It was hot and sticky outside and his phone was slipping on the side of his face from the condensation. The only thing keeping Evan from sweating was the slight warm breeze rolling through the streets. Marcel had finally caught up to him and he raised his brow in a question that he already knew the answer to.

Evan shook his head and pocketed the device. "It just keeps going straight to voicemail. He must have turned his phone off and I don't blame him."

"Hey, this is good." Marcel said as they dodged puddles on the sidewalk. "It gives you both time to yourselves to think about it. You know, now that it's out in the open."

Evan nodded silently. Marcel was right, it was a good thing he reckoned but when he thought about it, maybe it wasn't. He felt that the longer he stayed in California, the more Jonathan would believe that he really didn't want to see him again. Which wasn't true at all. All he wanted ever since Tyler slapped him with those words two nights ago was to see him. He needed to see that face again after thinking for so long that he never would again.

Evan wrapped his lanyard around his neck as they walked toward a panel they were speaking at and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He hated these things and as he sat down beside Tyler and Brock he felt the guilt building in the back of his mind. He shouldn't have just left him there. He should've acted like the grown man he was and faced him, should've talked it out. Because there was no way he would ever tell him to leave. It had just been so sudden and overwhelming that he couldn't think. He glanced down at his hands and back up into the crowd that made him hurt. It brought back that memory of the panel at PAX East when he searched the endless faces in the crowd for that one in particular, the one that held blue eyes and a smile that made his knees weak.

When he thought back on it, it made sense how quickly he'd taken to Jonathan whether he knew who he was or not at the time. They'd always gravitated and Tyler's words were true. They were a team and they stuck together and Evan was twisting his fingers in his lap trying not to let his anxiety get to him before the panel even ended. He really just wanted to see him. He really just wanted to tell him what he felt about them, about their friendship, and how he'd always helped him fall asleep on those long restless nights. Jonathan was always there for him even with an enormous secret on his shoulders. Jonathan was there and Evan could never hate him for that.

"What about you, Vanoss?"

He blinked, feeling the heat rush to his face when he realised that he didn't have a clue what they were talking about. But, Tyler caught on and before Evan could feel embarrassed about it he leaned over and said in his ear, "Favourite YouTuber."

"Thanks." Evan whispered and fiddled with the label on the water bottle in front of him. "I uh . . . I'd have to say . . ."

He paused, letting his mind run over all the people he'd ever watched on YouTube and all the people he'd ever played with and it all boiled down to one person, the same person he would always be drawn to.

"H2O Delirious." He said and the crowd fell silent and he could feel the eyes settling on him. "He, um, over the past few years has become someone that I always turn to. Either for advice or just to talk. When I first met him and watched his videos he was a lot quieter than what most people are used to hearing from him now. But he never lets anyone bring him down, ya know? Well, except me because I can be an asshole, but he always brushes it off. He's kind. He's someone I always look forward to playing with and he's my best friend. His laughter is infectious and if you don't laugh from hearing him laugh then something is wrong with you." Everyone gave a collective chuckle of agreement and he felt himself grin. "And if you're by chance watching this, Delirious, you mean the world to me, man. I wouldn't trade you for anything."

The crowd was smiling and he heard them all slowly start to clap and he couldn't stop the ache from hitting him in the chest. Before their panel host could even dismiss them he could feel his throat closing up, the anxiety taking hold.

"Come on. It's alright." Tyler was already standing and pulling Evan to his feet. He pulled him out through the back of the room and into a vacant hallway where Evan gave in to the lump in his throat and cried. "I'm sorry."

"Let it out. I know you're stressed as fuck these past few days and you have every right to be." Tyler leaned against the wall across from him and shoved his hands in his pockets. "So don't be sorry for that. You'll figure this all out. Just give it a few more days, cool down, then go talk to him."

"Thank you." Evan wiped his face with his shirt. "You know, you're pretty good at this whole 'holding everyone together' thing."

Tyler grinned and shrugged, "Nah, I'm just trying to make up for being such a dick all these years. All the gay jokes I've thrown around. I never knew I was insulting my friends."

Evan wiped at his face again. "It's alright. It shouldn't be something that I'm used to, but I am. I haven't even come out to my parents yet. And they've never noticed, because I'm the manliest gay guy I know."

Tyler laughed, "Yeah, you are pretty straight looking. Which I guess is kind of dumb for me to say because gay people shouldn't be stereotyped as feminine or acting a certain way. They're people too and no one should look down on someone else based on who they fall in love with."

Evan blinked and looked up at his friend and he could see the smile spreading across Tyler's face. "I'm just trying to be the friend I always should've been, Evan. And I will not hesitate to walk in a pride parade with you. All you have to do is ask."

Evan smiled and he heard a voice behind him, "Wow, Tyler. Are you even the same person?"

Brock walked through the door to Evan's right and the guys slowly filtered into the hall with them. It was silent and they looked around at each other until Brian laughed, "Well, I never thought anything like this would happen. I never thought any of us were gay but I'm behind you guys one hundred percent. And if anyone else is gay, bi, whatever you want to identify as, I support you. Evan, if you need any help, anyone to talk to, anyone to stay with; we're all here for you brother."

"Yep, we are always here." Lui nodded with his cheeky grin, Nogla standing tall and proud beside him.

"We love you." Craig patted his chest.

"Are you ready for North Carolina?" Luke asked.

Evan pushed himself from the wall and nodded at his friends. "I'm ready. But there's something I need to do first."

Jonathan's ceiling was just as imperfect as he left it over a week ago. It had been four days since he left California and he was getting used to the quiet. He hadn't played a game in over a week and he was sure he'd get fired soon for not posting any videos. The hate mail he would get would be fun when he checked his inbox. He shook his head and stood on his mattress taking a rag and wiping away the dust bunnies that had made a home on his fan.

"Sorry fellas. You gotta vacate the premises."

It was getting harder to find things to do ever since he shut his phone off. Before hand he'd messaged his family and told them if they needed to get in touch that he would be at home. He cleaned everything he had, stayed up late into the night organizing his closet and his collectibles, going through old yearbooks. He would blare music throughout the house and dance, but he'd always end up on the floor with his back against the wall with his head tucked into his arms crying about things he couldn't fix. Things he'd never get back.

Things like Evan.

It was just four days ago and he could feel the dark closing in around him and he did what he could to keep it at bay.

It was a windy day and for the first time since his father had towed the rusty frame into his backyard, Jonathan pulled the tarp from his grandfather's classic Mustang and rolled it into his shed. He turned on the old radio that had collected dust from the lack of use over the years and he felt a smile spreading across his face for the first time in days. He turned the music up, nodding his head, shaking his hips to the beat as the dirt and grease covered his hands as he took the car apart. He finally felt at ease the longer he worked on the vehicle that had carried him through the back roads of the Carolina's when he was young and in the single digits. Those times were long gone though and his grandfather was gone and his father hardly spoke to him anymore. As long as he didn't hate him, Jonathan was alright with it. He couldn't have everything.

The wind kept his skin relatively dry but he pulled his shirt over his head to wipe at his forehead because his hair was sticking to him. Fixing up the car wasn't going to last forever; a month maybe. It wouldn't take him that long even, not with Luke's lessons he'd given him over the past fifteen years. He could build a car from the ground up if he had to. But it would be over eventually and he'd be back to where he started walking down his empty hallway. He might go back to games, but that made him think of Evan and that wasn't something he could deal with. He could go back to working in his friend Troy's garage like he used to. Jonathan nodded to himself.

Yeah. That's a good idea.

"Hey, Mom. Dad." Evan waved at them over the computer, Craig's computer. They had all retreated to Mini's apartment and were piled up in his living room as Evan call his parents on Skype.

"Hey, baby. How's everything going over there?" His mother smiled at him.

"It's going good." Evan grinned back and licked his lips nervously. "But there's something I need to tell you guys before it gets out in the open some other way."

"We're here to listen."

"Okay . . ." Evan hesitated, looking over the back of the monitor at his friends. Tyler gave him a nod, everyone else gave him a thumbs up or a smile. "I'm gay and I have been for as long as I can remember. I'm sorry I never told you. I was always scared about how -"

"Evan." His father interrupted him and broke into a grin. "We love you."

He felt the tears welling up when his brother jumped into the picture and said, "Yeah, man. We love your fruity ass."

Evan cried, but with a smile on his face.

"Hey."

"Hey." Jonathan wiped what grease he could from his hands when Luke walked into the auto shop through the open roll-up doors. "What's up?"

Luke shrugged, "Nothing much. Just seeing what you were up to."

"Keeping myself occupied." Jonathan looked back at his grandfather's car that was on a lift in Troy's shop. The guy had practically begged him to bring it down so he could help him work on putting in a new transmission. Troy had always ogled over it anytime he came over, forcing Jonathan to uncover the rust bucket and let him look at it. For years he griped about it, begging him to just pull it to the garage and finish it, but Jonathan never did. Now, though, he had nothing else to do and Troy was very enthusiastic. He kept him on his toes.

"So, how have you been?"

Jonathan bristled at the question, but he kept his aggravation hidden. "I'm fine."

"Are you su -"

"Luke, if you came here to talk about the one fucking thing I'm trying my hardest to forget then you can leave." Jonathan slung his hand towel over his shoulder and started to walk back towards his friend who was beating out dents on the metal frame of the car.

"Hey! Do me a favor." Luke called and Jonathan looked back at him, catching the object that he tossed his way. It was his cell. "Turn your god damn phone back on."

Without another word Luke turned and walked back out onto the city sidewalk into the evening. Jonathan shook his head. "Stay out of my house!"

He sighed and shoved it in his pocket where it always used to stay and the urge to turn it on was strong but he fought it down and went back to Troy's side, keeping his hands occupied. They worked late into the night until they were hungry. Then they ordered pizza and played Nintendo in his office with fans blowing air around them.

"I've got two bunks in the back, you know. Just stay the night, man. You know I won't bite." Troy grinned down at him as he picked up their mess and took it out to the dumpster.

Jonathan took him up on his offer and dropped down onto the bottom bunk in the back room. There was no air conditioner in the place, but that was to be expected and he'd always been used to it when he stayed there countless days and nights when they were in high school. Troy had been the only other person other than Luke that liked him enough to stay friends with him. Jonathan caught his eye when he came back in from rolling the doors down and he crossed his arms on his chest as he looked down at him.

"So, what's up with you lately?"

"What do you mean?"

Troy rolled his eyes and sat on the floor beside the bunk, "Me and you used to be super close, remember?"

"Yes, I remember. We're still close, we just don't hang out as much. I'm a gamer, I stay indoors and don't socialize." Jonathan said and smirked at the dirty brunette who was too tan for his own good.

"Shut up. My point is, I still know when something's not right with you." Troy poked him in the arm like he used to. "So, tell me. Just because I'm straight doesn't mean I can't listen to your problems."

Jonathan grinned and shoved his shoulder, "Alright. Well I kind of . . . . fell in love with someone I shouldn't have."

"Thanks for letting me stay here for a few days, Mini. I appreciate it." Evan hugged him tight and Craig laughed.

"Don't mention it. Now the only person that hasn't crashed at my pad is Delirious. So, how about you bring him around sometime?" Craig wiggled his shoulders, Evan couldn't help but smile.

"I'll try. That is if I haven't completely run him off."

Craig squeezed his shoulder, "I seriously, seriously doubt it. But, there's only one way to find out."

"Yeah." Evan took a deep breath and picked his bags up off the floor. "I'm just scared to know. You know?"

"I'm sure he felt the same way when he was flying here." Craig said and it hit Evan like a fist to the stomach. "Go find him, Evan. Kiss him for me."

Evan shook his head but gave Mini a small salute and turned, heading for the cab that was waiting for him at the road. His gut was churning, his nerves twisting and he watched the ground drop beneath him as the plane left the runway hoping he hadn't waited too long. He didn't even know what he was going to say when he got there. He was completely lost.

But as he watched the clouds engulf the aircraft and then stretch out below as far as the eye could see, he felt a calmness wash over him. He placed his headphones on and listened to the playlist of songs that Delirious had sent him. It was same list of songs he used to get himself to sleep and had offered to Evan on the first night he learned that Evan had problems sleeping just as much as he did.

When he though about it, he wasn't mad about the fact that Jonathan had lied. In fact, he felt no trace of anger left in him. All he felt was a longing to see the face that set him on fire, the face that made his heart race, and the smile that made his fingers restless. He couldn't stop picturing those three days in his head.

"Hey! Wait up! Liam, right?"

He smiled and Evan felt the attraction immediately. "Yeah, it's Liam."

Evan's breath formed a cloud in front of him. "Who's your favorite?"

Jonathan shrugged nonchalantly. "Gee, I don't know. Who do you think?"

Evan laughed at his sarcasm, "So it's me?"

"I was starting to think you wouldn't show."

Liam raised his brows in mock surprise, "Me? Stand you up? Never."

Evan felt something flutter in his stomach. He took a leap of faith, "Come to the panel tomorrow?"

"Only if you want me to."

"I do." Evan swallowed. "I hope this isn't weird or anything. I just . . . . you're not like everyone else here."

"That is a little weird. Considering we've never met before today." Liam said before grinning again. "But since I'm just as weird as you are, I think I can make some time to come see you. Totally wasn't gonna do that anyway."

"What's your middle name?"

Liam grinned slowly. "Liam is my middle name."

Evan smirked, "Well, I'll buy you a fruity drink tonight. How does that sound?"

"Sounds very tempting. I think I'll take you up on it."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

Evan stared at the ceiling and thought hard before he said, "Can I be honest with you?"

"Of course."

"I really like you."

"I've never met anyone like you. I mean there's one person I talk to, who I'm friends with and he understands me more than anyone. But I've never met him and I don't know if I ever will." Evan's hand found it's way beneath his shirt and he was warm to the touch.

"Maybe you should just show up on his doorstep. See what he thinks about that."

Evan pushed himself up, "Maybe. But right now I'd rather be on yours."

"I'm sorry, I've just never done anything like this before and you're literally everything I could ever want and I'm half in love with you already so I think it would just be a really good idea if I just left and-" Evan took his face in his hands and silenced his rambling with a kiss.

Evan opened his eyes, his heart beating just a little faster. That night was perfect and it was more than he could ever want and he'd try.

He'd try to get it back.

His feet carried him off of the plane and through the airport and the only thing he could think of was Jonathan's words.

"That guy you got to know, wandered around Boston with, laughed with, gamed with, got drunk and . . . . every fucking bit of that was me, Evan. Every word, every look, every touch. That was me."

That was me.

"TROYYYYY!"

"WHAT?"

Jonathan's phone had been vibrating for the past five minutes with the notifications that were steadily popping up, coming in all at one since the phone had been off for days. "You asshole! Why did you turn my phone on?"

"Well, Luke asked you to and you didn't so I figured I'd help a brother out." Troy smiled sweetly and threw him a clean white shirt to wear. "Somebody's trying to reach you obviously."

Jonathan huffed and pulled the shirt over his head, turning the vibrate off of his phone until it was done. He wasn't looking forward to going through all of it. They got the car on the lift again and got to work.

He ended up cutting his arm twice on a stray piece of metal and laughed at Troy running around like a mad man trying to patch him up. "I'm fine, you idiot."

"That's a lot of blood, holy shit!"

He just laughed. It was what he needed and it was keeping his mind from straying to where it always did. But as usual, when he was feeling better about things, something always happened to bring him back down again. His phone buzzed and he decided it was time to clear his notifications. As soon as he swiped his phone it was in his face and there was nothing to stop it. Nothing to stop his heart from jumping out of his chest.

10 Missed Calls: Evan

His Twitter was through the roof.

H2O Delirious don't know wht happnd between you guys but you should def watch the panel from E3 :)

-Have you seen the panel?

-Watch the panel! 23:42

-Wow, you guys are so not obvious.

"Well, it looks like you should watch the panel. Whatever the hell that is." Troy said over his shoulder and Jonathan's fingers were shaking as he pulled it up on YouTube. Troy took a seat beside him and they watched the discussion from where Jonathan has skipped to at the twenty-third minute.

It was focused on Evan who was looking extremely out of it, in thought and looking off into space until the host asked him a question and Jonathan couldn't help but grin at the sudden redness of his face. Tyler said something in his ear and he nodded. He fiddled with his water bottle and Jonathan could tell he was nervous. He knew Evan didn't like to talk into a mic, or at a crowd or camera. He'd rather be alone in his room just like Jonathan.

"What about you, Vanoss? Favourite YouTuber."

"I uh . . . I'd have to say . . ."

Jonathan's chest was so tight.

"H2O Delirious."

His fingers gripped his phone.

"He, um, over the past few years has become someone that I always turn to. Either for advice or just to talk. When I first met him and watched his videos he was a lot quieter than what most people are used to hearing from him now. But he never lets anyone bring him down, ya know? Well, except me because I can be an asshole, but he always brushes it off. He's kind. He's someone I always look forward to playing with and he's my best friend. His laughter is infectious and if you don't laugh from hearing him laugh, then something is wrong with you. And if you're by chance watching this, Delirious, you mean the world to me, man. I wouldn't trade you for anything."

He found his breath and he felt Troy's hand on his shoulder, squeezing. "Is that him?"

"Yeah."

"He's pretty hot."

Jonathan huffed. "Says the guy who swears he's straight."

Troy smacked his head, "So, what are you gonna do? You told me that he hated you. Doesn't look that way to me."

"I thought he did because he just left me there . . . I thought . . . I don't fucking know." Jonathan shoved his phone in his pocket and rubbed his face with his hands probably smearing oil all over himself. "I'm such an idiot."

"I could've told you that." Troy snickered and jumped away when Jonathan got to his feet and tried to hit him. "What are you going to do, Jonathan?"

"I don't fucking know!" He ran his hands through his hair. "What do you think I should do?"

Troy shrugged and gave him an innocent smirk, "I dunno. You could probably turn around and talk to him since he's standing right there."

Troy nodded at the street and Jonathan turned and he thanked whatever god there was for letting his legs continue working, holding him upright when he saw Evan standing there looking at him with an uncertain look on his face. He was gorgeous. His hands were in his pockets, his biceps flexing as he shifted on his feet and he looked down at his Converse before glancing up at him again. "Hey."

Jonathan just stood there in a confused daze before he felt Troy's hands shoving him forward. He stumbled toward the Asian, glaring back at his friend as he disappeared into his office. He turned, moving slowly and nervously toward the one person he didn't think he'd see again any time soon.

"Hey." Jonathan twisted the rag in his hands. "What are you doing here?"

Evan rubbed the back of his neck, "I wanted to see you and talk since you left before I could get to you."

Jonathan clenched his jaw as he felt the stupidity hit him in the face once again. "I'm sorry. I just didn't -"

"It's okay. I left you there and I don't blame you for leaving." Evan rocked back on his feet and Jonathan felt the awkward air between them, but Evan's laugh shook it off. "Jonathan."

He glanced around confused. "Evan."

Evan grinned. "I, uh . . . . I don't hate you. I never hated you. I still really really like you actually and I was thinking that maybe we can just start over?"

Jonathan felt the smile stretch across his face and the butterflies take off in his gut. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Okay." Evan stuck his hand out with a gorgeous white smile and said, "It's nice to meet you, Delirious."

Jonathan bit at his lip trying not to smile like a fool, it wasn't working. He took Evan's hand and shook it, he was warm to the touch, his fingers calloused from playing guitar. "Yeah, it's nice to meet you, too."

Evan let his hand drop, the smile never leaving his face. "So, what have been up to?"

Jonathan shrugged, "Not much, just keeping myself busy." He cleared his throat trying to brush off the meaning of what he just said and he turned, "I've been working on my car. Well, my grandfather's car that he gave me a long time ago. I've just never had the time to fix it."

"It's nice. Does it run?"

"Not yet. Troy and I have to replace a few more things that were too rusted to salvage. Then hopefully it'll crank." Jonathan glanced at the office and shook his head when he saw Troy give him a thumbs up through the window, hiding when Evan looked his way.

"That's Troy. He's a fucking idiot, but he's one of the idiots I grew up with."

Evan snickered. "He seems nice."

"He is."

Jonathan watched Evan eyeball the vehicle and got lost in the way he ran his hand over the metal frame, the part that was still in good shape. Evan looked over and caught his gaze and Jonathan could still feel that flame, the one he felt between them ever since Evan gave him that same look at PAX before slipping away into the crowd.

"Oh." Evan said suddenly and dug around in his pocket. "This belongs to you."

Jonathan held his hand out and Evan placed a small black earring in the palm of his hand and Jonathan swallowed. "I was wondering where the hell that thing went to."

"It was in the sheets." Evan said and immediately looked away, biting his tongue at bringing that night up. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Jonathan grinned, "I stole your scarf."

Evan laughed, "Really?"

"Yeah." He smiled and put his lost earring back in it's place in his left ear. Now he had the full set again. "I had a lot of things to cover up and my jacket wasn't doing the job."

Evan rubbed his lips together and nodded trying not to picture the marks he'd left all over his neck that night because he remembered like it was yesterday. Just the thought had him warm all over. "Were you the anon who paid for my room?"

Jonathan nodded and ran a hand through his hair, "That was me, yeah."

Evan stepped toward him, "Well, it seems to me like I owe you dinner or something."

"I will accept pizza as payment. Maybe a drink to go along with it." Jonathan grinned cheekily, feeling more comfortable about the air between them.

Evan shook his head in amusement. "No drinks. A coke, yes. But no alcohol. I want to remember every second I spend with you this time."

Jonathan was taken aback at the seriousness in his voice, but also at the sincerity in his eyes when he said it. He almost stuttered but kept his mouth shut and thought about what he was going to say before he said it like he'd practiced before going to Boston. He took a deep breath and smirked, "Sounds fair. So, it's a date then?"

Evan nodded, "It's a date."

Jonathan giggled and caught the way Evan's eyes traveled lower to his lips, the fire lighting inside of him at the notion. "How'd you find me?"

"How do you think?"

Jonathan scoffed, "Luke."

"Luke." Evan gave a nod. "So, what time and where?"

"Well, Mr. Fong, would you like to go on a typical date or would you like to go on a date that rocks your socks?"

Evan chuckled at him and Jonathan felt the normalcy return when it came to how they talked to each other, how they treated one another. "I've never had my socks rocked, so let's go with that one."

Jonathan bit at his lip, feeling way more confident than he ever had. Evan was here, he had gone out of his way and flew across the country just to talk to him and that had him reeling. "Alright. How about I text you the address of my favourite pizza joint and we meet there around six in the evening? Then I'll show you what there is to see in this small town."

"Sounds perfect." Evan said and Jonathan liked the way the word rolled off his tongue like it had that cold night in Boston.

"God, you're perfect."

"Far from it."

Evan headed for the street, tossing him a smile and Jonathan felt it from his head to his toes. "I'll see you then . . . . Jonathan."

He watched him go. He watched the way his shoulders pulled beneath the soft fabric of his black shirt, the way his arms pulled at the cab door before he got in and left. He did his best to fight down the fire but it was raging like a wild one and he could still smell him, that spice that had stuck to his senses and wouldn't let go.

"Uh oh! Johnny Boy's got a hot date!" Troy called out from behind him and Jonathan couldn't help but smile.

"Yes. Yes I do."

"Well what the hell are you still doing here?" Troy pushed him out the front doors. "Go home and clean your filthy ass up. Don't forget to wear deodorant!"

"Alright, alright!" Jonathan laughed and walked out to the small lot on the side of the building and climbed into his Jeep. With a huge grin he started the engine and blared his music all the way home, singing at the top of his lungs.

(just for kicks because this song get me pumped - walk)

"The Naked and Famous - All of This"

I can't begin to explain

how we disassemble the parts and frame

baby it's the same late morning

the same no show

it's the same fucking habits

I guess we don't know

all of this is tearing us apart

I don't know where us or this start

all of this is tearing us apart

I don't know where us or this start