Emma was told by some that she was lucky to be alive, others treated her like a child because of her memory loss. Eight years of her life forgotten. Ten years trying to remember.
She hated the stories of what happened. They said her family was attacked by a group of bloodthirsty cyborgs and killed.
Her parents and brother gone.
Murdered.
Emma had hidden away in the cellar when she heard the screaming and was knocked on the head by falling debris. They said that the blow was the reason for her memory loss.
If that was true then she would never forgive herself. How could she have sat huddled and scared while her family was slaughtered?
Maybe not remembering wasn't a curse but a blessing.
She had woken up with her head bandaged in bed with no idea what had happened. At first the doctors thought that she was in shock and this would wear off. And then after days it became apparent that she wasn't recovering. They said there was still some chance of her remembering, but after ten long years without a single fragment of recollection, everyone gave up hope, including herself.
Her Uncle was one of the strangers that visited her while she was in injured, she remembered him almost breaking down at the sight of her lying there, but she couldn't feel the slightest bit of remorse herself. How could she when they were all strangers? Family or no family, she didn't know them.
They became a story, nothing more.
And Emma, the little girl that was loved and cared for, was nothing but a myth.
She was now Em, a quiet and somber girl who didn't play with the other children in the little garden, but sat by herself with a book. She had an Uncle and two cousins who believed she was wasn't right in the head. They looked at her with both fear and pity in their eyes. Could they see a resemblance of their lost family in her?
In the end she was glad to leave that old house. She thought they were glad also when she ran away that night. What use was she anyway? She was nothing but a frail little girl with no chance of finding a husband, she wasn't left any money or land by her parents. The house they had lived in those many years ago was burnt down the same night of the slaughter, along with all the family fortune.
She was reduced to begging by the time one of her cousins, Graham, found her and offered her a job working for him. He said it wasn't a lady's work, but it was the only choice.
She made him promise to never tell the rest of her family, and then started her new life as a servant. She worked to cook and clean for the soldiers who hunted down cyborgs. Graham was one of the few leaders, and he was often out for weeks on end.
Sometimes months.
The other servants didn't get used to her strangeness for a long time. Why did she have smooth pale noblewomans hands? Why was she never joining in the joking and the occasional drinking of rum after a hard days work?
Instead she would sit by herself staring into nothingness. There were rumours that she had a sweetheart and was pining for him.
Some were convinced that she was not right in the head and were afraid of her. Was she insane like those cyborgs. Did she have a mechanical foot or a replaced joint? The part only needed to be over five inches and they would be affected. Their brains couldn't handle the metal in their bodies. It would start with strange moods and anger at nothing, it would continue until they felt no need of anything but to kill,maim and destroy at all cost.
They had to be destroyed.
Em was told that when Professor Jack Quinn announced his new invention, the ability to recreate limbs out of metal, he was the saviour of the people. But then, months after when soldiers were recovering from surgery replacing body parts lost in the war, realisation struck in. It wasn't assassins and rebels who were wreaking havoc across the city, burning down houses and killing. It was the kings men.
Em rolled over in her hard bed. She had fallen asleep thinking of her family. The living ones.
Did they miss her? Did they wonder if she survived that first cold winter? She could imagine what they were thinking, how could young woman make a living in the streets without help? Much less Em, who was too dim to think for herself.
Graham had even discreetly asked her if she had worked at the brothel.
She didn't talk to him for three days after that.
She shivered.
Winter was almost over, but still the cold bit deep and chilled the very marrow in her bones. Her dreams had been interrupted by the cold that crept between her sheets and numbed her.
She shivered again and pulled back the curtains. A grey patch in the inky sky told her that the moon was at its nigh. She remembered stories of how the sky used to shine every night with billions of stars, every morning the sun would creep across the sky and everything would be golden, green and bright as a fire. There were wonderful bubbling streams full of fresh sweet water and fat fish. They said it was heaven.
She said they were ridiculous fantasies. How could a world so full of beauty and light be converted into something so terrifying and dark? Whatever the world was like before her generation, it wasnt perfect like people thought and dreamt about. Even if it was beautiful to gaze upon, underneath it was laced with deadly poison.
Why else would the war have started?
Em closed her eyes and thought of a nice warm happy place that would fight away the demons, and then eventually slipped into oblivion.
The next morning found her cousin returned from his dangerous mission. He had been to the west of the city this time. Em didn't know what he found there, but she didn't bring up the subject. She learned a long time ago that she would be better off not knowing.
She noticed he had a funny look in his eyes as as she handed him a plate of food. He always ate a lot, so she gave him two thick slices of roasted mutton, half a loaf of bread with raisins in it and a mug of ale. For a soldier, a meal like that would be handed to them maybe a couple of times a year. Most food was grown indoors or it would end up tough and bitter from the chemicals ships left in the air.
Most days a good meal would be lumpy porridge with some hard bread.
Graham didn't show any sign surprise at this welcome gift, he didn't even look at her while he ate, so she made herself appear busy while not straying too far from where he sat.
Eventually he pushed the plate away and stood up. Still not looking her in the eye, he thanked the cook and turned to leave.
She excused herself and quickly hurried after him.
The hallway was busy even though day had only just begun, and she had to push pass several people to catch up with him.
"Wait, I want to talk to you cousin." She grabbed his arm to slow him down. He turned to face her, and she suddenly felt guilty, he looked unwell. He had been away risking his life, and then here she was manipulating him to get what she wanted.
She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, what I meant to say was, can I please talk to you in private when you have a spare moment?"
"Why? Is this the reason for your bribery?" He scowled.
"Bribery?" She tried to sound surprised.
"You know what I'm talking about... The food. Good real meat. Fine soft bread and that lovely ale. How on earth did you persuade the cook to give me that?"
She blushed furiously. "I paid her." And It cost a large percentage of her weekly wages.
Not he really did look angry."How can you be so stupid - I mean... I'm sorry Em. I didn't mean that." Now he was the one looking guilty. Her own cousin of all people knew how bad that insult hurt her. He shuffled his feet. "Tell me what you want."
Em played with a strand of hair that had come loose from her headscarf. Her heart was pounding so loudly she was sure Graham could hear it.
"I want to be one of your soldiers."
"Why?" Any shame that showed on his face a second ago was replaced by something else. Dread. "That is the worst possible thing you could have said. You know I will never let you do that... But do you know something? I'm not surprised, I knew this would happen any day now. I've seen you sitting in the kitchen looking as if you're life is already over..." He paused for a moment, his brow furrowed. "Em... Have you considered going back home... I know it would be hard for you after all this time, but maybe you will find that its better that way."
Em tried to swallow down the rage that was bubbling inside her. And then she found she was also holding back tears. "Home? That place has never been my home and it never will be... All those years when you sat together in a big, happy family and I was left out on my own. I was never welcome there. The only family I had died eight and a half years ago... And I should have been with them, instead of hiding like a coward."
Graham looked pale. When he spoke his voice was quiet but she heard every word. Even the ones she didn't want to hear.
"Emma, you were always welcome. The only reason you weren't joining in with us was because you didn't want to be. You wanted to be left alone. But you were still part of our family, you still are... My father believes that you are dead, did you know that? I want to tell him he's wrong but I can't, I promised you." She heard him clear his throat but she didn't look up at him when he continued. "I can't let you be a soldier because its too dangerous."
"Then I'll find someone who will." She wouldnt have to look very far. Woman were accepted as soldiers nowadays because the country needed more fighters, and the men didnt seem to be able to be enough anymore. Of course very few woman actually did it. But it wasn't unheard of.
For a minute Graham looked panicked and then his face settled into a . "Alright I'll get someone to train you, but you will nothing not too dangerous. A woman's bodyguard or something. You won't get yourself into trouble, promise me."
"I promise."