Decisions and Desires

Chapter 5

The train ride back to Dodge City had been as comfortable as the outward journey. Kitty found herself talking to Arlo more and more. They laughed and joked about little things and even held hands across the table in the dining car. She tried to shut all images of Matt from her mind, at least for the time being. Arlo was a good man, he knew how to treat a lady and he had been wise with the money he had saved over the years. Just enjoy the present she kept telling herself, see where this goes.

ooo000oo

The first morning back in Dodge she ate breakfast alone. She had gotten used to waking up early these last few days and enjoyed the fresher air of morning. Surprisingly as she sat down with coffee cup in one hand she missed Arlo's company. He had ridden out to look at the stud he planned to buy and wouldn't be back till later that evening.

Kitty wanted to talk with someone. She knew no one could tell her what to do, but she just needed someone to explain things to. It would help her put her thoughts in order. There was a big decision coming and she knew she needed to be ready with some answers.

She had seen Doc walk by on the way to his office and decided to take him a little breakfast and maybe try to explain the situation she was in. The physician was always a good listener and that was what she needed right now.

ooo000oo

Adams was restocking his medical bag when she opened the door.

"Come on in Kitty. Are you sick or something?" He had turned to look at her with a clinical eye. "I don't usually see you up and around this early."

"No Curly, I thought I'd bring you some breakfast."

She began to unpack the small bag that contained bread and hard boiled eggs, then poured a cup of coffee to go with it.

"Come and sit down and eat, I need to talk with you a minute."

She had arranged the meal on his desk and as she spoke she indicated for him to sit in the chair in front of it. He understood that she wanted to discuss something important and had an idea what it was, so did as he was asked. He watched as she took a deep breath, presumably organizing her thoughts. He knew better than to interrupt her and started in on his breakfast.

"Doc, have you noticed anything different about Matt lately?"

He had his mouth full, which gave him an opportunity to think before answering that question. He chewed and swallowed.

"In what way?" he finally asked.

"Short tempered, angry, no patience, just not himself."

"He's been working too hard. It was a tough cattle drive season for him and on top of that he had five or six out-of-town trips. I'd say he is in need of at least a two week vacation."

"It's more than that. I've seen him overworked before, but he has never yelled at me like he did that night before he left. It was a side of him I had never seen before. There's something else Doc…"

She paused wondering if she should, or even could, explain what she had felt these last few weeks.

He stopped eating and looked at her. She had to turn away to avoid his eyes.

"It's like he only comes to me when… well when he needs me… as a woman. There's been something cold about him that was never there before. The friendship we've had all these years seems to have vanished."

Adams was wise enough to pick up on what she was saying without making her put it into more explicit words.

"I'll be honest with you, Kitty, I tried to get him to come see me just before he left on this latest mission. I thought he looked sick, but maybe it was just overwork."

There was silence for a few minutes.

"How was your trip Kitty?"

He was not exactly trying to change the subject, but was more perceptive than he let on. He knew that Kitty had gone to Colorado with Arlo Johnson and figured that was a big part of the reason for this conversation. He had noticed how the trail boss had been looking at her, and how her manner towards him had changed from one of simple acquaintance since their return to Dodge.

She didn't respond immediately. When she did, she didn't answer his question.

"He's a good man, Doc, a lot like Matt in many ways. There's no badge in his life. He simply wants to settle down now and have a home and a family."

Doc decided to come to the point.

"Do you love him Kitty?"

She had to think. "I could. At least I wouldn't have to compete with a piece of tin for his attention. If it weren't for Matt it would be only too easy. As it is I'm waiting around, wondering when, or if, he's going to come home." She paused and had to think before continuing.

"I guess I am afraid of missing out on the chance at a life I've always wanted. Six months ago I would not even have agreed to go on that trip with Arlo, but Matt seems to have changed, and now I'm not sure if he still has any feeling for me."

"I'm not going to advise you and I won't try to influence your decision. Matt is a good man, something has worn him down lately. I think it is a combination of work and Chester leaving and …well I'm not sure what else."

"I knew that would be your answer."

He had finished eating and got up to pour a second cup of coffee, more for something to do than because he wanted one. He picked up the pot in one hand and then stopped, looking directly at her before pouring the liquid into his cup.

"Kitty, you have known Matt for a long time. I know the relationship has not always been easy for you."

She started to say something, but he had returned the coffee pot to the stove and held up his hand.

"No, let me finish. Matt is a good man, unfortunately he is devoted to upholding the law, and that makes it impossible for any woman to have his undivided attention. You have handled the situation better than anyone else could have, but maybe there comes a point when even you can't cope anymore. I understand that. I also understand your fears that someday he won't return or he'll get shot down out there on Front Street and I won't be able to do anything for him. All that is a lot for any woman to bear. This man Arlo can offer you a security that you may never have with Matt Dillon."

He sat down at the desk again and leaned back in his chair so he could look up into her face and at the same time put less pressure on her. He didn't want to influence her decision, that was far beyond his scope of practice.

"What I want to say is, before you make any decision, wait till Matt gets back. Talk to him."

"We have talked many times Doc. It is always the same. As long as he wears that badge he won't commit to anything else."

"I know, but just wait till he gets home, that's all I can say."

She knew he was sincere in his advice. He had years of experience studying people, and she should accept what he said. She would just have to see how things went.

"Thanks, Doc." She walked towards the door and reached out to open it before changing her mind and turning back to him. "I'm so glad you're always here to talk to. I don't need that very often but when I do, it's good to know you're around."

She turned to leave before he could see the moisture gathering in her eyes. It was clear what he wanted her to do, but he had also said, although not in so many words, that the decision was hers, and he would support her whichever way it went.

TBC