9 : T.A.H.I.T.I
(Sequel to Chapter 4 : Traitor)
After Natasha died, Steve was in the stage of grief and wasn't able to function anymore. The small funeral were held outside the city as she said in her will. Steve was standing still at her grave for two days, crying, mourning until Sam and Tony had to come and drag him home.
He was drowning in his sorrow, blaming himself for her dead. Other members of the team had their very specific way of dealing with their lost. Clint locked himself up at the rooftop nest and didn't come down again since the funeral. Bruce kept working on tons of project to keep himself occupied. Thor drowned himself with meads before took off to Asgard and never returned but he asked Odin to put a constellation up in the sky in order to honor Natasha's great deeds. While Tony locked himself inside his workshop and created hundreds of new Ironman suits. Each one of them were designed for every member of the teams in hope that it might protect his friends.
The only person who was able to function and kept the Avengers alive was Pepper Potts who didn't have time to grieve for her friend's dead because she had to babysit little James for Steve who was completely lost it. She had to make sure everyone had a proper rest and eat enough food.
Pepper knew she was about to break down too but she couldn't. If she break, this entire family will fall apart. Natasha, the glue that held all of them together, wasn't there to help her keep this family together again.
"Steve, you have to get back on your feet." Pepper quietly said as she entered the Captain's bedroom.
Steve knelt down on the floor with the album of his and Natasha's wedding day. Tears stopped leaking from the soldier's eyes as it was no more of it.
"You must live on because there is one person that need you the most." She tried to reason with him, "Natasha wouldn't want you to live like this after she's gone."
"I killed her." He replied. Eyes blanked.
"No, you are not and she knew it too."
"How could I protect anyone if I can't even protect my wife?"
"James needs you, Steve. You barely held him or anything to do with him."
"I fail him, Pepper."
It was the truth. He refused to hold his own son and looked at that innocent face without thinking of Natasha. The same shade of red of James's hair was the same as Natasha.
"You have to live on and take care of this beautiful child. He depends on you and he needs his father. Not me. Natasha would want him to grow up and have a happy life. She would want you to be happy even with or without her."
That hit Steve home and he turned to look at his child for the first time after Natasha's death. Pepper saw the lowest point of the Captain for the first time since she knew him. His face filled with sorrow. He didn't even bother to shave his facial hair. There was bags under his eyes.
Steve kissed James' forehead and the boy laughed happily before tugging at his dad's beard
"I'm sorry, James. But I will take a very good care of you and make your mother proud of both of us."
Steve kissed the boy again and again before held him gently in his arms.
He had to gather what was left of him. To continue to live on with his life and raised James the way Natasha would want him to do for their son.
"Are you sure about this, sir?" Coulson asked. Unsure of what might happened to the fellow agent.
"It's the only way to save her, Coulson." Fury replied, "What would you do if you were me?"
"I agree with you, sir. But…"
"It's the only the Avengers will back to function again. You see them for yourself already, Phil. They will never ever cope with this especially Rogers."
"Do whatever you have to do, sir. But if she had the same consequence like Garret."
"No, she won't."
1 year later
Awwww, pain suck! She always thought she had the highest pain tolerance rate humanly possible but this was one hell of a pain. She didn't want to open her eyes afraid that she might see blood everywhere and she was dying.
SHE WAS REALLY DYING!
Natasha snapped her eyes open because the sudden surge of memories flooded her brain, filling her head with everything.
She took three bullets for him and was very sure that she will die protecting him to prove that she wasn't betray him at all. She would make him believe that she betrayed him again if that means saving his life. She will do anything for him.
She was now hyperventilating and tried to calm herself down.
Then Natasha began to notice that she wasn't at the medical ward of the tower. She whipped her head to see Fury and Coulson walked through the door.
"Took you long enough to wake up, Romanoff." "You've been as sleep for a year."
"One year?"
"Yes, Romanoff. It was a more delicate process than the last time we used on Coulson. He insisted that we shouldn't change any of your memories like they did with me."
"Thanks, Phil."
"How are Steve and James?"
The two men silenced and look at one another.
"Just tell me, please. I need to know that he and James are doing okay."
"First of month of your death, Rogers didn't left the floor, didn't touch his son or doing anything because he was grief over you. Ms. Potts talked some sense into him and he began to get up on his feet again. James is now walking and begin to talk." Phil told. "They are doing fine, I guess."
"Do you want to meet them, Natasha?" Fury asked
From what Phil told her, the teams must have been moving on with their life and adjusted with the life without her. Steve too must have dealt with his grief. To be honest, she didn't know how he would react after all of this.
"It's all up to you Natasha. Do you want your old life back or start a new one without all of this mess. It's totally up to you." Fury made a suggestion.
How should she make a decision about this?
1 Year and a half after Natasha's death.
Everyone could see that Steve finally got back on his track. Even it was slow but at least he began to adjust with the life without Natasha. James was 3 years old and Steve had to do a lot of thing with his little kid.
James was the only thing that help him through his darkest time.
Tony took it upon himself to set Steve up with decent women. The billionaire explained that this wasn't an insult to Natasha's memories but it was for Steve's own happiness and a chance for him to find real love again.
Steve accepted the arrangement to stop Tony from smothering him. But when he arrived at the restaurant and met his date, Steve told her right away that he wasn't interest in dating right now. He was still grieving for his lost and had to take care of his son.
"I don't think I want to spend my life which anyone else if they aren't her."
And Tony never ever setting him up with anyone ever again.
2 Years after Natasha woke up
Fury was able to find her a nice apartment near the Avengers Tower where she could keep her close watch on her family. She still working on a courage to show up at their living room and tell them that she still arrived.
It was really hard for her. After all of that she put them through. She had two or three chances to talk to Steve but she chickened out at the very last minute and walked away from him.
She had to keep her close watch, to protect them and to make sure that they were doing fine.
She watched as Steve took James to the park every Sunday to enjoy the sun. Steve also took James to the museum, literally every museum in New York. He took James to the old milkshake place in Brooklyn. It was their favorite spot back when they were dating.
She missed him. She missed her son. She missed her family.
But she knew it will not be anytime soon.
Like today, Steve took James to the cemetery where they 'buried' her. Steve told James about everything about her, all the good things about her, her heroic deeds that save the world countless time alongside Steve and the team.
He could remember everything and it made Natasha cried at every little tiny detail.
She will work on her courage to talk to him one day but not anytime soon.
3 years later from when Natasha woke up
James was now preparing to go to school. Everyone in the tower were very excited about this. Steve insisted that he should be dropping James off alone to avoid all the attention but Tony insisted that everyone should be there for little James and to scare off everyone.
"It will be fun, capsicle." Tony said.
James turned to his father, "Why did Uncle Tony call you that?"
"Because you father was frozen in the ice for seventy years…."
"Alright, that's enough for the history lesson. You will learn about this one day, James." Steve cut them off, "We should get going by now. You don't want to be late in your first day of school."
Everyone got inside the limo and James sat on his father's laps. Once the car was pulled over in front of the school. James opened the door and jumped out happily, ignoring Steve's warning.
"Be careful, James!"
Steve quickly get off the car and in time to see James bumped into a woman and fall to the ground at the impact. The woman quickly knelt down beside the boy and Steve too rushing to James's side.
"I'm sorry, ma'am." The boy said.
"It's alright."
Steve quickly turned to the woman because he remembered that voice. His eyes widened in disbelief because the person in front of him was supposed to be dead, buried under the ground.
"Hi, Steve." She said with a small smile on her face, "Do you still remember me?"
"Yeah…But how?" He was confused but shook it off immediately, "I don't care if this a dream or I'm really going insane. I just want you here"
"I'm not a dream, Steve" She insisted.
They got up on their feet. James was a little confuse with his dad's reaction.
"Daddy, do you know her?"
"She's your mother, James."
James broke out a big smile and hugged Natasha tightly, forgetting the fact that everyone been telling him since he could remember thing that his mother was dead.
"Steve, are you crying?" Natasha asked as she hugged her son for the first time in many years.
"Two years without you is too much." Steve replied and joined in the group hug, "I missed you so much, sweetheart."
"I missed you too." She replied, "Both of you."
"Come back with us." Steve urged, "We need you. I need you."
"Please…mommy please…" James also begging her.
"I will not go anywhere again."