Decisions & Desires

Chapter 7

The evening seemed doubly cold and lonely. Not only was Matt somewhere out there in the Nations in some kind of trouble, but now Arlo and Quint had gone to bring him home. So much danger for all the people who were so important to her. What if any of them did not make it home?

She was back in her office store-room behind the bar, ostensibly checking on the stock and making out an order for the whisky drummer who would be coming by any day now. Try as she might she could not concentrate. She almost wished she could have gone with Quint and Arlo, at least then she would know what was happening. The waiting was unbearable. For what must have been the tenth time she started to tally the whisky stock, in order to figure how much she would need for the next month when there was a knock on the door, followed by a shuffling gait as Doc entered.

"Come on Kitty, I'm here to take you to supper."

She started to object, thinking that she would prefer to be left alone with her misery and indecisions. Before she managed to get the words out, Doc had removed the pad and pencil from her hand and taken her arm.

"Come on now. It's not often I get to take the prettiest woman in town to supper, but tonight I do, so don't start arguing with me."

"Doc I really don't feel like …"

"It doesn't matter, I'm taking you anyway. You have ten minutes to get ready, and then I'll be by to get you."

His words sounded strict, but there was a softness around his eyes. She could have argued with him, and maybe even won, but that was not something she felt like doing.

"I'll be ready, Curly," she relented.

ooo000ooo

Matt knew very little of the ride to the hideout deep in Comanche territory. His first awareness was of someone dragging him from the saddle and pointing a gun at him. They wanted him to walk to the old tumble down shack that he could just about see through the mist that clouded his eyes. He could barely think, but knew that things had gone badly wrong. These were the men he was supposed to be looking for, but they had found him instead. He needed to get away. Going into that building was not something he wanted to do. He couldn't organize his thoughts, but almost as a reflex he made a dive for the man holding the gun on him. The gun went off. He heard the loud report but didn't feel any pain. He reached out to grab the weapon, but the other man had much more strength and easily overcame him. He felt the blow to the side of his head as he fell to the ground, but lost consciousness too soon to feel the boot that swiftly followed it.

The three men from the Tanney gang looked at the inert Marshal on the ground in front of them.

"I reckon you killed him, Van," the tallest of them said as he used his foot to turn the lawman over. There was no response from the body on the ground.

"I know who that is," the man named Van replied, "That's Matt Dillon from Dodge City. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole cavalry doesn't come out here hunting for him soon. Guess we'd better find some shovels and dig a hole to bury him before anyone starts looking around. Then we've got to decide what we're going to do."

They had already turned to walk to the shack when a groan behind them made them all turn around.

"Looks like the marshal ain't quite dead," Van said, somewhat unnecessarily. "Give me a hand to bring him inside. At least we don't have to dig a grave just yet."

ooo000ooo

Back in Dodge City Kitty allowed Doc to escort her to one of the small corner tables in Delmonico's. Soon after seating himself he reached across the table and took her hand. It was not the same way as Arlo had touched her hand, or even as she remembered the rare occasions when it had been Matt reaching out to her. Doc's touch was supportive and caring, more like the love of a father she had never had. She wanted to cry, to lay her head on his shoulder and feel comforting arms shield her from the outside world, but that was not Kitty Russell's way. She would grieve alone, in the solace of her own room, not out in public.

She swallowed those emotions and smiled at the elderly physician sitting across from her.

"I'll be all right Doc," she said quietly as he patted her hand.

He nodded, "I know you will, but there are going to be some tough days ahead."

"I just want all of them to come back safely, nothing else matters much now."

Deep down she knew that was right. Whatever the disagreement she had had with Matt Dillon, it had become insignificant since she had heard the news that he was in trouble. Somehow it had put everything in perspective. She had to admit that she loved the man, badge and all, and the thought of anything happening to him was unbearable. She also accepted the fact that as long as she loved him, there would be many more times she'd be here, worrying and waiting for his safe return. As for Arlo, he was a good man and had many of the same qualities as the man she truly loved. Oh, she could have loved Arlo in a way, but Matt Dillon would always be there in her heart. Doc had been right to encourage her to wait. She wanted to tell him that, but figured he already knew.

She came back to the present to find that her friend had already ordered supper for both of them. The food was being placed on the table, and she looked up to see his blue-grey eyes studying her.

"Have you made up your mind?" he asked as he shook out his napkin and placed it on his knee. She followed suit.

"What about?"

"About Arlo. He's a good man, you know, and he doesn't wear a badge."

She took a bite of the beef stew on the plate in front of her to delay having to answer.

"What do you mean?"

"He wants to marry you and take you away from Dodge, doesn't he?"

She had to admit that was precisely what he wanted, but she couldn't reply, and he didn't push her. He just wanted her to consider her choices carefully.

The rest of the meal was eaten in a comfortable silence. When it was over, Doc threw some coins on the table, then took her by the arm to lead her back to the Long Branch.

"Will you be all right tonight, Kitty?" He reached in the pocket of his vest and pulled out a small envelope which he tried to hand to her. "Just in case you can't sleep."

"I'll be all right," she said pushing it away.

"Just in case," he repeated. "You know Quint will do anything for Matt. Somehow he'll find him and bring him home. We just have to believe that it will be all right."

Kitty had held the tears back for as long as she could. Fortunately there were not many customers at the bar. Adams put his arm around her shoulders and walked her through the saloon and up the stairs. Once the door to her room was closed behind them he went to the sideboard and mixed the powder in a glass of water.

"Doctor's prescription, drink it down." He handed the glass to her and stood there so she had no option but to swallow.

It wasn't long after he left when she fell asleep. It wasn't a peaceful sleep. Visions of Matt fighting bandits and facing gunfighters filled her dreams. Then she saw glimpses of Arlo and the home he wanted to build for her in that peaceful valley. No gunslingers waiting to try their luck, no prisoners to escort, and most of all no badge. Then there was a familiar figure in a faded red shirt. Gunshots rang out and in a distorted haze she saw him fall to the ground. She screamed and tried to run towards him, but however fast she ran she could not reach him. Panic overtook her. Her heart was going to burst out of her chest with its crazy rhythm. Then everything faded into a mangled vision of unknown faces and gunfire, bizarre shapes and colors, all preventing her from reaching the man she wanted. Fortunately it was her own screams that woke her. She was alone and, for a moment, terrified. Her breath was still coming in short heaving gasps and her heart was racing beyond belief. It took an instant for her to realize that it had been a nightmare, not reality. She threw back the covers and ran to the window. She was back in her room. It had all been in her mind. She tried to draw calming breaths of night air into her lungs, anything to chase away the already fading memory of the terror she had experienced.

"Oh Matt," she said to herself, "Why are you so much an intricate part of me?" The night gave her no answer, and still struggling for self-control she went back to the big empty bed.

Eventually she rested.

TBC