Number 3 of my one-shot challenge! Sorry it took so long. The first story I wrote for this prompt wasn't humor from the perspective I was going to post with. Needless to say, because of this, I have two and a half of a three chapter story written because I didn't realize it wasn't funny until I started writing the perspective I wanted to post. Then I had issues getting inspiration for this chapter until this came out. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Forgot to put this in at the beginning, but I don't own Naruto.
Summary: Naruto has lived with his boyfriend for over a year, and now they are forced into having a priest stay at their apartment. The kicker? The priest doesn't know they are a couple.
Warnings: There is smut. Boyxboy smut. A citrus fruit is below. If you hadn't figured it out this specific oneshot is M. Also religious ideas are at the end and they are based off a conversation I have had with a pastor.
Father
Naruto walked in to his father and his favorite diner. It was just the right amount of loud, the coffee flowed quickly, and the workers were always willing to offer a friendly smile. It also helped that he lived about four blocks away with his boyfriend. He took a look around and quickly spotted his father in a booth by the front window. His smile lit his face as he sat in front of his father.
"Hey dad, how are ya?"
"Just wasting away." Minato gave a gentle smile back.
"Seems like. This'll be the perfect place to get more meat on your bones."
"Oh really?" His dad appeared amused as he glanced over the menu in front of him. A waitress came by with a pot of coffee and Naruto flipped his cup over and set it toward the end of the table. She filled it up, flashing a smile toward them and walked down the aisle.
"Yes really! Fried food is always good for you." Naruto picked up his filled cup and took a sip.
"I wonder why my doctor has been lying to me then."
"Pft. Doctors don't have the experience that I do. Have you ever been to the Iowa fair? Two words. Fried butter."
"When did you go to Iowa?" His dad gave him a quizzical look as he set the menu to the end of the table.
"Ah. Junior year? That time Kiba and I traveled and were on our way to Washington. We went and traveled I-80 most of the way. As we were passing through the middle of Iowa I saw a billboard talking about this cow made of butter and we stopped at the fair."
"A cow made of butter?" His father's lip quirked into what could almost be called a smirk, but was closer to a grin.
"I know. Weird right? Anyway, there was this stand that would fry anything! They just carried butter because it was a apparently a thing they just did."
"I can't even imagine." Just then the waitress came back with a small smile. Both boys ordered and exchanged pleasantries with the woman before she went off to put them into the kitchen. Minato pick up his own cup and started sipping.
"So how is the new apartment? Everything all settled in?"
Naruto snorted. "We've been there a month, dad."
"And if I know you, you wouldn't be done by now. In fact, did you ever completely move in to Sasuke's apartment?"
"And you expect him to let me get away with not putting stuff away? I swear I almost broke my back with the amount of times we moved around that couch. 'No, it needs to be more centered. Do you think it would be better to make it more for entertainment or conversation? I don't know if the wood matches around it, we might have to buy a new couch.'"
"That was an awful impression. I think I'll be insulted for him."
"I am the best at impressions. I don't know what your talking about."
"Uh-huh." Naruto picked his cup up and took a big gulp, now that it was somewhat cool. It still burned a bit on the way down though, and Naruto must have made a face that caused his dad to chuckle.
"So anything new with you?" Naruto took a smaller drink of his coffee, glad that the smaller amount didn't burn like the earlier mistake.
"Well...yes. There is something." His dad looked out the window quickly and rubbed the back of his head.
"Alright, that was the nervous gesture. I would know. I do it too." Naruto narrowed his eyes at his dad, wondering what his father could be so nervous about. His father let out a sigh and dropped his arm back to the table.
"I may need a favor from you." He flicked his gaze back to his son then down to his coffee cup. Naruto set his empty one toward the end of the table for the waitress to fill when she came by.
"Of course. Just name it." Naruto was a little worried, his dad didn't usually ask for favors, but after everything he and his dad went through after his mother died, he would do what ever it was.
"I may have told someone they could stay in your guest room until they found a place of their own." Minato looked back up to his son, bringing his cup back up to his face.
"Told? As in, you didn't ask me before saying it was okay?" Naruto wasn't really mad, he would call his emotions more...annoyed.
"I couldn't really say no. I would've offered for him to stay in your old room, but I'll be out of town starting on Tuesday." Minato did have a bit of a guilty expression on his face, so Naruto sighed and decided to give in.
"Fine. But you are explaining it to Sasuke once he gets here." Naruto took a sip and saw his dad get another look of nervousness over his face. He grinned knowing that the wait for Sasuke to get there would be punishment enough for not asking first. Their food came by a few minutes after the table lapsed into silence. Both started to dig in and the silence didn't feel awkward or tense. Once Naruto had finished his eggs, he heard the bell over the door jingle and turned.
Sasuke walked in and looked around until he spotted them and walked over, much like Naruto had earlier, except without the smile.
"Good morning, Sasuke."
"Hello Minato, its good to see you." Sasuke sat next to Naruto and grabbed one of his pieces of bacon. Naruto sent him a grin, grabbing his coffee cup.
"What were you up to that you didn't join us for breakfast?" Minato cut-off a piece of his pancakes and took a bite.
"I had to go drive my brother to the auto body shop. Someone hit his car the other day and he left it there yesterday for an estimate. I had to drive him back over from our place to pick it up."
"That's rather inconvenient."
Naruto snorted. "The guy lives in the middle of no where and we bought the apartment with the guest room just for him. I like to call it keeping tabs on his brother."
"Hn. At least he has a real job."
"Hey, being a barista is a real job, I just have odd hours."
"So you keep telling me." Sasuke and he shared a look before Naruto's face burst into a smile. Sasuke sent him a smirk back. Sasuke turned to Minato at the same time Naruto went back to his hash-browns. "So what did I miss?"
Minato took a sip of his coffee then cleared his throat.
"I need to ask you if it is alright if an old family friend can stay in your guest bedroom." Naruto rolled his eyes as he chewed his hash browns, not planning on throwing his dad under the bus for not telling the whole truth.
"I don't see a problem with that. Why couldn't they stay with you?" His tone didn't sound upset or annoyed, so that was a good sign.
"I have to leave on Tuesday for a trip up to Annapolis for the rest of the week. I didn't want him staying at the house all by himself. Especially since he is getting on in years." Hm. Old family friend who is old who could possibly be looking for new housing. Naruto honestly couldn't think of who his dad was talking about and he was starting to get impatient as to who it could be.
"I see. Who exactly is it?" Sasuke crossed his fingers in front of his face as Naruto grabbed his coffee and took a drink.
"Father Maloy." Naruto started coughing, his coffee going down the wrong way. He felt a few good hits to his back, and it surprisingly helped a little bit. Eventually, he was able to breath again and gave his father a stupified look.
"Father Maloy? The catholic priest Father Maloy?! You want me and my boyfriend to house a priest for an unknown amount of time? Are you insane?!" Naruto had gone up quite a few octaves and decibels by the end of his rant, his father looked rather embarrassed and guilty.
"I know and you know I wouldn't ask this of you if it wasn't important. Father Maloy helped us out a lot while Kushina was sick and I really feel like I owe him a lot." Naruto took in a deep breath, feeling the little sting that his mother's name always gave him. He looked out the window for a little while, watching the people outside.
He watched a mother cross the street with her toddler son holding her hand. Really he should have been over it by now, considering it had been almost 15 years ago, but the pain was still fresh at times. His mother had died after a long fight with leukemia and he only really remembered her as being sick. He knew there had to be times where she was healthy, but for most of his life she had been sickly. The only thing she had asked of her two boys was for them to attend church with her.
Naruto slowly moved his gaze back over to Sasuke, taking in what he must be thinking. All he could tell was Sasuke had a searching look of his own directed back at Naruto. He really didn't know what this was going to do for their relationship and they would definitely have to talk about how to handle the situation, but for now there really was only one question.
"Sasuke, are you okay with this?" Sasuke continued to stare at him for a few more seconds before turning back to Minato.
"So, when should we expect the Father."
~o~0~o~
One thing that Minato had relayed to them was that he never told Father Maloy about their relationship, just that they lived together. Naruto and Sasuke had discussed it, and after several glares from Sasuke and many more frustrated noises from Naruto, they both decided to keep their relationship a secret. The Father would take what they were calling Naruto's room and Naruto would still sleep in their bed. It would still be a sacrifice, though, since they also decided that it was for the best to keep all couple activities to a minimum while the Father was there.
Now, however, was Wednesday. Father Maloy would be there any minute and they were ready. Naruto had placed some of his clothes in the dresser in the guest room to make it look like he slept there. Sasuke had come home in a rather sour mood and Naruto was in the middle of giving him a shoulder massage as he watched the news.
"Starting to feel better?"
"I'll feel a lot better when we don't have the priest in our house and you can make me feel better in other ways." Naruto smacked the back of his head before moving it back to his shoulders. Sasuke groaned just as there was a knock on the door. Naruto kissed the top of Sasuke's head as he grunted from disappointment.
"Don't worry, it'll be over before you know it." Naruto ran to the door and opened it, finding a rather short, balding man with round glasses. He was wearing the standard priest flock and smiled a bit when he saw him. Naruto held out his hand. "Father Maloy, good to see you."
The Father took his hand in his. "My have you grown. A fine young man. A fine young man. You look just like your father." Naruto moved out of the way and let him in. The Father grabbed the suitcase he had dropped out in the hall and carried it inside. Once the Father set down the suitcase he looked over to Sasuke. He stood off the couch and walked over to Father Maloy.
"Hello Father, my name is Sasuke." Sasuke held out his hand for the Father to shake.
"Sasuke. I am Father Christopher Maloy. Thank you for sharing your home with me. I will try not to be a bother." Naruto had to choke back his laugh. Sasuke was doing a great poker face though.
"I'm sure you won't."
"Come on Father, I'll show you to your room." Naruto pointed down the hallway and picked up the suitcase, having to take two attempts from not knowing just how heavy it was going to be.
"Lead the way, son." Naruto walked down the hall, questioning how an old man that size could carry such a heavy suitcase up three flights of stairs. He reached the only door on the right side and opened it.
"This is the room you'll be staying in. I've moved most of my clothes to Sasuke's room so you can use the dresser." Naruto grunted as he threw the suitcase on the guest bed. He dusted his hands off and turned to the Father.
"Thank you, son. This will do nicely. This will do nicely." He smiled as he examined the room, and Naruto felt like he was sweating profusely. He was so worried that the priest would know, then he would throw a fit in their house, condemn his father to hell, and force the entire city to think that they were demons on the earth...alright so he was probably exaggerating that last part, but the rest seemed like something that could happen. Naruto stood there in an awkward silence for a few minutes, sweating and imagining all sorts of impossible scenarios, the most ridiculous of which was the Father getting into a giant robot and destroying the apartment building.
"Alright, so, I'm...I'm going to let you unpack and start dinner. Is lasagna okay?" Naruto started scratching his cheek and avoided looking at the Father.
"Ah, I have not had that in years. I am an awful cook, just dreadful. I am looking forward to it." The Father smiled toward Naruto and made his way toward his suitcase. Naruto didn't stay in the room any longer and went to the kitchen attached to the living room. Sasuke had switched the channel to some kind of movie, and Naruto couldn't help but to rub Sasuke's head as he passed by. He started taking out the pans and kept telling himself everything would be just fine.
~o~0~o~
"What do you do for a living Sasuke?" Father Maloy had finished most of his lasagna and the first part of the meal was mostly silent. Sasuke was never really very talkative, and Naruto was too nervous about what he might accidentally slip. Lucky, the Father seemed just fine to eat in silence until now that he mostly just had water left of his meal.
"I am an independent architect. I used to work for a company, but once I got a few high paying clients, I could afford to start my own business."
"Oh! You are so young! You must have a lot of talent. A lot of talent. Any family close by?" Sasuke glanced toward Naruto who glanced right back and gave an encouraging grin.
"My brother lives in town, and my father...does not." Naruto winced internally at the words that Sasuke didn't say.
"Ah, I see, I see. Family is very important, but the family that we make can be more important." Naruto and Sasuke's eyes widened and stared at the Father as he was getting up from the table. Naruto turned toward Sasuke with a hesitant look.
"Is he a mind reader?" Naruto whispered to Sasuke.
"No, he must have just read that it wasn't a good situation and tried to cheer me up." Despite his words, Naruto saw him narrow his eyes as he watched the Father put his dishes in the sink.
"Right, because if he knew..." Both of them stayed quiet as they imagined a how the Father would react.
"I am going to finish unpacking and start planning my service for this weekend. Have a good night boys. Ah, so busy, so busy."
"Night Father Maloy." Naruto called to him as he walked away. Sasuke just grunted.
~o~0~o~
Thursday morning came to Naruto too quickly. He woke from a quick set of knocks on their door and a still sleeping Sasuke in his arms. He brought the arm around Sasuke's waist up to his eye and rubbed it with his palm. Another set of knocks came.
"Naruto, boy, I need a little help, I do not know how to use the shower." Naruto turned his upper body and head to look at the clock on his nightstand.
"Shit." He whispered as he saw the red lights telling him it was a little after 5 in the morning. He sat up and rubbed both eyes with his palms, trying to wake up just a little more so he wouldn't stumble his way to the door.
"What's goin' on?" He heard Sasuke mumble from his side.
"Nothin. Back to sleep. Be back." Naruto threw his covers off and walked to the door. He opened it to find the Father in a t-shirt and flannel pants with his frock for the day folded in his arms.
"Ah, Naruto my son. Thank you for helping me. I could not figure it out after I tried for a few minutes. Thank you, thank you." Naruto mumbled out his reply, but didn't know if it was actual words at all. He walked into the second bathroom and walked to the stand in shower. He looked back to make sure the Father was watching before he pulled the handle toward him and turning it toward the hot water. He mumbled something else out that he hoped was english and walked out of the bathroom. "Thank you Naruto my boy."
Naruto walked into his bedroom and plopped back down on his side of the bed. He quickly got under the covers again and snuggled back up to Sasuke's back to hopefully get two more hours of sleep. It seemed like all he did was blink and their alarm was going off. Naruto tried to snuggle his forehead farther into Sasuke's shoulder blades, but Sasuke was already moving to get up. Naruto huffed as he watched Sasuke stretch while sitting on the side of the bed with half lidded eyes. His eyes shot open, though, when he couldn't remember if he closed their bedroom door after returning to bed. He looked that way and the door was properly closed. He breathed a little sigh of relief and got up on his knees and kissed Sasuke's nape.
"Mornin."
"Good morning. What was the Father doing at our door this morning?"
"Couldn't figure out the shower. Scrambled eggs?"
"Hn. With grapes." Sasuke got up to start making breakfast and Naruto stretched like a cat before making his way to the shower.
~o~0~o~
Naruto walked into the main room to see the Father at the table with a cup of coffee and Sasuke finishing up on the scrambled eggs. He walked over toward the fridge.
"Good morning again boy. Are you a little more awake this time?" The Father seemed to be in a good mood as Naruto took the juice out of the fridge and reached for a glass.
"Yeah. Sorry about my lack of conversation skills this morning, but I was not really awake when I went to help you out. What would you like to drink with breakfast? More coffee?"
"Yes. Dreadful habit, just dreadful, but I cannot go a morning without about two cups at breakfast. Could you pour me another cup? If you would not mind." The Father smiled to Naruto and Naruto sent him a grin back. Naruto walked over to the coffee pot and set his left hand on Sasuke's lower back since he was right next to the pot. Naruto walked back over to the Father and poured him a second cup. He also filled the cup that was already on the table that he assumed Sasuke was going to use. He set the pot down on the pot holder they kept on the table so Sasuke could have his second and maybe third cup. The Father took a sip of his coffee. "Ah, nothing better. Nothing better."
Sasuke silently walked over and set the completed breakfast in front of each of their chairs and went back to grab the bowl of grapes and another bowl of apples. As he passed Naruto to get to his own chair he rested his hand on the back of his chair. Breakfast was much like dinner and the silence wasn't as awkward as Naruto thought it would be. Once again, though, once the Father was mostly done with his breakfast, just the last dregs of his coffee left, he became talkative again.
"I am going to be at the church most of the day. Dear, dear, I should be back around seven I think. Maybe a bit earlier." The Father chugged down the last of his coffee and let out a loud satisfied sigh.
"Ah, before you go, I need to give you my dads spare key." Naruto got up and walked over to a bowl they keep by the front door. He looked through it for the key he got from his dad before he left for Annapolis. Once he found it he handed it to the Father who was already next to him, obviously about to leave.
"Have a wonderful day, boys. A wonderful day. I know I will try to." And with that, Father Maloy walked out of the door. Naruto heard Sasuke push back his chair and turned to see him cleaning up the table from their breakfast.
"See, I told you it wouldn't be that bad." And he sent him his thousand megawatt smile.
~o~0~o~
"This is awful." Naruto covered his eyes with the palms of his hands and plopped his back down onto the bed so he was laying down.
"Its your own fault you know. You have no one to blame but yourself." Naruto pouted but the effect was lost since his eyes were still covered by his hands. He had tried to make-out with Sasuke right after he got home from work, but just as he got Sasuke on the couch, they heard the key move in the lock. For the rest of the night and dinner, Naruto kept thinking about the make-out that could have been and had tortured himself so much with the images that he forgot one very important fact.
"I don't know if I can go a few days with no sex. Especially since we sleep in the same bed." Sasuke snorted as he took a coat out of their closet.
"You'll survive. Celibacy never killed anyone, just ask Father Maloy." Sasuke smirked over at him and Naruto dropped his hands to scowl over at him. He turned away from Sasuke toward the wall with the window and crossed his arms. What did Sasuke know? He never had to go a long period without sex if he didn't have to, damn good looking bastard. The silence continued for a few more minutes until the bed dipped with Sasuke's added weight.
"You do realize that at the very least we should be able to have sex on Sunday's while he is at service. At least if you get up early enough." Naruto made a face and turn his head toward Sasuke.
"Wouldn't you feel weird that while we should be at church, we'll be doing...that?"
Sasuke chuckled. "Not really. Our kind aren't really liked by churches anyway."
"What? Asians?" Naruto joked and laughed at the exasperated look Sasuke gave him.
"Why do I continuously forget you have an awful sense of humor?"
"Oh please. You enjoy my sense of humor, you laughed at my joke about Lindsey Lohan just yesterday."
"Uh-huh, how do you know I'm not just humoring you?"
"Because you would laugh at way more of my jokes if you were."
"Guess your right. That's a first." Sasuke leaned down to kiss him before he could start another round of conversation. Naruto savored it since they didn't kiss as often with the addition in their home. The kiss was slow and entirely too short in Naruto's opinion, even though it lasted a few minutes. Sasuke broke the kiss and got under the covers. He then pushed at Naruto's side to get him to face the wall again and threw an arm around his waist. "Good night."
"Night Sas."
~o~0~o~
"Its about time you got home!" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's waist as soon as he closed the door.
"Could I at least get my shoes off?"
"No way, I'll do it. Father Maloy said he wasn't going to be home till around 9 tonight and I want to get some before Sunday, thank you very much." And with that Naruto dived right for Sasuke's neck.
"Wow, what a romantic atmosphere." But despite Sasuke's words, he reached back and locked the door anyway. He pulled Naruto's face up to his and kissed him heatedly. Naruto fought back pushing him against the door. Their tongues tangoed for a few minutes, building the heat in both of their bodies and causing a pleasant fluttering to occur to his heart. He eventually got tired of being by the door and pulled Sasuke toward the couch. He pushed him down on the sofa and crawled between Sasuke's legs. He started the kiss again and pushed one of his hands under Sasuke's shirt feeling his lower abs and moving up toward-
The sound of a key fitting into the lock rang thru both of their ears. Sasuke pushed Naruto to the ground and quickly walked back to their bedroom. Naruto sat up and put his head between his knees, trying to get rid of both the ache in his ass and the boner he was sporting. The door opened and closed, with the lock clicking into place.
"Sorry, I am here a little early, I just-oh Naruto, what are you doing on the floor? Are you feeling okay my boy?" Naruto turned to see the Father taking off his shoes and looking at him with a concerned face.
"I'm fine. I promise." Naruto smiled despite him still trying to get his boner under control.
~o~0~o~
Naruto had Sasuke kneeling over him, his hands all over Sasuke's chest as a hot, wet mouth explored his own. He pulled on the hem of his shirt when a particular hard suck occurred right above his nipple. He took a few deep breathes before opening his eyes and interrupting Sasuke's exploration to take off his shirt. Instead of going back to his chest, however, Sasuke seemed more content to move to his mouth.
Naruto parted his lips for Sasuke's questing tongue and nips of his teeth and continued feeling the now now exposed ribs. He felt Sasuke move one of his hands to his side, tickling the ribs. After a few slow strokes up and down the few ribs, he felt the hand move lower down his side. The hand reached his waist, just above his-
The sound of a key fitting into the lock sounded and Sasuke jumped off the table, grabbed something off the floor and walked briskly toward their room. Naruto yelped and fell off the dining room table, noticing that Sasuke grabbed his shirt since he was now face first in Sasuke's shirt. He got on his hands and knees just as the Father walked into the door.
"Ah, Naruto, my son. Doing some exercising?" Naruto internally groaned at how true the statement was supposed to be and nodded his head.
~o~0~o~
Their clothes were already shed and Sasuke had a pleasant grip on his hip as they kissed passionately. Slowly Sasuke moved his was down his chin and throat with his mouth until he found Naruto's pulse point. He felt Sasuke move his hand from his hip and move it slowly toward the thing he really wanted him to grab. Slowly, so slow, he purposefully set his alarm so they could do this before Father Maloy got home, and he was going to enjoy every little thing that Sasuke-
The door to their apartment closing caused both boys to jump groan.
~o~0~o~
Finally, he had Sasuke under him and was just where one of them should be. He started thrusting his hips slowly, savoring the feeling he had missed for almost a full week as Sasuke trembled-
A knock on the bedroom door startled both of them as the shower water kept going as background noise.
~o~0~o~
"I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE!" Naruto was at work, the customers for the local coffee shop were all locals and used to their barista yelling during his shift.
"Could you be any louder?" His friend Ino shot him a glare as she continued wiping off the espresso machine. He stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his apron and pouted to her.
"Six days. Today will be the sixth day since Sasuke and I have had sex. I haven't gone that long without it since I was single. And the worst part is we get so far and so heated up and we can never finish! Well, at least I can't. Bastard probably runs back to the bedroom to get rid of his problem by himself."
"Why are we talking about this in the middle of the store." Naruto glanced over to make sure she wasn't angry. All he saw was the pink tint to her cheeks, and no glare, so she couldn't have been too mad about the conversation.
"Because I'm frustrated and need some kind of outlet. Since I can't do what I want to do, I'm venting with my loud mouth. We can't even kiss at home since we are worried Father Maloy might walk in on us at any point." Naruto sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, hoping to get rid of the tenseness in his muscles there.
"Why not just tell the Father the truth?" Naruto gave her a look and she shook her head. "Alright, I get it, keep it a secret. You better hope the father decides to find a place to live soon."
"You know the worst part? He really isn't a bad guy. The guest room bed is always made every morning, the guest bathroom looks completely unused, and he even makes breakfast for us some days. He would be the perfect guest, if he wasn't homophobic." Naruto plopped his head into his hands, completely frustrated with the entire situation.
"I really don't know what to say here. Keep your chin up? He'll leave eventually? I mean, really you made your bed, now you have to lay in it." Naruto sighed and lifted his head, putting his hands back in his pocket.
"Yeah I know your right." The front door opened for another customer and the work day continued.
~o~0~o~
Naruto was giving Sasuke a shoulder massage since he walked into the apartment in a worse mood than he had a week ago. His muscles were tense everywhere and Naruto knew it wasn't all just from his job. He just hoped this would be a good enough apology for now. The key rattled in the door and Sasuke made to get out of Naruto's grip, but he tightened his hold. His face screwed into a scowl for a few seconds while listening to the key turning in the lock. He was fed up with hiding it, he was tired of not being able to hug Sasuke, or put an arm around him when they were watching tv. He didn't care if his dad would be mad, or if the church unleashed a massive angel army to strike them down, he didn't want to hide it anymore.
The Father walked in and looked over to the two boys. Naruto felt Sasuke's shoulders hunch up a little and Naruto smiled to the Father. Father Maloy surprised both of them by smiling back.
"Good news, boys! The church finished the preparations for me to stay in their dorm. Oh joyous day, joyous day. You will get your guest bedroom back tomorrow." Now it was Naruto's turn to tense. He figured it out that fast? Or did he mean some kind of joke that he wasn't catching on.
"Guest bedroom?"
"The room I'm staying in. That is what you call it, yes? Yes?" Father Maloy took off his shoes and made his way toward the fridge to grab a bottle of water from the case he brought on Friday. Naruto's mouth opened and he honestly didn't know what to say. Where was the screaming? The dead babies? The damning to hell?
"How did you figure it out?" Sasuke reigned in his shock much quicker than Naruto had, since he was still acting as a fly catcher.
"Figure it out? You were hiding that you were together? Why? Why?" Father Maloy looked at him questioningly. Naruto closed his mouth and glanced to Sasuke. He was staring at Father Maloy with the intensity of a bull toward a red cape. He returned his gaze back to the Father and scratched the back of his head.
"We figured that since you were a catholic priest, you wouldn't look kindly on our relationship and completely freak out when you found out."
"Naruto, your father told me about a month ago that you were dating a man named Sasuke. Though he was not really talking to me, but a parishioner. Very loudly, very loudly. Everyone in the area heard him." Naruto saw red for a second and smacked his forehead with his hand. He heard Sasuke growl next to him and realized that sometimes he must have taken after his father in some cases. "You really were not hiding it well. Not at all. Not at all."
"What do you mean?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed at him, the bull was charging now.
"You two touch each other with these little touches. The kind that are unconscious, but common among couples. Also, that first morning the door was open and I saw you two sleeping." The Father's smile never dropped and he took a drink from his now sweating water bottle.
Naruto blushed, and remembered thinking he didn't shut the door. So the Father must have closed it. Now he just felt stupid. He looked down at Sasuke to see him let out a big sigh, his eyebrows folded in that way that showed he was frustrated, but not angry.
"I must say, though, I must say I am rather happy you two are the type to not have sex around a guest. Very grateful, very grateful."
Naruto felt dumb for the rest of the night and he watched as slowly all the tension that was in Sasuke's shoulders melted. The three of them even sat down for a movie that night and Sasuke threw his arm over Naruto's shoulders and Naruto in turn curled up against his side. The discussions were light and about local events and past stories. Naruto couldn't have asked for a better last night with the priest.
The next day as the Father was leaving, Naruto just had one thing that was bugging him.
"Father Maloy?" Naruto set the again heavy suitcase into the Father's car and shut the back door.
"Yes my son?" Naruto slowly turned to him, a questioning look on his face.
"Why are you so okay with Sasuke and me?"
"Is my face smoothly shaved?" Naruto was even more confused now.
"Well yeah but what does that have to do with us?"
"The Bible is hard to understand, especially if you do not know history well. Leviticus says that homosexuality is amoral, but it also says shaving is. When they mention male prostitutes and sex in the bible it is in the ideal of war because it is when they do not want their soldiers to lie with a prostitute at all since it leads to disease within the ranks. The word they use for male prostitutes that have relations with men in the new testament is in Greek, where homosexuality was somewhat embraced but translated into English can mean something completely different. I have no qualms with homosexuality because it is not against my personal faith."
Naruto grew quiet and slowly smiled. He walked up to the Father and hugged him. Really he felt like Father Maloy had given him much more than Naruto had given him.
Phew. Longest one shot so far. Humor is hard for me, especially with my writing style. Hopefully it at least amused you a bit. Also I'm not sure how I like that ending, but for real it would have kept going for quiet a while if I hadn't, mostly because then it would have led to Naruto finally getting laid. And there is much rejoicing. Some other interesting tidbits I didn't include:
Fugaku is in jail because he took the fall for his boss so that the company wouldn't go bankrupt
Mikoto is dead from a seizure she had around Sasuke's 14th birthday. She bit her tongue off and cracked her head open and bled to death before the EMTs arrived because they didn't find her until 10 minutes after it happened.
Ino owns the coffee shop and Naruto will co-own it with her when her father retires from being a co-owner. He is a manager for now.
Itachi works as a park ranger on the outside of town and goes long periods of time without checking in on Sasuke because of this. It was hard on both of them at first but now they are used to it and spend a lot of time together when he gets back to civilization. He is the reason they even have a guest room at all.
So yeah. Hopefully you guys liked it, and sorry for the long wait. I could also blame being an adult on the slow update, but that seems like a cop out.
Next time: Exploit