Okay, just know that this story will have a happy ending and this part of the story is why it's labeled as angst. Please take note and grab some tissues.

Beckett remained awake long after Castle had fallen asleep. Part of her was afraid that he would disappear again. Even though she knew that was impossible, he had been gone for two long, lonely months. Months that she wasn't sure if she would ever see him again. Months of worrying and wondering if she would be left to raise their children alone.

When the time went on and there was no sign of him, she wondered if she should just go ahead and adopt Benny herself. She knew that was what Castle would have wanted. He wanted Benny to have a family and Kate could give that to him. During the times when she was stronger, she told herself to wait. That Castle would come back to them. That he would be there to sign the adoption papers with her.

Alexis had been a huge help during the time he was missing. She was there to remind Kate that her dad wouldn't leave willingly. Was there to help with Benny when Kate couldn't miss work.

There had been moments when she had wanted to give up. Moments when she wondered if she would ever see the man that she loved again. Moments when, it hurt too much to go on without him. It was in those moments that she knew she had to go on. For Benny and for the baby she carried beneath her heart. If that was Castle's final gift to her, the gift of a baby to love, there was no way she would take a chance of losing the last remaining piece of him. The last remaining piece of what they had together.

The first time she had heard their baby's heartbeat had been a bittersweet time for Kate. She hadn't wanted the doctor to let her hear it, but Alexis had insisted. Insisted that she needed to hear it for herself. Needed to hear that her baby brother or sister was, in fact, growing and thriving. So despite how much it killed her, she gave her go ahead to her doctor when she asked about hearing the baby's heartbeat.

Castle should have been there for it. Should have been right beside her holding her hand. Kissing away her tears as they heard the sound of the miracle that they had created together. Instead, she was left with a hollow feeling. Wanting so much to have Castle there with her. Afraid that she never would.

Now that he was here beside her, she smiled as she reached into her dresser and took out a little machine. Alexis had brought it to her late one night. Had told Kate that she thought it would help her feel closer to the baby growing inside her and help her to maybe not miss her dad so much.

She hadn't been able to use it. At least not until late one night about a month after Castle had gone missing. She had pressed the wand to her stomach and turned on the device. The steady thump, thump, thump that filled the room brought tears to her eyes. She cried harder that night that she had since her mother had been killed all those years ago. Cried for the man that she had loved and now lost. Cried for the baby that would never know his father.

That night was the first time that she allowed herself to imagine the sex of the baby. Up until then, she hadn't really given it much thought one way or the other. If she was truthful with herself, she hadn't really cared. This was supposed to be a happy occasion, but it was turning into something depressing. She wanted Castle there with her. Wanted him there when his son came into the world. His son. If they never found him, she knew that she would name her child after his father.

Because for all of his faults, Richard Castle was the most wonderful man she had ever had the honor of knowing and loving. Her life had been changed forever the moment she had walked into his book launch party.

Now, though, laying in bed with Castle she turned on the machine and let the sound of their baby's heartbeat fill the room. The look on Castle's face was one of wonder and surprise. Then, he leaned over and gave her the softest kiss ever and whispered, "That's our baby?"

Kate nodded with tears in her eyes and she let him kiss his way down to her stomach. He took the machine from her and planted the softest kiss on her stomach and then he whispered to their baby, "Daddy's here little one. And he loves you so much. I can't wait to meet you. I hope you look just like your mommy. And I hope that you have her sense of adventure."

Beckett laughed and ran her fingers through his hair and told him, "I hope he has your nose."

Pulling back from her, he laughed, "Why would you want him to have my nose? It's..."

"Because then he will look just as ruggedly handsome as his father."

Castle could only stare at her. Then, he leaned forward and kissed her so very, very softly. He loved her so much. His only regret was that they hadn't made it to the alter. He would do anything to change that. The sooner the better. He just needed to prove to her that she could trust him again. He wanted to find out about those missing months, but not if it meant bringing up all of those terrible memories for her. No. He would wait until she was more secure in their relationship. Nothing was more important to him.

For now, he would work on proving his love to her. Proving that she could trust him. Prove that he was still in this for the long haul.

Castle smiled as he took her hand and pulled her towards him. He laid down with her and whispered, "I promise you, I will make this up to you. We will be married. I want nothing more than to make you my wife."

Smiling at Castle she whispered, "And I want nothing more than to make you my husband."

Laughing, Castle asked, "Why can't we just go down to the courthouse today and get married?"

"Really Castle? That's what you want? A courthouse wedding? Isn't that a little cliched? Even for you?"

"If it it means that we can be married tomorrow I would do it. I love you and want you for my wife. I want to be your one and done. Your always. I need to be the man that you deserve. I don't need a huge wedding. The only person I want there, need there, is you."

Looking into his eyes, Kate knew that he was completely serious. She found that she agreed with him. So, despite everything telling her that this was completely crazy, she told him, "Lets do it Castle."

Castle turned and looked at her. Not sure if she was serious or not, Castle asked, "Really?"

Not exactly the reaction that she was hoping for, but she laughed and nodding, "Yes really. I don't want to wait anymore Castle. I want to be your wife and I really don't want to wait until we figure everything out. Our children deserve to know that their mom and dad love each other enough to make this commitment to each other. We are more than a fancy wedding Castle. I meant what I said when I showed up at your door that night. I just want you Castle."

Leaning forward to kiss her, Castle whispered, "And I just want you Beckett."

Putting her hand on her stomach, she whispered, "The baby approves."

Castle gasped and smiled, "You are so cruel Katherine Beckett. I would do anything to feel it."

"You will. Someday."

"It's good that you can feel her. It means that she's growing. Thriving and surviving. I can't imagine what it was like for you."

"She? You think the baby's a girl? Do you want a girl?"

Castle laughed and shrugged his shoulders, "I don't care one way or the other. Boy or girl as long as he or she is healthy that's all that matters to me."

Kate pulled him close to her for a kiss and whispered, "I love you. I love our baby and I love that we are growing our family. This is all so amazing to me. I never thought I would have any of this."

"I should be thanking you Kate. You still love me. Even though I disappeared for over two months. Most women would have given up. Would have left and taken our son with her. I..."

She silenced him with a finger to his lips. She shook her head and told him softly, "I've fought too long and too hard for us to give up so easily Rick. You fought for us for four years. To give up after two months would have made a mockery out of everything that we fought so hard and so long for Rick. I will always be by your side. I will always fight for us Rick. When you are weak I will be strong. Just like you are for me. That's what this relationship is all about."

Castle looked at her with something bordering on astonishment. He didn't think that she realized how much he loved her. He knew that he would never be able to put it into words. Would never be able to show her just how much this family they were building together meant to him. It was everything he had every wanted, but never thought he would ever have.

However, everything was put on hold when Beckett woke the following morning.

When she woke, everything was completely normal. Since it was so early, Castle was still sound asleep. She showered and before she left for the day, she kissed him goodbye. She headed to the precinct and sat down to catch up on the paperwork from the following day.

She hadn't felt the baby move all day, but since she had only started moving, she wasn't too concerned. Castle was going to meet her for a doctor's appointment later that day.

She kissed him when she saw him and they walked into the doctor's office together. They held hands and she went to go sign in for the appointment. She sat down and took his hand once again. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he kissed the top of her head. Neither of them were aware of the tragedy that was waiting to be revealed on the other side of the doors to her doctors office.

Everything about the appointment was completely normal. At least until her doctor placed her stethoscope on her stomach to listen to the baby's heartbeat.

Beckett noticed the frown on her face and asked, "Is there something wrong?"

Her doctor always had a smile on her face whenever she was at her usual appointment. With each passing second, Beckett grew more and more nervous. Her doctor finally excused herself from the room and went to get an ultrasound machine. She needed to confirm her suspicions and that was the only sure way to do that.

Looking over at Castle, he seemed just as confused as she was. After a few minutes her doctor reappeared in the room with the ultrasound machine. She lifted Kate's shirt and squirted the gel onto her stomach.

After taking a few measurements and pictures, the doctor turned off the machine. She sighed and told them softly, "I really hate this part of my job."

Kate sat up. Not caring that her shirt was getting covered in the gel. She looked her doctor in the eyes and asked, "What's wrong with my baby?"

Her doctor was a very caring and compassionate woman. It was one of the reasons that she had been going to her for so many years. Taking Kate's hand, he doctor told her softly, "There's no easy way to say this Kate. I'm afraid that your baby is deceased."

It was at that moment that Kate's whole world froze. She put her hand to her stomach and whispered, "No. It can't be. I just felt the baby move last night and I would have known if something was wrong. I would have felt it. I..."

Kate tried to get up off of the exam table. She was convinced that her doctor was lying to her. That for whatever reason she was playing a cruel trick on her. She grabbed her purse and hurried out of the examination room. She stormed out of the office and called for a cab.

Meanwhile, Castle was left to ask the many questions that he had for her doctor. The woman explained that he would have to drive Kate to the hospital to induce labor so that they could deliver the baby.

"Is that common?"

Nodding, she told him, "It's actually the safest way to deliver the baby. She's going to need your support more than ever Mister Castle. She's far enough along that she would have formed an attachment to the baby. I'm not going to lie to you Rick. This is going to be devastating for her. She's going to blame herself. She's going to blame you. She's going to try and push you away. Whatever you do, don't let her. She's going to need you now more than ever."

Nodding, Castle told her, "I'll be there for her."

"The sooner we get her to the hospital the better Rick. She's at risk for a serious infection the longer the baby remains inside of her."

Castle sighed and nodded stiffly. He had thought that the worst day of his life was the day that he had missed their wedding. It was becoming clear to him that this was now officially the worst day of his life.

When he got home to the loft that night, he found Kate sitting in their bedroom crying. She had the doppler machine pressed to her stomach and tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked up at him and whispered, "I can't hear his heartbeat Rick. Why can't I hear it?"

Taking the machine away from her, he gathered her into his arms and kissed the top of her head and rocked her back and forth slowly. He honestly wished he was anyplace other than here. Wished that he was someone else.

He whispered softly to her, "Kate, the baby. The baby is gone and..."

She pushed him away violently and jumped up out of bed and screamed at him, "No! You're lying to me! I don't know why, but you're making this up and..."

He walked towards her and tried to take her in his arms, but she batted them away and stormed out of the bedroom. The sound of her sobs following her out of the room. Damn. That hadn't gone as he had hoped.

Before he knew it, his mother and Alexis appeared in the doorway of his office and both had a questioning look on their face. He held up his hand and told them, "I'll explain later. Right now I need to go after her. Can you watch Benny for me please?"

His mother nodded, "Sure. Is everything going to be okay Richard?"

Shrugging his shoulders, "I'm not really sure."

Following her out of the loft, Rick hurried to catch the elevator. He pushed the doors open and told her, "We need to deal with this Kate. Your doctor wants to admit you into the hospital tonight."

Shaking her head, she told him, "No. The baby is okay. There's something wrong with those damn machines Castle. I would feel it if he was gone. I'm his mother and..."

He pushed her against the back of the elevator car and held her still. She fought him every step of the way. Until he whispered, "Stop Beckett. This isn't doing either of us any good. The longer the baby is inside you like this the greater the chance there is for an infection. They want to induce labor and..."

That was when Kate fell to the floor of the elevator car. Castle pushed the stop button and fell down beside her. He held her while she cried and whispered softly to her. Words of nonsense and love. He was hurting inside, but he would deal with that later. Then he whispered, "I need to take you to the hospital, but I don't want you to hate me."

Shaking her head against him, she whispered, "I won't hate you. I couldn't hate you."

"I feel like I'm betraying you. Betraying everything we stand for. I. This baby. God Kate."

That's when the tears started for him. They sat there in the elevator together crying tears of loss and hurt. He felt like the worst kind of ass when he helped her up from the elevator floor and led her out of the building and into a waiting taxi.

Ducks and hides in the corner. Please don't hate or shoot me... I promise everything will be okay... Thoughts?