Chapter 2 – What have you done?
At this point she became aware of James staggering up to them. Prongs looked at his best friend and saw only guilt etched all over his face.
"What the fuck have you done?!" James snarled, cottoning on quickly.
~#~
Professor McGonagall had gotten the gist of the situation fairly quickly. All it had taken was a look at the Whomping Willow, the even-paler-than-usual Severus Snape and the immensely guilty look on Sirius Black's face coupled with the sheer anger from James Potter. Taking immediate action, she sent all four boys to the headmaster's office, anger radiating off her in waves.
Upon entering the office, the boys instantly took their seats. Snape sitting in the seat furthest to the right, Sirius took the furthest to the left. To Sirius' horror and disappointment, James took the seat next to Severus instead of the one next to his best friend.
While the boys took their seats, Minerva held a hushed conversation with the headmaster.
None of the four boys present, or indeed any of the population of Hogwarts (teaching staff included), had ever seen Professor Dumbledore so angry.
"Explain." He uttered in a voice so deadly that it became clear why it was rumoured that the Dark Lord was terrified of the man.
Severus Snape was the first to jump eagerly into his story.
"Black tried to kill me. He sent me down the Willow to be killed by that beast Lupin!"
The faces of all those present blanched as what they had feared was proven correct. Or, in Sirius' case, realised just how the situation looked.
"Is this true Mr Black?" Dumbledore said turning to face Sirius, his voice as hard a stone.
Sirius couldn't speak. Couldn't even utter a sound. He just sank his head into his hands, clenching his hands in his hair. Even he could tell he was messed up at the minute. He felt so guilty he wanted to jump off the astronomy tower yet at the same time he was still incredibly angry; at Voldemort, at Snape and at his mother. All the while he could feel the alcohol behind his eyes, trying to control his thoughts and actions. He fought every single one of his emotions, trying to be as dead to the world as it was physically possible to be while still alive.
His deadened expression and lack of response gave the Headmaster his answer.
"Why, Mr Black, did you feel the need to send a fellow student to his almost certain death?"
"I didn't mean… I don't…" Sirius floundered. "It was an accident." He finished pitifully. He didn't even know why he'd done it; he certainly wouldn't do it now. He could only put it down to his messed up emotions at the time.
"What the fuck do you mean it was an accident?" James shouted, "We trusted you, Moony trusted you. You don't accidentally tell someone like Snivellus how to get to Moony. You know that this sort of thing features in every single one of his nightmares and you almost made them come true."
The sheer hatred coming from his best friend made Sirius outwardly flinch as he realised the enormity of his actions.
"Mr Potter, if you would please calm down." James returned to his seat, not realising he had stood. "Now, I'd like to get to the bottom of this entire situation if you please. One at a time, I'd like for you to tell me what you know." Dumbledore's voice was deadly, glaring at each of the students in front of him with such intensity that his pale blue eyes seemed to be alight with fury.
Snape was the first to launch into his story as Sirius was too numb to begin and Peter and James hadn't known how everything had started.
"Black attacked me, Sir. On the second floor corridor. He slammed me into the wall and assaulted me. I'd seen them Sir, out at all hours every month. And Lupin: all shaky and pale around the full moon. I wanted to know what was going on. Black told me that the answers to all my questions could be found under the Whomping Willow. He said that all I had to do was press the knot on the base and it'd stop moving. He then knocked me out; probably to run off to his little friends and laugh at what he'd set me up to do. When I woke up, I was curious, so I went down to the Willow and found the knot on the tree. When it'd stopped moving I went down there and I could hear all this growling. So I followed the tunnel and when I go to the end, the growling had stopped and I heard sniffing. As the door at the end was wrenched open, Potter turned up, forced the door shut with some spell or another and tried to force me out of the tunnel. I was resistant Sir, he was clearly having second thoughts about trying to let that beast kill me and I told him so. Potter hit me, and I hit my head on the wall of the tunnel. They were plotting to kill me Professor!"
At the culmination of Snape's tale, every face in the room was pale with anger. James looked ready to curse his best friend where he sat. Dumbledore however, did not comment on the story, instead turning to the other side of the room to Sirius whose head was still clenched in his hands.
"Mr Black." Dumbledore called quietly but not gently. Sirius glanced up and for a second met those piercing blue eyes and recoiled unconsciously. "Is what Mr Snape has said true?"
"Y-yes. Well… no. Not entirely." Sirius mumbled. It certainly looked as though he'd sent Snape to his death and Sirius couldn't help but see it that way too.
"Then explain."
"When I'd left here I'd started to walk down to the Entrance Hall."
"Regardless of explicitly being told to return immediately to your common room?" McGonagall seethed from behind them.
"J-James and Peter where expecting me. I-I couldn't leave them. But I was so angry, I didn't know what to do. When I ran in to Snivel-Sniv-Snape and he hexed me, it just triggered something. I wasn't really watching what I was saying. I can't even remember what I told him I was that angry. When he was unconscious, I left to calm down before meeting the others. When I'd started to move again he was gone, I thought he'd gone back to the dungeons. I didn't mean- I'm-" Sirius trailed off, the apology extinguishing on his lips as he realised how he'd betrayed one of his closest friends.
Dumbledore had reached a new state of anger. He'd just heard a half admission from one of his students for the near murder of another. Albus didn't think the boy truly knew the consequences of his actions.
"And you two," He said turning to James and Peter. "Did you know of the attempt on Mr Snape's life?"
"No Sir." James growled, all the while glaring daggers at his former friend, appalled that Sirius hadn't even attempted an apology to any of them.
"Then can you explain to me how you are involved?" Dumbledore returned, though a little kinder than he'd been when addressing Sirius.
"I-I-I s-saw Snape running t-to the Willow and R-Remus and when he dis-disappeared under it I ran to get the- the others." Snivelled Peter.
"Then I ran to stop him getting himself killed." James interjected. "When I got into the tunnel, Moony had smelled him so I shot a stunner at the door. Snivellus was being uncooperative when I told him we had to leave the tunnel so I shoved him to get him to understand. He knocked his head and he was more pliant after that so I guided him out. The look on Black's-" Sirius flinched violently at the use of his surname. "-face told me everything I needed to know." He finished with a snarl.
"I see." Dumbledore's anger hadn't quite abated though he wasn't entirely sure how he should deal with this situation. He'd never had to deal with anything quite so severe in his time as headmaster. Thus, he decided to start small. "Mr Potter, Mr Pettigrew, you will each receive two nights' detention with your head of house for being out after curfew." Both nodded resignedly. "And Mr Potter, know that your actions tonight have been very brave, as such Gryffindor will receive ten points."
"What!" Snape exclaimed indignantly. "You're just going to let them off when they were clearly plotting with Black and Lupin to get me killed!"
"I believe, Mr Snape that you are severely over-reacting." Dumbledore's cold voice cut through the boy's protests, silencing him instantly. The headmaster turned back to James and Peter, "You may both return to your common room. I trust that no word of tonight's events will be repeated to the rest of the school's population?" Both nodded. "Then Professor McGonagall will, I'm sure, inform you of the times of your detentions tomorrow."
James and Peter stood and turned to leave the room. Peter looking fearfully about the room muttered a short "'night Sir," James on the other hand, swept from the room without a word to anyone.
Once the door shut behind them, Dumbledore's anger returned with full force.
"I hope you are both aware of the severity of your actions."
"Both of us? I've done nothing wrong!" Snape was indignant once more.
"Yes the both of you. While you may not have instigated the events of tonight, you certainly provoked them. You further put yourself and two other students in perilous danger. You still shoulder a proportion of the blame for these events." Snape hung his head, chastised. "I want your word that you will not tell another student of these event or of Mr Lupin's condition."
"So you're going to carry on protecting him? You're just going to let the monster get away with it?"
Sirius' shoulders, previously hunched with anguish, stiffened noticeably as he raised his head to glare at Severus. "Remus is not a monster." He growled menacingly.
"Mr Black, your input was not required." Dumbledore said coldly before turning back to the Slytherin, "Remus is nothing other than a student with a tragic curse placed upon him. He did not chose to be the way he is, Mr Snape, and he is no danger to other human beings at any other time of the month unless they come into contact with him during a full moon. On such nights, he selflessly removes himself from company and suffers alone. The blame is not his. As such, I want your word that no other student will hear of these events otherwise I may be forced to take further steps."
"Alright, alright, I won't tell anyone. Though they have a right to know." Snape continued to glare at Sirius whose face was no longer down-turned, though his hands were still tightly clenched in his hair.
"Thank you. Now you will receive two week's detention from myself which I will assign you nightly at eight o'clock."
"What!?"
"You may leave." Dumbledore ignored the boy's outburst.
"I've done nothing wrong!"
"You may leave." The headmaster repeated. Snape finally got the message and, with a final death glare to Sirius, stalked from the room and noisily down the stone steps outside.
With Severus gone, the two teachers' attention was drawn entirely to the sixteen year old boy sat between them.
"You are aware of the danger you placed several students in this night, not least your friends?" Dumbledore's voice was quiet and deadly.
Sirius nodded; eyes downcast once more.
"Look at me." The boy painstakingly began to raise his eyes, as they met those of his headmaster his blood ran cold and he flinched noticeably. Professor Dumbledore always had a way to make Sirius feel incredibly guilty, even for the most minor of offenses, the way he felt now was incomparable to how he'd felt at any other time in his life.
"You realise that you could have destroyed Remus' life tonight. That if Mr Snape had been killed, then the Regulation for the Control of Magical Creatures would have been forced to brutally execute Remus? Nothing I would say would save his life. Even with Mr Snape's survival, had Professor McGonagall not got there when she did, Mr Snape may have told a large proportion of the school Mr Lupin's secret and the same scenario could have occurred? It is wrong that you have unwittingly involved a boy who has spent his life trying to be just as everyone else. Are you aware of how close you have come to ruining his life?"
Sirius felt as though his heart had turned to ice. He hadn't realised it'd be so severe. "Remus'll be okay though, won't he? You won't punish him and the Ministry won't be after him or anything?"
"I will not do anything to punish Mr Lupin; he had no power over his actions tonight. Unlike some. Though I do believe he will feel a great deal betrayed by a friend he thought he could trust with his inner most secrets."
If Sirius thought the guilt was worming through his very being before those words, it was nothing to how he felt after. In truth, he hadn't thought about Remus' feelings past the utter desolation in his soul for betraying his friend's confidences.
"Before these events you were in enough trouble and I told you that if it were not for your O.W.L.s then you would be suspended. As such, you will be permitted to continue attending lessons but you will receive detention every night for the rest of the school year at the very least. You will arrive here every evening after dinner when I will tell you where to go for your detention. Once it is finished, you will return to my office where you will remain for the rest of the night. You are to bring any school work or revision material that you require for this period. Additionally, you will have all day detentions in here with me on weekends starting from seven in the morning, I expect you to be on time. You will also arrive here every weekday morning at eight o'clock. I will be getting daily reports from all of your teachers to ensure you arrive punctually and complete the work to your highest ability. If this is not done, further action will be taken which will undoubtedly lead to your suspension or possible expulsion, regardless of your upcoming exams. Furthermore, due to your complete disregard for the safety of others and the school rules, I will take two hundred house points from Gryffindor and I will be sending yet another letter to your parents. Am I clear?"
"Yes Sir." Minerva had never, in the last five years, heard the boy sound so resigned.
"Then return to your dormitory, you have wasted enough time tonight."
Sirius left, shoulders completely hunched in defeat.
~#~
Sirius made his slow walk back to the Gryffindor common room through the dark and silent corridors of Hogwarts castle.
He couldn't believe what he had done, even in his darkest moments he had never even thought to betray his friends.
His thoughts turned automatically to Remus. He never used to cope particularly well with full moons when left to his own devices. It was the presence of his three friends that calmed him down, even enabled him to remember some of the night. He'd trusted the three of them completely that night in second year when he finally confessed to their suspicions. He'd made them all swear never to tell anyone, not even people they trusted. He was so paranoid about what might happen if people found out. And now Sirius realised, his fears weren't as unfounded as they'd all initially thought.
All too soon, Sirius arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady and seriously considered not going in and facing his friends. He knew they'd be angry, betrayal was the worst thing any of them had never imagined; they'd always trusted each other too much.
With a resigned sigh, he said the password and scrambled inside.
The common room seemed completely alien to Sirius. It contained only fifth and seventh years that were all revising and a smattering of other students who'd forgotten some homework or another. Regardless of the work going on in the room, the students appeared happy. Today had been the first truly sunny day of the summer and had instantly raised everyone's moods. But Sirius felt separate from everything, perhaps because their emotions clashed too horribly with his, perhaps because he felt more lonely and isolated than he'd ever felt in his life.
But, he thought: he'd done all this to himself. It was no one's fault except his own, not even Snivellus'.
With his head down-turned and hands thrust deep in his pockets, Sirius began to walk across the common room to the stairs that lead up to the dormitories.
Just when he thought he'd made it, he heard a shout from one of the comfy chairs.
"Oi Black, where d'you think you're going?" Sirius couldn't help but recognise the voice as being James', still fuelled entirely with anger. The common room fell abruptly silent as everybody's heads swivelled to face the two boys.
Wand held aloft, James stalked across the room, pinning Sirius into a corner. Looking into his best friends eyes, all Sirius saw was hurt and betrayal. He didn't draw his wand, he didn't want to. He deserved everything James would give him.
"What, got nothing to say for yourself Black?" The use of his surname hurt Sirius more than he'd ever say aloud but James caught his flinch. "What? Don't like your last name? Why not? You're just like the rest of them anyway."
Every occupant of the room gasped. There had never, in the last five years been a fall out between James Potter and Sirius Black and this one was set up to be apocalyptic.
"You're just as worthless and despicable as every other Black that walked this earth. You're just as insane, just as willing to hurt people 'beneath' you." James continued advancing. "You've tried to tell us all that for nearly six years and we believed you. How gullible can we get? But now I know the truth, Black. You're more than willing to betray your so-called friends for the sheer hell of it. You'd probably kill us yourself if you thought you'd get enough out of it. You're just like the rest of your despicable family. Well I've got news for you Black, the only thing beneath you is dirt, the rest of the world is just better than you."
Sirius said nothing to defend himself. He couldn't. He didn't truly disagree with anything James said anymore.
"I am disgusted I ever even considered you a friend. You should just run off a join Voldemort now instead of sticking around here." James' voice was a bellow despite having got closer to Sirius with every word.
James let his words sink in but one member of the silent crowd suddenly shook themselves free from their stupor.
"Potter, I doubt that anything Black has done-"
"Shut up Evans! This has nothing to do with you!" James roared back, not even turning to face her. The room came alive at once with whispers. James had done nothing but try to win Lily over for several years now and his sudden change of behaviour shocked everyone.
Lily stood there speechless and James neared his former friend again.
"You're nothing but a Black and you mean nothing to me." He spat.
"You're a worthless piece of scum that doesn't deserve to live. You mean nothing to me and you don't deserve friends."
With his final word, he drew his right arm back and struck Sirius will all his might. Sirius flew back into the corner and his skull made a sickening crack against the wall behind him, but he continued to refuse to defend himself.
"You're not to come into the dormitory again." He punched Sirius in the stomach and Sirius doubled over in pain and James punched him again in the face. James, wand still in hand, turned to go up the stairs to the dormitory but with his foot on the bottom step, he turned back. "And you're to tell Remus what you did in the morning; he deserves to hear it straight from the traitor's mouth." He raised his wand and shot a cutting hex towards the corner before climbing the stairs.
As for Sirius, the hex cut him across the cheek and he could feel the blood oozing down his face. He sank to the floor with his legs out in front of him and his back to the corner.
The utter desolation that hit him was unparalleled by anything he'd ever felt, it was as though the entire world had turned and tried to crush him down entirely.
The boy was completely unaware of everything that was happening around him. That said, not a lot was happening. The room was so quiet you could hear the snores from the dormitory above. Lily however, thought she should try to comfort the boy she had never really liked, after all, he did seem incredibly hurt and upset about whatever it was that had happened.
Moving from her stunned position in the middle of the room she got within five paces of the boy before being abruptly thrown backwards. She looked at Sirius, expecting to find his wand raised but it wasn't even in his hand. It seemed Sirius' own self-hate was strong enough to allow his magic to forcibly prevent anybody from nearing him.
"Black! Look Black I just want to help." Lily called trying to get near to him again, ending up with the same result. "Fine, if you want to just sit there bleeding all over the place and wallowing in self-pity, I won't try to help."
Sirius wasn't even paying attention and Lily returned to her revision with her friends as the room filled with rapid whispers discussing the recent separation of the two closest friends Hogwarts had ever seen.
~#~
After around two hours, Sirius began to return to his senses. The first thing he noticed was that the room had emptied. The second thing he noticed was the time; it was half past one in the morning.
He tried to stand at first, but he was still bruised and the movement caused him pain. This turned his attention immediately to James. He didn't blame his friend at all; he thought his reaction was entirely justified in fact. The only problem that surfaced in his mind was where he was going to sleep now that he'd been barred from his own dormitory. While he could easily spend one night on the sofas in the common room, he didn't want to spend anymore there. And he wanted to avoid James and Peter, and later Remus, as best he as he could, not wanting to force his presence on any of them when he couldn't even forgive himself for his actions.
With this thought in mind, he carefully clambered to his feet and swayed slightly on the spot. He turned and pushed open the portrait and stumbled out into the corridor before letting the portrait swing sleepily shut behind him. As he began walking down the stair with the intention of finding an abandoned classroom to call his own for the rest of the year, a thought hit him. He instead turned to head towards the sixth floor corridor and the Room of Requirement, thinking that at least this way it'd provide him with the school things he needed, thus preventing him from needing to return to the Gryffindor common room entirely.
I apologise for the delay but I suddenly realised that I ought to do SOME revision for my A-Levels (muggle N.E.W.T.s) so I had to stop writing. Hopefully now they're over I'll have more time to write.
Once again, let me know what you think.