When they arrived home that night, Castle and Beckett took Benny up to his room and after they got him settled, she turned and hugged Castle tightly. She turned and left the room and when they reached the bottom step, she fell apart. Castle grabbed her in his arms and whispered, "It's okay Kate. He's here with us. Right where he belongs."
Nodding, she asked, "But for how long? How long before they decide that we don't deserve him? How long before they find someone else to take him Rick? If they look at our lives they are going to see that we are probably the furthest thing from a stable home life. Hell, I still live in my own apartment half the time. I can't get rid of it..."
"Why do you still have it Kate?"
"It's a place to hide when things get too serious here. You know me. I always have one foot out the door."
Castle shook his head, "You did at one time, but now you've changed. We are going to get married Kate. That says a lot about how..."
"Regardless, they are going to look at every little thing in our lives and we are going to be put through hell. Maybe we aren't the best parents for him Rick. Maybe he would be better off with someone else."
Looking at her, Castle couldn't believe that she was saying that. This is the same woman that, just hours ago, assured him that they were the best possible parents for him. Now, it was almost as if she was losing all hope. Shaking his head, Castle smiled, "We are the best parents ever Kate. Benny is going to grow up knowing all about how his parents tried to save him. And then we found him and gave him the most wonderful life ever. And when we have our own children, we are going to raise him alongside them. We won't treat them any different than we would Benny. Of course we might have to move to a bigger place. Even if mother moves out, but it will be fun. Raising Alexis was... challenging, but raising Benny and our future Cosmo will be amazing. And then when our daughter comes along..."
Beckett laughed at him softly, "It seems like you have all of this planned out. We aren't even married yet and I'm definitely not pregnant."
"Yet. Look Kate, I want us to have a house full of love and laughter. I want Benny to be raised in a home where he knows that he was wanted. Because even when we have our own children, he will be the child that we picked over all of the others. He won't ever doubt how much we love him."
"You really want this. Don't you?"
"I do. I just didn't know how much until you brought it up. This is all because of you."
"If they don't let us keep him I..."
"Stop with the don't thoughts. Start with the do thoughts. We are going to pass all of their tests with flying colors. And we will be the best foster parents ever. They will be begging us to adopt him."
"You think so?"
"I know so. Lets not worry about this tonight. Lets call mother and Alexis in for a family meeting. Let them know what we are going to be doing. Let them know how all of our lives are going to be changing. Because Benny is just the beginning Kate."
Smiling, Beckett nodded and kissed him softly. Never more in love with him than she was in that moment.
Everything was called into question a few months later. They had passed their background checks and their home study went by with flying colors. They got glowing approvals from CPS. However, everything nearly fell apart the night that Beckett went undercover operation with Narcotics. She went missing and she was nearly killed. It was only by a stroke of luck that she survived.
However, as is usually the case, CPS found out about it and Castle and Beckett were called into their office for a review of their case.
Ms. Whitman was once again sitting in front of them. Their lawyer was handling the talking and it was very apparent that she was not happy with what she'd heard regarding Kate's latest case.
She sat in front of them and held her hands together tightly. It was obvious that she was trying to gather her thoughts and trying to find the right words to say. She finally cleared her throat and told them, "I'm not happy with the report of the events of a few days ago. You could have been killed Katherine. Is this sort of thing normal in your line of work? Because it really calls into question our decision to place Benny in your care."
Kate shook her head, "This is not normal at all. I've never had this happen before. Look, I can promise you that it won't ever happen again."
"You're right. Because as of this moment, I'm serving you with notice. If anything and I do mean anything like this happens again I won't hesitate to remove him from your care. If you so much as get a traffic ticket he will be taken and placed with more suitable foster parents. You really need to think about what is important to you. Do you want to be an NYPD Detective or do you want to be a mother to Benny?"
That was when their lawyer spoke up, "That's unfair. Their are plenty of mothers that can and do do both. This was a once in a lifetime situation."
"Be that as it may, we have to think about Benny. And there is the simple matter of your marital status. We like our potential adopters to be in a stable, committed relationship. One that includes a husband and a wife."
"My clients are engaged to be married. Their wedding is scheduled for the springtime."
"Hmmm...I wish I could believe that. This whole thing is highly unusual. I'm going to have a chat with my supervisor and see where we go from here. And this time, no amount of bullying me will work Mister Castle. We are going to do what's best for Benny. Regardless of what you and Detective Beckett wish to happen."
When they left the CPS office that afternoon, Beckett had never felt so upset in her life. She had nearly lost her life, but that didn't compare to how her heart was breaking at that moment. They stood to lose the baby that had come to mean so much to them in the past few months. He was starting to become his own little person and even Alexis was falling in love with her baby 'brother'. In fact, she was always the first one to volunteer to watch Benny whenever it was needed.
When they got home that night, Beckett headed right up to Benny's room and stood over his crib. She had the strongest instinct to take off and run with the baby boy. To get as far away from this city as she could. She wanted nothing more to do with the CPS office and their damn rules. She wanted to be allowed to raise their baby in peace.
She felt Castle walk up behind her and she whispered, "They aren't going to let us keep him. Are they?"
Castle put his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, "She was pretty mad."
Nodding, Beckett sighed, "Yeah and it was all my fault. I should have said no to that undercover operation. I knew that it was wrong, but I let my career come ahead of my family. We can't lose him Rick..."
It was at that moment that Benny woke up. He looked up at them and smiled, then she heard him call out, "Da..."
Castle walked forward and picked him up and whispered, "That's right Benny. I'm your daddy and this is your mommy. We are your parents and we love you."
At that moment, Beckett knew what it was like to love someone unconditionally. They didn't share any of their DNA with this tiny baby boy, but she knew that she would give up her life for him. She also knew that no one was going to take him away without a fight. She made him a promise that she had every intention of keeping, "You are my baby boy and I will never let you go Benny."
That's what prompted Kate to do what she did next. She packed up a weeks worth of clothes and left Castle a note. It read:
Needed to get away for awhile.
Took Benny someplace safe.
I love you. Never forget that Castle.
Always,
Kate
Castle knew that she had run the second he had seen the note. She had convinced herself that they were going to take Benny from them. So, she did what she had done that summer three years ago. She had taken off to her father's cabin in the woods. He should have known it would happen. All of the signs had been there, but he had thought that she was past running. Apparently he was wrong though. Because she had taken off.
Dammit Kate. Didn't she realize that running off with Benny was exactly the wrong thing to do. If their caseworker came for a surprise visit they would lose him for sure. Double dammit. He was going to head to the cabin himself. He would be damned if he let her run away all herself. No, they were a couple now and they were in this together. If she wanted to run then she was going to have to run with him.
He threw his clothes in a suitcase and headed out the door. Leaving a brief note to his mother and daughter. Promising to call them as soon as he got to his location.
When Castle pulled up to the cabin that night, he almost turned around and headed back to the city. However, seeing Kate's car in the driveway spurred him on. He turned off the engine and took a deep breath before getting out, grabbing his suitcase and heading up to the front porch of the cabin.
Not bothering to knock, Castle used his key to open the door and saw Beckett sitting in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee. She didn't bother to look up, she simply sighed and whispered, "You shouldn't have come here Castle."
"And what should I have done? Leave you and our son here alone. Pretend like you leaving me in the city didn't feel like it did that summer after you were shot? Act like we are nothing more than roommates? Tell me what I should have done Kate. You bring our son up here and..."
She was giving him a strange look and he finally stopped and asked, "What?"
"He's not our son Castle."
To say that he was frustrated with her at that moment would be the understatement of the year. He finally told her, "Not yet. And if you keep this up Kate they aren't going to let us adopt him. Is that what you want? Have you changed your mind? Do you want someone else to have him?"
Shaking her head, she muttered, "Of course not Castle. You know that I want him."
"Then knock it off Kate. Because running away like this is going to get him taken away from us."
"Why? We aren't allowed to go away? Are we supposed to stay locked up in the loft all the time? I brought him out here for some fresh air. That's all Castle. I..."
"Stop it Kate. I saw the note. You can lie to anyone else, but don't lie to me. You claim to love me, but you shut me out at every turn. If this is what having kids does to you Kate you can count me out. I don't even know who you are anymore. It's like you've changed and I'm not sure that it's for the better."
"How can you say that Castle?"
Castle ran his fingers through his hair and looked at her, "Just look at where we are Kate. We are in the middle of the woods in New York. Benny is sleeping in the middle of the bed instead of in his crib. If the caseworker sees this she is going to have a fit. It's..."
"I'm so sick of caseworkers and home studies and being put under the microscope over everything and anything that we do. I want to raise Benny in peace and not have to worry about every single damn thing I do or say being used against us."
Castle sighed, "We have to put up with them. At least for now Kate. Because if we don't, we aren't going to be allowed to keep him. He will go into the social service system and given to a family that might or might not love him like we do."
Kate walked over to the window and looked out into the darkness. Part of her had realized that running away to her dad's cabin had been a mistake. It was her safe place. The place she ran to when she felt overwhelmed by her hectic life. She had so many happy memories of the times she spent there with her parents. Nights spent out on the lake fishing with her dad. Picking fresh blackberries and making pies with her mom. Gathering fresh flowers and weaving them into the braids that her mom did for her.
She finally told Castle, "I just needed to get away. I was scared of them taking him away from us. I just..."
Walking up behind her, he kissed the top of her head and whispered, "It's going to be okay Kate. It's not like we left the state with him. We just took a short trip to our lake house. We needed it after what you had been through on the last case."
"That social worker hates me. I think she's just looking for a reason to take him away from us Castle. And I don't understand why. It's not like we are terrible parents or we live in a shack in the middle of the city. We can give him everything and anything he will ever want. I just don't understand her."
"She's only got his best interests at heart Kate. One day, we will look back on this and smile. We will tell Benny all about everything we did to make sure he could stay with us forever. It will be a great story one day."
She laughed harshly and shrugged her shoulders. While part of her knew that he was right, another more cynical part of her wondered if they would be allowed to keep him. If they would change their minds at the last moment. Decide that, after all the time and effort they would be forced to give him back.
Shaking her head she walked out of the cabin and walked down to the lake. She needed to get away from Castle and he knew that he wouldn't follow. Wouldn't leave Benny alone in the cabin. She let the tears roll down her cheeks and she didn't even bother to try and wipe them away. Sitting down on the dock, she watched the moonlight shimmer on the lake. Usually it helped to ease her mind, but it wasn't helping that night. It was simply making her more depressed.
She remembered the nights she spent out on the lake with her parents. Mostly with her mother. She remembered late one August night. It was right before school started for the year and Kate and Maddie had a fight. Maddie's parents had owned a neighboring cabin back then. Well, Maddie told her that they weren't friends anymore.
Kate's mom had soothed her tears and promised that fights like that between best friends was normal. They had went into the lake together and splashed each other until they were soaking wet. By the time they got back up to the house, Kate had forgotten all about her troubles.
It was at times like this that Kate wished her mother was still alive. What she wouldn't give to have her mothers shoulder to cry on once again. Her mother had always known the right things to say and the right time to say them.
Maybe it was better if they didn't adopt Benny. Kate didn't have the same way with words that her mother had had. She definitely didn't know anything about raising boys. Maybe he should go to someone that was better suited for him.
Sighing, she put her head in her hands and shook her head. That was when she heard Castle coming up behind her. She turned and smiled when she saw him carrying Benny. The boy's face broke out in a smile when he saw Kate and he held out his arms to her. She stood up and took him from Castle. She breathed in his fresh scent. Hugging him, she smiled and that was when she knew that she would never be able to give him up. She would fight with everything that she had. No one was taking their son from them without the fight of the lives.
Kate looked at her fiance and whispered, "What's he doing up?"
Smiling, he told her softly, "He woke up and I changed him. I tried playing with him, but he wanted you. Kept calling out for his mama... So, I decided to bring him out here. I figured that both of you needed it right now."
"I did. Thank you so much. How do you do this Rick?"
He looked at her funny and asked, "Do what?"
"How do you always know just how to cheer me up? No matter what happens you always know what to say or do. It never fails..."
"It's because I love you and I know just what it takes to make you happy."
"You do. And I love you for it. I'm telling you right now that I will do anything and everything that it takes to keep our son. Because despite what that woman thinks, he belongs with us. He has been our son from the moment we found him in that church. If she thinks she's going to take him and give him to someone else then she has another thing coming."
"That's the spirit. Now, lets go up to the house and have a quick dinner. Then, we will go to bed. Then, in the morning we will go to the lake. I think Benny will love it."
"I was his age when my mom and dad brought me up here the first time. I have so many memories of this place from my childhood. I want to make new memories with him Castle. With the both of you and any other children we have."
Castle simply stared at her and then swallowed hard and asked, "You want more kids?"
"I do. Why does that surprise you? I would love two or three more baby Castle's. I want it all with you. Maybe even a dog later."
"A dog? Like Royal?"
She laughed at the look on his face and nodded softly, "Yeah. Golden Retrievers are very good with children, but we might have to move out of the loft and into a bigger place. After Benny's adoption is finalized. Because if we were to move now you know what they would do."
Castle nodded, "Yeah. They would make us start this damn process all over again. More home studies to make sure the new place is deemed safe for him. And if we were to get a dog right now, well..."
"That would just give them another reason to delay everything. God! I will be so glad when this is all over and done with. I can't believe that with all the guys you know, you don't know someone that can hurry this whole thing along a little quicker."
Castle laughed, "I know a lot of guys that can do a lot of things, but unfortunately this is one thing that I don't know a guy for. It seems that this whole process is controlled by people that don't or won't hurry it along. There are so many rules."
"Which is why we have to play their game. Right?"
"Right. Look, I know it's hard, but in the end it will all be worth it. We will get to keep him with us forever."
They walked up to the house and Kate walked into the bedroom and placed Benny in the middle of the bed. She smiled down at their son and smiled, "I think we should get him a crib. You know, for when we come up here in the future. And when he is done with it we can use it for our future children."
Castle just looked down at her. For someone that wasn't a baby person, she was embracing her role as mommy. Even talking about their future children. It made him do some serious thinking. He looked at her and asked, "Marry me?"
"We are getting married Rick. Soon."
He shook his head, "That's not what I mean. Steve says that it is easier for married couples to adopt."
"That's stupid."
"I agree, but it couldn't hurt. I can have everything set up quickly. We can get our marriage license and be married by next weekend. The Hamptons is nice this time of year."
Kate pulled him out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. She sat him down at the table and took his hands. Then she looked him in the eyes and whispered, "I want that Rick. I want to walk down the aisle holding Benny and meet you at the alter. I want us to say our vows in front of our family and friends. I want to commit myself to you. I want to start our forever now."
"Are you sure? I mean don't want to pressure you into doing this and..."
Leaning forward, she kissed him sweetly and nodded, "You aren't pressuring me into anything Rick. I want this. I don't need a huge wedding. All I need is you Rick."
They woke early the next morning and Benny was all smiles. He crawled up between his parents and patted Rick on the cheek, "Da..."
Rick opened his eyes and he smiled, "Hey there Buddy." Looking over at Kate's empty spot, he asked, "Where did your mommy go off to?"
Instead of answering him, Benny only smiled. Causing Rick to smile in return. He grabbed him and peppered his belly with kisses. This caused the baby boy to giggle hysterically. Then, Castle said, "Someone's a stinky baby. We need to get you changed before we go find mommy."
Benny clapped his hands and Castle took this as him agreeing. So, he found the necessary supplies and changed his diaper. Then he dressed him in a cute outfit and they headed off in search of Kate.