blair and let's out a deep breath. There is a brief moment of silence before she chooses her words. "I've been better."
"I bet," Blair replied.
Another moment of silence passes between them. Kate tries her best to fake a smile, and she imagines it's not very convincing.
"It just wish it wasn't with Christina, you know," she finally says. "It'd have been nice if he didn't take my best friend from me too."
"Forget about them," Blair said. "You're better off without those two assholes in your life."
"It's easier said than done," her voice is tense as she fights back her emotions.
She feels that horrible anxious feeling began to swell again. She tries to remind herself that she's in public, and she can't allow herself to make a scene. She fights the tears that are threatening to form behind her eyes. She tells herself that maybe this was a bad idea. At least in the hotel she can let her emotions consume her without making a fool of herself.
Her phone beeps and it's enough to pull her from her impending anxiety attack. She draws in a deep breath and attempts another half-hearted smile. She lets out a nervous laugh as she digs through her purse.
"It's probably my dad," she says. "One sec…"
It isn't from her dad. It's from John. She looks Blair in the eyes before she lets out another nervous laugh. Then, she places her phone back in her purse.
"I take it it's not from your dad?" Blair asks and a mischievous smile forms on her face. "A guy?"
"Okay, this is going to sound really bad," Kate says.
Blair folds her arms and leans back in her chair. "It is from a guy."
"It's not like that, Blair. It's just someone I met the other day. I'm not about to do anything stupid."
She takes a sip of her coffee, hoping that this will be the last they speak of him. She has already gone through the many reasons why dating this man so soon is not the smartest idea, and she's now starting to regret even giving him her business card.
"I'm moving back to Los Angeles, Blair," she says with finality. "If I start something with this guy, it will be pointless."
"It doesn't have to be a relationship," Blair says. "You don't have to marry every guy you sleep with."
"You're telling me to just randomly sleep with some guy I just met?"
"The first step to getting over a guy is to get a under one," Blair said with a sly grin. "Sometimes it works to your benefit like Marcus and I."
Kate furrows her brow and crosses her arms. She's not exactly surprised. "So, that's how you guys started dating?"
"Yes, it was simple. I was looking for a hookup at time, and he was attractive and available. Eventually we become something more."
Kate searches her mind for another excuse and says, "Do you know how desperate this sounds? I just separated from my husband not even a week ago, and I'm about to throw myself at this someone I barely know."
Blair shakes her head and laughs. "It's up to you. All I'm saying is that a hot date sounds a lot better than a night of sulking and stalking Scott's facebook."
"That is not how I planned to spend my night," Kate says defensively, but she knows that Blair was correct in how her night would ultimately end. "Alright, alright, I'll go."
She's almost certain she's going to regret her decision, but she's also too afraid of being alone. She opens her phone and sends John a text.