Chapter 3

The rumbling that emanated from Jane's stomach interrupted Maura's meditation. She raised her head and smiled at the brunette, lifting herself off of Jane and taking her hand, leading them both to the kitchen.

"What do you feel like?"

Jane came around behind Maura and lowered her head to whisper in her ear.

"Mmmm, something sweet."

The honey-blonde turned around and gave Jane a suggestive glance and a very naughty smile.

"Pancakes then?" she said cheekily.

They both chuckled and went their separate ways in the kitchen, Jane onto coffee and Maura hunting for usable ingredients that were almost non-existent in Jane's home. Her search yielded only milk and she knew that the only purpose that served was the coffee that Jane had every morning.

"Jane, you have nothing here. It's been three years and I still haven't been able to convince you that fresh food is important. Now I have to go shopping and it's too early and I look terrible because all I've been doing is crying and sleeping. You're lucky you're the love of my life detective."

In one swift motion Jane went from the coffee machine to the fridge, had Maura in her arms and was kissing the doctor. Her arms wrapped around Maura's back and slowly travelled up and down until she felt content enough to let go and look down at the marvellous creature in front of her.

"You're beautiful."

"You know Jane, only when you say it does it feel like its true."

The only way the detective knew how to reply was with a light kiss to the doctor's forehead. She then poured their coffee and Maura began her vocal checklist for the day.

"So I'm going grocery shopping, coming back here, kissing you, making pancakes, probably kissing you again and then maybe eating breakfast…"

She let the last words roll of her tongue in a seductive manner, enjoying the look on Jane's face as a cheeky smile developed and her brow rose.

Maura had not been gone long but when she came back into the apartment her cheery and sweet disposition from only an hour ago had disappeared. Jane immediately stood and walked over to her lover, hands immediately at her sides. She drew Maura closer to her and waited for the honey-blonde's head to rest on either her shoulder or chest. But she was not rewarded.

"Jane I have to go home." Her voice was dead and cold.

"I…what?"

"I have to go home Jane, to my husband." Her mouth was letting the words out, but in her eyes she hoped that Jane might see the pleading, the pain of speaking these lies out loud.

"Maura…"

The honey-blonde took herself out of Jane's arms and walked into the bedroom. She began to gather all her things, anything that she had ever left behind at Jane's. As she was putting the last of her belongings into a bag she felt the brunette come up behind her, as gentle as a soft breeze.

Jane was at a loss. She was not ready for this and now her thoughts were swimming and she couldn't hold a concrete thought in her mind. All she had left was what she felt. She wrapped herself around Maura from behind and leaned her head down so that she might whisper into the honey-blonde's ear.

"Maura I love you. I love you. You make the world better, you make me want to be in it. You make me better. Your eyes bring out a truth in me and your hands bring out a love. Unlike anyone else, you make me soft and gentle without making me feel weak or vulnerable. But I know that I would be those things for you Maura. When you're here with me this place feels like home, but when you leave its only four walls and a roof that are keeping me from you. Just your presence brings life into me and the first time I saw you I fell in love. In the time we've had everything about you has seeped under my skin. You've folded yourself around me and if you leave, that tightly wound essence of you will rip me apart. But I won't mind; it would be a pleasure to have my heart broken by you. But I will not give up on you Maura. Never will I melt into the background as you pack your bags. I know that this isn't you Maura. And if you leave all I will do is wait for you. And on the day that you come back through that door my heart will start beating again. But I will not let you go."

The final words were spoken through gritted teeth, a growl coming from the back of Jane's throat, sealing the promise.

"Jane, that's enough." Maura Isles had retreated into herself, the cold and confident woman that the world knew had replaced the soft and gentle spirit that only Jane had come to know.

The detective was taken aback but she worked to figure out what might have happened to make Maura act like this. She fought hard to keep anger at bay, to try and see this situation for what it really was rather than for what it seemed to be. Maura was not a woman who made decisions like this, that would hurt someone so much, let alone that would hurt herself so much.

"I know this isn't you Maura."

They were at the door and Maura's hand was on the knob, her heart begging her mind to leave it closed and unturned. But this time her mind won out and she turned the handle, which seemed so much heavier than at any other time. She closed her eyes as she turned her back to Jane and begged a God that she didn't believe in that she might be forgiven one day.

The detective's face was riddled with pain and sadness. Never had she let herself become so open to someone as she had with Maura. She had given this woman the power to kill her and now at this moment she felt herself dying.

Like a ghost the doctor stepped over the threshold of the door and without looking back she went down the stairs and to her car. When she was alone within the confines of her vehicle she lost control of her emotions and of her body. Tears streamed down her face, her hands slammed into the steering wheel and her mind cursed her decision making her feel fragile and small despite the strength that it took. She knew that she was not feeling the full brevity of what she had done, but that when she awoke the next morning without Jane she definitely would. She would be punished for this.

The door to Jane's apartment was left open. Maura's perfume still lingered in between the world and their home. Her body refused to move. There was nothing in her mind but at the same time it was filled with everything that she had ever shared with Maura and everything that had ever happened between them. She moved to the wall, leaned against it and slid down as her legs lost the ability to hold her up. With a strong wind the door slammed shut and Jane felt the vibrations through the walls, they went straight through her. Her knees came up and her forehead rested against them with her arms wrapping around like protection from a cruel world.

Her breathing became erratic and her eyes forced themselves closed. Even though she took deep breaths that seemed to touch the very deepest points in her lungs she was still rendered breathless. Her lips began to close and she felt them begin to tingle from the lack of oxygen. Her body was no longer her own; her hands began to shake and they grew increasingly numb. Jane began to feel dizzy and just before she gave up on trying to keep herself seated her mind gave her a final thought: 'She's gone'.

The city of Boston took its time falling into the darkness of night. It was a comfortable time for most. On this particular evening there were far less stars in the sky than the city was normally graced with. For two souls the length of the night and the stars in the sky were only reminders that the world never stopped but rather that it sped on regardless of its occupants. Two women had been brought to the very precipice of life and without being given warning, were forced to jump after having their wings ripped from them. Jane Rizzoli remained on the floor of her apartment waiting for her breath to return to a normal rate and for the pain in her chest to subside. Maura Isles opened the door to her house and took a small step inside, placing her bag and jacket on the table beside the door. Her mind kept throwing her moments of when she came through the door of Jane's apartment and was met with deep brown eyes and take out. But this moment would be nothing like that, it would be void of love and the only thing awaiting her would be the price she would now have to pay.

Even though the illumination of stars made its way through the windows of this house, Maura felt anything but light. Her shoulders were hunched with the anticipation of what awaited her, almost in a stance of self-protection and anticipating the possibility of pain. Lights were off and the only thing that hinted at the presence of another life was the soft glow emanating from her bedroom upstairs. The light seeped from under the closed door and fell off the edge to the second floor where it was engulfed in darkness.

She took a moment to steady herself and then created a shield in her mind to protect everything she had with Jane in the past three years, hoping beyond hope that it would give her strength and keep her sane until the day she might escape this and be able to beg Jane to love her again.

As she ascended the stairs her mind allowed her some comfort in reliving her favourite moment with the detective.

Sheets and skin enveloped her legs and as she was gently brought out of the warmth of sleep she opened her eyes to the face of the woman whom she loved with every ounce of her being. Deep chocolate eyes enticed her to let go of the dream world and come fully into the present. And when she tried to playfully roll over and wrap herself in the light warmth of the sheets arms caught her body and Jane's lips caught her mind. She could do nothing but allow the brunette to devour her mouth. Her hands roamed over the olive skin and eventually made their way into unruly curls, pushing Jane's face to her neck. Maura shivered at the contact and moved herself under Jane, wrapping her legs around the mid-section of the detective. Jane's mouth moved down her neck and in between her breasts eliciting a moan from the doctor.

Maura's mind pulled her away from the daydream as she neared the bedroom door and her hand reached for the knob. And before she could take a breath a voice moved towards her and then through her turning her skin to ice.

"Maura, I knew you would come back to me."

The world would never come to know Jane Rizzoli as she truly was. She kept herself hidden away and shrouded under her tough and angry exterior. It was very rare for Jane to find someone whom she would allow to climb into the cracks that developed in her façade. And she had always felt that it would be impossible to find someone whom she would want to give herself over completely. The difference that she discovered with Maura was that the honey-blonde never asked her to open up; she never forced her to reveal herself. When her father left and after her partner died Maura never said that she was drinking too much or that she needed to get out of the house. She simply sat beside Jane and waited. She waited for Jane to be ready to lie down in her lap and allow her to run her fingers through the mass of unruly curls. She waited for the moment when Jane would ask to go for a run. It was all about trust, she trusted Jane to deal with these things on her own and to come home to her when she was ready. Jane felt comfortability, closeness unlike anything she had ever been given. In all previous relationships people wanted to get inside her head, they wanted to know why she felt this or that and why she sometimes cried while she slept. But Maura didn't want to know those things for the sake of feeling like she had won a prize or had made it over a wall; she wanted to know those things for the simple fact that they were a part of Jane and she loved everything that made up her detective. And so Maura was always perfectly content to wait for Jane.

It had been four days since Jane had seen anything other than the pillows of her bed and the walls of her bedroom. Despite making her decision to wait she could only feel broken. She knew that Maura had a reason for leaving but in the end she still left. How long would she wait? How long could she wait? Tomorrow she would have to go to work, she was on call. Would Maura be there? All she could do was hope.

As Jane sat on the edge of her bed after what felt like crawling from her living room floor, she vowed to hold as much faith in Maura as the doctor had always held in her. As her alarm began to blare through her apartment Jane decided to treat this as a normal work day and sent a message to Maura asking if she wanted to be picked up.

She left her phone on the bed and went to have a shower. Once she was dressed and had had her coffee she went again to check her phone, deciding that an hour was more than enough time for Maura to have replied. But she unlocked her phone to a lack of new messages. There was no email and no calls. So Jane gathered her things and as she left her apartment a voice in her head that she felt was more like Maura than herself whispered 'Faith Jane, faith.'

Coming to stop at the elevator at BPD Jane's hand hovered over the button that would take her down to the morgue but she stopped herself, thinking that if Maura hadn't texted her then perhaps it was important to give her space. So she instead made her way up to the Bull Pen and greeted Korsak and Frankie.

Just before Jane was able to get into finishing the reports on her desk, Cavanaugh came into her line of sight and signalled to her that he wanted to see her. Something in the back of her mind sent a strange feeling to the pit of her stomach and a shiver up her spine. As she walked into his office he closed the door and didn't speak for a moment after he sat down.

"Jane sit down please."

She did as he said, not wanting to upset him anymore than it seemed he already was.

"Something has come up and I wanted to tell you in person so that you didn't have to find out in a way that was less than desirable."

"Ok…" Her voice was soft and lacked its usual growl.

"Dr Isles will no longer be working with the Boston Police Department. This letter was on my desk when I came in this morning."

He handed her a white envelope that had Maura's very feminine and very distinct handwriting on the front. Jane didn't care to read the letter; she knew what it would say. It would be very formal and that there would be absolutely nothing hinting at the real reason behind her resignation.

Faith, Jane.

"That is unfortunate." The detective attempted to retain her cool composure and nonchalant attitude towards the situation.

"Yes it is. I have been informed that Dr Pike will be replacing Dr Isles indefinitely."

Jane had to hold back a look of dismay and a snort at the total lack of capability that she knew comprised Pike. The only concrete thought that she had running through her head was that she was going to feel the absence of Maura more than anything.

Faith.

"Is that all Sir?"

The Lieutenant looked surprised but none the less allowed the detective her leave and closed his door behind her.

With the thud of Cavanaugh's door Jane began to take slow steps back to her desk tyring to put together all of the pieces of something that didn't even seem like a puzzle. She sat down and she went into a pilot mode, filling out reports for cases that she knew inside and out. Eventually she had to stop and the only thing she could think straight about was Maura. Turning on her computer, she looked up all of the things that she could think of that might hint as to what was going on. She looked at Maura's phone and credit card records and noted that there had been no activity as of the time that she left Jane's apartment. Then she went down to have a look at the security videos for the BPD, wondering if she might be able to catch Maura putting her letter of resignation on Cavanaugh's desk.

After searching for what seemed like hours, Jane found the right date and time in the video loop that she was looking for. Maura had come in alone. To anyone else she would have looked fine, ordinary. But to Jane she seemed scared and anxious. She checked around every corner and opened every door slowly before making her way. Something was keeping Maura Isles in a very confined box and Jane was determined to find out what it was. She was about to turn off the video when she saw Maura make a beeline for the detective's desk after she left Cavanaugh's office. She sat in Jane's chair and slipped on the jacket that Jane had left there. It was the too big for Maura. She wrapped her arms around herself and buried her head in her arms, taking in the scent of Jane that remained on her clothing. The brunette began to tear up.

Maura put the jacket back and took out of her purse a letter that was almost identical to the one she had given Cavanaugh but instead this one read 'Jane' on the front. She placed it in the top drawer of Jane's desk and made her way out of BPD.

When Jane got back to her desk she found the letter and folded it to put in her pocket; she would read it at home when she could be away from the sounds and distractions that were ceaseless at work.

Faith.